Scott Hammond–Every Day Dad Interview

SCOTT HAMMOND, PARENTING EXPERT,

TALKS TO IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®

Scott Hammond (www.BecomeaBetterFather.com) is a nationally recognized parenting expert, an author of a powerful and positive life-transforming book for Fathers entitled, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”, husband, and father of nine children.   Mr. Hammond took time from his very developing schedule to sit down and chat with IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® about, among other things, his book, the most challenging and rewarding aspects of Fatherhood, and the mixed signals that Men are receiving about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibility.

The first thing we wanted to know was whether Mr. Hammond had received any advice about Fatherhood and, if so, from whom.   Mr. Hammond told us that his Father’s relationship with him spoke volumes about parenting from a male perspective:

“Not much was said to me about Fatherhood.   What I learned about Fatherhood came from my interaction with my Dad Bob who really employed relationship parenting with me in my teen years through listening to me, spending time with me, and involving me in his world.”

So, what are the most rewarding and challenging aspects of Fatherhood for Mr. Hammond, who is the co-parent of nine children?

“For me, the most rewarding aspects of being a Dad is watching my children grow and become contributing adults who love, serve, and bless others.   The most challenging aspects of Fatherhood is dealing with stress, lack of sleep, and being tired at night due to the rigors of my work day while at the same time being attentive to the needs of my children. “

Are Men receiving mixed signals about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibilities?

“Oh, yeah!” exclaimed Mr. Hammond.

Where are these mixed signals coming from?  The media?   Popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society?

“Mixed signals are coming from the media, popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society. We need safe and sane men to model our livers after, not the media’s so-called heroes who have no real life or love to offer.  These folks are by and large empty, but have some talent.   Character is what I look for.”

What was Mr. Hammond’s motivation for writing, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”?  What are some of the responses his book has received?

“This book is about hope, renewal, and a Life Renaissance – bout what is possible.  I wrote the book as a result of loss, death, and personal depression – all of which resulted in a personal Mid-Life Renewal and Renaissance.   The deaths of my father Bob Hammond, and my friend, Dan Gunderson, caused me to think about how I live my life and what kind of legacy I am leaving behind for my children, wife, and friends.  The deaths of two people very close to me made me realize the fragility and temporal nature of our existence.  Life really does go by quickly and must be cherished and relished.  My love for God, people, and especially parents and families has resulted in this work.  It presents the possibility of incremental, practical, and a workable personal healing and change.  It also presents methods for getting back on track as both a parent and as a person of value.  My goal is to help people avoid a midlife crisis and, instead, have a Mid-Life Renewal and Life Renaissance – a restoration of hope.  The responses to my book have been mostly great.   It is being called an ‘Encyclopedia  Of Fathering’ and a ‘Compendium For Parenting’.”

When asked to discuss the role that women can and should play in helping their husbands positively shape the minds and souls of our sons and daughters as they make their journey from childhood to adulthood, Mr. Hammond remarked:

“That is a nice question.   Joni – my wife – and I complement each other in every way, including parenting.  We complete our kids.”

Many men find that creating and implementing plans that move their families forward, holding their families together, and raising children to be a daunting task in the Millennium.  Why does parenting seem difficult in the Millennium?

“Men tend to be great planners, movers, shakers, project managers, people managers, but we are often horrid at building relationships with those we love.  Why is that?  Men can run businesses and governments, and even societies, but we are often lacking at running a family.  The family, our wife and children, often get the leftovers of our minds, bodies, and emotions at the end of the day.  Several of the reasons, the issues, problems, and challenges that Men face are part of what we call modern life.  For empire builders, and government runners, too many of the skills in our toolbox begin with the prefix ‘poor’:

-          Poor time management skills – being too busy and not managing time well enough.

-          Workaholism, perfectionism, poor skill sets with fathering.

-          Poor fathering examples – no father-mentors to speak of.

Buying, owning, and maintaining too many possessions and having ‘stuff’ plus a thousand other distractions – including low-priority activities such as computers, TV, gaming, hobbies, sports, and illicit activities – all vie to drain our time, attention, and energy so that, at the end of the day, we have little enough to invest where it counts:  our family.  When men get stuck, they never ask for directions.  How can we possibly admit weakness, vulnerability, or just being generally lost?   This all makes for a very sad situation.  Dads are not picking and living their priorities. Dads get lost, and they never ask for help.:

What is “Purpose Driven Parenting”?

“Successful parents are clear and spot on with what they’re trying to accomplish in training their children.  Discipline and focus must balance grace and mercy. There must be a balance between grace and discipline in managing a family in raising great kids.  Great parents are intentional parents.  They know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.  Parenting also comes with the mandate to be flexible.  Flexibility coupled with humor, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and the ability to keep it light will help parents get through many a dark time.  Training our kids through leading them by example and serving them is also a key component in that our values are usually caught not taught.  This modeling of our values and walking our talk is key in setting an example for our kids to follow.  As we live our values as parents, our kids are taught and catch what we are instructing by the message of our lives and example.  The key is for parents to be totally focused on this key role, whilst understanding none of us are perfect – thus we need grace both on others and for ourselves as parents.”

What parenting advice do you have for Non-Custodial and Divorced Dads who only have partial custody of their children due to court-mandated custody arrangements and are unable to be physically present in their children’s lives every day?

“So, let’s talk about love and family.  How does our care translate practically into an inheritance and legacy we leave behind for them?  Our love for family should be a tangible, practical, actionable practice.  Our everyday parenting is a practical expression of intentional love, which by its definition leaves a footprint or legacy.  This can be good, bad, or ugly.  For most of us, it’s a mixed bag.  Preparing our kids for an inheritance is a far greater challenge than preparing an inheritance for our kids.  But herein lays the challenge.  I’d like to leave an inheritance for my children and to keep it for them, but I also need to keep them for it.  I want to leave my children a large inheritance, but also to prepare my children for that inheritance.  Acquiring and keeping an inheritance for them, but also keeping them for that inheritance is key to positive motivation.  I know I must love them unconditionally, making them my priority and focus, and to accept and respect and receive my children.  These are starting points for a quality inheritance for generations to come. What is the bottom line of what you want to leave behind as a parent?  Is it money? Portfolios?  Real estate? Stuff? Values? Faith? Ethics . . . or something much more?  One route calls for a gathering of stuff and goods in a portfo0lio to give away when we’re dead.   The other has to do with preparing our kids and investing in their lives by an intentional downloading of our values, ethics, spirituality, and so much more.  This preparing for an inheritance of life, relationships, and everything that’s important is far greater and compelling payoff for those whom we leave behind when we pass.”

What’s next for you?

“Being a faithful man . . . doing what God is showing and calling me to do – grow my family, be a good guy and churchman, and love my wife, and leave a legacy of love.”

*          *           *

Got to or………..Get to?

“Have to” vs. “Get to”

The key here is attitude. You don’t HAVE to do these things. But, you GET to do these things. Your motivation and attitude is everything so decide now in the seat of your will that this is a priority to you, and you will succeed at it! When will you get started on your Parenting Plan?

How will it look when you schedule your kids into your life and keep your appointments with them? What will it take for you to be the initiator and leader with the plan and in your family?

Our priorities need to become people and relationships. Learning to be here now is a key aspect to developing these key relationships. As we all know, time flies when you’re having fun.  Kids grow, people die, people move on and life changes very rapidly.  This is why slowing down and enjoying relationships and people and being in the moment is such a key piece to enjoyment and fulfillment in life.

To align yourself with high quality of life and living is to have fun, enjoyment, and to be a lifelong learner and contributor.  The results are compelling-satisfaction with our lives, relationships and legacy: joyful participation.

Do you have a plan in training yourself to relax and be in the moment? Do you have a vision to train yourself to enjoy the moments?  Are you able to suspend your inner Type A person and duct tape him in the corner?  Can you suspend activities to do that which gives us real-life?  Will you align with your priorities and live in the “now?”

The result will be no regrets in your old age or on your deathbed. Will you be able to look back and truly give thanks for life and the legacy left to others?  Can you die happy and fulfilled knowing you did your part and left a heritage that was compelling to other people? When it’s all said and done what is fathering success? What does it look like?

The answer lies in a word: Relationship.

Our relationships define our “success” in this world. So, how‘s the wife and kids?

3RD ANNUAL FATHER’S DAY WRITING CONTEST

“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce

Simple….Man!

Simple Man, original artist is Lynrd Skynrd. Written by lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Gary Rossington.

Seemed like a Great Song for a Fathering Web Site……..

SIMPLE MAN

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time… dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, dont you worry… you’ll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Borders Book Signing Saturday 12-3pm 12/18/10–Please Come!

Podcast with Eagles in Leadership (one of the best)

Every Day Dad: the Guide to Becoming a Better Father

http://eaglesinleadership.org/

Use Your Kids as a Gym by Leo Babauta (Zenhabits.net)

Minimalist fitness: use your kids as a gym

Post written by Leo Babauta.
I’m a big subscriber to using whatever you can find to work out: pullups on trees, throw big boulders, flip logs or big tires, jump over things, sprint up hills (see Minimalist Fitness, part 1 & part 2).
As a parent and a minimalist, I’d like to share my ultimate minimalist workout secret: my kids are my gym.
Fellow parents, if you’re not doing this yet, I can’t recommend it highly enough. How are they my gym? Instead of paying hundreds of dollars (even thousands) a year for a gym, I use my kids to get in shape.
How? Every way I can, but here’s a few:
I carry them on my shoulders as we walk around town.
We race each other to the corner, sprinting. Often up hills.
I do pushups with them on my back.
I lift them up in the air — it’s like lifting weights.
I’ll let them hang on me as I do chinups.
We climb and jump around in the playground.
We play with the soccer ball — getting lots of sprints in as we do.
We jump around in the ocean. A great workout.
We wrestle.
We challenge each other to do pistols (one-legged squats) or handstand pushups (what they sound like). Mostly we can’t, but it’s fun.
We do lunges while walking up a hill.
I carry them slung across my shoulders — a fireman’s carry — which is a great workout btw.
I’ll carry one on my back, piggy-back style, while racing another kid up a hill. Yes, I love hills.
Awesomer than a gym
So why is this so awesome?
1. We bond. Instead of spending time away from the kids at a gym, I spend time with them. And get a great workout in throughout the day. It’s two birds, one stone, saving time while helping me bond with my kids.
2. Work becomes play. It’s not exercise, it’s not a workout, it’s *play*. And that’s a whole different ballgame. Play is fun, it’s challenging, it’s easy, and yet it’s a great way to get in shape.
3. No cost. OK, kids aren’t cheap — but I have them anyway, so why not use them? I’m saving money and getting fit — that’s all kinds of win.
4. I’m being a role model. Kid learn most of all from what they see others doing, especially their parents. You can tell them things all day long, but unless they see you doing it, you’re not teaching them much. When we go to the gym, they don’t see us working out. When we workout as we play with them, they’re learning how to be healthy, and that is a gift that will last a lifetime.
5. It’s a lifestyle. I don’t work out at one time during the day, and then stay sedentary the rest of the day. It’s all throughout the day, every day, which means it’s woven into my life, not a small segment of my life. This is what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
6. It’s functional. When you do a bicep curl with a dumbbell, you’re making a motion that you never would do in real life — when have you ever lifted something heavy while keeping your upper arm fixed to your torso? Instead, when we lift heavy things, we bend at the knees, and use our legs, our torso, our shoulders, our arms — basically most of our body at once. When I lift my kids, that’s the same motion I’d use to lift anything else. Functional exercise is much more useful than isolated lifts.
Working out using my kids as equipment is the best thing I’ve done with my fitness. It’s fun, so I never want to stop. It’s functional, it’s cheap, and best of all, I get to do it with my kids. I love it.

You just broke your child. Congratulations by Dan Pearce

You just broke your child. Congratulations.
Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.

I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.

As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.

The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.

I was agitated. I was confused. How could this man not see what I see? How could this man not see what a beautiful spirit stood in his shadow? How could this man be so quick to stub out all happiness in his own boy? How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Read the complete article by Dan Pearce here.

I also recommend you check out his new book, Real Dad Rules.

Feel free to add to the hundreds of comments below or shoot me an email today: sjhammond@suddenlink.net.

“

RELATIONAL LIFE, SALES, AND BEING

My Father Bob

“If you’re in this for the money, you are only about half paid…”

Bob Hammond (1921-2004)
Motivational Speaker/Dad

My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression.
He was poor but received two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.
He was an elite P-51 fighter pilot in the Asian Theater and was a decorated soldier.
He drank for 30+ years as he processed the experience. Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism, divorce, and dysfunction.

As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime.
His support for me going to Humboldt State University, coupled with a mutual
spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in
2004. My father always supported my educational goals and expressed
confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available 24/7.
He was a people person and an expert salesman. He was relational in every way. People were his passion.

The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships. People were priority.
For example, he came to work with me one day at the Tri City Weekly in Downtown Eureka to attend and contribute to a sales meeting. I was so proud and excited for my cohorts to hear the wisdom of this sage businessman and sales expert! He was my dad—coming to share his heart.

We gathered around, pen and paper in hand to hear from Bob Hammond, Sales Extraordinaire. We were ready…
He sat down at our office at 6th and D St. and we expected at least 30-45 minute training about the secrets of great sales. No Dice. No even close…

He sat cross-legged in his chair, took a deep breath, and uttered words that were simple and profound and have taken me 15 years to really comprehend….He simply stated:
“IF YOU ARE IN SALES FOR THE MONEY, YOU ARE ONLY HALF PAID.”
That was it. No prelude, no commentary, no addenda—Just 13 words spoken with authenticity and belief.
I must admit, I was a bit annoyed and aghast he didn’t have a strong follow-up and more to add. He didn’t need to.

His point was just this: In business, as in life, people and relationships are key. They are the reason for why we do what we do in business and commerce and in life. The Free Market System is lacking, even meaningless, without good relationships, friendships, and the joy of living a life full of meaningful experiences with fellow human beings.

My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all.
His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me.
As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism. He modeled non-judgment and kindness toward all. My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and
a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he
was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51
Mustang, the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying.
He’ll always be remembered in our family as the ice cream grandpa, who always loved Humboldt County and
insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit. Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, a great sales person… one of the Greatest Generation. May we approach our lives, careers, and business with a relational dimension and the kindness and care that all people want and need. Thanks dad for modeling this respect and honor for people in your quiet, but profound lesson.

Scott Hammond is the author of Every Day Dad: The Guide to Becoming a Better Father, a parenting expert, and the father of 9 children, who offers a unique point of view on fathering and intentional parenting. Scott is an award winning professional speaker and a recognized business consultant and leadership coach.
Scott motivates and inspires others toward positive, personal change and growth with his comfortable style, authenticity, and transparency. Using real-life stories, Scott shares how you can overcome life and parenting obstacles and become a better person.
Scott resides in McKinleyville, California with his wife of 27 years, Joni, and their kids. To connect with Scott, visit BecomeABetterFather.com

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