EMBRACE THE MOMENT!

I have learned much from being with my father-in-law Tom Hanson who our kids call the Fun Grandpa–He is a joy to have as a visitor and teaches by his example. He is always IN THE MOMENT–He knows how to engage and have fun in the Now. Here are some lessons learned–

1. EMBRACE THE MOMENT–Have a sense of wonder, curiosity, and see life as an adventure.

2. HAVE FUN–Develop the ability to play and be childlike. Get over your self and being all serious and grave all the time.

3. LET GO–Do what you can control and let the rest go! Don’t dwell, over-think, or worry about what you cannot change.

4. LEARN TO LIKE YOURSELF– Focus on the positive. Really give yourself permission to see and dwell on what is good about you and you will be less angry and kinder to yourself and others!

5. SEE THE BEST IN LIFE AND OTHERS–Focus on the positive and what you are thankful for. Choose the good. You can change the way you think and see life so just do it!

6. BE ENGAGED AND ENGAGING–Get over your own trials and hurts and move on! reach out in relationships that give you life and energize others as well. Be all about relationship building and friendship–you will be transformed.

7. SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY/FRIENDS–Do what is really important to you. Do not be ruled by the Tyranny of the Urgent.

8. BE KIND–Listen well. Just be gentle with people and treat them with honor and respect and kindness. You will see it returned ten-fold.

9. BE STILL–Slow down and stop occasionally. Listen for God and get a sense of relaxation and awareness of more than just the chatter of your mind.

10. GIVE/ RECEIVE GRACE–Be forgiving and forgivable. Be ready to give grace by the truckload to others who really need it form you. Accept humanity in yourself and others without making excuses or rationalizing wrong-doing. Be ready to move on and let go and go forward…

The Four “P’s” of Leaving a Compelling Legacy

Here are the four P.’s of Legacy—
1. Position—this has to do with credibility. Are you honest, transparent, genuine, real vulnerable untouchable? Ultimately, are you credible?
2. Purpose—can you and do you connect with people? Do you develop relationships that are deep and meaningful? Can and do you communicate well with others. Do you know it’s really about people? Do you ask questions and draw out other people’s needs. So you can serve them?
3. Posture—are you open to numerous possibilities? Do you live a life of openness and being in the moment? Are you present were somewhere else?
4. Passion—are you passionate about something? Who gave you this passion? What is your passion about: people, purpose, principles, causes, yourself, and others?
Do you live your life to impress others, or influence them by the quiet sanity that marks how you model your life? What is the mission, vision, and purpose of your life? Are you living in now? When will you start if you’re not?
To impress or influence?
Are you real, honest, vulnerable? Can he be honest with your failures, feelings, frustrations and fears?
Can you connect with God and other people and develop quality relationships that last a lifetime?
Are you able to cease you self-absorbed and self-centered life and lifestyle: and the other oriented putting other people’s needs before your own in actionable deeds.
The answers to these questions will define a life well lived or not. Developing relationships and connecting with others including God will bear great fruit in your life and tears. Love for others in real time, actionable deeds will leave a legacy of love, leadership and legacy.

Good Advice for Fathers…

How to Get Customers, Keep Them and Get Enthusiastic Referrals

Arnold Sanow

The motto for business success now and for the foreseeable future is “You’re not just closing a sale, but opening a relationship” In fact, it is 6 times less expensive to upsell, resell or get referrals from satisfied customers than it is to get new customers. Only by developing win-win relationships can you increase your business, lower your costs and achieve maximum profitability. To be successful follow these five ingredients on a daily basis.

1. Be Reliable.

Reliability means many things, but without it your business will fail to grow and prosper. For example, when you tell a client you will have a product or project ready for them on Tuesday and you’re late, your good reputation suffers. In fact, if you tell people you will have a product ready next week, in their minds next week means Monday. Come in any time after that and you’re already too late. Although this may seem like a minor point, such things as being late, not returning phone calls and not giving 110%, will hurt you and ultimately help your competitors. To be reliable follow these guidelines:

* Do what you say your going to do

* Do it when you say your going to do it

* Do it right the first time

* Get it done on time

And always remember ….. Under-promise and Over-deliver

2. Be Responsive.

Responsiveness means being available, accessible and willing to help customers whenever there is a problem. It also means keeping them informed and providing the services as soon as possible. For example, just returning phone calls in a timely manner these days will put you ahead of the crowd.

3. Develop Trust And Likeability

When you look at the bottom line, there are two ultimate reasons why people will work with you. It’s because they like you and they trust you. According to US News and World Report, “Americans are ruder than ever”. Simple kindness and good manners can greatly enhance your opportunity to win new clients, generate more business with the ones you have and increase your referrals. To accomplish this follow the 10 commandments of human relations:

1. Speak to people – There is nothing so nice as a cheerful personality

2. Call people by name – The sweetest music to anyone’s ears is the sound of his or her name.

3. Have humility – There is something to be learned from every living thing

4. Be friendly – If you would have a friend, be one

5. Be cordial – Speak and act as if everything you do is a pleasure

6. Be sincerely interested in others

7. Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism

8. Give your word – then keep it

9. Be considerate of the feelings of others

10. Be alert to give service – what counts most in life is what we do for others.

4. Watch Your Appearance.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover?” Well guess what everybody does? Although appearances can be deceiving, customers draw a lot of conclusions about the quality of service on the basis of what they see. Your dress, body language, written materials, office, car and verbal skills account for how you are ultimately judged.

5. Be Empathetic

To the extent that you treat someone as special and solve his or her unique problems he/she will continue to be your customer. Disneyland says it best, “We love to entertain Kings and Queens, but the vital thing to remember is this: Every guest receives the VIP treatment …It’s not just important to be friendly and courteous to the public, it is essential … At Disneyland we get tired, but never bored, and even if it is a rough day we appear happy. You’ve got to develop a sense of humor and genuine interest in people. If nothing else helps remember that you get paid for smiling.”

In summary, although your technical job skills must be excellent, it’s not enough. Remember people do business with their friends. Develop win/win relationships and see your business skyrocket!

Connection Crushers

Avoid connection crushers

Arnold Sanow

“Stick and stones can break my bones,

but words can break my heart.”

Robert Fulghum

When verbal garbage gets dumped, it causes a cesspool of negative reactions. Put-downs, sarcasm, accusations, and other verbal barbs stir up energy as egos jockey for respect. Verbal attacks usually deploy self-defense mechanisms and obliterate positive connections.

Certain words or phrases block connections cold, and make us steamed simultaneously! (They kick up a whirlwind of emotion, just like in weather patterns, when cold and warm conditions combine to form a tornado!) Connection crushing communication usually brings out the beast, rather than the best in others. This includes: (From the book, “Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere … 8 keys to creating enduring connections with customers, co-workers … even kids” by Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss, www.getalongwithanyone.com

Connection-Crushing Communication

· Blaming and accusations

“If you hadn’t screwed up, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“How could you ever . . .?”

· Sarcastic remarks

· Profanity

· Discriminatory remarks or insults about age, gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation

· Denial statements

· “It can’t be that terrible!”

· “You’re telling a bunch of lies!”

· “You shouldn’t say those things.”

· “You’re wrong!”

· “That’s not true.”

· “I don’t believe you.”

· Name-calling, put-downs and anything that makes someone else feel inferior or stupid:

· “I told you so!”

· “How many times have I told you (or gone over this)?”

· “What an absolutely stupid thing to say!”

· “I can’t believe how unprofessional you looked!”

· “What an idiot! How could you do such a thing?”

· “Can’t you ever do anything right?”

· Ultimatums and threats

“If you don’t, then . . .”

“You better or else!“

· Demands

· “Do it now!”

· “Do as I say!”

· “That’s the end of it. I don’t want to hear another word!”

· Gross generalizations and exaggerations

“You never do what I ask! “

“You always say that!“

“Everything is always such a crisis with you.”

“All you ever do is complain!”

“You’re always late!

“I’ve told you a million times to clean up your room!

“Why don’t you ever . . .?”

· Emotionally loaded responses

“Here we go again!”

“Oh, brother, I can’t believe you!”

“I know exactly what you’re thinking!”

“That’s not how it happened!”

· Impatient remarks

“Not now!

“Keep it short.”

“Hurry up!”

· Especially for parents: Unfortunately like verbal DNA, the least favorite phrases of childhood are often passed down to the next generation, only to get on the nerves of their offspring. This cycle continues, as they in turn, repeat the same unproductive and disempowering statements. Here’s a sampling:

“How many times do I have to tell you . . .?”

“If you do that one more time, I’m going to . . .”

“What did I just say?”

“When I was your age, I always . . . “ (Beware! If you use this phrase, just watch their eyes roll!)

Most of these responses invite escalation or discourage communication—they cause resistance, resentment, and reactivity. Although it might be very tempting to litter your language with “zappers,” it’s better to refrain from engaging in any verbal artillery. Verbal blows cause massive damage to relationships and crush your chances for keeping quality connections. To create good connections, make a commitment to consistently choose your words wisely.

Avoid going to extremes

Using extreme statements (never, always, everyone, all, everything) are exaggerations and bound to trigger some extreme reactions; they’re unfair and accusatory. The attacked instantly begin scrolling through their experiences, recalling when their actions proved otherwise, and hurl back the facts in self-defense. Unfair judgments generally fire up defenses!

Focus on the desired action by requesting information, “When can I expect the final report?” Ask questions, i.e. “What needs to happen on Tuesday evenings?” instead of blasting accusations, i.e. “You never remember to take the trash out!” Nudging with a simple one-word reminder, “Trash” also makes the point. Nudge rather than nag!

When inflammatory, extreme remarks are unfairly lobbed your way, reverse them with a question that refutes their unfair claim. Let’s say, you’ve been accused of never being on time. You know that statement is simply not true. It’s fair to repeat the statement as a means of discounting its validity, “I’m never on time?” Spoken in a dubious tone, with facial expressions to match your disbelief, makes the point. This repositions you in a fair light and demonstrates that you do indeed act responsibly; your actions speak louder than words.