What to do When Your Kid Breaks Your Heart

Come to find out that our older kids can really break our hearts when they make poor life decisions and even really blow it. I am in the early process of grieving the forfeited possibilities that my dear one has given up due to her less than optimal decisions.
Here are a few steps to consider as you process your broken heart–

1. GRIEVE–Really process the hurt. Talk to trusted advisors, your spouse, and others who have been there and done that.

2. PRAY–Take your hurt to God. He is not surprised. You have hurt Him in like manner and He still gives you His grace and mercy. Can you give the same? You have been forgiven much–now it is your turn to forgive.

3. TALK WITH YOUR CHILD/COMMUNICATE–Have a compelling and courageous conversation. Be open, listen, and DO NOT ATTACK. You are in this to communicate and SHARE FOR THE LONG TERM.
3. HAVE A LONG TERM PERSPECTIVE–You want to know, love, and invest in your kids for a lifetime. Make decisions with this in mind. Take your time. Do not over react, speak with finality, or do what will hurt the relationship irreparably in the long run.

Having your heart rendered in two really sucks. You have a right to be hurt. The key here is to be honest with yourself and others and focus on processing the hurt and then to move on.

4. MOVE ON–You have much at stake and cannot afford to get stuck in yet another drama. You are responsible for others, yourself, and are a steward of perhaps many things. It is key to not neglect these and still be true to your self, hurts, and then be ready to move forward. You will find the Grace if you seek Him with all your heart. I know this…

5 Tools of Successful Families: #1.Listening, Part Two

The art of listening….

One of a humans greatest need is psychological survival, to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated.

In other words, we need to be heard. It isn’t always easy, and we live in a busy world, and many of us spend our days in a time crunch.

But the experts agree, when we take time to listen we improve relationships, promote an atmosphere of cooperation and encourage creative thinking, and even save money by avoiding costly errors caused by miscommunication.

Active listening does not come naturally. Stephen Covey notes that when someone speaks, our initial reaction is to evaluate and scrutinize them… the opposite of what we should do.

Instead, we should focus on empathetic listening with the intent to understand and we must does this with the goal of helping…

There are four phases of empathetic listening, according to Covey…

1. the first is to mimic content, repeating exactly what the speaker has said
2. the second stage is to rephrase the content to what was said in our own words
3. third, you may reflect feelings or make a non-judgmental statement about the speaker’s emotions, empathizing with what or how he feels
4. the fourth stage is a combination of the second and third stages, to rephrase content and reflect feelings

Sometimes you don’t want to hear what’s being said, choosing to be annoyed instead of understanding the other person’s view… this only damages a relationship. We’d make a better choice of moving forward, forgiving the offense and the offender, and resolving the problem.

Listening must come from the hear. If it is not sincere it will show regardless of what you say… nonverbal gestures will expose true feelings. When this happens, make it a point to remain focused on what the speaker is saying, actively participating in and practicing the stages of empathetic listening… the art of listening lies in understanding that to be an effective father, leader, spouse, or any other role we must not only care about what others have to say, but also how they feel… just remember your kids need your full attention, your patience, and a listening ear… so listen well when they speak. It will make you an even better father than you already are …