Merry Christmas!

Another year draws to a close, which means it’s time to dig through the memory archives of the past year and pull out meaningful or witty or exciting news about each family member…OK then…I’m trying…well, maybe we’ll just have to stick with a simple, boring update! So here goes—-

The most exciting thing that happened with Scott and I (yes, this year’s newsletter is authored by Joni, aka “Mom”, “Mom-Joni”, or “Mrs. Gabe”) is that we went to HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  for the first time, to celebrate our 30^th wedding anniversary. We went with Jacob and Kelly, and had the most glorious vacation ever. I’m ready to go to Hawaii every year now.

Other than basking in the sun and snorkeling in the warm waters off Maui…

Scott has spent the past year continuing to develop his public speaking skills and to lead the Team at Suddenlink Media (local cable network provider). He’s one diligent guy, and since I’m authoring this year’s newsletter, I can take a moment to say that I’m really blessed to be married to him.

I (Joni) continue to run (completed my first half marathon this year and loved it!), to garden, and to indulge my maternal energies by caring for a batch of chickens. They are not too bright, they are not too clever, and they have kind of creepy feet, but there is something mildly gratifying when a flock of 10 birds race (as best a chicken can) towards you any time you step out the door. So what if they’re looking for scratch…

Jacob and Kelly put their roots down a little deeper in Medford, OR, by buying a house this year. It’s really a nice place; with a great view of Roxy Anne peak and a fine backyard for their growing menagerie (they added a Pembroke corgi puppy and a wee kitten, survivor of a junkyard).  Jacob continues to work his internet magic for pay, and restores old bikes and a VW bug for fun. Kelly produces amazing photography, and has been deeply bitten by the running bug; she’s got a couple of races planned for this winter and spring already.

Jesse continues to plug away at UC Davis, creating various computer models of Stuff and Information, dominating the underclassmen, and working steadily towards his goal of MA/PhD. He has a lovely young lady in his life who is also studying at UCD and who provides some balance to his life.

Kalea graduated from Humboldt State this spring, and the whole family gathered to enjoy the beautiful music recital she performed, and then cheered her on as she received her diploma. She is exploring her options for the next phase of her life; looks like she may head down south to see what life in the big city is like (we wish her well and are glad that it is her and not us, he! he! he!!).

Briana and Matt are still here in Humboldt County while Matt works on his contractor’s license and Bri takes college classes. She has what many of us would consider a dream job: she gets paid to exercise and care for horses. Paid! They recently moved into a really cute little house out by Blue Lake, and are looking forward to their latest addition….a little Doberman puppy.

Abby is oh-so-close to completing high school, and is deciding What to Do Next. She’s considering moving up to Medford to attend college. Or staying here and attending college. Or going on a short missions trip. Or taking a year off from school and working. Or who knows! We reassure her that the sky’s the limit (well, almost), and that with God leading, she really can’t go wrong, no matter what she decides.

Michaela is sitting much taller these days, as she finally had the long-dreaded spinal fusion surgery this past fall. While she really, really didn’t want surgery, the end result exceeds her expectations. She sits taller than her sisters now, and having a straight spine has made her much more comfortable overall. She’s still writing stories, reading about vampires, French history, and old Russia (she’s so eclectic in her interests), and basically growing up.

Gabe is NOT almost 13. NO. Well, heck, I guess he is, but I don’t see how that’s possible! He remains the most grounded, easy-going, mellow and happy person I’ve ever met. A woman in Arcata, upon watching Gabe for a few minutes, summed it up: “I think he must be farther evolved than we are. I spend so much time, so much energy, trying to be happy. And he just IS!”.  Lots of lessons to be learned by hanging with Gabe.

Aaron and Micah, bringing up the tail end of the family in age but leading the way in energy, continue to homeschool, learn, explore, fight, play-play-play, experiment, study, bicker, help each other, and remind us all that life is not so serious—enjoy it!

God continues to lead us, to comfort us and encourage us, to correct us and to change us. He is good, all the time, and we are so thankful for His presence and the peace that he gives. May you experience the same this holiday season and into the New Year!

~~~~~~~~~~~ The Hammonds~~~~~~~~~~~~

9 Guidelines for dealing with change—

1. All change involves loss, feelings of sadness and frustration. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you respond to the situation.  You should face the change and deal with it directly, and not ignore the situation.

2. Change can give you a feeling of self-doubt. You can talk yourself into a sense of failure or being afraid.  Counteract this feeling with positive self-talk.  Take stock of your strengths and what you have going for you.  Think of people you can talk to who can give you suggestions for the situation you’re dealing with now.

3. Change creates stress. Find positive ways of dealing with the stress.  It may be helpful to talk to someone about your anger and frustrations.  Give yourself some time and space to relax, away from your stress, which may help you see things differently or even positively.

4. Review the last few changes in which you have have dealt with.  Identify what has helped you deal with them, as well as what didn’t work for you.  This can give you an idea of which coping methods help you, and which don’t.

5. Keep your sense of humor, which is one of the best stress fighters there is.  Laughter is good therapy and actually makes people healthier.  You can’t laugh and worry at the same time, so choose laughter.  Accept your feelings and focus on moving forward.

6. Fill the time left by the change with new and interesting pursuits. Take a class you always wanted to, write those letters you been putting off, start a new project, or join a new group.

7. Communicate with family and friends. Changes are usually accompanied by conflicting emotions.  Talking to others about your situation may relieve the tension and make you feel better.  It also allows you to get another person’s perspective and help others to understand what they’re going through.

8. Focus on the rewards the change may bring, such as more personal time or new friendships. Anticipate setbacks and view them as a normal part of the change process, rather than as a failure.

9. Depression may be a response to change but is rarely permanent. You may not even feel you have the energy to deal and cope with the change.  Don’t be afraid to get professional help by calling on friends or professionals who can help you face your change with less anxiety and more confidence and peace of mind.

10 Tips for Family Life

10 Tips For Quality Family Life

Parents and their children are spending less time interacting with each other. As a result, many children are getting less personal love and attention than their parents did. American Demographics reported that parents today spend roughly 40 percent less time with their children than did parents a generation ago. To help families stay connected, below is a list of helpful family time tips. Keep in mind, quantity and quality time is important when choosing activities. So build memories around exciting events by keeping your family time creative and enjoyable. Print out the following tips as daily reminders.
1. Eat together & listen to each other. Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinnertime. Yet the communication and unity built during this setting is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together allows the opportunity to talk about each other’s lives. This is a time for parents to listen, as well as to give advice and encouragement. Attentive listening conveys a message that a person is really interested in another. It also imparts a sense of worth and helps develop trust. Therefore, listening is a critical link in successful parenting.
2. Read often. It’s important for parents to read to their children. The latest research indicates that reading to your children cultivates an interest for knowledge and stimulates language development. It also increases their attention spans and helps them become more curious. Look for books that your child would enjoy reading. After reading, ask questions about the content.
3. Do chores together. Part of what goes on in the home is the development of teamwork. Functional family life depends on the contribution of everyone. Assigning chores is the most productive way of teaching responsibility and accountability to your children. Doing chores with your child will help foster good communication skills.
4. Help with schoolwork. A great way to spend quality time with children and light a fire of learning is to help children with their schoolwork. A parent’s eagerness to help will cause a child to become more interested in school thus improving his or her grades. Regular trips to the library for school projects are an inexpensive and enjoyable way to spend time with children. Helping should begin with an understanding that children are responsible for homework. Parents are there to help their child get organized and to encourage them when they get stuck.
5. Start a hobby or project. Choose a fun activity that your child is interested in. Activities like cooking, crafts, fishing, or biking will make great hobbies that can open the door to exciting family time. Once a child learns a new recipe or is able to cast a lure accurately, let him or her take the lead with your supervision.
6. Play games. New technology has made video games more prevalent. As a result, many children are spending long hours in front of the TV playing computer programs. Parents should find creative ways to spark an interest in family-oriented contests such as board games or card games. This will give parents additional time to talk and nurture their relationship.
7. Plan a family outing. Sometimes getting out of the house is important. Hop in the family car and go for a drive. Prepare a picnic lunch and visit a local park. Take time to play catch or ride a bike. A stroll in the woods will help parents interact with their children. Also, a visit to the zoo or museum will spark a child’s enthusiasm and lead to lengthy discussions.
8. Encourage athletic activities. It is vital for children to exercise. Sports not only strengthen the body, but also build character and determination. Whether it’s a father pitching a baseball to a son or a mother and daughter nature walking, finding time for athletic events is important for a child’s emotional and physical development. This is a great opportunity for a family to interact.
9. Create a Family Time calendar. Since many parents have hectic schedules, time with children often becomes a low priority, whether intended or not. Post a calendar on the refrigerator and have parents and children pencil in special events. Knowing when you’re going to meet may also help you think of creative activities. Commit to keeping this schedule free from interruptions.
10. Pray together & attend a house of worship. Nothing is more special than taking a few minutes each day to pray with a child before bedtime. By explaining the purpose behind prayer, children will learn the importance of faith as the foundation for the family. Also, when parents go to religious services, they instill in their children a reverence for God. Churches can also offer invaluable support to families.

Are You Half Paid?

“If you’re in this for the money, you are only about half paid…”

Bob Hammond (1921-2004)
Motivational Speaker/Dad

My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression. He was poor but received two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.

He was an elite P-51 fighter pilot in the Asian Theater and was a decorated soldier.

He drank for 30+ years as he processed the experience. Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism, divorce, and dysfunction. As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime. His support for me going to Humboldt State University, coupled with a mutual spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in 2004. My father always supported my educational goals and expressed confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available 24/7.

He was a people person and an expert salesman. He was relational in every way. People were his passion.

The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships. People were priority.

For example, he came to work with me one day at the Tri City Weekly in Downtown Eureka to attend and contribute to a sales meeting. I was so proud and excited for my cohorts to hear the wisdom of this sage businessman and sales expert! He was my dad—coming to share his heart.

We gathered around, pen and paper in hand to hear from Bob Hammond, Salesman Extraordinaire. We were ready…

He sat down at our office at 6th and D St. and we expected at least 30-45 minute training about the secrets of great sales. No Dice. Not even close…

He leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, and uttered words that were simple and profound and have taken me 15 years to really comprehend….He simply stated:

“IF YOU ARE IN SALES FOR THE MONEY, YOU ARE ONLY HALF PAID.”

That was it. No prelude, no commentary, no addenda—Just 13 words spoken with authenticity and belief.

I must admit, I was a bit annoyed and aghast he didn’t have a strong follow-up and more to add. He didn’t need to.

His point was just this: In business, as in life, people and relationships are key. They are the reason for why we do what we do in business and commerce and in life. The Free Market System is lacking, even meaningless, without good relationships, friendships, and the joy of living a life full of meaningful experiences with fellow human beings.

My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all. His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me. As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism. He modeled non-judgment and kindness toward all. My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51 Mustang, the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying.
He’ll always be remembered in our family as the “ice cream grandpa”, who always loved Humboldt County and insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit. Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, a great sales person… one of the Greatest Generation. May we approach our lives, careers, and business with a relational dimension and the kindness and care that all people want and need. Thanks, Dad, for modeling this respect and honor for people in your quiet, but profound lesson.

Scott Hammond–Every Day Dad Interview

SCOTT HAMMOND, PARENTING EXPERT,

TALKS TO IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®

Scott Hammond (www.BecomeaBetterFather.com) is a nationally recognized parenting expert, an author of a powerful and positive life-transforming book for Fathers entitled, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”, husband, and father of nine children.   Mr. Hammond took time from his very developing schedule to sit down and chat with IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® about, among other things, his book, the most challenging and rewarding aspects of Fatherhood, and the mixed signals that Men are receiving about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibility.

The first thing we wanted to know was whether Mr. Hammond had received any advice about Fatherhood and, if so, from whom.   Mr. Hammond told us that his Father’s relationship with him spoke volumes about parenting from a male perspective:

“Not much was said to me about Fatherhood.   What I learned about Fatherhood came from my interaction with my Dad Bob who really employed relationship parenting with me in my teen years through listening to me, spending time with me, and involving me in his world.”

So, what are the most rewarding and challenging aspects of Fatherhood for Mr. Hammond, who is the co-parent of nine children?

“For me, the most rewarding aspects of being a Dad is watching my children grow and become contributing adults who love, serve, and bless others.   The most challenging aspects of Fatherhood is dealing with stress, lack of sleep, and being tired at night due to the rigors of my work day while at the same time being attentive to the needs of my children. “

Are Men receiving mixed signals about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibilities?

“Oh, yeah!” exclaimed Mr. Hammond.

Where are these mixed signals coming from?  The media?   Popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society?

“Mixed signals are coming from the media, popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society. We need safe and sane men to model our livers after, not the media’s so-called heroes who have no real life or love to offer.  These folks are by and large empty, but have some talent.   Character is what I look for.”

What was Mr. Hammond’s motivation for writing, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”?  What are some of the responses his book has received?

“This book is about hope, renewal, and a Life Renaissance – bout what is possible.  I wrote the book as a result of loss, death, and personal depression – all of which resulted in a personal Mid-Life Renewal and Renaissance.   The deaths of my father Bob Hammond, and my friend, Dan Gunderson, caused me to think about how I live my life and what kind of legacy I am leaving behind for my children, wife, and friends.  The deaths of two people very close to me made me realize the fragility and temporal nature of our existence.  Life really does go by quickly and must be cherished and relished.  My love for God, people, and especially parents and families has resulted in this work.  It presents the possibility of incremental, practical, and a workable personal healing and change.  It also presents methods for getting back on track as both a parent and as a person of value.  My goal is to help people avoid a midlife crisis and, instead, have a Mid-Life Renewal and Life Renaissance – a restoration of hope.  The responses to my book have been mostly great.   It is being called an ‘Encyclopedia  Of Fathering’ and a ‘Compendium For Parenting’.”

When asked to discuss the role that women can and should play in helping their husbands positively shape the minds and souls of our sons and daughters as they make their journey from childhood to adulthood, Mr. Hammond remarked:

“That is a nice question.   Joni – my wife – and I complement each other in every way, including parenting.  We complete our kids.”

Many men find that creating and implementing plans that move their families forward, holding their families together, and raising children to be a daunting task in the Millennium.  Why does parenting seem difficult in the Millennium?

“Men tend to be great planners, movers, shakers, project managers, people managers, but we are often horrid at building relationships with those we love.  Why is that?  Men can run businesses and governments, and even societies, but we are often lacking at running a family.  The family, our wife and children, often get the leftovers of our minds, bodies, and emotions at the end of the day.  Several of the reasons, the issues, problems, and challenges that Men face are part of what we call modern life.  For empire builders, and government runners, too many of the skills in our toolbox begin with the prefix ‘poor’:

-          Poor time management skills – being too busy and not managing time well enough.

-          Workaholism, perfectionism, poor skill sets with fathering.

-          Poor fathering examples – no father-mentors to speak of.

Buying, owning, and maintaining too many possessions and having ‘stuff’ plus a thousand other distractions – including low-priority activities such as computers, TV, gaming, hobbies, sports, and illicit activities – all vie to drain our time, attention, and energy so that, at the end of the day, we have little enough to invest where it counts:  our family.  When men get stuck, they never ask for directions.  How can we possibly admit weakness, vulnerability, or just being generally lost?   This all makes for a very sad situation.  Dads are not picking and living their priorities. Dads get lost, and they never ask for help.:

What is “Purpose Driven Parenting”?

“Successful parents are clear and spot on with what they’re trying to accomplish in training their children.  Discipline and focus must balance grace and mercy. There must be a balance between grace and discipline in managing a family in raising great kids.  Great parents are intentional parents.  They know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.  Parenting also comes with the mandate to be flexible.  Flexibility coupled with humor, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and the ability to keep it light will help parents get through many a dark time.  Training our kids through leading them by example and serving them is also a key component in that our values are usually caught not taught.  This modeling of our values and walking our talk is key in setting an example for our kids to follow.  As we live our values as parents, our kids are taught and catch what we are instructing by the message of our lives and example.  The key is for parents to be totally focused on this key role, whilst understanding none of us are perfect – thus we need grace both on others and for ourselves as parents.”

What parenting advice do you have for Non-Custodial and Divorced Dads who only have partial custody of their children due to court-mandated custody arrangements and are unable to be physically present in their children’s lives every day?

“So, let’s talk about love and family.  How does our care translate practically into an inheritance and legacy we leave behind for them?  Our love for family should be a tangible, practical, actionable practice.  Our everyday parenting is a practical expression of intentional love, which by its definition leaves a footprint or legacy.  This can be good, bad, or ugly.  For most of us, it’s a mixed bag.  Preparing our kids for an inheritance is a far greater challenge than preparing an inheritance for our kids.  But herein lays the challenge.  I’d like to leave an inheritance for my children and to keep it for them, but I also need to keep them for it.  I want to leave my children a large inheritance, but also to prepare my children for that inheritance.  Acquiring and keeping an inheritance for them, but also keeping them for that inheritance is key to positive motivation.  I know I must love them unconditionally, making them my priority and focus, and to accept and respect and receive my children.  These are starting points for a quality inheritance for generations to come. What is the bottom line of what you want to leave behind as a parent?  Is it money? Portfolios?  Real estate? Stuff? Values? Faith? Ethics . . . or something much more?  One route calls for a gathering of stuff and goods in a portfo0lio to give away when we’re dead.   The other has to do with preparing our kids and investing in their lives by an intentional downloading of our values, ethics, spirituality, and so much more.  This preparing for an inheritance of life, relationships, and everything that’s important is far greater and compelling payoff for those whom we leave behind when we pass.”

What’s next for you?

“Being a faithful man . . . doing what God is showing and calling me to do – grow my family, be a good guy and churchman, and love my wife, and leave a legacy of love.”

*          *           *

Got to or………..Get to?

“Have to” vs. “Get to”

The key here is attitude. You don’t HAVE to do these things. But, you GET to do these things. Your motivation and attitude is everything so decide now in the seat of your will that this is a priority to you, and you will succeed at it! When will you get started on your Parenting Plan?

How will it look when you schedule your kids into your life and keep your appointments with them? What will it take for you to be the initiator and leader with the plan and in your family?

Our priorities need to become people and relationships. Learning to be here now is a key aspect to developing these key relationships. As we all know, time flies when you’re having fun.  Kids grow, people die, people move on and life changes very rapidly.  This is why slowing down and enjoying relationships and people and being in the moment is such a key piece to enjoyment and fulfillment in life.

To align yourself with high quality of life and living is to have fun, enjoyment, and to be a lifelong learner and contributor.  The results are compelling-satisfaction with our lives, relationships and legacy: joyful participation.

Do you have a plan in training yourself to relax and be in the moment? Do you have a vision to train yourself to enjoy the moments?  Are you able to suspend your inner Type A person and duct tape him in the corner?  Can you suspend activities to do that which gives us real-life?  Will you align with your priorities and live in the “now?”

The result will be no regrets in your old age or on your deathbed. Will you be able to look back and truly give thanks for life and the legacy left to others?  Can you die happy and fulfilled knowing you did your part and left a heritage that was compelling to other people? When it’s all said and done what is fathering success? What does it look like?

The answer lies in a word: Relationship.

Our relationships define our “success” in this world. So, how‘s the wife and kids?

3RD ANNUAL FATHER’S DAY WRITING CONTEST

“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce

Simple….Man!

Simple Man, original artist is Lynrd Skynrd. Written by lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Gary Rossington.

Seemed like a Great Song for a Fathering Web Site……..

SIMPLE MAN

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time… dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, dont you worry… you’ll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Borders Book Signing Saturday 12-3pm 12/18/10–Please Come!

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