HOW TO WIN @ TALKING IN 6 EASY STEPS

   1. Make Your Initial Point—Quickly and clearly. tell them what you are going to tell them.

2. Ask your Audience to Suspend Judgement–Ask them to hold back till they have heard you out.

3. Deliver Your Message/Request–Describe desired behavior or outcomes.

4. Confirm Understanding—Ask them to repeat what they think you said.

5. Get a Commitment–Ask for a promised response to your request—make it specific.

6. Followup—Ask and check in later….

The 5:1 Ratio

The Magic 5:1 ratio-

Researchers study relationships report that stable couples don’t allow the relationship to be overrun by negative feelings. In fact, they say, successful couples maintain a healthy balance between their positive and negative encounters with each other. They don’t avoid disagreements. They don’t avoid arguing. But they do balance out any negative interactions with positive feelings and actions but showing interest, being affectionate, showing they care, being appreciative, smiling, paying compliments, laughing, showing concern, etc. In other words, stable couples have at least five times as many positive interactions in their relationship as negative ones.

“All you need is love”…Beatles wrote it because it’s true! We all need love, and it must be demonstrated by us and to us. The key question for me and you is, can we be intentional about giving the appropriate type of love to those we do love?

What are your languages of love? What are you best at giving? Which do you love to receive the most? Moreover, what is your spouse’s favorite Language of Love? Now go and be intentional about your giving and receiving of love.

The 5 Languages of Love

1. Words of affirmation– this includes encouragement, positive reinforcement, kindness, and general verbal affection.
2. Quality time– this includes focused attention, quality as well as quantity of time, and spending time with people we love.
3. Receiving of gifts– showing others we care and that we are thinking of them through practical gift giving.
4. Acts of service– To show support and care through practical actions. To show in actuality what we feel internally, to serve someone.
5. Physical touch– To show, demonstrate, and receive appropriate physical touch- hugs, touching, appropriate physical contact.
Men tend to really like number five and number one. A word of encouragement and appropriate hug or more! can fill our emotional tanks and keep us going for long periods of time.

BIG DEEP BREATHS

Learning To Be In The Moment
Learning to be present or mindful is a lifelong pursuit.  Intentionality and focus are all important and can lead to the skill of being present.  There are things that you can do today to help.  Many of the techniques involve breathing – focus on it;  it’s almost guaranteed to bring you back to the moment requires no special tools or training, so it’s a perfect way to begin. Breathe deep and focus.
Try to adopt one of these ideas, even once a day – whichever one seems easiest.  Once you experience being in the present, you can find you want to try other techniques to extend the feeling.  Here are a few examples –
• When the phone rings, don’t jump up to answer it. Take a good, deep breath before you say hello.
• Program your computer or watch to beep once an hour. When you hear the beep, stop and take five deep breaths. You may want to stand and stretch too.
• Before getting out of bed, take five minutes to do a mental scan of your body. How does everything feel?
• Before rising in the morning, utilize your “Tabernacle Choir”.  Remember all the positives of your life.  Remember, rehearse, and review all the good things and grace that has been given you.
• Practice doing just one thing at a time. Stop multitasking; it will poison your soul and mind. If you’re eating, don’t watch TV or read. You will gain up to 5 extra weeks a year in lost time and productivity. If you’re walking, don’t talk; focus on a single activity.
• As you eat, take small bites and chew each one 30 times. You will discover you enjoy your food more, and it’s healthier to.
• Stop, look , and listen. Really smell the flowers, listen to people, focus your attention, and be in the process of the moment. You will be more peaceful, focused, loving, present, and engaged as well as engaging!
1. Slowing down-2. Taking deep breaths-3. Intentionally noticing your surroundings-4. Stopping, looking, and listening-5. Connecting to and communicating with those around you-6. Being present, focused, and in the moment-
Once you start developing the ability to be present at certain times of the day, you have developed a valuable skill to call on to defuse stress at any time.  As with learning a sport or musical instrument, the more you practice, the more adept and you’ll become.  Before you know it, you’ll be nowhere else but here. Are you here and in the moment right now?

10 Tips for Family Life

10 Tips For Quality Family Life

Parents and their children are spending less time interacting with each other. As a result, many children are getting less personal love and attention than their parents did. American Demographics reported that parents today spend roughly 40 percent less time with their children than did parents a generation ago. To help families stay connected, below is a list of helpful family time tips. Keep in mind, quantity and quality time is important when choosing activities. So build memories around exciting events by keeping your family time creative and enjoyable. Print out the following tips as daily reminders.
1. Eat together & listen to each other. Most children today don’t know the meaning of a family dinnertime. Yet the communication and unity built during this setting is integral to a healthy family life. Sharing a meal together allows the opportunity to talk about each other’s lives. This is a time for parents to listen, as well as to give advice and encouragement. Attentive listening conveys a message that a person is really interested in another. It also imparts a sense of worth and helps develop trust. Therefore, listening is a critical link in successful parenting.
2. Read often. It’s important for parents to read to their children. The latest research indicates that reading to your children cultivates an interest for knowledge and stimulates language development. It also increases their attention spans and helps them become more curious. Look for books that your child would enjoy reading. After reading, ask questions about the content.
3. Do chores together. Part of what goes on in the home is the development of teamwork. Functional family life depends on the contribution of everyone. Assigning chores is the most productive way of teaching responsibility and accountability to your children. Doing chores with your child will help foster good communication skills.
4. Help with schoolwork. A great way to spend quality time with children and light a fire of learning is to help children with their schoolwork. A parent’s eagerness to help will cause a child to become more interested in school thus improving his or her grades. Regular trips to the library for school projects are an inexpensive and enjoyable way to spend time with children. Helping should begin with an understanding that children are responsible for homework. Parents are there to help their child get organized and to encourage them when they get stuck.
5. Start a hobby or project. Choose a fun activity that your child is interested in. Activities like cooking, crafts, fishing, or biking will make great hobbies that can open the door to exciting family time. Once a child learns a new recipe or is able to cast a lure accurately, let him or her take the lead with your supervision.
6. Play games. New technology has made video games more prevalent. As a result, many children are spending long hours in front of the TV playing computer programs. Parents should find creative ways to spark an interest in family-oriented contests such as board games or card games. This will give parents additional time to talk and nurture their relationship.
7. Plan a family outing. Sometimes getting out of the house is important. Hop in the family car and go for a drive. Prepare a picnic lunch and visit a local park. Take time to play catch or ride a bike. A stroll in the woods will help parents interact with their children. Also, a visit to the zoo or museum will spark a child’s enthusiasm and lead to lengthy discussions.
8. Encourage athletic activities. It is vital for children to exercise. Sports not only strengthen the body, but also build character and determination. Whether it’s a father pitching a baseball to a son or a mother and daughter nature walking, finding time for athletic events is important for a child’s emotional and physical development. This is a great opportunity for a family to interact.
9. Create a Family Time calendar. Since many parents have hectic schedules, time with children often becomes a low priority, whether intended or not. Post a calendar on the refrigerator and have parents and children pencil in special events. Knowing when you’re going to meet may also help you think of creative activities. Commit to keeping this schedule free from interruptions.
10. Pray together & attend a house of worship. Nothing is more special than taking a few minutes each day to pray with a child before bedtime. By explaining the purpose behind prayer, children will learn the importance of faith as the foundation for the family. Also, when parents go to religious services, they instill in their children a reverence for God. Churches can also offer invaluable support to families.

TIME MANAGEMENT

Hey, gotta minute?

We all possess valuable resources, but none is trickier or more valuable than time. Managing your time is THE key skill set in managing your life. Show what you do with your time and you show what your value system is all about. When leveraging time you will utilize and expand on core strength. If you can manage your time well you can accomplish almost anything. Using time incrementally, methodically, and strategically will help you stay on track and achieve your life priorities.

Personal productivity is only as limited as your proper use of time. Wise use of time maximizes and leverages all resources and helps you achieve your goals, objectives, and priorities. Good time management allows you to plan ahead and to use your purpose and passion with laser focus—nothing becomes impossible. Your productivity, as you leverage your passion through good time management, increases exponentially resulting in compelling accomplishment.

“Plan your work, then work your plan” is a great axiom. The “work your plan” part has to do with time management. Planning is great, but is useless without execution. Time management is all about the execution of your plans, goals, passions, and objectives.

Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Do you value life? Then waste no time, for that is the stuff of which life is made.” The value of anything that you obtain or accomplish can be determined by how much of your time, or your life, that you spent to acquire it.

The amount of yourself that you use up in achieving the goals that are important to you is a critical factor to consider, even before you begin. Only by discovering your innate strengths and developing and exploiting them to their highest degree can you utilize yourself to get the greatest amount of satisfaction and enjoyment from everything you do.

Deciding what you want to do, what you can do well, and what can give you the highest rewards for your efforts is the starting point in getting the best out of yourself.

Show me how much you love your family by how much time you give them. Show me a dad who loves his family and I’ll show you a guy who plans and spends time with them.
Personal Time Management

The definition of Time management: is a set of skills, tools, and systems that work together to help you get more value out of your time and leverage it to accomplish what you want.

KNOW, LIKE, TRUST, AND BUY YOU………?

SALES IN THE NEW ECOMONY

THE SALES MEETING: My dad Bob Hammond came to the Tri City Weekly Monday Sales meeting several years ago. I was really excited to see this expert address the craft of sales with my cohorts.  He sat there and said these few words: “If you are in sales for the money, you are only half paid.” I was waiting for the next 59 minutes….Nothing! He was finished. He sat back and was finished with the Sales Training…I got annoyed until I realized what he had really said…

THE INTERPRETATION: What my dad taught was that business and sales are about relationships and people. The key to sales is to simply “Grow Relationships”. IF they know you, like you, trust you, they WILL buy from you. Relationship is king and People are paramount.

The NEW ECONOMY:

New Economy 2011 is not “Business as Usual.” I have been on the streets of Humboldt County for 30 years selling and it has NEVER been like this. Example: my informal survey of 200+ businesses has yielded only about 10 or so businesses that are doing “well.”  I think 50% of those are exaggerating!  Things are tough!

SALES IN A NEW ECONOMY

It has been said: “Nothing happens till there is a Sale”—it is the 2^nd oldest profession! Capitalism and the Free Enterprise System are all based on sales and selling. Nothing happens till there is a sale. Sales IS foundation of our economy and the core of the free market system.

Old Practices and “business as usual” are NOT working. The “good old boy network” is not so good today!  We must work harder AND smarter if we want to survive.

Things are really spooky and scary…What will we do going forward?  How will YOU change and adapt to this “New Economy…?” Read on….

KNOW, LIKE, TRUST, and BUY YOU….HOW?

KNOW YOU— (know ability)

Who is the REAL YOU-Genuine, transparent, and human? In order for relationships to work people need to get to know you: Really know You- Not the adapted or “professional” you. Can you let down your guard and “keep it real?” Also, are you present in your customers world—Networking, BNI, Chamber, Rotary, Associations, Social Media, etc.

LIKE YOU— (likability)

How can you be a more LIKABLE you? Serve others! Serving, helping, loving others: Remember—“They don’t care how much you know- till they know how much you care.” Serving others helps them Like YOU! Helping others sets the stage for real likability.

TRUST YOU– (trustworthy)

My Dad Bob said “It takes money to buy whiskey.” What he meant is that actions promote credibility in all you do-Actions speak louder than words. True.

Trust simply takes time, consistency, availability, and starts with small steps of incremental credibility.

BUY YOU— (buy ability)

When it comes time to buy (if you have done the above), you are the trusted advisor. The natural outcome will be to use your services. You will be the #1. Choice when your customer goes shopping! You have won them with loyalty and good service–they may shop but will buy from YOU!

BUSINESS LEGACY—

What will you work on to improve your sales, character, integrity, and love for others? This is the stuff of real sales, life, and relationships.

What are you known for? What will they say at your funeral? How will you be remembered in life, family, and business? Were you known?  Liked? Trusted? And Bought?

It really is about people and relationships and that is what we leave behind in a positive legacy.  Please remember the immortal words: “If you’re in it for the money you are only half paid.” Why settle for any less?

3rd Annual Father’s Day Writing Contest Winner Announced!

HERE IT IS…..NICE AND SIMPLE…..CONGRATS JANN S.

My father, Julian  died for his country,

he had a struggle that he left for me in his legacy

a struggle and an obsession with what i deem “THE ENEMY”

my dad’s addiction was passes down to me

i view it now as a rare and special gift

which is hard for some to see

but the gift brought me to my eternal father

a gift larger than any could possibly be

my life is purposeful now and anxiety free

my father is my king and the king of many

my father is not of this earth but he has left me directions

for my life in his written word

now i can let go of any pain and suffering and soar like a bird

I praise him and love him in every way

so that I can be with my dad, my father, my

God someday.

Jann S.

Listening #1.

Tools for Successful Dads: Listening

Communication has two parts-listening and expressing yourself.

Both must occur for communication to be successful. When you listen well to family members, you encourage them to talk about what’s most important to them. It’s easy to get careless about really listening.

Listening is at least as important as talking. Everyone needs someone to listen to them-someone who supports them and allows them to openly express feelings. Sometimes a person can find a solution or discover the sources of stress just by talking. Some of us process our feelings or find ways to clarify and express our thoughts by simply talking to others. Find out which of your family members process in this way and you will have a key to unlocking their “code”.

Parents sometimes feel obligated to lecture, present solutions, and give an analysis when listening. This is not good listening. A good listener should not feel obligated to advise, analyze, or have all the answers. Listening and responding with concern and understanding may be all the help needed.
The Art of Listening

The #1 human need is psychological survival, to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated. In other words, we need to be heard and understood. It isn’t always easy because we live in a busy world, and many of us spend our days in a time crunch.

But the experts agree, when we take time to listen we improve relationships, promote an atmosphere of cooperation, and encourage creative thinking. We even save money and relational problems by avoiding costly errors caused by miscommunication.

Active listening does not come naturally.

Stephen Covey notes that when someone speaks, our initial reaction is to evaluate and scrutinize them which is the opposite of what we should do. We should focus on empathetic listening with the intent to understand and we must do this with the goal of helping.
There are 4 phases of empathetic listening, according to Covey…
1. First, is to mimic content, repeating exactly what the speaker has said
2. The Second stage is to rephrase the content to what was said in your own words
3. Third, you may reflect feelings or make a non-judgmental statement about the speaker’s emotions, empathizing with what or how he feels
4. The Fourth stage is a combination of the second and third stages, to rephrase content and reflect feelings
Sometimes we don’t want to hear what’s being said, choosing to be annoyed instead of understanding the other person’s view; this only damages a relationship. We’d make a better choice by moving forward, forgiving the offense and the offender, and resolving the problem.

Listening must come from the heart. If it is not sincere it will show regardless of what we say… nonverbal gestures will expose true feelings. When this happens, make it a point to remain focused on what the speaker is saying, actively participating in and practicing the stages of empathetic listening. The art of listening lies in understanding that to be an effective parent, leader, spouse, or any other role we must not only care about what others have to say, but also how they feel. Just remember your kids need your full attention, your patience, and a listening ear. Listen well when they speak. It will make you an even better parent than you already are

What is Good Communication?

What’s communication? It’s talking; it’s also writing, using images, lots of non-verbal communication, too. For our purposes, it’s mostly talking. Communication is talking with the intent of instructing, supporting, sharing, and understanding, imparting values, entertaining, influencing, and helping people make decisions that are good for them and good for you. Communication has to do with connecting to other people on a relational basis. Good communication is the foundation of active listening, focused attention, and being present in the moment to really have a quality exchange with another person.

It is good expression and good listening in concert together. Good talking and expression have much to do with thoughtful and considerate efficiency of words. I must think before I speak. Good talking sometimes requires organization, order, outlined material, and even rehearsal.

Active listening comes with the understanding of total focus on the other person which allows true connection and compelling communication. Communication requires intentionality, the safety of relationship, and time just to do it.

The attentiveness that comes with being in the moment and being present requires us to stop, slow down, and focus on the communication exchange at hand. Active listening requires checks for accuracy. It is okay to stop and ask the person to repeat what was said. This is to get a reality check for what you think you heard.

This allows the other person to know that you are focused in the moment and interested, and also gives yourself the ability to process the communication at hand.

Understanding is the whole point of communication. Can you truly reflect back both to yourself and the other person what is being said and really get where the other person’s coming from? Do you see their point of view?

The power of your words is immeasurable and compelling. We must be careful, considerate, and wise in the use of our words when dealing with all people. The power of our words to speak blessing, to help others, or encourage is amazing. Equally, the negative speech that we’ve all suffered from throughout our lives can cripple, hurt, and scar for life.

Knowing the power of your words and being able to be an encourager who speaks blessings is a huge key to life and parenting. The power of your non-verbals are equally compelling. Your tone, your volume, your rhythm, your cadence, your face, your hands, and so much more speak volumes— perhaps more than the words themselves. Encouragement in words can be healing and life giving to those who genuinely receive it.

Be aware of the following as you speak—
• Facial expression
• Your hands
• Your eyes
• Your body
• Your tone
• Your volume
• Body positioning
• Rate and speed of speech
• Vocal variety
• Cadence and rhythm and more…
Other tools for positive communication include: being able to persuade others and help them see your point of view through useful tools such as storytelling, organized and ordered speech, and efficiency of words without undue emotion.

Marriage and Your Communication Skills

Improving your Marriage Communication Skills

Even in the best situations, conflicts in relationships, family life, or work are inevitable. Unfortunately, the unskilled and negative ways we typically respond to conflict often causes even more stress, thus eroding relationships. This creates resentment within families and lessens personal and relational effectiveness. Here are some ways to improve your communication skills:
• Set an example—If you want your partner to open up more, set the example by sharing more of your own thoughts and feelings. Try sharing interesting things you’ve heard or read. Relate an experience that it happened during the day.
• Keep it light–Try talking about something else besides the problems. Make a decision not to bring up the hassles with work, kids, or finances, at least until later.
• Make “I” statements—Avoid starting a sentence with “you.” It sounds like an accusation or invitation to fight.
• Use the feeling words—Use good descriptors when describing what you’re feeling. It’s not fair to expect your partner to guess or figure out what you’re trying to say or feeling about an issue.
• Do something together—Experience has shown that people, particularly men, are more likely to share their feelings when they’re doing something together that both can enjoy.
• Listen… don’t talk— give the other person a chance to get his or her ideas and opinions across.
• Ask questions—guard against assuming you know what the other person meant by asking questions.
• Keep an open mind—don’t just listen for statements that back up your own opinions and support your beliefs. Be willing to listen to someone else’s point of view and ideas.
• Don’t jump to conclusions— don’t assume you have the gist of the conversation or think you know what the speaker’s going to say next. If you do not listen, you may miss the real point the speaker is trying to get across.
• Listen between the lines—remember a lot of clues to meaning come from the speaker’s tone of voice, facial expressions, non-verbals and gestures. Body language is usually an accurate indication of the speaker’s attitude or emotional state. Concentrate on what is not being set as well as what is being said.
• Provide feedback– Make eye contact with the speaker; nod your head when you understand the specific point or provide other feedback that shows you’re really listening.
• Summarize—when the person finishes speaking, repeat what the speaker has said in your own words to confirm that you understand. Summarize points of agreement or disagreement.

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