Many people, when put into an upper level management position or any other head honcho role, think that being bossy and aggressive is the best way to go. Yes, authority does come with the job and yes, they do have the right to tell people what to do. You remember those days when your parents told you to change clothes or clean up the dog poop. “Because I said so, that’s why.” It got old quick, but they would use their authoritative power in those situations.
People don’t like being told what to do. It is in our nature. We don’t like the “I said so” tone or the “do this, do that” tone. And when we disagree or argue with the commands given, it makes the bossing around worse and can lead to micro-managing and other uncomfortable situations. So, why doesn’t being bossy work? How do we change the stereotypical “authority-boss” role into more of a leadership and helpful role?
Commitment and Respect
You can use your new head role to tell people what to do and they will do it, but they will not care enough to give it their best. You must earn their respect and have them committed to you. When you are telling someone what to do, you are hoping that they will do it out of fear of what will happen if they don’t do it. That isn’t constructive or productive and more importantly will lead people the opposite way of being committed to you.
Change and Confidence
When you or another person is put in a leadership role, it is because of change. Someone up above wanted a change or the business needed something different to happen. Think about it: schools change the way they teach, factories change the way they manufacture, businesses change the way they reach out to customers.
Either way, people have a hard time accepting change. It means uncertainty, but can lead to better results. As a leader, it is your job to inspire those people around you. Make them believe they can change as well. Inspire them to realize they can change the way they think, the way they act, the way they file a report, etc. A boss will not inspire anyone to do this. But a leader will.
You are put into a management position because you have the ability to lead, be in charge, and have people working together. Teamwork is essential in becoming a leader.
The people around you are there for a reason. They do their job and they do it well. Why else would they be there? A boss will force people to do things they don’t want to do and work with people they don’t want to work with. A leader won’t. A leader will make people see they can all work together. Not any one person can run an organization these days. It requires multiple people with multiple views and contributions. A leader will get the best out the people they are in charge of.
If you think you are already a great boss, good for you. But, ask yourself, “Am I a leader or am I a boss?”
Do you give your team the resources to get their jobs done?
Do you recognize them for their hard work and achievements?
Do you have clear goals set and on track to be completed?
Does your team feel a connection?
People will give you honesty and hard work if you give them the same. They expect you to lead and take care of them and you expect them to work hard and work together. They need to trust you, trust themselves, and trust each other. Being bossy just isn’t going to cut it anymore.
Daniel is the leader and dad behind the dad-parenting blog www.daddydirection.com. Check out his blog for more parenting and dad specific techniques.
Leadership means many things to many people…I think it means being proactive… being the first:
- Taking the initiative
- Setting the standard
- Identifying vision, goals and priorities
- A good leader takes responsibility and says” the buck stops here”.
- Leaders show the way and model by example what they’re trying to accomplish.
- Leaders press on and press in, and they run counter to the culture of convenience… they refuse to get stuck in the “bright and shiny objects”, diversions, and side eddies of our culture.
- Leaders strain and strive with intentionality and energy to build relationships and create a legacy and heritage and their families…. I do much of this is simply by taking the initiative, being intentional and planning by writing and accomplishing compelling goals that are relationship based…
Leaving a Legacy of Leadership
Who does not want to leave a positive legacy!
We want to leave a heritage to my family, friends, church and community at large.
Think about your personal leadership, through which you leave us a legacy to those behind you. See life as a chance to identify your purpose, position, passion, and posture.
What shapes you? Intentions? Motives? Opinions? Thoughts? Responses? What shapes your words, attitudes, deeds, reactions, and more?
So what is leadership, do you have it?
How do you get it?
What are you leaving behind now?
What do you want to leave behind?
What will change in order for you to do the above?
How do you get there from here?
To impress or to influence…
would you rather impress someone or truly have an influence in their life? Impressions are on the surface, therefore, are often superficial.
Influence on the other hand, is often real, honest, and requires far more ability.
Influence necessitates communication with people and the cessation of self absorption.
Your life’s lessons…
Many of our life’s lessons are made up from our experiences, relationships, and mistakes. Have you been honest with your fears, failures, frustrations, and feelings?
The above serve to shape your life’s message. That life’s message consists of a spiritual component, your life’s lessons, your life’s passions, and indeed, your life’s mission. Most of what we call failure can be transformed to tangible lessons we can share with those we have relationships with; pain transformed to purpose and passion.
Every leader has 5 components that define him or her.
1. Let’s talk about your POSITION…
Are you in a position to be credible, vulnerable, real, and genuine?
Are you believable, touchable, straight up, humane, and do you have integrity?
2. Every leader must have his PURPOSE.
People are the priority.
Are you able to connect with people are you a relationship builder?
Do you serve and meet needs?
Do you truly love other people?
Can you allow love to define your purpose and thereby your leadership legacy?
3. The third element of leadership is your POSTURE.
Do you live in a posture of being open, teachable, and always learning? Are you able to lose preconceived notions ideas and attitudes? You walk in the Spirit and live in the art of possibility in your day-to-day living?
4. One last element is your PASSION.
Passions define leadership.
What are you passionate about? Are you a spokesperson for your passions? What causes, groups of people, or issues do you champion?
5. Your Mission in life.
Do you want to leave a legacy of love for those around you?
Then have quality relationships with people. Be an example to follow. Serve others.
Leaving a legacy of leadership also means the facing and overcoming of adversity. How you deal with adversity defines you. Are you bitter, or better?
You will need faith to face your challenges. Then you can come through, as someone who can truly serve others and help them in their time of need.
- A leader knows where she is going, why she is going, and how to get there
- A leader knows no discouragement, presents no alibi
- A leader knows how to lead without being dictatorial; true leaders are humble
- A leader leads for the good of the most concerned, and not for personal gratification of his or her own ideas
- A leader looks for the best in those he or she serves
- A leader marches with a group, and interprets correctly the signs of the pathway that leads to success
- A leader has his or her head in the clouds, but his or her feet on the ground
- A true leader considers leadership as an opportunity for service
- A leader is one who has not sought the high places, but who’s been drafted into service because of his or her ability and willingness to serve
- A leader listens, communicates, and cares
- A leader has courageous conversations
- A leader manages time, money, resources and is a good steward
- A leader washes dishes, cleans the bathrooms, and does what’s needed
- A leader does not look for, nor require, kudos
In conclusion, we all need to–
Find our voice and use it toward our life’s passions, purpose, posture, and position to leave a legacy of leadership. Find your voice and your gifts, and use your voice and your gifts. Lastly, help others find their voice and their gifts, so they too may leave a lasting legacy of leadership and a heritage of love.
“There have been meetings of only a moment which have left impressions for life, for eternity. No one can understand that mysterious thing we call influence…yet …everyone of us continually exerts influence, either to heal, to bless, to leave marks of beauty; or to wound, to hurt, to poison, to stain other lives.”
- J.R. Miller
“Leadership is getting people to work for you when they are not obligated.”
- Fred Smith
“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.”
- Author Unknown
“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.”
- Albert Einstein
“The best efforts of a fine person is felt after we have left their presence.”
You asked for the list of how to fail from the book “How To Become a Total
Failure: The Ten Rules of Highly Unsuccessful People,” by Bill Guillory and
Phil Davis, 2008.
Here you go. I added one at the end so you get eleven.
1. Resist learning anything new.
2. Don’t share what you know with others.
3. Be a jerk. Knowledge is power. Don’t give away your power.
4. Always look out for number one.
5. It’s all about the money.
6. Promise things you have no intention of doing.
7. It’s always someone else’s fault.
8. Truth is in the eye of the beholder.
9. Do the least that’s necessary for success.
10. The customer is someone you must tolerate.
11. Spend time on things that don’t matter much.
Ten Principles of Leadership
By Tod C. Novak
- Really listen. Listening creates clear communication by giving undivided attention and encouraging expression of feelings. Have real conversations, when you both listen and respond/react to each other.
- Encourage family activities. A sense of belonging is developed by doing things together, from social activities like driving to the store, going on an outing, or doing something fun together, to household chores or projects.
- Discipline constructively. It is important to give clear directions and to enforce limits on behavior. Use a positive approach: “Do____”, rather than “Don’t___”.
- Be consistent. Discuss and post house rules. If they change, announce the change. Better yet, have a family meeting to discuss the changes.
- Be clear. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t try to tell the other person what you think it is they want to hear. Stop being a pleaser… you will never please everyone, least of which yourself.
- Be reasonable and understanding. Be willing to hear your child’s point of view. Have logic and compassion. Use grace and truth. Speak the truth in love.
- Be flexible. Bargaining is an effective tool. Don’t major on the minors. Consider the individual.
- Be authoritative. Trust in your own common sense. If you are not sure about a decision, announce the need for some time to think about it. Then, do not hesitate or be indecisive; simply lead.
- Develop mutual respect. Model basic trust by being honest and sincere yourself. Insist that all family members treat each other with honor and respect. Be the first to apologize and repent when you err.
- Attend to your own needs. Maintain your individuality and cultivate your interests and talents. Treat yourself well, thus avoiding the martyr syndrome.
- Maintain a sense of humor. Finding humor in life is an important aspect of personal adjustment. Humor is a decision. It reflects a positive outlook that keeps issues in perspective, and separates what is really important from what is not.