Jesus and Me.

What Jesus means to me:

1. A FATHER–Who daily oversees my struggles, needs, flaws, and life anf who still enables and helps me to be more and more like Jesus.

2. A FRIEND who speaks to my weakness, sin, and depression, and tribulation a Word of Hope, encouragement, and trust for a future with Him.

3. A SAVIOR–Who I can trust to forgive all my sins; Past, present, and future and remove my guilt and condemnation if I will walk in Him.

Merry Christmas!

Another year draws to a close, which means it’s time to dig through the memory archives of the past year and pull out meaningful or witty or exciting news about each family member…OK then…I’m trying…well, maybe we’ll just have to stick with a simple, boring update! So here goes—-

The most exciting thing that happened with Scott and I (yes, this year’s newsletter is authored by Joni, aka “Mom”, “Mom-Joni”, or “Mrs. Gabe”) is that we went to HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  for the first time, to celebrate our 30^th wedding anniversary. We went with Jacob and Kelly, and had the most glorious vacation ever. I’m ready to go to Hawaii every year now.

Other than basking in the sun and snorkeling in the warm waters off Maui…

Scott has spent the past year continuing to develop his public speaking skills and to lead the Team at Suddenlink Media (local cable network provider). He’s one diligent guy, and since I’m authoring this year’s newsletter, I can take a moment to say that I’m really blessed to be married to him.

I (Joni) continue to run (completed my first half marathon this year and loved it!), to garden, and to indulge my maternal energies by caring for a batch of chickens. They are not too bright, they are not too clever, and they have kind of creepy feet, but there is something mildly gratifying when a flock of 10 birds race (as best a chicken can) towards you any time you step out the door. So what if they’re looking for scratch…

Jacob and Kelly put their roots down a little deeper in Medford, OR, by buying a house this year. It’s really a nice place; with a great view of Roxy Anne peak and a fine backyard for their growing menagerie (they added a Pembroke corgi puppy and a wee kitten, survivor of a junkyard).  Jacob continues to work his internet magic for pay, and restores old bikes and a VW bug for fun. Kelly produces amazing photography, and has been deeply bitten by the running bug; she’s got a couple of races planned for this winter and spring already.

Jesse continues to plug away at UC Davis, creating various computer models of Stuff and Information, dominating the underclassmen, and working steadily towards his goal of MA/PhD. He has a lovely young lady in his life who is also studying at UCD and who provides some balance to his life.

Kalea graduated from Humboldt State this spring, and the whole family gathered to enjoy the beautiful music recital she performed, and then cheered her on as she received her diploma. She is exploring her options for the next phase of her life; looks like she may head down south to see what life in the big city is like (we wish her well and are glad that it is her and not us, he! he! he!!).

Briana and Matt are still here in Humboldt County while Matt works on his contractor’s license and Bri takes college classes. She has what many of us would consider a dream job: she gets paid to exercise and care for horses. Paid! They recently moved into a really cute little house out by Blue Lake, and are looking forward to their latest addition….a little Doberman puppy.

Abby is oh-so-close to completing high school, and is deciding What to Do Next. She’s considering moving up to Medford to attend college. Or staying here and attending college. Or going on a short missions trip. Or taking a year off from school and working. Or who knows! We reassure her that the sky’s the limit (well, almost), and that with God leading, she really can’t go wrong, no matter what she decides.

Michaela is sitting much taller these days, as she finally had the long-dreaded spinal fusion surgery this past fall. While she really, really didn’t want surgery, the end result exceeds her expectations. She sits taller than her sisters now, and having a straight spine has made her much more comfortable overall. She’s still writing stories, reading about vampires, French history, and old Russia (she’s so eclectic in her interests), and basically growing up.

Gabe is NOT almost 13. NO. Well, heck, I guess he is, but I don’t see how that’s possible! He remains the most grounded, easy-going, mellow and happy person I’ve ever met. A woman in Arcata, upon watching Gabe for a few minutes, summed it up: “I think he must be farther evolved than we are. I spend so much time, so much energy, trying to be happy. And he just IS!”.  Lots of lessons to be learned by hanging with Gabe.

Aaron and Micah, bringing up the tail end of the family in age but leading the way in energy, continue to homeschool, learn, explore, fight, play-play-play, experiment, study, bicker, help each other, and remind us all that life is not so serious—enjoy it!

God continues to lead us, to comfort us and encourage us, to correct us and to change us. He is good, all the time, and we are so thankful for His presence and the peace that he gives. May you experience the same this holiday season and into the New Year!

~~~~~~~~~~~ The Hammonds~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHANGE CHALLENGE

The Challenge of Change

It doesn’t take a leader to move a person to fix something that is obviously broken.  It takes a leader to inspire comfortable winners to move to higher ground. It is the hardest thing a leader can do. Just ask the President. What are you doing to help your family make the paradigm shifts that will move your family productively on a journey into the future?

Every parent needs to keep his family out of their comfort zone and hooked on the goal of continuous process improvement. Promote innovative changes throughout your family. If you lead a family and you want your family to give you innovative ideas, ask for their contributions regularly by encouraging and honoring diversity of opinion and thought.  Be open to the unconventional, and be relentless in promoting fresh eyes to uncover new changes and new opportunities.

3rd Annual Father’s Day Writing Contest Winner Announced!

HERE IT IS…..NICE AND SIMPLE…..CONGRATS JANN S.

My father, Julian  died for his country,

he had a struggle that he left for me in his legacy

a struggle and an obsession with what i deem “THE ENEMY”

my dad’s addiction was passes down to me

i view it now as a rare and special gift

which is hard for some to see

but the gift brought me to my eternal father

a gift larger than any could possibly be

my life is purposeful now and anxiety free

my father is my king and the king of many

my father is not of this earth but he has left me directions

for my life in his written word

now i can let go of any pain and suffering and soar like a bird

I praise him and love him in every way

so that I can be with my dad, my father, my

God someday.

Jann S.

Scott Hammond–Every Day Dad Interview

SCOTT HAMMOND, PARENTING EXPERT,

TALKS TO IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD®

Scott Hammond (www.BecomeaBetterFather.com) is a nationally recognized parenting expert, an author of a powerful and positive life-transforming book for Fathers entitled, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”, husband, and father of nine children.   Mr. Hammond took time from his very developing schedule to sit down and chat with IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® about, among other things, his book, the most challenging and rewarding aspects of Fatherhood, and the mixed signals that Men are receiving about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibility.

The first thing we wanted to know was whether Mr. Hammond had received any advice about Fatherhood and, if so, from whom.   Mr. Hammond told us that his Father’s relationship with him spoke volumes about parenting from a male perspective:

“Not much was said to me about Fatherhood.   What I learned about Fatherhood came from my interaction with my Dad Bob who really employed relationship parenting with me in my teen years through listening to me, spending time with me, and involving me in his world.”

So, what are the most rewarding and challenging aspects of Fatherhood for Mr. Hammond, who is the co-parent of nine children?

“For me, the most rewarding aspects of being a Dad is watching my children grow and become contributing adults who love, serve, and bless others.   The most challenging aspects of Fatherhood is dealing with stress, lack of sleep, and being tired at night due to the rigors of my work day while at the same time being attentive to the needs of my children. “

Are Men receiving mixed signals about masculinity and their parental roles and responsibilities?

“Oh, yeah!” exclaimed Mr. Hammond.

Where are these mixed signals coming from?  The media?   Popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society?

“Mixed signals are coming from the media, popular music videos, films, television situation comedies, and society. We need safe and sane men to model our livers after, not the media’s so-called heroes who have no real life or love to offer.  These folks are by and large empty, but have some talent.   Character is what I look for.”

What was Mr. Hammond’s motivation for writing, “Every Day Dad:  The Guide To Becoming A Better Man”?  What are some of the responses his book has received?

“This book is about hope, renewal, and a Life Renaissance – bout what is possible.  I wrote the book as a result of loss, death, and personal depression – all of which resulted in a personal Mid-Life Renewal and Renaissance.   The deaths of my father Bob Hammond, and my friend, Dan Gunderson, caused me to think about how I live my life and what kind of legacy I am leaving behind for my children, wife, and friends.  The deaths of two people very close to me made me realize the fragility and temporal nature of our existence.  Life really does go by quickly and must be cherished and relished.  My love for God, people, and especially parents and families has resulted in this work.  It presents the possibility of incremental, practical, and a workable personal healing and change.  It also presents methods for getting back on track as both a parent and as a person of value.  My goal is to help people avoid a midlife crisis and, instead, have a Mid-Life Renewal and Life Renaissance – a restoration of hope.  The responses to my book have been mostly great.   It is being called an ‘Encyclopedia  Of Fathering’ and a ‘Compendium For Parenting’.”

When asked to discuss the role that women can and should play in helping their husbands positively shape the minds and souls of our sons and daughters as they make their journey from childhood to adulthood, Mr. Hammond remarked:

“That is a nice question.   Joni – my wife – and I complement each other in every way, including parenting.  We complete our kids.”

Many men find that creating and implementing plans that move their families forward, holding their families together, and raising children to be a daunting task in the Millennium.  Why does parenting seem difficult in the Millennium?

“Men tend to be great planners, movers, shakers, project managers, people managers, but we are often horrid at building relationships with those we love.  Why is that?  Men can run businesses and governments, and even societies, but we are often lacking at running a family.  The family, our wife and children, often get the leftovers of our minds, bodies, and emotions at the end of the day.  Several of the reasons, the issues, problems, and challenges that Men face are part of what we call modern life.  For empire builders, and government runners, too many of the skills in our toolbox begin with the prefix ‘poor’:

-          Poor time management skills – being too busy and not managing time well enough.

-          Workaholism, perfectionism, poor skill sets with fathering.

-          Poor fathering examples – no father-mentors to speak of.

Buying, owning, and maintaining too many possessions and having ‘stuff’ plus a thousand other distractions – including low-priority activities such as computers, TV, gaming, hobbies, sports, and illicit activities – all vie to drain our time, attention, and energy so that, at the end of the day, we have little enough to invest where it counts:  our family.  When men get stuck, they never ask for directions.  How can we possibly admit weakness, vulnerability, or just being generally lost?   This all makes for a very sad situation.  Dads are not picking and living their priorities. Dads get lost, and they never ask for help.:

What is “Purpose Driven Parenting”?

“Successful parents are clear and spot on with what they’re trying to accomplish in training their children.  Discipline and focus must balance grace and mercy. There must be a balance between grace and discipline in managing a family in raising great kids.  Great parents are intentional parents.  They know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it.  Parenting also comes with the mandate to be flexible.  Flexibility coupled with humor, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and the ability to keep it light will help parents get through many a dark time.  Training our kids through leading them by example and serving them is also a key component in that our values are usually caught not taught.  This modeling of our values and walking our talk is key in setting an example for our kids to follow.  As we live our values as parents, our kids are taught and catch what we are instructing by the message of our lives and example.  The key is for parents to be totally focused on this key role, whilst understanding none of us are perfect – thus we need grace both on others and for ourselves as parents.”

What parenting advice do you have for Non-Custodial and Divorced Dads who only have partial custody of their children due to court-mandated custody arrangements and are unable to be physically present in their children’s lives every day?

“So, let’s talk about love and family.  How does our care translate practically into an inheritance and legacy we leave behind for them?  Our love for family should be a tangible, practical, actionable practice.  Our everyday parenting is a practical expression of intentional love, which by its definition leaves a footprint or legacy.  This can be good, bad, or ugly.  For most of us, it’s a mixed bag.  Preparing our kids for an inheritance is a far greater challenge than preparing an inheritance for our kids.  But herein lays the challenge.  I’d like to leave an inheritance for my children and to keep it for them, but I also need to keep them for it.  I want to leave my children a large inheritance, but also to prepare my children for that inheritance.  Acquiring and keeping an inheritance for them, but also keeping them for that inheritance is key to positive motivation.  I know I must love them unconditionally, making them my priority and focus, and to accept and respect and receive my children.  These are starting points for a quality inheritance for generations to come. What is the bottom line of what you want to leave behind as a parent?  Is it money? Portfolios?  Real estate? Stuff? Values? Faith? Ethics . . . or something much more?  One route calls for a gathering of stuff and goods in a portfo0lio to give away when we’re dead.   The other has to do with preparing our kids and investing in their lives by an intentional downloading of our values, ethics, spirituality, and so much more.  This preparing for an inheritance of life, relationships, and everything that’s important is far greater and compelling payoff for those whom we leave behind when we pass.”

What’s next for you?

“Being a faithful man . . . doing what God is showing and calling me to do – grow my family, be a good guy and churchman, and love my wife, and leave a legacy of love.”

*          *           *

Got to or………..Get to?

“Have to” vs. “Get to”

The key here is attitude. You don’t HAVE to do these things. But, you GET to do these things. Your motivation and attitude is everything so decide now in the seat of your will that this is a priority to you, and you will succeed at it! When will you get started on your Parenting Plan?

How will it look when you schedule your kids into your life and keep your appointments with them? What will it take for you to be the initiator and leader with the plan and in your family?

Our priorities need to become people and relationships. Learning to be here now is a key aspect to developing these key relationships. As we all know, time flies when you’re having fun.  Kids grow, people die, people move on and life changes very rapidly.  This is why slowing down and enjoying relationships and people and being in the moment is such a key piece to enjoyment and fulfillment in life.

To align yourself with high quality of life and living is to have fun, enjoyment, and to be a lifelong learner and contributor.  The results are compelling-satisfaction with our lives, relationships and legacy: joyful participation.

Do you have a plan in training yourself to relax and be in the moment? Do you have a vision to train yourself to enjoy the moments?  Are you able to suspend your inner Type A person and duct tape him in the corner?  Can you suspend activities to do that which gives us real-life?  Will you align with your priorities and live in the “now?”

The result will be no regrets in your old age or on your deathbed. Will you be able to look back and truly give thanks for life and the legacy left to others?  Can you die happy and fulfilled knowing you did your part and left a heritage that was compelling to other people? When it’s all said and done what is fathering success? What does it look like?

The answer lies in a word: Relationship.

Our relationships define our “success” in this world. So, how‘s the wife and kids?

Father Failure

What Causes “Father Failure”?

Dads have no real Strategic Parenting Plan with a schedule, measurement criteria, and accountability. They lack the resources to get a decent result from their fathering investment. They also suffer from poor follow-through or not enough follow-up in their efforts at parenting effectively.

Many dads are poorly organized, have poor planning, or poor time management, and they get caught up in the Tyranny of the Urgent vs. the truly necessary. Poor communication skills in speaking and listening combined with laziness, apathy, and denial all play a part in lackluster parenting.
A Plan Of Action
In other words, what we need, as dads, is a plan of action — a Strategic Parenting Plan, if you will — which will enable us to cope.
Dads require job clarity to know and function in our roles as well. Dads need fathering accountability to themselves, their families, the community, and God.

This really leads to the questions: Is it possible to cultivate a culture of celebration and learn how to have fun at home? Can we learn to recognize and strive for success with great vigor and consistency on the home front and still make it a fun and even joyful experience?

The answer is YES. By being dedicated to a consistent course of methodical action which aligns us with our values, we can bypass the parenting failure so prevalent in our culture.

3RD ANNUAL FATHER’S DAY WRITING CONTEST

“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce

2010 Best of Zen Habits Post written by Leo Babauta.

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