PARENTING TIP #5.–Create Some “Special Time”

Create some special time with just you and your child.

Just that intentional 1 to 1 time can yield big relationship dividends.

Name 1 thing you can commit to and JUST DO IT!

Burn that bridge and get that date with your kid into your mental or actual day-timer today!

Set up a standing date AND also be spontaneous.

Both in concert will benefit your relationship for years to come.

Remember this:  Quality Time comes from Quantity Time—-You must invest your precious time.

Name the activity then—movies, outings, sports, trips, food,  chores, projects and so much more…….

You don’t  HAVE to do this—You GET to…

It is not because she has earned this time, but because she needs this time with dad.

What do you say dad?

Parenting Tip #3.—Demonstrate your Love and Show Affection

As parents, be demonstrative of your love for each other.

Show appropriate physical affection.  Do this parent to parent and parent to child as well.

I am reminded if I refuse to hug my teen girls, there are PLENTY of young men ready to fulfill my duty…

Our kids need regular, appropriate physical touch—so does our spouse. So do I!

The kids need to see in each parent  nurturing, gentle love and , when needed, the firm-yet-respectful love.

This “tough love” can manifest in a “courageous conversation” (not lecture dad!) or in simply doing and saying the right thing–always in a spirit of love.

Show your love today—Be a “hugger”—Surprise them by being that person who is warm, loving, and not afraid to show it.

BTW: say “I love you”—regularly, and mean it.

 

PARENTING TIP #2.–STICK TOGETHER!!

As parents, we need to support each other’s decisions as we train our kids and raise them into adulthood. 

If you are not willing to support each other’s parenting decisions morally or philosophically, do not implement the parent action until you can.

This is the essence of Parental Unity. think, act, and be as one as you parent!

This will likely require meetings between mom and dad to make proposals, listen, adjust, refine, compromise, and convince.

Change will be the outcome—change in approach, attitude, and perhaps outcome in the way you parent.

The key here is this: Are you willing to lay aside SOME of your past parenting paradigms–you know the stuff your parents did.

be committed to arriving at a place you both can accept and support as a team. otherwise , you’ll be divide and such division will be sensed by the kids.

It is in their and your interest to reach agreement and become unified as you parent together for a lifetime those you love and are in a parenting role with.

Hot Tip: Hold hands next time you have a “courageous conversation” with your child. First off–it will blow their mind.

Then, they will see you are in unity and may even listen attentively as you both speak from the strength of your new found unity.

Go Team!

 

Parenting Tip #1—For the Difficult Child

Parenting Tip number one.

Show and speak united as parents –Be United and mutual in your communication to your children.

As often as possible, address your child together, preferably holding hands as you do.

When addressing your children as an individual parent, always represent the “parent team ” and speak accordingly.

Speak and act as one unit—be in common on how you handle issues, communication, and problems with your challenging child.

We tried this with our son Micah—We held hands and spoke our truth for that moment.

It really blew his mind!  He couldn’t believe it—he sat there quiet and watching and listening!

Try it today—Make it real and “legit”… Can’t fake unity.

You’ll be surprised

at your results and response!!

Honoring Single Parents—Wanda from Iowa

My mother, Wanda Hammond, was born in a small town in Iowa—she changed my life….I wanted to honor her today.

This would have been her 87th Birthday.  As a single mother, Wanda raised me (an only child) in the Hood in San Diego California, through the turbulent 70′s–The era of Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. The surfing wasn’t too bad by the way!  While she worked (6 days a week) –I partied…hard. She nevertheless was glad to be a supportive and nurturing mother and always backed me in any pursuit. Whether getting baptized or pulled from jail– My mother was an example of someone who poured out her life for me, the shaggy and sometimes ragged “next generation”.

Wanda loved her job, her son, and her friends at the local watering hole in National City, California—The Galloping Inn.  This was her “Starbucks– 3rd place” of support, therapy, and Bud on tap!  Heck, they even played Creedence and Janis on the jukebox while we shot pool!  Kinda of a family experience at the pub…I loved the grapefruit juice and Johnny Cash and even got good at pool!

I will always remember her kindness, patience, and expressions of real motherly love to me.  She was never afraid to express her confidence in me or to compliment a success or win. Wanda was always present at any significant life event and ready for the celebratory dinner out after. She was an AWESOME single parent. I love her….still.

In her later years, I had several opportunities to express my thanks and love for her loving parenting support…!  In her later years, the Pall Mall’s caught her and she got cancer….Bummer…or she used to say: “Bunk!.. She died in a cold February in Sioux City of cancer at the age of 63. I was really impressed by the Iowa kindness of those who honored her life and death. The Lutheran female pastor was my favorite—She helped her sister Wanda face death and come back to her King and Heavenly Father with courage and class. I gotta love those Iowa folks!…Especially my mom Wanda…See you on the other side Mom….Keep a light on for me.

 

–Scott “Robbie” Hammond

 

 

 

SUCCESSFUL PARENTING

Successful Parenting—

Successful parents are clear and spot on with what they’re trying to accomplish in training their children. Discipline and focus must balance grace and mercy. There must be a balance between grace and discipline in managing a family in raising great kids.

Great parents are intentional parents. They know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. Parenting also comes with the mandate to be flexible. Flexibility coupled with humor, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and the ability to keep it light will help parents get through many a dark time.

Training our kids through leading them by example and serving them is also a key component in that our values are usually caught not taught. This modeling of our values and walking our talk is key in setting an example for our kids to follow.

As we live our values as parents, our kids are taught and catch what we are instructing by the message of our lives and example. The key is for parents to be totally focused on this key role, whilst understanding none of us are perfect— thus we need grace both on others and for ourselves as parents.

Over Achiever??

Solutions for the Over-achieving Parent• Enjoy the moment. Stop and really concentrate on the small joys of life.• Be here now. Really focus on others and what they are communicating• Practice thankfulness for what it is now. Mentally and verbally give thanks for all you enjoy• Buy a Koi pond and go “watch the fish”. At least go outside and breathe, stretch and notice nature in its various forms.• Take breaks, stop and smell the flowers, intentionally enjoy life. Take a walk daily at work or home to break up the routine• Accept that less is more. What are we REALLY lacking in any moment?• Learn to push, then stop and wait for the results and be patient. Really know when you have done enough, then stop and give thanks.  It will be there tomorrow.• Bring your best contribution to all relationships. Really make relationships your #1 priority in life.  • Surrender to the moment, circumstance, or situation. Practice really letting go of any situation you have no control over. Rest. Pray. Release.• Take quiet breaks and rest. Walk. Go outside. Go Inside. Close the door. Time out.• Forgive with intentionality. Really release it and forget it. Move on…• Let it go. Stop your mind from negatively replaying what you cannot control.• Move along. Look to the next thing. Get over yourself.• Operate from the concept of a universe of abundance. There is more than enough for everyone.• Relax at work. Take a daily walk.• Breathe deep. Fill your lungs with air so that your stomach expands.  Do this each hour.• Totally trust God and pray. Learn to reach out to God in personal prayer and really speak with Him. Tell Him how you feel. He can take it. • Take vacations. Schedule in advance, save the resources, plan with gusto, and just do it.• Stop the “self-beatings”. As you have the inevitable setbacks of life, simply resolve in advance to not add to the disappointment by adding self- deprecation of any type. Make it a point to stop negative self- talk. • Monitor and question moods and attitudes. Practice self-control and be aware of your personal emotional cycles and weaknesses and adjust your perspective from there. Know yourself and adjust accordingly.• Surrender and accept what is. It is what it is…and it can be better if you are willing.

Are You Half Paid?

“If you’re in this for the money, you are only about half paid…”

Bob Hammond (1921-2004)
Motivational Speaker/Dad

My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression. He was poor but received two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.

He was an elite P-51 fighter pilot in the Asian Theater and was a decorated soldier.

He drank for 30+ years as he processed the experience. Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism, divorce, and dysfunction. As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime. His support for me going to Humboldt State University, coupled with a mutual spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in 2004. My father always supported my educational goals and expressed confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available 24/7.

He was a people person and an expert salesman. He was relational in every way. People were his passion.

The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships. People were priority.

For example, he came to work with me one day at the Tri City Weekly in Downtown Eureka to attend and contribute to a sales meeting. I was so proud and excited for my cohorts to hear the wisdom of this sage businessman and sales expert! He was my dad—coming to share his heart.

We gathered around, pen and paper in hand to hear from Bob Hammond, Salesman Extraordinaire. We were ready…

He sat down at our office at 6th and D St. and we expected at least 30-45 minute training about the secrets of great sales. No Dice. Not even close…

He leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, and uttered words that were simple and profound and have taken me 15 years to really comprehend….He simply stated:

“IF YOU ARE IN SALES FOR THE MONEY, YOU ARE ONLY HALF PAID.”

That was it. No prelude, no commentary, no addenda—Just 13 words spoken with authenticity and belief.

I must admit, I was a bit annoyed and aghast he didn’t have a strong follow-up and more to add. He didn’t need to.

His point was just this: In business, as in life, people and relationships are key. They are the reason for why we do what we do in business and commerce and in life. The Free Market System is lacking, even meaningless, without good relationships, friendships, and the joy of living a life full of meaningful experiences with fellow human beings.

My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all. His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me. As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism. He modeled non-judgment and kindness toward all. My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51 Mustang, the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying.
He’ll always be remembered in our family as the “ice cream grandpa”, who always loved Humboldt County and insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit. Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, a great sales person… one of the Greatest Generation. May we approach our lives, careers, and business with a relational dimension and the kindness and care that all people want and need. Thanks, Dad, for modeling this respect and honor for people in your quiet, but profound lesson.

KNOW, LIKE, TRUST, AND BUY YOU………?

SALES IN THE NEW ECOMONY

THE SALES MEETING: My dad Bob Hammond came to the Tri City Weekly Monday Sales meeting several years ago. I was really excited to see this expert address the craft of sales with my cohorts.  He sat there and said these few words: “If you are in sales for the money, you are only half paid.” I was waiting for the next 59 minutes….Nothing! He was finished. He sat back and was finished with the Sales Training…I got annoyed until I realized what he had really said…

THE INTERPRETATION: What my dad taught was that business and sales are about relationships and people. The key to sales is to simply “Grow Relationships”. IF they know you, like you, trust you, they WILL buy from you. Relationship is king and People are paramount.

The NEW ECONOMY:

New Economy 2011 is not “Business as Usual.” I have been on the streets of Humboldt County for 30 years selling and it has NEVER been like this. Example: my informal survey of 200+ businesses has yielded only about 10 or so businesses that are doing “well.”  I think 50% of those are exaggerating!  Things are tough!

SALES IN A NEW ECONOMY

It has been said: “Nothing happens till there is a Sale”—it is the 2^nd oldest profession! Capitalism and the Free Enterprise System are all based on sales and selling. Nothing happens till there is a sale. Sales IS foundation of our economy and the core of the free market system.

Old Practices and “business as usual” are NOT working. The “good old boy network” is not so good today!  We must work harder AND smarter if we want to survive.

Things are really spooky and scary…What will we do going forward?  How will YOU change and adapt to this “New Economy…?” Read on….

KNOW, LIKE, TRUST, and BUY YOU….HOW?

KNOW YOU— (know ability)

Who is the REAL YOU-Genuine, transparent, and human? In order for relationships to work people need to get to know you: Really know You- Not the adapted or “professional” you. Can you let down your guard and “keep it real?” Also, are you present in your customers world—Networking, BNI, Chamber, Rotary, Associations, Social Media, etc.

LIKE YOU— (likability)

How can you be a more LIKABLE you? Serve others! Serving, helping, loving others: Remember—“They don’t care how much you know- till they know how much you care.” Serving others helps them Like YOU! Helping others sets the stage for real likability.

TRUST YOU– (trustworthy)

My Dad Bob said “It takes money to buy whiskey.” What he meant is that actions promote credibility in all you do-Actions speak louder than words. True.

Trust simply takes time, consistency, availability, and starts with small steps of incremental credibility.

BUY YOU— (buy ability)

When it comes time to buy (if you have done the above), you are the trusted advisor. The natural outcome will be to use your services. You will be the #1. Choice when your customer goes shopping! You have won them with loyalty and good service–they may shop but will buy from YOU!

BUSINESS LEGACY—

What will you work on to improve your sales, character, integrity, and love for others? This is the stuff of real sales, life, and relationships.

What are you known for? What will they say at your funeral? How will you be remembered in life, family, and business? Were you known?  Liked? Trusted? And Bought?

It really is about people and relationships and that is what we leave behind in a positive legacy.  Please remember the immortal words: “If you’re in it for the money you are only half paid.” Why settle for any less?

Listening #1.

Tools for Successful Dads: Listening

Communication has two parts-listening and expressing yourself.

Both must occur for communication to be successful. When you listen well to family members, you encourage them to talk about what’s most important to them. It’s easy to get careless about really listening.

Listening is at least as important as talking. Everyone needs someone to listen to them-someone who supports them and allows them to openly express feelings. Sometimes a person can find a solution or discover the sources of stress just by talking. Some of us process our feelings or find ways to clarify and express our thoughts by simply talking to others. Find out which of your family members process in this way and you will have a key to unlocking their “code”.

Parents sometimes feel obligated to lecture, present solutions, and give an analysis when listening. This is not good listening. A good listener should not feel obligated to advise, analyze, or have all the answers. Listening and responding with concern and understanding may be all the help needed.
The Art of Listening

The #1 human need is psychological survival, to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated. In other words, we need to be heard and understood. It isn’t always easy because we live in a busy world, and many of us spend our days in a time crunch.

But the experts agree, when we take time to listen we improve relationships, promote an atmosphere of cooperation, and encourage creative thinking. We even save money and relational problems by avoiding costly errors caused by miscommunication.

Active listening does not come naturally.

Stephen Covey notes that when someone speaks, our initial reaction is to evaluate and scrutinize them which is the opposite of what we should do. We should focus on empathetic listening with the intent to understand and we must do this with the goal of helping.
There are 4 phases of empathetic listening, according to Covey…
1. First, is to mimic content, repeating exactly what the speaker has said
2. The Second stage is to rephrase the content to what was said in your own words
3. Third, you may reflect feelings or make a non-judgmental statement about the speaker’s emotions, empathizing with what or how he feels
4. The Fourth stage is a combination of the second and third stages, to rephrase content and reflect feelings
Sometimes we don’t want to hear what’s being said, choosing to be annoyed instead of understanding the other person’s view; this only damages a relationship. We’d make a better choice by moving forward, forgiving the offense and the offender, and resolving the problem.

Listening must come from the heart. If it is not sincere it will show regardless of what we say… nonverbal gestures will expose true feelings. When this happens, make it a point to remain focused on what the speaker is saying, actively participating in and practicing the stages of empathetic listening. The art of listening lies in understanding that to be an effective parent, leader, spouse, or any other role we must not only care about what others have to say, but also how they feel. Just remember your kids need your full attention, your patience, and a listening ear. Listen well when they speak. It will make you an even better parent than you already are

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