As Christian parents we always need to be reminded that our kids are God given and that they really do not belong to us. The Lord in his divine sovereignty knows what He is doing when He gives us our children. He has everything already planned for all of us from before we are born. Sometimes as life is going on around us we begin to think that these are our children, this is our life, and we forget that the Lord is in control and not us.
I have a twenty year old son that has spent the last several years living on the fringes of right and wrong. I know now that my precious Lord Jesus has been protecting him and answering my prayers. Sometimes if we can not see the work He is doing we think He is not answering. He tells us over and over in His word (Matthew 7:7; John 14:13-14; 1 John 3:22 are just a few) that if we ask anything in His name He will do it but do we really believe it?
I was overwhelmed recently with His great compassion, tender-mercies, and loving-kindness towards me by revealing a little of what He is doing in my son’s life. My son came in one evening with a revelation, something our Lord had revealed to him. He said, “Mom, do you know what the Lord told me tonight as I was driving? He told me that I did not belong to you and I did not belong to myself either.
He told me I was His.” Oh wow. And I had been wondering what the Lord was doing in my son’s life, correction, not my son, HIS son. For the last several years I have been extremely fearful. I mean the kind of fear where you feel like you just cannot breathe. Terrified is more like it. I frankly did not know how I was going to keep living this way without losing my mind. I was praying but I was not trusting. I was at that place where I could not do it any more; you know the place; it is the place where Jesus is waiting. I began to cry out not only for my son but for my own sin. I had to confess the sin of fear which in all truth is unbelief. I came to the realization that I did not trust Him when I was praying and asking for my son to be rescued out of the darkness of the world and into His glorious light. I did not truly believe He was going to do what I was asking or why would I be terrified? I was not praising Him for answering my prayers. He revealed to me my unbelief and like the father in Mark 9 in verses 23-24 I cried out “I do believe; help my unbelief.” And then Jesus told me; “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27 (NAS)
I keep thinking of the story of Peter walking out on the water to the Lord; and what happened when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus? He sank. He was full of fear and cried out to Jesus. Immediately Jesus took him by the hand and to safety. The Lord has been teaching me to “fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 (NAS) I still have times when that panicked feeling hits but within just a short time I remember and turn to my Savior and I ask for Him to be faith through me, peace through me, hope through me, and I start quoting His promises from the word. “For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 (NAS) We must stay in the word of God daily.
Since God spoke the world into being that should reveal to us just how powerful His word is. We need to memorize His word and speak His word when situations arise. The only weapon we need is His word and His promises; “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 (NAS)
I was listening to a godly, biblical pastor just the other day and the Lord revealed something to my heart through Him. He said that we could either live being crushed beneath life and its burdens, heartaches, and fears or we could build a bridge to go above it. The bridge boiled down to two verses in the Bible that give us all the hope we need to keep our eyes on the Lord. I don’t know about you but I love when things get narrowed down for me. I know it is my wonderful Lord just revealing Himself to me more clearly. The two verses that the pastor gave were: “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all. Psalm 103:19 (NAS) and “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NAS). Do you see what those two verses say? The first verse says that God is sovereign and the definition of sovereign is to possess supreme or ultimate power. He has power over everything and everyone and He is in control of everything. The second verse says that He is causing (defined as: The producer of an effect, result, or consequence. b. The one, such as a person, event, or condition, that is responsible for an action or result.) all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and who He has called.
If we truly believe in Him and in His word then why should we ever be afraid? He understands that we are just flesh and blood and we get afraid but He also makes a way of escape through Him. Nothing is going to happen by chance and everything that happens is working towards our good. Now I know that is very difficult to believe when bad things are happening in our lives. He loves us so much that He sent His only Son to die for us. “For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NAS) If you look back on your life you will see that the only time you actually grow in the Spirit is during trials. He loves us so much and He wants us to be fully equipped in Him to live this life we are living in the flesh. As I was telling you earlier, I was gripped and overwhelmed by such great fear I could not bear it. He was loving me through it and trying to get me to realize that it not need be so. He wants to take on those burdens for us and He wanted me to know that He can and will do it for me. “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 (NAS) And He actually wants us to “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 (NAS) He wants us to be strong and full of joy, peace, and hope.
He does not want His children to suffer from sin, He wants us to turn to Him and He will do it for us. If we are walking in the flesh this is impossible, but if we are in Him and walking in the Spirit, everything is possible. I wanted to share what I am learning with others because I am so thankful that my wonderful Lord and Savior is lifting me up out of the darkness that I have been walking in. I want to share so that others can find victory in Jesus and in His word. I did not realize I was walking in unbelief, I thought it was normal to grieve over the sins of a child. I was praying but I was not trusting. He loves me so much and He has lifted the heavy burdens off of my heart. If you are grieving over a child, a marriage, an illness, or any heavy burden please cry out to our awesome God who is waiting to help you. He just wants your entire attention so that He can reveal more of His love to you. I pray that this will reach even one who is suffering as I was and that our Lord will give you the victory. “The Lord bless you, and keep you: the Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
Author Bio Nancy Parker is a regular contributor to www.enannysource.com and she loves to write about wide range of subjects like health, Parenting, Child Care, Babysitting, nanny background check tips etc. You can reach her @ nancy.parker015 @ gmail.com
7 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT BUSINESS FROM RON PILEGGI
I met Ron Pileggi in 1983 when he hired me as an ad sales rep for the Tri-City weekly paper in Eureka. He struck me as an entrepreneurial visionary with a plan and a mission to change the community in a positive way via business. As owner and the founding architect of the Tri-City weekly newspaper, Ron modeled good business acumen. He showed me and each of us how to conduct business in a process that really valued people first. Here are the seven lessons he taught me and still teaches me today.
- Rule number one– People come first. People, relationships, and friendships are everything in business and in life. As the owner/operator of the Tri City, he modeled real care for employees, clients, vendors, people in his industry and beyond. Client relationships and personal care of others was at the forefront of everything Ron practiced in his business.
- Rule number two –Client relationships are invaluable, as Ron demonstrated in his actions and policies. He said that good leadership is all about being a good servant. He taught that good service sets the stage for good customer loyalty and customer relations. If you serve your clients and take good care of them–they will take care of you as well. Customers vote in dollars and purchasing. People really do buy from people they know, like, and trust. One thing he told us is to go out and make friendships–then people will naturally buy from you.
- Rule number three– Turn off the lights. He often told me if you want to be a manager you must act like a manager and be a great steward of your business. He challenged me to personally take good care of the resources entrusted to me. Things such as time, energy, and other resources were looked at in a new light. This taught me that I need to take ownership of all I do at work.
- Rule number four—Speech is powerful. Ron often stated that the power of your words is everything. When words are spoken with clarity and sincerity, people are really affected by what we say. He stated this in the context of selling but also in real life. When we say what we mean, and mean what we say–we are often unstoppable in business and in life. He taught me about the power of words and I’ve never forgotten this lesson.
- Rule number five—Be involved in your community; participate readily and joyfully. Ron modeled good community involvement in CASA and in Rotary and more. He was always the guy to say “yes” to someone with a good cause. He may not have been involved directly, but he gave freely of his resources. His involvement with the community modeled what we all need to do—to be involved with causes that we resonate with and are most passionate about. Find your cause or your passion, and then plug in your gifts and experiences and resources. You will add to the greater good in your community and beyond.
- Rule number six–Think creatively and out-of-the-box at all times. This means not only with business and selling, but also in the ways that help real live people. Be willing to bend or even break the rules as necessary and as it makes sense to benefit the greater good. “Be entrepreneurial in your problem solving”, he would challenge. He taught how to think creatively with regard to business problem solving and helping customers meet their needs. He often showed us and told us that if we meet others’ needs, they will meet ours as well. If you help enough people get what they need, they will help you do the same.
- Rule number seven–Be generous and celebrate people. His (in) famous Christmas parties displayed a great generosity and were always “over the top” in showing his appreciation for his staff. Ron would gladly put on the most extravagant party–even for an outgoing employee. He didn’t know selfishness. My father, Bob Hammond, called him “a prince of a man” in that he was always very generous with his employees, clients, and his community. We all were the better for that–so was he.
In summary, Ron was human. He had his moments like each of us. The one thing he did was to model a whole business person. He cared for others and was profitable at the same time. He found that balance between profitability and success and taking care of other’s needs; Ron was able to do both in splendid fashion. He left an indelible mark and positive legacy on this community for over 30 years and still does to this day. It is a pleasure and a privilege to know a saint and a friend in the caliber of a Ron Pileggi. If you ever have the opportunity to work for an owner-operator-entrepreneur of this magnitude, you will agree that it is an awesome and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and experience. Thanks, Ronnie.
For every man who has ever been scolded by his wife for encouraging a child to “run faster” or “swing higher” or “try harder,” or who has been admonished for teaching them to make mouth, hand or armpit fart noises, I salute you.
Mothers are excellent at nurturing children. Fathers are good at riling them up before bedtime and testing their physical limits. We show kids how to cannonball into swimming pools, skateboard down steep hills and jump BMX bikes over poorly constructed plywood platforms.
We also instruct them in the fine art of belching, breaking wind, turning random objects into guns and lightsabers, toilet “pee-sword fighting,” and other uncouth behavior. We have to do this. It’s our job.
Moms and dads have different parenting styles. Moms comfort kids when they’re feeling down. They encourage them to discuss their problems. Dads teach them to look for a solution and move on. We wrestle our kids to the floor and tickle them and until they forget what they were depressed about. Moms express their disapproval with a tsk-tsk sound and accuse us of acting like children.
We take that as a compliment.
For decades it was assumed that the mother-child relationship was the most important one in a kid’s life. Within the last several decades, however, psychologists have realized just how much fathers matter. Raising kids is about balance. Moms are great caretakers. Dads have a more relaxed attitude toward parenting. Together, they form the perfect unit. When a child comes home crying with a scraped elbow, mom will console them with tender words. Dad will distract them by saying “Just walk it off” or “That’ll feel better once it stops hurting.”
If someone gets stuck on a homework problem, it’s usually mom who offers assistance. Dad will glance around the edge of his newspaper and shout “For God’s sake, give it another try.” When there’s a tantrum, mothers do their best to reason with a child. Fathers correct the problem with a stern glare and a threat to “jerk a knot in somebody’s tail.”
Fathers serve another important purpose. They give kids a realistic look into the male world. Girls learn from their dads how men should act toward women. Boys learn how to control their anger and deal with their masculinity in positive ways.
Kids learn lots of other cool stuff from their fathers, like not to bully or be bullied, and how to maintain a healthy balance between timidity and aggression. Dads roughhouse with their children in order to show them that kicking, scratching and biting are wrong. Kids learn self-control when a father says “Now, enough is enough,” and “Take that noise down a notch.”
In other words, moms protect children and dads give them self-confidence. We throw our kids into the air amid shouts of “Not so high.” We bounce them on the bed and mothers cry “Someone’s going to get hurt doing that.” Men know that cuts and scrapes are part of life. Women know to stock up on the bandages and antibiotic cream. Either of these parenting styles by themselves might spell disaster. Together, they keep kids safe while increasing their self-reliance.
One of my favorite confidence building moments as a father took place when my three-year-old son, Tyler, was learning to ride his bike. The training wheels were off, his helmet was on and he was ready to face the big challenge … . Well, almost.
”Dad,” he called out nervously, “Do I have to do this?”
”Of course you do,” I replied. “This is the only day of the year zombies allow three-year-olds to ride their bikes without training wheels. I saw it on the news.”
”But I’m scared,” he said.
”Just keep your wits about you and stay balanced.”
Tyler tightened the chin strap on his helmet and sighed. “Okay, I guess I’m ready.”
I gave him a push and he was off. A few yards down the street his bike hit the curb. Tyler fell to the pavement and scraped his knee.
”Dad, I hurt myself,” he cried.
”Naw, you’re just shedding worn skin” I said, applying a Band-Aid to the wound. “Keep it up. You’re doing great.”
And so it continued. There were a few more crashes that afternoon, and several more Band-Aids, but Tyler hung in there. At one point his mother stepped outside and shouted, “Don’t you think he’s had enough for one day?”
”We can’t give up now,” I hollered back. “He’s almost got it.”
On the next try Tyler kept his balance for a second or two longer. Then he was on his way, wobbling down the street on two wheels. I can still call up that old memory as if it was yesterday. It was every father’s Hallmark moment.
”You did great, son,” I told him when he pulled to a stop. “Now, let’s head inside. Your mom needs a hug.”
Tim Martin resides in McKinleyville.
“If you’re in business for just the money—you’re about half paid.”
R.L. Hammond (1921-2004)
My dad was an insurance agent in San Diego County in the 1970-80’s. He lived a life of serving others and his country in WWII. He taught and tutored me in much of what I know and do in business today.
The following practices/ideas of his are sure to ratchet up your business acumen:
- BE KIND TO EVERYONE—“It doesn’t cost anything to show kindness to others, Scott,” he would say. Be nice. Play nice. A smile and a small kindness go a long way.
- HAVE A FIRM HANDSHAKE/SHAKE HANDS AND GREET PEOPLE- People love to feel important (because they are!). An appropriate handshake and a greeting really affirm others and establishes rapport-quickly. Give the gift of appropriate touch.
- TELL GREAT STORIES—People live in stories…We all relate to a good tale and learn more from a compelling story than a lecture. Stories bring relevance to our topic and to our relationships.
- BE A GOOD LISTENER—This tells people you affirm them and value them. Empathy is a powerful relationship builder and establishes credibility, reliability, and shows you really care.
- BE AN ABOVE AVERAGE SPEAKER—Learn the art of public speaking. Good speakers know how and what to communicate and when. You can learn to speak well if you apply yourself to the disciplines and use the tools available to you. “Go to a Toastmaster Meeting”, he would tell me.
- HAVE AN AWESOME SENSE OF HUMOR—Laugh sometimes. Have fun with people and stop the somberness that permeates some business cultures. Be appropriately playful with people who like to play and laugh, and cultivate the ability to really laugh at life.
- DEVELOP LIFELONG RELATIONSHIPS—Be the person who reaches out and calls and takes the initiative in your relationships. Be that person who spends the time and effort to get to know and serve others. Givers really do gain!
- GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT…FREELY—Be that person who can freely affirm, encourage, and genuinely build others up in a truly authentic fashion. Heck—tell those you love how you feel.
- BE A GIVER—Share your life, world, resources, experiences, gifts, and time as freely as you feel able and willing. Be that person who “walks the talk” in your actions and your words. Give to others expecting nothing in return—you will be blessed.
- BE SPECTACULAR ON THE PHONE—Learn to use the phone like no one else. Make purposeful and powerful calls that build rapport and relationship. Learn to network using the phone to make great calls and reach out to those you hope to build alliances with. Know how to relate to people via the phone on a regular basis.
10.5. BE YOU—Just be yourself not a second rate version of someone else. Trust yourself, be yourself and others will resonate with the “authentic you”. There is only one of YOU—be the best you possible and you will succeed in life, business, and awesome relationships!
There is such a thing called “Buy in” in life and business and child rearing.
Give your child the opportunity to have some “buy in” in your everyday living at home.
There is a lot Junior can help with and join in with you in daily choices around the house.
Let her choose dads tie in the AM…or maybe just the dress shirt or pants.
It can be her area of responsibility to keep dad looking sharp!
There are 1000′s of ideas to choose from–Be creative!
One thing my son and I do is shave together—He has no blade!
This is a great example of enjoining in a common and bonding “guy” activity.
Begin to look for these opportunities and grab them today.
Remember–You don’t HAVE to but you GET to.
You can shift your paradigm as needed!
You are the parent and the initiator and the one who is able and accountable for a relationship with your child.
It is all up to you–Carpe’ Diem today!
Be that dad or mom you want to be and you will leave a positive legacy and a life of significance.
Create some special time with just you and your child.
Just that intentional 1 to 1 time can yield big relationship dividends.
Name 1 thing you can commit to and JUST DO IT!
Burn that bridge and get that date with your kid into your mental or actual day-timer today!
Set up a standing date AND also be spontaneous.
Both in concert will benefit your relationship for years to come.
Remember this: Quality Time comes from Quantity Time—-You must invest your precious time.
Name the activity then—movies, outings, sports, trips, food, chores, projects and so much more…….
You don’t HAVE to do this—You GET to…
It is not because she has earned this time, but because she needs this time with dad.
Show appropriate physical affection. Do this parent to parent and parent to child as well.
I am reminded if I refuse to hug my teen girls, there are PLENTY of young men ready to fulfill my duty…
Our kids need regular, appropriate physical touch—so does our spouse. So do I!
The kids need to see in each parent nurturing, gentle love and , when needed, the firm-yet-respectful love.
This “tough love” can manifest in a “courageous conversation” (not lecture dad!) or in simply doing and saying the right thing–always in a spirit of love.
Show your love today—Be a “hugger”—Surprise them by being that person who is warm, loving, and not afraid to show it.
BTW: say “I love you”—regularly, and mean it.
As parents, we need to support each other’s decisions as we train our kids and raise them into adulthood.
If you are not willing to support each other’s parenting decisions morally or philosophically, do not implement the parent action until you can.
This will likely require meetings between mom and dad to make proposals, listen, adjust, refine, compromise, and convince.
Change will be the outcome—change in approach, attitude, and perhaps outcome in the way you parent.
The key here is this: Are you willing to lay aside SOME of your past parenting paradigms–you know the stuff your parents did.
be committed to arriving at a place you both can accept and support as a team. otherwise , you’ll be divide and such division will be sensed by the kids.
It is in their and your interest to reach agreement and become unified as you parent together for a lifetime those you love and are in a parenting role with.
Hot Tip: Hold hands next time you have a “courageous conversation” with your child. First off–it will blow their mind.
Then, they will see you are in unity and may even listen attentively as you both speak from the strength of your new found unity.
Parenting Tip number one.
Show and speak united as parents –Be United and mutual in your communication to your children.
As often as possible, address your child together, preferably holding hands as you do.
When addressing your children as an individual parent, always represent the “parent team ” and speak accordingly.
Speak and act as one unit—be in common on how you handle issues, communication, and problems with your challenging child.
We tried this with our son Micah—We held hands and spoke our truth for that moment.
It really blew his mind! He couldn’t believe it—he sat there quiet and watching and listening!
Try it today—Make it real and “legit”… Can’t fake unity.
You’ll be surprised
at your results and response!!
My mother, Wanda Hammond, was born in a small town in Iowa—she changed my life….I wanted to honor her today.
This would have been her 87th Birthday. As a single mother, Wanda raised me (an only child) in the Hood in San Diego California, through the turbulent 70′s–The era of Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. The surfing wasn’t too bad by the way! While she worked (6 days a week) –I partied…hard. She nevertheless was glad to be a supportive and nurturing mother and always backed me in any pursuit. Whether getting baptized or pulled from jail– My mother was an example of someone who poured out her life for me, the shaggy and sometimes ragged “next generation”.
Wanda loved her job, her son, and her friends at the local watering hole in National City, California—The Galloping Inn. This was her “Starbucks– 3rd place” of support, therapy, and Bud on tap! Heck, they even played Creedence and Janis on the jukebox while we shot pool! Kinda of a family experience at the pub…I loved the grapefruit juice and Johnny Cash and even got good at pool!
I will always remember her kindness, patience, and expressions of real motherly love to me. She was never afraid to express her confidence in me or to compliment a success or win. Wanda was always present at any significant life event and ready for the celebratory dinner out after. She was an AWESOME single parent. I love her….still.
In her later years, I had several opportunities to express my thanks and love for her loving parenting support…! In her later years, the Pall Mall’s caught her and she got cancer….Bummer…or she used to say: “Bunk!.. She died in a cold February in Sioux City of cancer at the age of 63. I was really impressed by the Iowa kindness of those who honored her life and death. The Lutheran female pastor was my favorite—She helped her sister Wanda face death and come back to her King and Heavenly Father with courage and class. I gotta love those Iowa folks!…Especially my mom Wanda…See you on the other side Mom….Keep a light on for me.
–Scott “Robbie” Hammond