PARENTING TIP #5.–Create Some “Special Time”

Create some special time with just you and your child.

Just that intentional 1 to 1 time can yield big relationship dividends.

Name 1 thing you can commit to and JUST DO IT!

Burn that bridge and get that date with your kid into your mental or actual day-timer today!

Set up a standing date AND also be spontaneous.

Both in concert will benefit your relationship for years to come.

Remember this:  Quality Time comes from Quantity Time—-You must invest your precious time.

Name the activity then—movies, outings, sports, trips, food,  chores, projects and so much more…….

You don’t  HAVE to do this—You GET to…

It is not because she has earned this time, but because she needs this time with dad.

What do you say dad?

Parenting Tip #4.–Give Them Some Responsibility

Give your kid some custom fitted work.

What I mean is this: find some small responsibility that is perfect for your child.

Convey to him that he has been carefully selected for this special job.

Pick something that is age and ability appropriate and assign it—do it in writing or a chart if necessary.

There are 100′s of small responsibilities to choose from—pick a few.

Here are a few categories—Home, car, pets, yard, kitchen, food, garage, trash, dishes, laundry, and the list goes on….

This assignment will do 3 key things for the family.

1. Create a sense of value and worth in Junior–She will feel awesome as she is successful and told so.
2. You as a parent will have a lighter load–Now you can spend that quality time with her or some YOU Time.
3. There will develop a family culture of teamwork–You will all begin to understand and experience family team contribution paradigm.

Start today and be smart–”Let” them pick out some pre-arranged chores and take ownership.

Chart it and hold accountable. Keep it fun and encourage and reward with frequency.

You and they will be glad you did–You are the parent and the leader: make this happen today!

 

Parenting Tip #3.—Demonstrate your Love and Show Affection

As parents, be demonstrative of your love for each other.

Show appropriate physical affection.  Do this parent to parent and parent to child as well.

I am reminded if I refuse to hug my teen girls, there are PLENTY of young men ready to fulfill my duty…

Our kids need regular, appropriate physical touch—so does our spouse. So do I!

The kids need to see in each parent  nurturing, gentle love and , when needed, the firm-yet-respectful love.

This “tough love” can manifest in a “courageous conversation” (not lecture dad!) or in simply doing and saying the right thing–always in a spirit of love.

Show your love today—Be a “hugger”—Surprise them by being that person who is warm, loving, and not afraid to show it.

BTW: say “I love you”—regularly, and mean it.

 

PARENTING TIP #2.–STICK TOGETHER!!

As parents, we need to support each other’s decisions as we train our kids and raise them into adulthood. 

If you are not willing to support each other’s parenting decisions morally or philosophically, do not implement the parent action until you can.

This is the essence of Parental Unity. think, act, and be as one as you parent!

This will likely require meetings between mom and dad to make proposals, listen, adjust, refine, compromise, and convince.

Change will be the outcome—change in approach, attitude, and perhaps outcome in the way you parent.

The key here is this: Are you willing to lay aside SOME of your past parenting paradigms–you know the stuff your parents did.

be committed to arriving at a place you both can accept and support as a team. otherwise , you’ll be divide and such division will be sensed by the kids.

It is in their and your interest to reach agreement and become unified as you parent together for a lifetime those you love and are in a parenting role with.

Hot Tip: Hold hands next time you have a “courageous conversation” with your child. First off–it will blow their mind.

Then, they will see you are in unity and may even listen attentively as you both speak from the strength of your new found unity.

Go Team!

 

Parenting Tip #1—For the Difficult Child

Parenting Tip number one.

Show and speak united as parents –Be United and mutual in your communication to your children.

As often as possible, address your child together, preferably holding hands as you do.

When addressing your children as an individual parent, always represent the “parent team ” and speak accordingly.

Speak and act as one unit—be in common on how you handle issues, communication, and problems with your challenging child.

We tried this with our son Micah—We held hands and spoke our truth for that moment.

It really blew his mind!  He couldn’t believe it—he sat there quiet and watching and listening!

Try it today—Make it real and “legit”… Can’t fake unity.

You’ll be surprised

at your results and response!!

“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce

This is the all-time best article I have ever shared on this site.

I stumbled upon this beautifully written article by accident and was so moved from the opening that I
could not tear myself away.This is the all-time most hit blog on this site.

There are many very powerful and true statements.

As the Dad of nine awesome children, I think the words shared here are very important, for both dads and moms!

Sometimes we all have not so great days and life gets in the way of us doing the things we should.

I’m at a loss for words, but (in the best way I know how) I just wanted to let you know how much it has
blessed and challenged me. Children are a gift, children are ALL beautiful, and all children deserve to be children and
feel loved, and wanted and respected at all times. Read and enjoy and change for the best! Feel free to re-post, comment and share at will.

 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

“Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.

I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.

As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.A

The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted….”

 

Read the complete article by Dan Pearce here.

I also recommend you check out his new book, Real Dad Rules.

Feel free to add to the hundreds of comments below or shoot me an email today: sjhammond@suddenlink.net.

“

Merry Christmas!

Another year draws to a close, which means it’s time to dig through the memory archives of the past year and pull out meaningful or witty or exciting news about each family member…OK then…I’m trying…well, maybe we’ll just have to stick with a simple, boring update! So here goes—-

The most exciting thing that happened with Scott and I (yes, this year’s newsletter is authored by Joni, aka “Mom”, “Mom-Joni”, or “Mrs. Gabe”) is that we went to HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  for the first time, to celebrate our 30^th wedding anniversary. We went with Jacob and Kelly, and had the most glorious vacation ever. I’m ready to go to Hawaii every year now.

Other than basking in the sun and snorkeling in the warm waters off Maui…

Scott has spent the past year continuing to develop his public speaking skills and to lead the Team at Suddenlink Media (local cable network provider). He’s one diligent guy, and since I’m authoring this year’s newsletter, I can take a moment to say that I’m really blessed to be married to him.

I (Joni) continue to run (completed my first half marathon this year and loved it!), to garden, and to indulge my maternal energies by caring for a batch of chickens. They are not too bright, they are not too clever, and they have kind of creepy feet, but there is something mildly gratifying when a flock of 10 birds race (as best a chicken can) towards you any time you step out the door. So what if they’re looking for scratch…

Jacob and Kelly put their roots down a little deeper in Medford, OR, by buying a house this year. It’s really a nice place; with a great view of Roxy Anne peak and a fine backyard for their growing menagerie (they added a Pembroke corgi puppy and a wee kitten, survivor of a junkyard).  Jacob continues to work his internet magic for pay, and restores old bikes and a VW bug for fun. Kelly produces amazing photography, and has been deeply bitten by the running bug; she’s got a couple of races planned for this winter and spring already.

Jesse continues to plug away at UC Davis, creating various computer models of Stuff and Information, dominating the underclassmen, and working steadily towards his goal of MA/PhD. He has a lovely young lady in his life who is also studying at UCD and who provides some balance to his life.

Kalea graduated from Humboldt State this spring, and the whole family gathered to enjoy the beautiful music recital she performed, and then cheered her on as she received her diploma. She is exploring her options for the next phase of her life; looks like she may head down south to see what life in the big city is like (we wish her well and are glad that it is her and not us, he! he! he!!).

Briana and Matt are still here in Humboldt County while Matt works on his contractor’s license and Bri takes college classes. She has what many of us would consider a dream job: she gets paid to exercise and care for horses. Paid! They recently moved into a really cute little house out by Blue Lake, and are looking forward to their latest addition….a little Doberman puppy.

Abby is oh-so-close to completing high school, and is deciding What to Do Next. She’s considering moving up to Medford to attend college. Or staying here and attending college. Or going on a short missions trip. Or taking a year off from school and working. Or who knows! We reassure her that the sky’s the limit (well, almost), and that with God leading, she really can’t go wrong, no matter what she decides.

Michaela is sitting much taller these days, as she finally had the long-dreaded spinal fusion surgery this past fall. While she really, really didn’t want surgery, the end result exceeds her expectations. She sits taller than her sisters now, and having a straight spine has made her much more comfortable overall. She’s still writing stories, reading about vampires, French history, and old Russia (she’s so eclectic in her interests), and basically growing up.

Gabe is NOT almost 13. NO. Well, heck, I guess he is, but I don’t see how that’s possible! He remains the most grounded, easy-going, mellow and happy person I’ve ever met. A woman in Arcata, upon watching Gabe for a few minutes, summed it up: “I think he must be farther evolved than we are. I spend so much time, so much energy, trying to be happy. And he just IS!”.  Lots of lessons to be learned by hanging with Gabe.

Aaron and Micah, bringing up the tail end of the family in age but leading the way in energy, continue to homeschool, learn, explore, fight, play-play-play, experiment, study, bicker, help each other, and remind us all that life is not so serious—enjoy it!

God continues to lead us, to comfort us and encourage us, to correct us and to change us. He is good, all the time, and we are so thankful for His presence and the peace that he gives. May you experience the same this holiday season and into the New Year!

~~~~~~~~~~~ The Hammonds~~~~~~~~~~~~

9 Guidelines for dealing with change—

1. All change involves loss, feelings of sadness and frustration. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you respond to the situation.  You should face the change and deal with it directly, and not ignore the situation.

2. Change can give you a feeling of self-doubt. You can talk yourself into a sense of failure or being afraid.  Counteract this feeling with positive self-talk.  Take stock of your strengths and what you have going for you.  Think of people you can talk to who can give you suggestions for the situation you’re dealing with now.

3. Change creates stress. Find positive ways of dealing with the stress.  It may be helpful to talk to someone about your anger and frustrations.  Give yourself some time and space to relax, away from your stress, which may help you see things differently or even positively.

4. Review the last few changes in which you have have dealt with.  Identify what has helped you deal with them, as well as what didn’t work for you.  This can give you an idea of which coping methods help you, and which don’t.

5. Keep your sense of humor, which is one of the best stress fighters there is.  Laughter is good therapy and actually makes people healthier.  You can’t laugh and worry at the same time, so choose laughter.  Accept your feelings and focus on moving forward.

6. Fill the time left by the change with new and interesting pursuits. Take a class you always wanted to, write those letters you been putting off, start a new project, or join a new group.

7. Communicate with family and friends. Changes are usually accompanied by conflicting emotions.  Talking to others about your situation may relieve the tension and make you feel better.  It also allows you to get another person’s perspective and help others to understand what they’re going through.

8. Focus on the rewards the change may bring, such as more personal time or new friendships. Anticipate setbacks and view them as a normal part of the change process, rather than as a failure.

9. Depression may be a response to change but is rarely permanent. You may not even feel you have the energy to deal and cope with the change.  Don’t be afraid to get professional help by calling on friends or professionals who can help you face your change with less anxiety and more confidence and peace of mind.

10 Tips for Family Life

10 Tips For Quality Family Life

Parents and their children are spending less time interacting with each other. As a result, many children are getting less personal love and attention than their parents did. American Demographics reported that parents today spend roughly 40 percent less time with their children than did parents a generation ago. To help families stay connected, below is a list of helpful family time tips. Keep in mind, quantity and quality time is important when choosing activities. So build memories around exciting events by keeping your family time creative and enjoyable. Print out the following tips as daily reminders.
1. Eat together & listen to each other. Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinnertime. Yet the communication and unity built during this setting is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together allows the opportunity to talk about each other’s lives. This is a time for parents to listen, as well as to give advice and encouragement. Attentive listening conveys a message that a person is really interested in another. It also imparts a sense of worth and helps develop trust. Therefore, listening is a critical link in successful parenting.
2. Read often. It’s important for parents to read to their children. The latest research indicates that reading to your children cultivates an interest for knowledge and stimulates language development. It also increases their attention spans and helps them become more curious. Look for books that your child would enjoy reading. After reading, ask questions about the content.
3. Do chores together. Part of what goes on in the home is the development of teamwork. Functional family life depends on the contribution of everyone. Assigning chores is the most productive way of teaching responsibility and accountability to your children. Doing chores with your child will help foster good communication skills.
4. Help with schoolwork. A great way to spend quality time with children and light a fire of learning is to help children with their schoolwork. A parent’s eagerness to help will cause a child to become more interested in school thus improving his or her grades. Regular trips to the library for school projects are an inexpensive and enjoyable way to spend time with children. Helping should begin with an understanding that children are responsible for homework. Parents are there to help their child get organized and to encourage them when they get stuck.
5. Start a hobby or project. Choose a fun activity that your child is interested in. Activities like cooking, crafts, fishing, or biking will make great hobbies that can open the door to exciting family time. Once a child learns a new recipe or is able to cast a lure accurately, let him or her take the lead with your supervision.
6. Play games. New technology has made video games more prevalent. As a result, many children are spending long hours in front of the TV playing computer programs. Parents should find creative ways to spark an interest in family-oriented contests such as board games or card games. This will give parents additional time to talk and nurture their relationship.
7. Plan a family outing. Sometimes getting out of the house is important. Hop in the family car and go for a drive. Prepare a picnic lunch and visit a local park. Take time to play catch or ride a bike. A stroll in the woods will help parents interact with their children. Also, a visit to the zoo or museum will spark a child’s enthusiasm and lead to lengthy discussions.
8. Encourage athletic activities. It is vital for children to exercise. Sports not only strengthen the body, but also build character and determination. Whether it’s a father pitching a baseball to a son or a mother and daughter nature walking, finding time for athletic events is important for a child’s emotional and physical development. This is a great opportunity for a family to interact.
9. Create a Family Time calendar. Since many parents have hectic schedules, time with children often becomes a low priority, whether intended or not. Post a calendar on the refrigerator and have parents and children pencil in special events. Knowing when you’re going to meet may also help you think of creative activities. Commit to keeping this schedule free from interruptions.
10. Pray together & attend a house of worship. Nothing is more special than taking a few minutes each day to pray with a child before bedtime. By explaining the purpose behind prayer, children will learn the importance of faith as the foundation for the family. Also, when parents go to religious services, they instill in their children a reverence for God. Churches can also offer invaluable support to families.

Are You Half Paid?

“If you’re in this for the money, you are only about half paid…”

Bob Hammond (1921-2004)
Motivational Speaker/Dad

My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression. He was poor but received two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.

He was an elite P-51 fighter pilot in the Asian Theater and was a decorated soldier.

He drank for 30+ years as he processed the experience. Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism, divorce, and dysfunction. As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime. His support for me going to Humboldt State University, coupled with a mutual spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in 2004. My father always supported my educational goals and expressed confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available 24/7.

He was a people person and an expert salesman. He was relational in every way. People were his passion.

The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships. People were priority.

For example, he came to work with me one day at the Tri City Weekly in Downtown Eureka to attend and contribute to a sales meeting. I was so proud and excited for my cohorts to hear the wisdom of this sage businessman and sales expert! He was my dad—coming to share his heart.

We gathered around, pen and paper in hand to hear from Bob Hammond, Salesman Extraordinaire. We were ready…

He sat down at our office at 6th and D St. and we expected at least 30-45 minute training about the secrets of great sales. No Dice. Not even close…

He leaned back in his chair, took a deep breath, and uttered words that were simple and profound and have taken me 15 years to really comprehend….He simply stated:

“IF YOU ARE IN SALES FOR THE MONEY, YOU ARE ONLY HALF PAID.”

That was it. No prelude, no commentary, no addenda—Just 13 words spoken with authenticity and belief.

I must admit, I was a bit annoyed and aghast he didn’t have a strong follow-up and more to add. He didn’t need to.

His point was just this: In business, as in life, people and relationships are key. They are the reason for why we do what we do in business and commerce and in life. The Free Market System is lacking, even meaningless, without good relationships, friendships, and the joy of living a life full of meaningful experiences with fellow human beings.

My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all. His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me. As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism. He modeled non-judgment and kindness toward all. My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51 Mustang, the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying.
He’ll always be remembered in our family as the “ice cream grandpa”, who always loved Humboldt County and insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit. Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, a great sales person… one of the Greatest Generation. May we approach our lives, careers, and business with a relational dimension and the kindness and care that all people want and need. Thanks, Dad, for modeling this respect and honor for people in your quiet, but profound lesson.

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