Gabriel Speech–Leave a Legacy

Scott’s New and Improved Narrative Bio

SCOTT HAMMOND—SCOTTPRESENTS.COM

1680 Prairie Hawke Court, McKinleyville, CA 95519 (707) 839-0774

http://www.BecomeaBetterFather.com, http://www.ScottPresents.com

Personal Philosophy and Work Focus

As founder and president of Scott Presents, a personal and organizational

development consulting firm, Scott pursues a whole person approach in sharing information

on communication skills, whole marketing, compelling relationship development, and easy –to- use productivity skill-sets. Scott’s inspirational approach promotes collaborative learning in an informal, compelling style and atmosphere.

The key elements of Scott’s personal philosophy are four- fold:

· Integration, blending the mind (thought), body (action) and soul (purpose).

· Empowerment, acknowledging and supporting the passion and gifts within us.

· Growth, providing the tools to co-create learning and growth opportunities.

· Relationship Development through compelling communication, marketing, and nurturing business and personal relationships.

At the core of Scott’s consulting, speaking and training firm is his passion for “digging deeper.”

Scott draws on easy to understand productivity training, speaking skills, parental expertise with 9 kids, and 30 years of real world marketing to provide tools for greater personal effectiveness, connection to purpose, and achievement of goals. His services focus on engaging all parts of the organization in clarifying shared vision and values, and in implementing those in everyday work and personal life.

Work Focus

Key consulting services include:

(1) building partnerships through easy to learn sales and marketing strategies

(2) organizational change and growth

(3) strategic visioning, goal setting and mission development

(4) personal branding through effective networking skills

(5) marketing and advertising consultation

(6) workshop, training and meeting design & facilitation

(7) collaborative problem solving

(8) coaching

These key services focus on helping public and private sector organizations, businesses, and

communities build strong leaders, teams and relationships among their partners. Partners learn to share responsibility for the successful outcome of the partnership.

Scott lives with his family in McKinleyville, California, and continues his lifelong quest to Be Here Now, enjoy rich relationships, and to make a positive difference by leaving a compelling legacy.

He has completed his book Mid-Life Renaissance and continues to pursue raising a family who carry on his positive legacy of care, compassion, and making a difference and to enjoy each day—One Day at A Time…

DadSez Quote:”Perfection is achieved, not when there is more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

Posted via email from Become a Better Father with Scott Hammond

What is the deal with Chuck Norris?

My Kids Love this stuff….Don’t tell Chuck but me too..

• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

• When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  
• Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  
• There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  
• When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
  
• Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
  
• A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  
• Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  
• Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  
• In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
  
• Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
  
• If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  
• A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
  
• Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  
• Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
  
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  
• While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  
• Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
  
• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  
• When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
• Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
  
• Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
  
• For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  
• Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  
• When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  
• When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
  
• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  
• On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  
• Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
  
• In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
  
• Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  
• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  
• Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
  
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  
• If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  
• Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
  
• Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  
• The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  
• You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
  
• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
  
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
  
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
  
• When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
  
• Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  
• James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  
• Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
  
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

How to Write a Compelling Speech

How to Write an Inspiring Speech

---

Do you want to inspire people? Do you have a burning desire to share your life experiences and tell your stories so that other people can benefit? If so, there are a number of things to consider when writing an inspiring speech.

This last summer I was inspired by what I witnessed at the Beijing Olympics. As the drama unfolded around Michael Phelps’ quest for eight gold medals, I found myself relating to his family watching from the stands. I couldn’t relate to Michael and his mind-blowing accomplishments, but I could relate to the emotions that his family was experiencing: the pride and elation and love.

The reason I could relate to his family was because day after day the network kept telling us the story of his childhood. It was like being invited into his home and sitting on the couch watching home movies and going through family albums. By the time he won his eighth gold medal, I was rooting for him as if I was family. He became my surrogate child and when his mom cried, so did I. His accomplishment was inspiring because I felt I was a part of it.

Make Your Story Their Story

In an inspiring speech, you want to bring people into your experience. They should feel as if they are part of what you are talking about. You want to connect your story to their story. If you don’t make this connection, your speech can be interpreted as indulgent and preachy.

Some of the clients who come to me for coaching on their motivational speeches have amazing stories. Similar to my experience with Michael Phelps, their accomplishments are often so far from my reality that I can’t relate to the accomplishment. However, though I may not be able to relate to climbing Mt. Everest or being a 3-time world champion sportsman, if their story is told well, I can relate to their human experience, and to the drama of their inner struggle, challenge, disappointment or victory.

Reveal Your Inner Struggle

Your story comes alive for me when you reveal your inner struggle. It doesn’t matter what your story is about; climbing a mountain, adopting a child or making a big sale, I can relate to your inner struggle more than to your specific accomplishments. You must be willing to share your private thoughts and feelings in order for me to connect. That means you have to move beyond telling me what happened, to letting me feel your emotions and share in your thought process.

Get Emotional

Your inspiring speech may contain twenty or thirty thousand words but it will fall flat if it doesn’t contain genuine emotion. Words are interesting. Emotions are powerful. It’s not enough for you to tell me stories and share insights. It is the emotional context, shown and experienced rather than narrated, that makes you inspiring. You need to get emotional while you are speaking.

Michael Phelps was emotional and we saw it. His family members were emotional and we saw it. And because I felt that emotion, I connected to the story that was being told. I got hooked. I call that an “empathetic experience.”

Build a Bridge

Your personal experience gives you credibility as a speaker. I don’t care how many books you’ve read or what you’ve learned from your research, I want to know what you know from experience. Once you’ve shared your experience by telling me your stories and giving me examples to support your points, you then need to build a bridge from your experience to my experience.

Hey You! Yeah You!

The way you build a bridge and make your speech more inspiring, is by talking directly to me. Use the word “you” and I know you are talking to me. You make it personal to me by asking me questions like, “what about you?, how about you?, when will you…?” rather than asking “what about us?, how about us?, when will we…?” If you use words like “we” and “us”, they are general and I can pretend you are not talking to me. If you make a point and then say, “This is what I accomplished and you can do this too,” I get inspired. The word YOU is incredibly powerful. Use it.

Talk to One Person at a Time

Every member of your audience is hearing you one-on-one. They are listening to what you say and personalizing it based on their life at that moment in time. It is very immediate for them. Consider the difference between speaking to the “whole audience” versus speaking to that lady in the third row with the glasses, and then talking to the gentleman wearing the striped shirt, etc. What would it be like if you were talking to your friend? How would you speak to a friend?

Tone It Down

Have you ever seen a motivational speaker that said all the right things but failed to connect? They use a big voice and a big smile, but lack authenticity. They are the cliché motivational speaker that gives motivational speakers a bad name. In working with hundreds of speakers, I’ve found that it has a lot to do with vocal and emotional tone. Get real. Tone it down.

Just Talk to Me

A woman in a recent Story Theater Retreat came to me with one goal: to get real. Her story was fine, her heart and mind were in the right place, but she was stuck in “speaker” mode. She was having one heck of a time toning it down and just being her authentic self. Somehow she had gotten the message that she had to pump it up to be motivational and inspiring. Every time she got up to speak she’d go into “speaker” mode, and every time I reminded her to ‘just talk to me.”

It took multiple reminders before she finally relaxed into herself and stopped pushing. In the end, she was more inspiring when she toned it down and spoke naturally than she was when she came in the door. She accomplished her goal. She got real.

Intimacy is the Key to an Inspiring Speech

As you sit down to write your speech, stand up! Walk away from the computer. Take a walk with a pad of paper or a voice recorder. Go to a coffee shop with a friend and talk about what you believe. Listen for your natural cadence. Learn to write in your own voice. Think about what you’d say to a friend who is in pain. How would you counsel someone you care about? How would it sound? Be aware of the intimacy in your voice based on the emotion you are feeling. Write your speech with the intention of talking to one person at a time.

The Architecture

I just spent two days working with an aspiring speaker on his keynote. We made hundreds of strategic choices. And over and over again he kept commenting on how complex the design phase was, what I call the architecture of the speech. Without the proper architecture – the right ingredients organized in the right sequence – your speech won’t hold together. Rather than being easy for the audience to follow, it will jerk forward like a car in desperate need of a tune up.

Don’t simply write your speech; design it. How will the pieces hold together? Where will they intersect?

You can write an inspiring speech. You can be an inspiring speaker. Your life and your stories can inspire people. Don’t wait. Start writing your inspiring speech today.

If not you…who? If not now…when?

by Doug Stevenson

Toastmaster’s are the Masters of Recruiting

1. Ask someone (everyone) 2. Bring a guest 3. Advertise in newspapers 4. Advertise o public access TV 5. Sample or demonstration meetings 6. Letters or personal contact with local businesses 7. Contact with Chamber of Commerce 8. Bookmarks inserted in library books 9. Public meetings at malls, outdoors, etc 10. SpeechCraft 11. Booth at malls, fairs, festival etc. 12. Pamphlet in doctors’ offices, hospitals, cafeterias, libraries, etc 13. Host an Open House 14. Contact past members 15. Hold membership drives and contests 16. Warm greeting 17. Guest information packet 18. Guest introductions 19. Encourage, but don’t force, Table Topic participation 20. Ask for comments 21. Clearly marked room 22. Club business cards 23. Distribute extra magazines in waiting rooms, etc 24. Hold high-profile meetings 25. Advertise at local colleges 26. Have a guest speaker 27. Have a special guest day 28. Have a program for non-members 29. Make prospective feel important 30. Have enjoyable programs 31. Make some meetings social evetns 32. Have a Club web page 33. Use email 34. Put posters in stores 35. Ask corporations and employers to sponsor or subsidize membership 36. Have a reward program for those who bring a in anew members 37. Create more fun 38. Have a variety of snacks 39. Invite the media 40. Use word of mouth 41. Network with coworkers, friends, and family 42. Follow up on guests 43. Have educational meetings 44. Have friendly meetings 45. Lead by example 46. Have incentives for those who join 47. Members give talks at other organizations 48. Provide guests with free meals 49. Corporate Clubs provide brochure for new employee packets 50. Display the trophies 51. Club sponsor a deserving, needy individual 52. Lure passers-by with free food 53. Advertise with a blimp at sports events 54. Have a marching band spell out your club’s name 55. If you are the boss, make your employee join 56. Ask the District for help 57. Provide child care 58. Hold join meetings with non-toastmasters groups 59. Share your toastmasters experience with other 60. Participate in community events 61. Write letters to community groups 62. Be active in Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, Kiwanis, etc 63. Publicize Clue successes, election, contests, in local newspapers 64. have a club newsletter 65. Have a club brochure 66. Hold a public debate 67. Never cancel a meeting 68. Members should be prepared 69. have a planned agenda 70. Encourage interclub visits 71. Form/join a speakers’ bureau 72. Teach public speaking at vo-tech, community college, continuing education 73. Hold public workshops 74. Wear your pin 75. mention Toastmaster at meetings of other organizations during announcements 76. Send newsletter to guests 77. Visitor Day – each member sends out 10 invitations 78. Talk up Toastmasters to those who express problems with public speaking 79. Ask guest to join 80. Get a three meeting commitment 81. Advertise in church bulletin 82. When asked about your speaking skills, tell them about Toastmasters 83. Tell everyone about the benefits of Toastmasters 84. Have informative meetings 85. Make it Fun 86. Bumper Stickers 87. Smile 88. Invite guests to your place of business to get better acquainted with them 89. Attract a wide age spectrum 90. Give testimonials 91. Elect a dedicated VP membership 92. Hold smooth meetings 93. Get experiences Toastmasters to join as dual members 94. Repeatedly invite prospective members 95. Practice selling Toastmasters at Club meetings 96. Make it look easy 97. Promote humor in speeches 98. Make meetings more interactive 99. Send thank you to guests 100. Have table at trade shows 101. Hold a Speechathon with as many speakers as possible 102. Think like a child-how would you get someone to play with? 103. “put in words” apparel to writers’ clubs 104. Toastmaster minute on radio 105. Interaction with story tellers’ organizations 106. “Do it for you” poster contest at schools 107. Bring your boss 108. When someone notices your progress, tell them why and invite them 109. Hold meetings at senior centers 110. Have new member kits 111. Hand out flyers and brochures 112. Have a host for each guest 113. Hand out invitation cards 114. Members constantly promoting and raving about Toastmasters 115. Meet at a good location 116. Explain the structure of Toastmasters

THE UP SIDE OF DOWN SYNDROME:An Award Winning Speech

The 2008 Toastmasters International Speech Contest Winner for Northern California.the-upside-of-downs-final

Father’s Day News Release

For Immediate Release

New Website Become a Better Father.com announces its podcast, blog, and online videos just in time for Father’s Day

McKinleyville, California. June 2, 2009. Scott Hammond, author, speaker, and parenting expert, releases, just in time for Father’s Day, exciting new resources for parents via his Web site: Become a Better Father.com. Visitors can expect a wealth of information that helps them employ Purpose-Driven Parenting to strengthen their family relationships and improve their lives.

As a father of nine (including two special needs children) and an extensive background in leadership training, coaching, consulting, writing, and public speaking, Hammond brings a unique and dynamic energy to helping others become better, more-effective fathers. Although Scott Hammond coaches fathers in particular, his offerings are not limited to just men. Anyone who parents can use his system to make great improvements in their familial relations and enjoy happier, healthier existences. Some of Mr. Hammond’s personal, encouragement-based coaching involves: effective goal setting, honest self evaluation, integrity-based communication, and credibility in word and action.

Are you an effective parent?

Hammond states, “Every parent feels a need to improve their parenting skills, to better reach and teach their children, and to leave a lasting, loving legacy so all family members can live healthier, richer, more productive lives. My parenting program helps fathers identify what they really want, to come forward and embrace their role in the family, and take the steps required for strong, lasting, and positive relationships”.

New Website Features, Just in Time for Father’s Day

The Become a Better Father.com Web site now features podcasting, You Tube videos of Scott in action, a Father’s Day writing contest, an award-winning Toastmasters speech titled, “The Upside of Down Syndrome”, Scott’s Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers materials, how to leave a healthy and strong legacy for our children, and much more.

As a trainer, coach, writer, speaker, consultant, and father, Scott Hammond delivers a comfortable, personal, and informal speaking style that motivates, inspires, and compels others toward positive personal and professional change. With a 30-year, award-winning background in radio, newsprint, and television media, Scott is uniquely qualified to offer a balanced perspective on family and career achievement.

###

THE 7 SECRETS OF EFFECTIVE FATHERS (Happy Fathers Day!)

Good Dad/ Bad Dad -The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathering

Can you name the three great examples of fathers in current culture?

You can’t say Bill Cosby or the guy on “Father Knows Best”!
Go ahead; we’re waiting….
Can’t seem to find just three?
How come?
Where have all the good dads gone?

Good fathers are an endangered species!

What is it with us guys?
Where did all the Great Dads go?
What’s up with the dads?

Dads are in trouble.
Everything assaults us-
Society, work, appetites, pressures, time management, and busyness.

We have no training, no schools, no workshops, few seminars, and no classes on how to be effective fathers. Moreover, as you’ve learned from the exercise above, we have very few examples from which to learn.

 

Men are great project managers in the workplace and at home, but most of us fail miserably when it comes to relationship building. Men tend to be great planners, movers, shakers, project managers, or people managers, but we are often poor at building in-depth relationships with those we love.

Men can be great builders; we have built amazing:

·       Civilizations

·       Countries

·       Societies

·       Communities

·       Cities

·       Towns

·       Neighborhoods

But when it comes to building relationships and running a family, men often fail miserably.

We can run a business and government, and even a society, but we are often poor at running a family.
Our family—wife, children, pets—often get the leftovers of our mind, body, emotions, and spirit at the end of the day.

 Why is that? Let me explain…

Here are a few of the reasons, the issues, problems, and challenges that men face and that undermine their desire to create and build relationships of quality with their families:

ü  No goals, objectives, or written plan to make family a priority

ü  Poor time management skills, being too busy, not making time for priorities

ü  Workaholism

ü  Perfectionism

ü  Poor skill sets with fathering

ü  Poor fathering examples

ü  Buying, owning, and maintaining too many possessions and “stuff”

And 1000 other distractions, including low priority activities such as:

·       Computer

·       TV

·       Gaming

·       Hobbies

·       Sports

·       Illicit activities

When “real men” get stuck, we never ask for directions!
How can we possibly admit weakness, vulnerability, or something as simple as being lost?

This all makes for a very sad situation.
Men are not picking and living their priorities.

So how do we guys have quality family relationships?
How do we spend quality, as well as quantity, time with those we love?
And how do we forge meaningful ties with our children- emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically- when our families often get our leftovers?

How do we do this, when we often return home from the workplace and the life outside the family truly drained and unable or unwilling to continue to give and pour out of our already-sapped resources? Many dads are truly lost, not even seeking a way back to being on track.

What is your Plan for being a Good Dad?

 

This is the two-dollar question, the dilemma, which we will address as we discover the

Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers.

 

Consider the Key Questions

Here are the key questions to ask yourself as a father as you develop your personal Fathering Plan:

1.    Who are you?

2.    What do you want?

3.    Why are you here?

4.    What isn’t working that you would like to see start working?

5.    What would you like to see stop happening?

The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers will help you to discover some of your answers.
We will uncover some ideas, tools, tips, and techniques to help you become more:

·       Intentional

·       Sequential

·       Methodical

·       Effective

You can become an awesome father, but you have to answer the above questions and then be resolute in taking action to move forward toward incremental progress as a father.
You can do it, but you’ve got to first dream it, plan it, and then do it.

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

 

Secret #1- Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is love that is absolute, unreserved, and complete.

 It’s love that is limitless, without strings, and not dependent upon the response of the recipient.

Unconditional love is really about your kids knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that they’re loved and accepted.

It’s saying, meaning, and living “I am truly on your side no matter what. I am for you. I am unconditionally on your side, always”.

Three action points to express unconditional love are:

 

·       Appropriate Touch

·       Positive eye contact

·       Focused attention

 

 

Let’s look at these love actions in more detail…

Appropriate touch is the most obvious way to show affection.
It is defined by any type of appropriate, natural, physical contact, not just hugs and kisses.

Appropriate touch should be:

·       Comfortable

·       Natural

·       Not showy or overdone

·       Consistent

It goes with eye contact and can be many things including:

·       A pat on the back

·       A gentle poke

·       Tousle of the hair

·       Rub on the shoulder

·       A light touch on the arm back neck or shoulder, again, all in an appropriate manner.

Kids who experience consistent, appropriate touch are more likely to:

1.    Have good self-esteem

2.    Be well-liked by others

3.    Have an easy time communicating

Young boys especially need it, as do girls growing up into their teens.
The father-daughter connection is vital, because if we fathers are not touching our daughters properly, there are plenty of volunteers to touch them inappropriately…

We dads need to be huggers and to get physical with our kids.
If you are a self proclaimed non-physical “non-hugger”, change!

Learn to be appropriately physical and learn the ability to show attention and affection
through physical touch.

 If you don’t pay attention to them, someone else will…probably not someone you would want.

It’s vital that we are intentional about showing our unconditional love through focused attention, positive eye contact, and appropriate touch. These three things can revolutionize and transform our relationships not only with our children, but with all those in our lives.

 

Eye contact means: “Looking directly into the eyes of another person.”

In our culture, it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who cannot hold eye contact.
It is a main source of emotional nurturing and is a continuous life-giving habit to our kids, if we will use it.

Eye contact is a close cousin to appropriate touch.  The two used together are a powerful means to connect with your children.

The results and benefits are:

·       Confidence

·       We tend to like people who look at us while we communicate

·       Eye contact adds meaning to conversation, as the eyes are the “windows to the soul”

One warning…

Never use eye contact or the lack thereof to make strong points, or when angry, irritated, annoyed, or frustrated, any of which are all part of being a parent.
The point is this-exclusive use of eye contact in anger is destructive, as is withholding eye contact.
Withholding eye contact is cruel and more damaging than corporal punishment and if you play that game, you and your children will lose.

If you, as a grown man, withhold eye contact as a form of punishment to anyone in your life, you may want to take a look at why and consider a change.

We do need to learn to confront in love, while maintaining positive eye contact.  When we need to have courageous conversations with our kids, we need to use eye contact as a life-giving source of affirmation, not as a means to tear down, belittle, withhold love, or demean.

We can and should use positive, affirming eye contact with all those around us on a regular, intentional, and habitual basis.

 

Focused attention is giving a person your full, undivided attention.

It is the most demanding of the three actions as it takes time, energy, and giving up other activities in order for us to give our focused attention to the people we love.

According to a 1996 Gallup Poll, the average father spends less than sixty minutes a day in some contact with his kids. What’s up with that?

How much time do you spend? Honestly?
We need to be able to give up the “tyranny of the urgent” and live in what Stephen Covey calls “quadrant number #4”, where we intentionally do things that are the most productive.
This should include giving our children our focused attention as fathers.

The benefit is your child feels completely loved and valued.
They feel they’re the most important person in the world.
Kids do their best with focused attention as part of their lives.
It shows in their behavior, performance, attitude, and motivation.

Focused attention must be a daily occurrence and we as dads need to make times to make that happen daily.

This requires being intentional. It might well require things like putting down the newspaper you were reading, in order to look at the bug your daughter caught.  It might mean staying up late, when you’d rather be in bed, to listen to your teen son pour out his frustrations of the day. It might mean giving up an evening out so you can read bedtime stories to your kids. It is a sacrifice of time and energies that pays big dividends.

Focused attention becomes paramount in priority…
It comes before everything else you do with or two your child, including

·       Training

·       Guiding

·       Teaching

·       Correcting

It is the key to unlocking the door to being a great dad.
It should always be natural, comfortable, appropriate, and unhurried.
It will result in a child who…

1.    Is comfortable with themselves and others

2.    Is well-liked

3.    Has a full “emotional tank”

4.    Has good self-esteem

5.    Is easier to communicate with

Are you giving your child emotional support through focused attention today?

Appropriate touch, positive eye contact, focused attention.

These are the languages of love when it comes to raising well-adjusted, healthy kids.
We fathers need to make these a daily occurrence. Did you know that, according to a recent poll, the average duration of contact between fathers and children is under two minutes daily? If we only spend two minutes a day with our children, how can we possibly convey our love through our actions?

We need to leverage these languages of love- to begin to not only speak them, but to be fluent in all three.   Which language does your child respond to best? Are you speaking that language to your children today?

If not, why not?

If not now, when?

If not you, who?

Secret #2-Respect Your Children

 

Respect is defined as “To care, esteem, regard, venerate, honor, or to revere.”
Respect is at the core of how all individuals would like to be treated and spoken to.
As fathers, we show it in our conversation, tone, actions, and kindness to our children.

We need not talk down to them as a smaller person who is weaker, vulnerable, or less valuable.
Our children need to know they are accepted and acceptable, just as they are.
They must know they are respected and honored by how they are treated in our:

·       Actions

·       Attitudes

·       Words

·       Our non-verbal behaviors/signals

Here’s the test… would you speak to or treat a peer in the same manner you do your kids?
Do you:

1.    Talk down to them?

2.    Berate them?

3.    Raise your voice or yell at them?

4.    Display disgust in your tone or body language?

5.    Show inappropriate anger and frustration and annoyance?

So if you would not treat another adult in this like manner, why would you address your kids, whom you love as much or more, with such disrespect and dishonor?
It seems that many parents think its okay to not treat their kids with love and respect and to address them in an inappropriate and dishonoring fashion.

That’s not to say that when correcting or having courageous conversations with our kids, we can’t show frustration, appropriate anger, or annoyance at their immaturity or misbehavior. Rather, it’s doing so in a manner that still protects the child’s dignity. It’s The Golden Rule—treat others as you would be treated.

Does your child really feel accepted and acceptable?
Respected and honored?
How would your kids respond differently to you if you consistently addressed them with appropriate respect and honor?
Begin to show respect in your conversation, actions, tone, and body language, and you will see a transformation, both in yourself and your children!

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

 

 

Secret #3-Time = Love.

Some fathers spend more time with their kids in one day than some do in one week, or even one month!!

What’s the difference?

Intentionality.

Time spent with your child shows your love by action.
We need both quality and quantity time with our kids.
We need to include them in our world, and include ourselves in their world.

Here are some examples of what I do with my kids. These are areas where we’ve found common ground to play together:

1.    Hot-tubbing

2.    Trampoline jumping

3.    Swinging

4.    Basketball

5.    Playing Legos and Matchbox cars

6.    Playing board games

7.    Doing crafts

You get the picture find common ground and leverage the time with your kids.
You must be intentional and methodical and sequential if you are to be successful in this endeavor of spending quality time with your kids. This means:

1.    Date your kids…Go to Starbucks, the bakery or bagel store, McDonald’s, ice cream parlor, or whatever.

2.    Put them in your day timer or in Outlook.

3.    Schedule them as you would your most precious appointment… because that’s what they are.

Have daily and weekly scheduled routines together, including:

·       Meal times… the best place to teach your kids your values, heritage, and spiritual foundation.

·       Bedtimes… a key point in showing love, closing the day gently, and praying together.

·       Weekly rituals… Friday night pizza, movie night, the family night etc

·       Running errands… always bring a kid with you on car rides. Again, leverage the time.

·       Chores and projects… build relationships and teach a good work ethic, all in one package!

Let’s address the “I don’t have time” excuse.
Everyone has time, no exceptions.

We give time to what we value the most….
Create time today that you would normally spend on TV, the Internet, sports, hobbies, boating, hunting golfing, or just being lazy.

Begin to incrementally give it to your children!

Just hang out with your family and kids because you want to and get to.

Not because you HAVE TO…
It is a clear and solid choice of attitude and motivation.

We GET to hang out with our kids.  We are blessed and privileged!

How could you be more intentional and incremental in dating your kids?

Dream it, plan it, write it, and do it!

Follow through.

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

 

 

Secret #4-Study Your Children

 

As a father, it’s critical that you know and understand your kids. Your effective fathering depends on seeing your child as an individual, separate from you, with strengths, weaknesses, preferences, ideas, and goals that are all his or her own. When you clearly grasp who your child is as an individual, you can then work to encourage him to utilize his strengths to achieve his goals. You can support her in her interests. You can enjoy your child as a unique person.

 

Study your children to see in what areas they excel. Are they particularly good at negotiation? At sports or other physical endeavors? Do they communicate especially well through the spoken or written word? Are they deeply compassionate, caring, and careful of the feelings of others?

 

Identify their strengths and point them out to your kids. Kids like to see their strong points noted and appreciated as much as we adults do! Also, pointing out your child’s strengths to him helps him to further utilize and develop those strengths.

 

As important as identifying your children’s strengths is being able and willing to identify their faults and weaknesses and begin to address them.

Having the courage to take a hard look at your child’s personal failures and weaknesses will enable you to begin to come behind them and support them.

This exercise, when done in love, can open the door for your fatherly coaching, encouragement, and training. Choose your timing; it is easier to hear and acknowledge a fault or weakness if it is pointed out in a setting of support and love. Make sure your kid knows that you’re bringing the topic up only because you want the best for him, because you want to help him grow and mature, not because you want to belittle or demean him.

 

Of course, we will see our kids act out their weaknesses when they misbehave. Before you begin to dole out punishment for the misbehavior, though, it makes sense to try to understand the reasons behind the behavior.

For example, kids act out when they’re hungry, tired, sick, emotionally needy, or even need to poop. The key then becomes your ability to study and analyze the whole picture behind how your child is acting.

Can you see through their eyes and identify with empathy why they’re acting as they are?

This requires more than operating on a preconceived notion, your own knee-jerk emotional reaction, or a swift observation of the situation.

You must be willing to take the time and use the resources to get to know your kid. What is bothering, challenging, or troubling them?  Is it physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, social, or something else you haven’t thought of?  A quick and cursory look will not reveal what you must figure out to know your kids in order to support them.

How can we possibly give support, help, or guidance without knowing the root causes of the problems and issues our kids face?

It’s up to us as fathers to be keen observers of our kids, and to study their strengths and their weaknesses that we may support them. Neglect and apathy is your number one enemy here.

Do you study your kids and know their strengths?

Do you know their weaknesses?

Are you currently resourcing their strengths and training and coaching their weaknesses?

Where your child’s three main strengths?

What are your child’s three main weaknesses?

If not you, then who will do this?

If not now, when?

 

Secret #5-Have a Strong Marriage

 

The marriage institution is in trouble according to multiple studies in the U.S., with a 55% failure rate.

What will you do in actionable terms to have a solid marriage?  Can you apply yourself and your resources strategically and work toward the end of having a solid, grounded, balanced, and alive marriage with your wife?

A good marriage sets the stage for good fathering. Your kids need security in the world, in their home, and in their lives.

A good marriage provides a sense of peace, order, and love within the home. It provides the foundation for all good fathering practices to take place.

We must model being a good husband for our kids, as they will take our model and become like us as they grow older.

I’m becoming my dad and I didn’t plan on it! We learn and catch many things from our own dads.

We must date our wives.  We need to make time to communicate, to be together, to talk, to pray, to be alone, and to have fun in order to model a positive husband role to our kids

Communication is the key, and the venue frankly doesn’t matter.

We like going to Costco on dates!  We pick up the week’s groceries, and also a slice of pizza and salad to enjoy in the car by the Bay. Think of your own venue and what you like to do best.

Moreover, think of what your wife likes to do best. Does she like to:

·       Go on walks?

·       Go to Starbucks?

·       Sit and talk over a dinner out?

·       Go on a car drive or a bike ride?

·       Go shopping?

The point is, figure it out and go do it with her!

This weekly dating of your wife will pay off big dividends in a healthy marriage, family and society.

Is your wife on your agenda?

What’s the condition of your marriage right now?

How’s your communication with your wife?

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

Secret #6-Find Fathering Mentors/Coaches

 

What’s the job of a coach?

The job of the coach is to help people accomplish what they want to do, but will not do well or even do at all, without coaching.

 The job of a coach is also to see what gifts and abilities others cannot see in those they coach.

A coach is a leader. Coaches get people to do things they never thought of, think they cannot do, or maybe do not want to do.

Your own fathering “coach persona” drives the action in your Fathering Plan.

 Your “coach persona” may listen to excuses, but will not let excuses stop you from winning at the game of fathering. The decision and responsibility is yours alone.  You are accountable.

So what is your “next best”?   How you get there?

Who can and will help you be a better father? Can you find and follow a few good examples and role models of fathers that were no better than you, but maybe just a little more experienced?

Can you then spend time with those mentors, go deep, learn and then emulate what they do to strengthen your commitment as a quality dad?

Can you seek out sources of support through a different strategy?  What about:

·       Books or tapes, CDs and DVDs

·       Introspection, writing, and journaling

·       Fathers who’ve been there before, solved it, and have the scars to prove it

·       Internet articles, magazines, radio shows, and podcasts

It is all out there for the taking. We simply must be intentional.

This commitment to focus on the right direction and getting wise counsel on fathering leads to better follow-through in learning the dynamics of building relationships with our kids.

The corollary to this principle is that we must jettison people, influences, activities, and friends who detract from our successful Fathering Plan.

They must not be allowed to obscure our mission goals or strategies to be better fathers.

You and I must get rid of poor influences and “friends” that are cross currents with good fathering. These could be otherwise good, fun, and normal relationships. The issue here is the usurping of time and energies, which should be devoted first to family and specifically toward your children.

Will you seek out resources, including father mentors, with whom you will develop a relationship, from whom you will learn?

Are you accountable to anyone with your Father Plan? Is there anyone with whom you have a trusting relationship who can help keep you on track?

What will you do to get resourced?

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

 

 

Secret #7-Be a Man/Leader

Leadership means many things to many people. I think it means being proactive, being the first, and:

·       Taking the initiative

·       Setting the standard

·       Managing effectively

·       Planning often and well

·       Resourcing whenever possible

·       Identifying the vision, goals, and priorities

·       Setting the example, always

A good leader takes responsibility and says; “The buck stops here!” when something is not right.

Leaders show the way and model through active example what they’re trying to express and accomplish.

They press on and press in, and they run counter to the culture of convenience and quick fixes. They refuse to get sidetracked by the “bright and shiny objects”, the diversions, and side-eddies of our culture.

They strain and strive with intentionality and energy to build relationships and create a legacy, a heritage, and a family.  They do much of this by simply taking the initiative, being intentional and planning by writing and accomplishing compelling goals that are relationship-based.

 

Dad, you are the key, you are the man. Now be one.

You must be intimately in touch with your mission, goals, and objectives as a family man, husband, and father.

This requires discipline, selflessness, living your priorities, and time management.

You must leverage the hours of your day and to intentional in everything you do.

Time is the only resource you’re guaranteed to have.

The key here is to write down what you want… dream it, plan it, and do it.

The questions are…

1.    Who are you?

2.    What do you want?

3.    Why are you here?

4.    What is not working, that you would like to see work?

5.    What is happening now, that should like to see vanish?

The answer to these questions will determine your “ brand” as a father and as a leader.

What “brand” are you now?

What” brand” do you want to be?

 Here are some thoughts on leaving a legacy and heritage:

What will they say when you’re gone?

A good father transfers the following attributes and character qualities to his children…

·       Love for God (as you understand Him) and people

·       Values

·       Ethics/ knowledge

·       Wisdom and understanding

·       Love and compassion and kindness

·       Positive  attitude and motivation

Great fathering requires us as dads to raise children in the way they would be best served.

They are individuals, not part of a cookie-cutter machine.

Therefore, we need to work with our kids on their level, meeting their needs, resourcing, respecting, and fostering the individuality of each child.

We must study to know them and then resource their gifts, attributes, and skills. No two children are alike.

This all requires patience on our part to work on their level, one or two things at a time.

 Slowly, with a patient father’s heart.

Who is leading your family?

Who is leading your children?

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

Good Dad, Bad Dad-7 Secrets of Effective Fathers…Conclusion

As fathers, we have a choice.

It’s a choice regarding investment- not necessarily of money, stocks, and bonds, but of time and what I call life units. What could be more important than your family?

It’s your choice; you’re free to decide how you will invest your life units.

Will it be for experiences?

·         Possessions?

·          Status? 

·          Fame?

·          Pleasure?

Or, perhaps you could invest your life units in your family, your kids, in leaving a legacy, a heritage, and a quality-of-life inheritance for your loved ones.

You won’t be perfect, but you can be intentional, sequential, methodical, and directional in this vital goal. If you are, you have no choice but to succeed!

However, you might need help along the way.  The question is, are you willing to ask?

Some of the resources you might need to be humble enough to ask for will be…

1.    Support from your wife

2.    Fathers(or other family members) and mentors

3.    Support from your kids

4.    Educational resources, such as books, CDs, tapes, DVDs, and the Web

5.    Goal-setting tools and techniques

6.    A Father Plan for accountability with others whom you trust and love

How much do you care?

How important is your family to you?

How invested are you in your kids?

Be honest with yourself and others.

Are you willing to do the work?  Pay the price?  Take the steps?

It’s truly up to you to become the architect of your own Father Plan. In this effort, none of us can afford to be self-deceived, haphazard, or halfhearted when it comes to deciding and acting on the Plan.

So ask yourself the following questions again and again…

1.    Who am I?

2.    What do I want?

3.    Why am I here?

4.    What’s not happening now that I would like to see happen?

5.    What’s happening now that I would like to see stop?

What will it be, dad?

When is it gonna be?

 Make a decision, do something!

Fathers, you are the architects, and you’ve got to become comfortable enough to lead and to put together your “Father Plan”.

You’ve got to start somewhere, so how ‘bout this?

Think about the saying: “A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

1.    Dream, plan, write, and share two or three goals that you have as a father

2.    Post your goals in a prominent place and review them on a regular basis

3.    Be accountable to yourself and someone else to accomplish the goals.

4.    When you fail and fall short (which you will; we all do)… move on, press forward. and start back up where you left off.  Have forgiveness and grace on yourself, your kids, your spouse, and others.

The key here is attitude. You don’t HAVE to do these things. But, you GET to do these things.

Your motivation and attitude is everything so decide now in the seat of your will that this is a priority to you, and you will succeed at it!

When will you get started on your Father Plan?

How will it look when you schedule your kids into your life and keep your appointments with them?

What will it take for you to be the initiator and leader with the plan and in your family?

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

How about you…. and how about right now.

 

Good Dad Bad Dad…Bio

Scott Hammond is a professional speaker, trainer, writer, and father of 9 kids. He lives in McKinleyville (Humboldt County), California, with his wonderful wife, Joni. Scott can be contacted at scott@BecomeaBetterFather.com or 707-616-7665.

Developing Dynamite Topics

 

I. What Is A Dynamite Topic?

A. One that people remember

B. Gets you booked

C. Not the same as a hot or trendy topic

II. Hot Topics

A. These are the same as they’ve always been

Motivation

Sales

Team building

The future

B. The problem with hot topics

Too much competition

III. Trendy Topics

A. Hot for a short time

I’m an expert on sales & marketing

A lot of people speak on these topics

B. The danger with trendy topics is that they die out

IV. Why you want a dynamite topic

A. Reduces the competition

Think of how many motivational speakers there are

B. Makes it easier to sell

You don’t have t time or money to market to everyone

Narrows your audience

Think about marketing a motivational keynote

Maybe you could narrow it down to sales motivation

Next make it selling services

How about selling real estate services

C. Makes you more memorable

There are plenty of people who speak on negotiations

V. The Importance of Passion

A. The importance of passion

Why you need passion

You will spend a lot of time on t subject

Researching

Could be hours

Writing books

Could be hundreds of hours

Speaking

Could be days

B. Finding your passion

What books interest you?

Where do you automatically go in a bookstore?

What’s on your bookshelf at home?

What do you read about?

(Write them down)

What television programs do you watch?

What television programs do you watch?

(Write them down)

Is there a topic that people keep asking you for?

That’s one you should concentrate on

VI. There Are Riches In Niches

A. Why you need a niche

There’s way too much competition in hot topics

Most of us will never be famous enough to own a hot topic

It’s best if you can develop your own niche

C. What do you know that no one else knows?

The market wants experts who speak, not speaker who are experts

They want information they can use in their work or lives now

Complaint about “all fluff & no stuff”

You can become an expert at almost anything w/1 hr of study a day

B. Can you provide a unique perspective on an old topic?

7 Habits of Highly Successful People is not new

It is a unique perspective

C. What do you know that no one else knows?

Experiences

Knowledge

Combination

D. What makes you unique?

You need to know if you will be able to own the niche

Do you have credibility in a specific topic?

Degrees, designations, books, articles

Experiences

What have you learned?

E. What challenges have you overcome that others have not?

Our great speaker W. Mitchell was horribly crippled in a motorcycle accident

Then he was disfigured in a plane crash

His story of survival is awe inspiring

F. What unique perspective do you have on your subject?

Experiences, challenges

Be controversial – if you can

(Write down your experiences)

G. A niche is a group of people, not a subject

Who would pay to hear your subject?

VII. Audience Analysis

A. Ask yourself “What is the audience for this topic?”

Managers

Salespeople

Couples

B. It must be large enough to support you

Some audiences may not be big enough

If so, you are too tightly niched

Doesn’t have to be t biggest market

I make a great living speaking to home builders on how to sell to diverse cults

I even have a book just for them (show book)

C. Will they pay?

Some audiences will not pay to hear your topic

Will they pay to hear your solution to their problems?

D. What will they pay?

VIII. Developing A Niche

A. What do you know that’s unique

B. Do you have credibility?

You may have studied a very specific subject very intensely

People w/doctorate degrees are very broad

It’s harder to become an expert than simply expanding your expertise

You are already an expert in something

Finding what it is can be a challenge

C. Do you have unique perspectives

Rush Limbaugh has unique perspectives

D. What problem needs solving?

What keeps your audiences up at night?

This should be the focus of your topic

IX. Niche Your Niche

A. This is the key to memorability

B. It’s much easier to own the niche

You can become a celebrity in a small much quicker than large market

C. Makes it much easier to market

X. Other sources of ideas for topics

A. Industry magazines

The articles generally deal with the issues & problems of readers

What topics are hot?

What issues keep coming up over & over?

(Scan)

B. Get on conference mailing lists

These are seminar topics that are hot now

Can you provide a unique perspective?

C. Go to industry trade shows

Talk to people

Look at booths

D. Call trade associations & talk to them

Talk to experts

E. Be controversial if you can

People like contrarian views

XI. Hot Titles

A. Must have a hot title otherwise no one will remember it

1. Brief

3-5 words is best

2. Catchy

3. Descriptive

4.Unique

5. Memorable

6. Ask a provocative question

(Determine your highest priority & develop a good title)

7. Answer a tough question

Secrets

8. Solve a difficult problem

XII. Testing Your Topic

Once you have a topic you must carefully analyze it

After all, this is a business

C. Do audiences ask for more?

Do people ask you to expand on it

Do people ask you to present it in different industries

Do people offer to pay you for it?

XIII. Honing Your Topic

A. Present it in low-risk forums

Animal circuit if a business topic

Moose, Elks, Lions, Rotary Clubs, Chambers of Commerce

Churches & other groups if not a business topic

B. Add New Material

What questions does the audience ask?

Find the answer and add it in

Eventually I had a book

Expand what works

C. Delete the superfluous

Get rid of the fluff

Drop what doesn’t work

Change it to meet t need of your audience

Your audience will tell you what they want to hear

What questions do they ask?

Find the answers & incorporate it into your program

XIV. Own Your Niche

A. Write articles

Great free marketing tool

I have a publicist who place my articles

B. Write books

Nothing more than an expensive business card

They will usually not throw it away

C. Appear on TV & radio

If your topic is unique enough

You can become a celebrity in a niche

D. Develop products for your niche

Gen-X tapes

Manuals

Booklets

People want to take you home

XV. Determining Your Fees

A. Charge more than you think you are worth

Remember, you are unique

B. Never be fully booked

If you are your fee is too low

C. What clients should never say OK

D. Keep raising your fees

Having a unique topic will earn you top $

Courtesy Michael Lee

« Previous Page — Next Page »