Leaving a Living Legacy:Relationships
July 15, 2008 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Goal-setting, Relationship Development, Scott Hammond, Uncategorized
What will your best friends say at your funeral?
I came home from a road trip and my wife sat me down at the foot of our bed and said, “Your friend Dan Gunderson is dead”.
I couldn’t believe my ears, hoping it was a joke.
It was no joke.
This death caused me to think…
- What is a life well lived?
- What is greatness
- What does a legacy look like?
I have three questions for you and myself…
- Who has invested their time, life, and gifts in you?
- What would your best friends say about you?
- Who are you now investing your life skills and gifts in?
Someone who invested in me was my dad Bob… he was a real SOB (Sweet Old Bob).
He modeled and lived a life built on relationships.
You could pack all that he owned into his Chevrolet, but he left us incredible riches…
a great love and relationship with people, God, and nature.
1. People.
My father built relationships with everyone, whether in Alcoholics Anonymous, church, family, or just on the street. He built and fostered relationships with everyone he met.
I brought him into my sales office to share his sales genius.
We were all prepared with notepad and pen in hand…
All he said was, “If you’re in this for the money, you’re only about half paid”
That was it! I was a little annoyed and disappointed that he didn’t have more and refused to speak more on the sales craft.
It’s taken me 30 years, but now I realize the genius of my father’s statement… which is build relationships with people and you’ll be paid in incredible riches.
2. God.
My father was a World War II P 51 Mustang fighter pilot.
He killed many people in the South Pacific theater during the war.
Through sobriety that AA afforded him, he forgive himself and others, and connected to a relationship with God.
The Alcoholics Anonymous’ “higher power” had a name, face, and a real love, which my father translated to all he met.
He gave a grace and mercy and forgiveness to both himself and all those he knew.
3. Nature.
My dad loved his flowers, and he had a tremendous appreciation for nature, creation, and all things that grew.
He would stop us in a park or a golf course and say,” Scott come and smell this flower, check out this plant!”
I would dutifully give the cursory sniff, only to find that he was right.
There was beauty all around us if we were only willing to stop and smell the flowers.
He taught me the best things in life are not things at all… they are a love for people, for God, for nature.
How do we leave a legacy?
Are we object-oriented people or relationship-oriented people?
An object-oriented person treasures and values that which is temporal.
Examples would be possessions, travel, experience, wealth, pleasure, etc.
A relationship-oriented person, on the other hand, values that which is more eternal and immortal.
Examples would be… being compassionate, a good listener, showing kindness, saying I love you, being a hugger, and generally valuing all people.
Your three more questions for you…
- What is most important to you?
- If you could change anything about your life what would it be?
- Why aren’t you doing that right now?
For me the answer is to invest in relationships and leave a piece of myself behind.
By investing in relationships, you will leave a richness in others, make a difference, and you will be changed.
One person who made a change in me was my deceased friend Dan Gunderson.
At his memorial, which was awesome and compelling and showed a life well lived, a little girl came forward to say a few words.
She bounced up front, happy and joyful, and began to speak of Dan’s love for her…then broke down and choked out, “Dan was my next-door daddy!!”
She wept openly as only a child can do.
Dan had taken the time to build a relationship with someone who was not core family, business, church, or other venue.
She was a little girl next door, and he reached out to her and made a difference.
My question to you, going forward, is just this…
To whom will you be a “next-door daddy“?
To whom will you reach out and make a difference in their lives …just because?
5 Tools of Effective Families:#5. A Relationship With God
January 12, 2008 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Religion
The fifth and most important “tool” is a genuine relationship with God, both as an individual and as a family.
Writing about our relationship with God is extremely difficult. So let’s start with what it is not.
It is not:
- About attending church
- About giving money
- About being” good “
- About being religious
- About being condemning, condescending, or arrogant about one’s faith
- About religious activity, service, or lifestyle
What it is about could take up several pages of a blog.
But we’ll start with the following:
- Knowing and understanding God’s Word–the Bible–reading and meditating on it regularly
- Understanding and having a genuine salvation/saving relationship with God by faith in Christ
- Being a person who prays on a regular basis, who has two-way conversations with God
- Being a person who’s quick to repent, be humble, and truly make things right, admitting it when wrong
- Being a person who’s willing to serve others, even at their own expense
- Living an obedient life, not out of obligation, but out of thankfulness and deep gratitude for all God has done
- Allowing God’s full expression in me, in my thoughts, my deeds, my words, my motivation, my attitude, my resources, and so much more
- Being a person who puts my walk with God as my number one priority in life, through prayer, Bible study, praise, worship, sharing my faith, serving my church and community and fellow humans.
- Obeying God in the small stuff… being sensitive to details and doing the right thing even when no one is looking.
- Relaxing, taking deep breaths, simply appreciating the life and the love God has given me, realizing I can not add to this love. I can only respond to it by living in the moment, and being the obedient son He’s asked that I be
- Utilizing the gifts and the resources He’s given me in the way that He leads me to do so
- Having a heart attitude and disposition that seeks to glorify God in every aspect of my life
Much of this has to do with what I call a “heart attitude”, the core belief system that governs all behaviors, words, deeds, and attitudes.
It stems from the realization of all that God has done for me, is doing, and will do in the future. It comes from a heart of deep gratitude, which seeks to please, not repay, or pay penance, to the God who loves me and has given his all for my life and eternity.
It’s just this… fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness, and self-control… against such there is no law.” These are the heart attitudes which demonstrate Christ’s likeness. They only come with a genuine long-term walk with him.
Be careful to understand that not speaking about perfection… we are all human,, fallible, frail, weak, and prone to making all manner of mistakes. The giant difference is having a heart of repentance. It’s quick to humble, turn, pray, and make course corrections when we discover we have sinned against God or people. We need to be good repenters.
This doesn’t mean that everything is a bed of roses, in fact Christians suffer as much or more than others. The difference here is:” God works all things together for good for those who love him and for those who are called according to his purpose.” This means that even the worst challenges, problems, and disasters are actually blessings in disguise for trust God to work it all together for good. When a person can live this way, and a faith walk with God, all of life takes on a brand-new adventure and excitement, knowing that no matter what happens, I’m going to become closer and more like my Father in each and every situation.
This is the foundation for a great life,, marriage and family. it makes for a stability, a joy, and the love that permeates a family and a marriage with the sweetness and a sanity that is rare and precious.
To call this Walk with God a “tool” is to misrepresent and underestimate what’s being written here.
This Walk with God is the life-giving, dominant feature of the dedicated Christian family and individual. With God at the vanguard of our lives, life really becomes worth living.