Leaving a Living Legacy:Relationships

What will your best friends say at your funeral?

I came home from a road trip and my wife sat me down at the foot of our bed and said, “Your friend Dan Gunderson is dead”.

I couldn’t believe my ears, hoping it was a joke.

It was no joke.

This death caused me to think…

1. What is a life well lived?
2. What is greatness
3. What does a legacy look like?

I have three questions for you and myself…

1. Who has invested their time, life, and gifts in you?
2. What would your best friends say about you?
3. Who are you now investing your life skills and gifts in?

Someone who invested in me was my dad Bob… he was a real SOB (Sweet Old Bob).

He modeled and lived a life built on relationships.

You could pack all that he owned into his Chevrolet, but he left us incredible riches…

a great love and relationship with people, God, and nature.

1. People.

My father built relationships with everyone, whether in Alcoholics Anonymous, church, family, or just on the street. He built and fostered relationships with everyone he met.

I brought him into my sales office to share his sales genius.

We were all prepared with notepad and pen in hand…

All he said was, “If you’re in this for the money, you’re only about half paid”

That was it! I was a little annoyed and disappointed that he didn’t have more and refused to speak more on the sales craft.

It’s taken me 30 years, but now I realize the genius of my father’s statement… which is build relationships with people and you’ll be paid in incredible riches.

2. God.

My father was a World War II P 51 Mustang fighter pilot.

He killed many people in the South Pacific theater during the war.

Through sobriety that AA afforded him, he forgive himself and others, and connected to a relationship with God.

The Alcoholics Anonymous’ “higher power” had a name, face, and a real love, which my father translated to all he met.

He gave a grace and mercy and forgiveness to both himself and all those he knew.

3. Nature.

My dad loved his flowers, and he had a tremendous appreciation for nature, creation, and all things that grew.

He would stop us in a park or a golf course and say,” Scott come and smell this flower, check out this plant!”

I would dutifully give the cursory sniff, only to find that he was right.

There was beauty all around us if we were only willing to stop and smell the flowers.

He taught me the best things in life are not things at all… they are a love for people, for God, for nature.

How do we leave a legacy?

Are we object-oriented people or relationship-oriented people?

An object-oriented person treasures and values that which is temporal.

Examples would be possessions, travel, experience, wealth, pleasure, etc.

A relationship-oriented person, on the other hand, values that which is more eternal and immortal.

Examples would be… being compassionate, a good listener, showing kindness, saying I love you, being a hugger, and generally valuing all people.

Your three more questions for you…

1. What is most important to you?
2. If you could change anything about your life what would it be?
3. Why aren’t you doing that right now?

For me the answer is to invest in relationships and leave a piece of myself behind.

By investing in relationships, you will leave a richness in others, make a difference, and you will be changed.

One person who made a change in me was my deceased friend Dan Gunderson.

At his memorial, which was awesome and compelling and showed a life well lived, a little girl came forward to say a few words.

She bounced up front, happy and joyful, and began to speak of Dan’s love for her…then broke down and choked out, “Dan was my next-door daddy!!”

She wept openly as only a child can do.

Dan had taken the time to build a relationship with someone who was not core family, business, church, or other venue.

She was a little girl next door, and he reached out to her and made a difference.

My question to you, going forward, is just this…

To whom will you be a “next-door daddy“?

To whom will you reach out and make a difference in their lives …just because?

10 Things More Important than Money$$$ on Fathers Day

10 THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY $$

Remember, there are many things in life that are far more important than the size of your investment portfolio or the size of your latest paycheck.

Too often in our capitalistic society, we place too much emphasis on financial achievement and too little on the importance of living a purpose driven life.

1. Family… your spouse, your parents, and her kids should come first. Just simply providing for them does not make your family, your number one priority. There is far more you can do for them with quality and quantity time. Love is spelled…. TIME.
2. Friends… the older some of us get, the less time we have for our friends. Some people get too busy climbing the success ladder and may not even make time for friends. Big mistake. So many things in our society are disposable, and sadly, friends too often fall into that category. Take time to invest in your friendships, both old and new. How hard is it to schedule a Starbucks coffee, pick up the phone, or write an e-mail?
3. Your health… stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, poor relationships with you and your family… all of these can adversely affect your health. Getting caught up in your career and working endless hours can also lead to neglect of one’s health. Workaholism can be deadly. The lack of discipline in making exercise, sleep, a good diet, and a healthy lifestyle can be dangerous if not deadly as well. You get one body, take care of it and treat it with the respect it deserves.
4. Kids… investing in your kids is absolutely one of the best investments you can make. Understanding how to relate to, love, care for, and communicate with your kids is vital to becoming a more fulfilled and complete person. Our future is our children. What kind of legacy are you leaving behind? Relationships that are fully orbed or just a fat portfolio?
5. Education… being a lifelong learner is a lifelong process. It’s not about being enrolled in the school or a fancy college or receiving a piece of paper. It is, however, about being someone who is hungry to learn, willing to change, and ready to embrace new ways of looking at life and the universe. As long as you have your mental capacities, you can keep learning and building on what you already know. Your mind is a terrible thing to waste.
6. Having fun… people get so caught up in society’s money game that wealth becomes an addiction, an obsession, and the purpose for their existence. How many wealthy people aren’t healthy people who spend far too much time and energy chasing promotions, money, and possessions. We can end up with lots of toys and turn out to be pretty unhappy people… big mistake.
7. Solving social problems… how can you be a voice in society for those who do not have the ability to speak for themselves? Whether it’s poverty, divorce, suicide, teenage pregnancy, name your issue… you can have a voice and be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Your community is full of opportunities for you to volunteer, donate time or money, and get involved.
8. Your neighbors… give the neighbors a chance. Don’t write them off because they aren’t the same age, race, or occupation as you. What’s the sense of neglecting neighbors, since they can be sources of friendship, if given a chance? Part of our connection to the greater society is defined by our neighborhoods, which are full of neighbors— who could be friends we haven’t met yet.
9. Appreciating/valuing what you have… right now make a list of 10 things that you really appreciate. What is on your list? Despite our overall affluence, we still lament material things we lack rather than appreciating and valuing the material and nonmaterial things we do have. Don’t forget relationships.
10. Your reputation… a good name is to be had above riches. It takes a lifetime to build a reputation, but only moments to lose it. We chase after many things in life, and we often de-value and under-invest in relationships which should have our focus and priority. How many men have thrown it all away in a quick but twisted attempt at some forbidden fruit?

5 Tools of Effective Families:#5. A Relationship With God

The fifth and most important “tool” is a genuine relationship with God, both as an individual and as a family.

Writing about our relationship with God is extremely difficult. So let’s start with what it is not.

It is not:

1. About attending church
2. About giving money
3. About being” good “
4. About being religious
5. About being condemning, condescending, or arrogant about one’s faith
6. About religious activity, service, or lifestyle

What it is about could take up several pages of a blog.

But we’ll start with the following:

1. Knowing and understanding God’s Word–the Bible–reading and meditating on it regularly
2. Understanding and having a genuine salvation/saving relationship with God by faith in Christ
3. Being a person who prays on a regular basis, who has two-way conversations with God
4. Being a person who’s quick to repent, be humble, and truly make things right, admitting it when wrong
5. Being a person who’s willing to serve others, even at their own expense
6. Living an obedient life, not out of obligation, but out of thankfulness and deep gratitude for all God has done
7. Allowing God’s full expression in me, in my thoughts, my deeds, my words, my motivation, my attitude, my resources, and so much more
8. Being a person who puts my walk with God as my number one priority in life, through prayer, Bible study, praise, worship, sharing my faith, serving my church and community and fellow humans.
9. Obeying God in the small stuff… being sensitive to details and doing the right thing even when no one is looking.
10. Relaxing, taking deep breaths, simply appreciating the life and the love God has given me, realizing I can not add to this love. I can only respond to it by living in the moment, and being the obedient son He’s asked that I be
11. Utilizing the gifts and the resources He’s given me in the way that He leads me to do so
12. Having a heart attitude and disposition that seeks to glorify God in every aspect of my life

Much of this has to do with what I call a “heart attitude”, the core belief system that governs all behaviors, words, deeds, and attitudes.

It stems from the realization of all that God has done for me, is doing, and will do in the future. It comes from a heart of deep gratitude, which seeks to please, not repay, or pay penance, to the God who loves me and has given his all for my life and eternity.

It’s just this… fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness, and self-control… against such there is no law.” These are the heart attitudes which demonstrate Christ’s likeness. They only come with a genuine long-term walk with him.

Be careful to understand that not speaking about perfection… we are all human,, fallible, frail, weak, and prone to making all manner of mistakes. The giant difference is having a heart of repentance. It’s quick to humble, turn, pray, and make course corrections when we discover we have sinned against God or people. We need to be good repenters.

This doesn’t mean that everything is a bed of roses, in fact Christians suffer as much or more than others. The difference here is:” God works all things together for good for those who love him and for those who are called according to his purpose.” This means that even the worst challenges, problems, and disasters are actually blessings in disguise for trust God to work it all together for good. When a person can live this way, and a faith walk with God, all of life takes on a brand-new adventure and excitement, knowing that no matter what happens, I’m going to become closer and more like my Father in each and every situation.

This is the foundation for a great life,, marriage and family. it makes for a stability, a joy, and the love that permeates a family and a marriage with the sweetness and a sanity that is rare and precious.

To call this Walk with God a “tool” is to misrepresent and underestimate what’s being written here.

This Walk with God is the life-giving, dominant feature of the dedicated Christian family and individual. With God at the vanguard of our lives, life really becomes worth living.