10 KEYS TO RAISING EXTRA UNIQUE KIDS

Extra Mile Parenting; 10 Keys To Raising Extra-Unique Kids

Extra-mile parents are those who accept their child’s condition, are aware of their family’s emotional needs, and seek to build a positive attitude in their family culture. They have learned to grieve openly, celebrate freely, respect the feelings of each family member, and to get the focus off themselves. These parents are heroes we have much to learn from. Here are ten keys to help you become that extra-mile parent.

1. Patience. Everything comes more slowly to EU kids. Milestones are fewer and far apart, but this makes achievements all the sweeter.
2. Acknowledge grief. Revisiting grief is normal and natural, especially at birthdays, special occasions, or other milestone events in your child’s life. Allow yourself room to grieve and talk, and then move on.
3. It’s not about you. Remember it’s really about accepting your child and being OK with who they are. Don’t make it about yourself; remember your goal is to resource, facilitate, and love your child first.
4. Support. Find and link up with like-minded parents who are willing to be real, genuine, and transparent about their lives, struggles, and victories.
5. Slow down. Be here now and focus on enjoying your EU child. Get into their world by being present and in the moment, and stepping off of your own life roller coaster, even if only for a few moments.
6. Let your child teach you. Learn from their simplicity, spontaneity, and the joy with which they approach life. Learn from their perspective how to enjoy simple things again.
7. Making comparisons. Avoid the dangerous pitfall of comparing your child to any others. She is unique, perfect, and valuable, so enjoy her as God made her.
8. Unrealistic expectations. When your expectations are beyond what is realistic, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be aware and honest with your unspoken and even subconscious, unrealistic expectations of your family life.
9. Vicarious identity. Remember, it’s not about you. When you feel embarrassment, shame, or perceived disapproval of your child, it’s not about you or your reputation, or your value as a person. Consider this…is it possible the problem lays in others, or even yourself? Ultimately, this is about being OK with who you are as a family and accepting and even celebrating it.
10. Be Yourself. Focus on being real, transparent, and authentic as you walk through life and your EU experience. Keep a good sense of humor and be willing to really laugh and have a perspective which allows you to have fun, enjoy life, and be yourself in the context of your family challenges.

SPIRITUAL SUNDAY COMPELLING CA QUOTE-09 Calvary Men’s Conference

Posted via email from Become a Better Father with Scott Hammond

Pain is the Fuel of Passion

How God uses our pain and challenges to create passion and possibility. Fieldbrook CA Community Church September 2008.fieldbrook92808

Francis Was the Bomb!

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

5 Needs of Sons

5 Needs of Sons

· 30 days in bed rest…Gave a birth…stress of her child’s state…Up all night..3am flight…up all the next day..

RING…Joni called…get a clue and get to Sacramento NOW! Mother and child were now recovering well.

The $1M question REMAINED did Gabe have Down?

Meeting with the doctor, she assured us that Gabe did have Down syndrome…Our marriage would be in Jeopardy and our family was in trouble… She was not very delicate… What nuggets to drop on a couple…WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED? DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT? THIS WAS MORE THAN I COULD BEAR!!

The proceeding questions, prayer, and walks around the UC Davis campus crying out to God will always be etched in my memory. How could he allow this to happen to us?

We simply did not have a road map for Gabe and wanted to be careful, successful, and help Gabe…WALKS,TEARS, PRAYER, THINKING, AND THEN…..RING…..I HAD IT!!
I decided to dedicate Gabriel (and our raising him) to the Lord, and trust that, although he might never be a football hero or a brain surgeon, his life would be both personally fulfilling and enriching to those around him. We were ready to move on and raise our son no matter!

We have learned to be honest with our feelings and with reality. Some of the lessons learned include:

1. There is no one-time fix. This is a long-term issue, challenge, battle, and journey requiring a long term mentality and approach.
2. A positive mental attitude and my positive confessions are not enough to get me through.
There is no “Bible bullet “or quick fix that is adequate to address my parental challenges.
3. Whereas Gabriel may have special needs of his intellect, there is none of the spirit. He is Really Special
4. Therapists are now part of our Extended Family forever

The lessons learned have to do with my deciding to have the right perspective, attitude, actions, and behaviors.
The decision to love unconditionally…

Gabe has taught us many lessons. RING…

1. To slow down. To love and live in the moment….be here now…TO ENJOY LIFE AND GABE.

2. To appreciate and celebrate accomplishments: Potty.

3. To be patient and to look outside the box and value all God has created.

I’m learning to choose to love freely regardless of the payback. I’m learning to value all people. I know that everyone has special needs. Some of us just hide them better!

My commitment as a father begins with loving my son and also to help my family to love Gabriel, to be patient with him, and to see past his challenges to his many positive attributes….and to love, accept, understand, and help Gabriel. He just needs a little extra help in life!!

Gabriel has the potential to teach us to look for the things in life that are truly important. May I be as good a student as he is a teacher. I’ll end with a story…

(Micah Story)

· 3 YEAR OLD…ALL BOY…HAVING A VERY BAD TIME

· NORMAL KID HAVING A TANTRUM

· PUBLIC HUMILIATION, ANNOYING, IRRITATING,

· GABE HAVING A SPECIAL NEEDS MOMENT….RING!!

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The 5 Languages of Love

“All we need is love”…Beatles wrote it because it’s true!

We all need love, and it must be demonstrated by us and to us.

The key question for me and you is can we be intentional about giving the appropriate type of love. To those we do love?

Here the five languages of love…

1. Words of affirmation… this includes encouragement, positive reinforcement, kindness, and general verbal affection.
2. Quality time… this includes focused attention, quality as well as quantity of time, and spending time with people we love.
3. Receiving of gifts… showing others we care, and that we are thinking of them through practical gift giving.
4. Acts of service… To show support and care through practical actions. To show in actuality what we feel internally: to serve someone.
5. Physical touch… To show, demonstrate, and receive appropriate physical touch: hugs, touching, appropriate physical contact.

I, being a man ,really like number five and number one.  A word of encouragement and appropriate hug can fill my emotional tank and keep me going for long periods of time.

What are your languages of love? What are you best at giving? Which do you love to receive the most?

Now go and be intentional about your giving and receiving of love…

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Written by Ken Canfield, Ph.D.

Date Posted: Monday, 30 April 2007

May 2012

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