My Dad Bob—Died 6 Years ago Valentines Day

I am realizing that the pain of missing a loved one transforms with time. I actually relish remembering my father Bob–one of the Greatest Generation who impacted my life with his love for God, people, and nature.

Valentines Day is becoming a joy in rememberance of the love, fellowship, and good times we enjoyed with my earthly father, Bob Hammond. He was the sweetest guy who really “Got it” when it came to thankfulness and gratitude. He was always and eternally grateful for all the “nice occasions” he was experiencing by the grace of God. He always gave God all the credit….faithful, thankful, joyful, and prayerful…in all things.
I still find myself wondering why i am reacting or acting as he would have in given circumstances. Help!—I am becoming my dad!….both good, bad, and the ugly. At the end of the day my hope is in the resurrection at the end of days when Jesus calls us home and we have eternity to get caught up. this hope is a driving force to live and love and to go forward—even in grief. This Great Gathering is more than beyond what I can conceive in my puny brain–so I am forced to trust, believe and have faith in the word and the Author, Perfecter, and Finisher of my faith.
See you soon dad and Abba Father God.
Scott

Leave a Legacy

Note to Alex

By Brian Parsley

November 3rd, 2009

A friend of mine wrote this amazing list for his young stepson.  It’s a set of principles he’s learned in his lifetime and wanted to pass along so his stepson would have the building blocks to living a positive, fulfilling life.  I thought it summed up how we should all live our lives.

1. Always Tell the Truth Even When it Hurts
Honesty is not a situational principle. In the end, it’s yourself you have to live with. Integrity is what makes you who you are. It’s what makes the pillow soft at night and the morning worth waking up for.

2. Give Love
Treat yourself and others with compassion, love and respect. Help a neighbor, help a stranger, and take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Remember, nothing is possible without first believing in love.

3. Treat People Fairly Fair
Be just, be compassionate and be equal. All situations are different but the manner in which you go about handling them should be the same. Don’t play favorites. If you show compassion, you will be able to treat others fairly, and they will respect you for it.

4. Never Do Harm to Anyone – Including Yourself
Don’t talk behind someone’s back, don’t cause physical harm and don’t let someone engage in any activity that you know will cause them or others harm. This has as much to do with action as intent. If you’re honest, loving and fair you won’t want to hurt others or let others be hurt.

5. Keep Your Promises
Your promise is your reputation. Others will judge you by your ability to follow through on your words.

6. Be a Positive Influence
Don’t just set out to make your life better. Help others live the best life they can too. Be a role model. Live the above principles and others will follow your lead.

7. Do the next right thing… always.
If you’re ever in doubt of any decision, do the next right thing.  Don’t worry about the “what if’s” or all the different ways a decision could take you – just do the right thing in that moment.  It will never fail you and there will never be regrets (especially in the long run).

Special thanks to Ben Vernon.

Disipline and Fathering Part 2.

“Boys want to know three things,” says 72-year-old Lew Powers, a 20-year veteran Boy Scout director. ‘One, who’s the boss? Two, what are the rules? And three, are you going to enforce them?’ To have a strong relationship with a boy, you have to be the boss, and a very kind one. Only set rules that you can enforce, and always enforce them. Then you have the basis for a relationship. From here comes respect and more importantly, trust.”

Being a good father means you discipline from a plan, not from emotion. Most fathers tend to shy away from traditional behavior systems, relying heavily on their ability to “discipline in the moment.” I have found in my practice that this is not a good way to go. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I find that it is one of our male weaknesses, such as failing to ask for directions when we know we are lost. In both cases, we need to use a map. And a behavioral map entails sitting down and plotting your course. What are your rules? Are you willing to enforce them in the same way every time? What will you do when you become aware that your child has left you severely frustrated? Will you yell? Will you say hurtful things that you’ll later apologize for? Make your map and chart your course.

Some brief notes on discipline:

Discipline strategies used by mother and father should be the same.

3 strikes you’re out
2 warnings
Consequences and rewards used by mother and father should be the same
Time out
Restriction

Raising your voice to get your child’s attention is not a problem as long as:

You are not out of control.
It doesn’t shame your child.
It doesn’t put your child in a position to care for you.
Raising your voice does have its risks. Your children will meet the bar that you set:
If you yell, they will yell.
If you shut down, they will shut down.
If you keep your poise, they will keep theirs.
DON’T HIT! This damages a child’s self-esteem and ability to bond and attach emotionally.

Time and Fathering…Part 1.

Writer and Father David Swanson shares his thoughts on what it takes to be a better father. In part one of this four part series David focuses on time.

Before having children, we fantasized about what it would be like to be a father. For some, it was peanuts, popcorn, and baseball games. For others it was placing their chair and table in their upright positions and flying away to far-off places. But one thing’s for sure. The fantasy never entailed working long hours, stressing about finances or career obligations, or fighting with a wife over how to raise the kids.

As a father of three, I decided that I was not going to settle for being the absent father who accepted the reality that, “being a good father means being a provider. And being a good provider means limited time with my kids.” I wanted to be the father I fantasized about, and I was willing to do whatever it took. Not too long ago, I was forced to do just that.

About five years ago, I was working 50-60 hours a week in a busy practice as a child and family psychologist in Encino, CA. My practice grew and grew until I was working 6 days a week, most days until 9 at night. I wanted to cut back because I wanted to be at home with my children. But I was afraid that if I cut back on my hours, people would assume that my practice was full and they would stop referring me. This would mean potentially losing our home and my practice.

A very smart and kind pediatrician friend encouraged me to take the risk. “You need to be at home with your kids,” he advised me. “If you don’t have any available times for clients after school, parents will take their kids out of school to see you.” After hearing my oldest son complain of my absence, I became determined to take my friend’s advice and reduce my hours. I decided that I would leave the office by 6 pm and I would not work on weekends. This was an incredibly stressful time. But fortunately the advice my friend gave me was correct. People did bring their children in during school hours. We didn’t lose our home. To this day, I believe it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Sure, we had to take a step down in lifestyle, but I don’t think my kids care. I don’t know if they really even noticed.

Today, I coach their sports teams, we jump in the trampoline, we have Nerf gun wars at home (yes, in the house!), and we just got back from the Leo Carrillo Tide Pools where we hunted for starfish. I am the father in my fantasy. In my practice, I am often visited by fathers who wish they could be the father in their fantasy. These fathers often ask the question, “Where do I start?” When we evaluate their “father fantasy,” we usually come up with four core areas on which they choose to focus. I have laid out these four areas below.

Time

Tim Russert, former host of NBC’s Meet the Press and author of Wisdom of Our Fathers, said, “You can shower a child with presents or money, but what do they really mean, compared to the most valuable gift of all—your time? Vacations and special events are nice, but so often the best moments are the spontaneous ones. Every moment you spend with your child could be the one that really matters.”

The fact of the matter is that you are either a “present” father or a father who is “absent.” You cannot plan for life. You will never know when your child will utter his first word. You will never know when he will take his first steps. And you will never know when his first girlfriend will break up with him. Life happens and it is not subject to a plan. You are either there or you’re not. Planning vacations and special time are very important in moving closer to your family. Your child will always remember the Disneyland trips, the skiing vacations, and snorkeling in Hawaii. But will you be there when he is forced to deal with the pains of life?

The $1.50 Hot Date at Cost Co

What kind of life do I have when the highlight of my week is a date with my wife at Costco?

With 9 kids, you can imagine it’s difficult to have any quality time to talk, reflect, communicate, or simply get on the same page with your spouse. My premise here is to show just how spending time together, no matter where it is, is the key to a great marriage.
I’ll tell you about the story of our Costco date, the benefits of our time away, and the satisfaction it brings me to be with my wife.

We start with a list. We must do an inventory of what we need to buy at Costco—paper products, cereal, refried beans, milk, eggs, frozen items, etc. etc..

Then comes the drive, where we catch up with on the week’s activities and just generally talk about life.
Here is where we set the stage for some time of good communication and quality time together.

Going into Costco is always fun, as there are several regulars who are colorful, wonderful, and friendly.
I do have to pull myself away from the high-definition televisions that my wife will not let me own.
We inevitably see other couples on their Costco date as well.

One of the highlights is the tasty samples, and of course looking for the great deal.
I just found some really cool Docker sweats for only nine dollars!

We grab our food at the food court, where Judy always asks about our kids and if indeed we’re on another date. We say yes, of course, and exchange pleasantries.

Now comes the time to carefully load up our catch and drive to the selected spot of the day to enjoy our quiet dinner-a sumptuous repast par excellent!
Here’s where we talk about the deeper things; kids, goals, schedules, God, the upcoming week, and life in general.

Time for the drive home. Sometimes we stop at Starbucks, which always is a great way to end a Costco run. We get home now, and the kids unload the Costco booty and are delighted to see stuff that they wanted. And we needed.

I discover that I do have a life when the highlight of my week is a Costco run/date with my wife.
Life is good. When I have time away with my best friend to shop, have dinner, go to Starbucks, and just have fun.

What am I lacking at this time?
Nothing.

Happy 26th Birthday Jacob

Jacob Hammond–
I love many things about you…
Your hanging out with me during your time of growing up .
Your sense of humor.
Your spending time with me, doing chores, projects, and jobs around the house/property.
Your selfless generosity to your family and friends.
Your fierce friendship when sticking up for others.
Giving rides, money, pizza, and ice cream to those to whom it meant much.
Your kindness to strangers,business clients, and customers.
Your diligence at work, school, and home
Your brotherly nature and love for your family.
Your telling me about your day.
Your servant’s heart.

This was written a few years ago and applies even more today.

You are a God Guy who loves freely and we are infinitely proud and glad to have you as our son.

Happy 26th Birthday son!

Dad

Vision, Mission and You

Vision and Mission

Start with the big picture—put first things first.

Experts in the fields of psychology and personal effectiveness now recognize it if you feel upset or an uneasy about your lack of personal time, it’s not because you have too much to do.  It’s because you not satisfied with most of what you do.  Determine what’s most important in your life.

1. Ask such questions as what’s most important?
2. What gives your life meaning?
3. What do you want to be and to do with your life?

Clarity on these issues is critical because the answers to these questions affect everything else in your life—your goals, the decisions you make in the way you spend your time, and so much more.

The need for a balanced life—

If you don’t think balance in your life is vitally important to your happiness, success and health. Consider this: there is considerable evidence showing that mishandled stress at home interferes with work performance, and mishandled job pressure creates and magnifies problems at home.  Research shows that the quality of your personal relationships strongly influences job productivity, disease resistance and longevity.  Conversely, people who have value power over family and friendships appear to have a harder time fighting off disease and sickness.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Can success in one area of life compensate for failure in another?
2. Can success in your profession compensate for a broken marriage or ruined health?
3. Can success in the community justify failure as a parent?

Important: success or failure in any role you have contributes to the quality of every other role, and your life as a whole.  Keep balance in your life.  Identify your various roles and keep them right in front of you so that you don’t neglect important areas such as your health, your family, your community involvement, or personal development.  Evaluating your various roles and attaching a new level of priority in each is another important step in becoming balanced and aligned and a whole person.

Enjoy life—

The matter what your circumstance or how uncertain future, you can still be filled with enjoyment, humor, and a good attitude.  Don’t let fear or anxiety keep you from experiencing the happiness that life has to offer.  Go to a local park, enjoy the fresh air, and have fun.  Have friends over for dinner.  Spend time with family.  Think about what activities you enjoy and go do them!

THE THANKSGIVING TOP 10

Top 1o Reasons for me to give thanks on Thanksgiving:

1. God-The Relationship vs. the Religion
2. My wife Joni–Best Friend and lover
3. My 9 kids and their significant others
4. Our extended Family-Yes, even the In-Laws!
5. Church Family-Locally and all over the Earth
6. Our Humboldt Community-Business and Networks
7. My Job–Nice to have these days…
8. Having Vision/Mission/Passion-Desire and Focus and positive ambitions.
9. Health, Well-being, Joyfulness–The usual
10. You–Known or never met-You are loved…

Happy Thanksgiving!

Best,

Scott hammond

Veteran’s Day 2009–A Tribute to My Father–Eulogy of a Friend

To my friend and brother Bob Hammond:

Proudly I call you my brother—-the lives we lived although different, were mirrored in so many ways that are paths were entwined forever…

Born of humble circumstance in Iowa, raised by saintly mother, forged by the Depression, in which doing without was commonplace, you were a gifted athlete, literally fighting for an education, knowledge, and some wisdom.

Through the great conflict (World War II), where the wild blue yonder,, became close up deadly and dirty. You and I lived, suffered losses, made mistakes, played thousands of card games, played hundreds of rounds of golf, fought, drink to excess, and selfishly survived…

Well, it was about time. When we made the long-awaited changes… and with those changes came sobriety, self-respect and most importantly love of family, those of goodwill, coupled with a great love for Christ.

He takes you into his arms. Go lovingly, Compadre. So long I will miss you: keep the light on for me…

Geno Scott

Arkansas, USA

The 4 Questions to Ponder with your Kids

1. Consider Your Choices–what are they really? Really think about what you are choosing. Are there other unconsidered alternatives?

2. Consider the Consequences of Your Choices–What will be the probable outcomes? Can you live with that? Will the consequences be expensive?

3. Make the Best Choice–After you have done the above, make your best decision. Which is the optimum decision in the area you are facing choices?

4. Be a Class Act–Always strive to be a person of class. We are surrounded with the walking wounded who have made poor decisions and lacked real class in their choices and lives. Life is a series of decisions and choices….choose wisely!

Next Page »