CHANGE CHALLENGE
October 1, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
The Challenge of Change
It doesn’t take a leader to move a person to fix something that is obviously broken. It takes a leader to inspire comfortable winners to move to higher ground. It is the hardest thing a leader can do. Just ask the President. What are you doing to help your family make the paradigm shifts that will move your family productively on a journey into the future?
Every parent needs to keep his family out of their comfort zone and hooked on the goal of continuous process improvement. Promote innovative changes throughout your family. If you lead a family and you want your family to give you innovative ideas, ask for their contributions regularly by encouraging and honoring diversity of opinion and thought. Be open to the unconventional, and be relentless in promoting fresh eyes to uncover new changes and new opportunities.
BIG DEEP BREATHS
August 27, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
Learning To Be In The MomentLearning To Be In The Moment
Learning to be present or mindful is a lifelong pursuit. Intentionality and focus are all important and can lead to the skill of being present. There are things that you can do today to help. Many of the techniques involve breathing – focus on it; it’s almost guaranteed to bring you back to the moment requires no special tools or training, so it’s a perfect way to begin. Breathe deep and focus.
Try to adopt one of these ideas, even once a day – whichever one seems easiest. Once you experience being in the present, you can find you want to try other techniques to extend the feeling. Here are a few examples –
• When the phone rings, don’t jump up to answer it. Take a good, deep breath before you say hello.
• Program your computer or watch to beep once an hour. When you hear the beep, stop and take five deep breaths. You may want to stand and stretch too.
• Before getting out of bed, take five minutes to do a mental scan of your body. How does everything feel?
• Before rising in the morning, utilize your “Tabernacle Choir”. Remember all the positives of your life. Remember, rehearse, and review all the good things and grace that has been given you.
• Practice doing just one thing at a time. Stop multitasking; it will poison your soul and mind. If you’re eating, don’t watch TV or read. You will gain up to 5 extra weeks a year in lost time and productivity. If you’re walking, don’t talk; focus on a single activity.
• As you eat, take small bites and chew each one 30 times. You will discover you enjoy your food more, and it’s healthier to.
• Stop, look , and listen. Really smell the flowers, listen to people, focus your attention, and be in the process of the moment. You will be more peaceful, focused, loving, present, and engaged as well as engaging!
1. Slowing down-2. Taking deep breaths-3. Intentionally noticing your surroundings-4. Stopping, looking, and listening-5. Connecting to and communicating with those around you-6. Being present, focused, and in the moment-
Once you start developing the ability to be present at certain times of the day, you have developed a valuable skill to call on to defuse stress at any time. As with learning a sport or musical instrument, the more you practice, the more adept and you’ll become. Before you know it, you’ll be nowhere else but here. Are you here and in the moment right now?
Over Achiever??
August 19, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
Solutions for the Over-achieving Parent• Enjoy the moment. Stop and really concentrate on the small joys of life.• Be here now. Really focus on others and what they are communicating• Practice thankfulness for what it is now. Mentally and verbally give thanks for all you enjoy• Buy a Koi pond and go “watch the fish”. At least go outside and breathe, stretch and notice nature in its various forms.• Take breaks, stop and smell the flowers, intentionally enjoy life. Take a walk daily at work or home to break up the routine• Accept that less is more. What are we REALLY lacking in any moment?• Learn to push, then stop and wait for the results and be patient. Really know when you have done enough, then stop and give thanks. It will be there tomorrow.• Bring your best contribution to all relationships. Really make relationships your #1 priority in life. • Surrender to the moment, circumstance, or situation. Practice really letting go of any situation you have no control over. Rest. Pray. Release.• Take quiet breaks and rest. Walk. Go outside. Go Inside. Close the door. Time out.• Forgive with intentionality. Really release it and forget it. Move on…• Let it go. Stop your mind from negatively replaying what you cannot control.• Move along. Look to the next thing. Get over yourself.• Operate from the concept of a universe of abundance. There is more than enough for everyone.• Relax at work. Take a daily walk.• Breathe deep. Fill your lungs with air so that your stomach expands. Do this each hour.• Totally trust God and pray. Learn to reach out to God in personal prayer and really speak with Him. Tell Him how you feel. He can take it. • Take vacations. Schedule in advance, save the resources, plan with gusto, and just do it.• Stop the “self-beatings”. As you have the inevitable setbacks of life, simply resolve in advance to not add to the disappointment by adding self- deprecation of any type. Make it a point to stop negative self- talk. • Monitor and question moods and attitudes. Practice self-control and be aware of your personal emotional cycles and weaknesses and adjust your perspective from there. Know yourself and adjust accordingly.• Surrender and accept what is. It is what it is…and it can be better if you are willing.
Got to or………..Get to?
June 12, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
“Have to” vs. “Get to”
The key here is attitude. You don’t HAVE to do these things. But, you GET to do these things. Your motivation and attitude is everything so decide now in the seat of your will that this is a priority to you, and you will succeed at it! When will you get started on your Parenting Plan?
How will it look when you schedule your kids into your life and keep your appointments with them? What will it take for you to be the initiator and leader with the plan and in your family?
Our priorities need to become people and relationships. Learning to be here now is a key aspect to developing these key relationships. As we all know, time flies when you’re having fun. Kids grow, people die, people move on and life changes very rapidly. This is why slowing down and enjoying relationships and people and being in the moment is such a key piece to enjoyment and fulfillment in life.
To align yourself with high quality of life and living is to have fun, enjoyment, and to be a lifelong learner and contributor. The results are compelling-satisfaction with our lives, relationships and legacy: joyful participation.
Do you have a plan in training yourself to relax and be in the moment? Do you have a vision to train yourself to enjoy the moments? Are you able to suspend your inner Type A person and duct tape him in the corner? Can you suspend activities to do that which gives us real-life? Will you align with your priorities and live in the “now?”
The result will be no regrets in your old age or on your deathbed. Will you be able to look back and truly give thanks for life and the legacy left to others? Can you die happy and fulfilled knowing you did your part and left a heritage that was compelling to other people? When it’s all said and done what is fathering success? What does it look like?
The answer lies in a word: Relationship.
Our relationships define our “success” in this world. So, how‘s the wife and kids?
3RD ANNUAL FATHER’S DAY WRITING CONTEST
May 28, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
In honor of Father’s Day and fathers everywhere….
www.becomeabetterfather.com is sponsoring our 3rd Annual Father’s Day Writing Contest.
We want to know our readers opinions of what it takes to be a AWESOME father.
We value your opinion and would love to hear from you and what you think makes a great dad.
The question we pose is:
” MY DAD IS AWESOME BECAUSE__________________.”
That’s it!
Here are the official rules…
- Write about what you think an AWESOME father is (A poem,essay, or other writing form) LIMIT 300-500 WORDS and simply email to us!
- Email your entry to sjhammond@suddenlink.net
- You must have your entry posted by midnight, Pacific Standard Time, June 30th, 2011.
- July 1st, 2011, the lovely Mrs. Hammond will pick a winner based on what she think rocks!
- The winner receives a free full one-hour consultation with Scott Hammond, an Every Day Book, a full-featured blog post on www.becomeabetterfather and much more!
- We will post an entry on this blog on July 1st 2011, containing links to the winning entry…… so you will get a free link out of the deal.
- You will win an autographed copy of the Every Day Dad: the Guide to Becoming a Better Father!!
That’s it and good luck! The question remains: “MY DAD IS AWESOME BECAUSE__________________”
Best,
Scott Hammond FO-9
Father of Nine
WWW.BECOMEABETTERFATHER.COM
WWW.EVERYDAYDAD.COM
Hey, Meet Gabe!
May 16, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
True Story….Gabriel Hammond’s Birth
This is our true and heartfelt story of turning pain into passion. This is a true story of our beloved son, Gabriel Hammond.
It all started with the ultrasound at the local Mad River Community Hospital. The ultrasound revealed the possibility of Down syndrome. Gabe (our unborn son) had a one in three chance of having the condition. Did he or didn’t he? That question haunted us until Gabe’s birth.
My wife Joni was assigned a month’s bed rest and then gave birth to a mostly-healthy baby boy. Joni and Gabe were flown overnight to UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, where Gabriel was to have surgery to correct an intestinal blockage. After the surgery, both mother and son were fine.
The two-dollar question was did Gabriel have Down syndrome?
Meeting with the doctor, she told us that yes, Gabe did have Down syndrome and that we had less than one year left in our marriage. Her point was that parents of special-needs kids have huge marital challenges. The doctor was not very delicate in the way she told us. What a great nugget to drop on a couple in such a vulnerable time!
No one prepares you for the disappointment, loss, fear, and many of life’s potentials forfeited when you learn that you have a baby who has Down syndrome. The feelings of new parents of kids with Down run from anger to depression to frustration to resignation. It is like the six phases of grieving. It feels a bit like a death within the context of birth in that it is a death of a vision. A parental hope and dream of what could have been most likely will not be now with this new twist of having a “special need”. It is a feeling, ultimately, of being lost in a world of unpredictability and not having a map of where you are going. This is truly “uncharted water”. That feeling of fear and sense of loss will be forever ingrained in my heart and mind. We knew nothing of Down syndrome or special-needs kids. To this point, we’d had six healthy children and had never met anyone with Down syndrome or any similar disability.
As we learned that our Gabriel had Down, we really had to dig deep and see if we could find the upside of Down syndrome. But, fear ruled the day.
Who is our boy? What will he be when he grows up? Can he play football? Will he go to college? Will he be “normal”? Will he get married? Will he have children? Will he have to undergo heart surgery?
These and other questions raced through our minds as we try set about discovering who it was we were dealing with and what his needs would be going forward. The initial sense of being lost without a compass or any bearings is truly an emotion to which words cannot do justice. When advised of our Gabriel’s condition, the well-meaning but blunt doctor told us that most special-needs parents divorce within the first few years. Well, she just added to our devastation.
On a subsequent trip back to UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento, California, years later, that sense of being lost is what I remembered the most. That sense of not knowing what to do, where to go, or who to turn to, other than God. We made the decision to learn to love and raise Gabriel and come to terms with what, or rather who, we were given.
How did we move forward? What were the metrics of measuring progress with Down Syndrome? What will Gabe’s needs be? How different will he be? How can we get help and resources? What about school?
The darkness, disbelief, and doubt that swirl around new parents, who discover their child has Down syndrome or any other life-altering disease, birth defect, or condition, are real and profoundly devastating. Not having a map or a compass to consult, not knowing which steps are needed is truly a frightening, debilitating process. Faith in God becomes paramount at the moment and going forward.
It’s a hard thing to realize and come to grips with the disappointment of a loss of a child diagnosed with something as long term and life-changing as Down syndrome. Down syndrome is not “cute” as some blithely observe. Kids with Down syndrome, while they are special, are still a challenge, especially for the parents upon first discovering their own child’s special needs.
The unknown twists and turns, trials, stress, surprises, fears, and heartbreak are all part of what it means to be a special needs parent.
The ensuing questions, heartbreak, prayer, and walks around the UC Davis campus, crying out to God, will always be etched in my memory. After days of genuine soul searching, I decided to dedicate Gabriel (and our raising him) to the Lord. Although he would never be a professional football hero or a brain surgeon, his life would be both personally fulfilling and enriching to those around him. We were ready to move on and raise our son no matter what!
The shame, embarrassment, and guilt that parents of children with special needs share is one of life’s dirty-little-secrets. Although not rational, logical, or reasonable, these feelings are very tangible.
The feelings of sadness and gloom often come at unexpected, strange times. Perception is reality. The pain is real. In addition to this we discovered Gabe had autism as well. This was a family shock to say the least. Now our son had a double challenge…so did we.
The times of reality hitting home when the Costco gawkers stared at us and our son Gabe only served to remind us of our frustration, pain, and anguish. Every so often, the reality check of Gabriel’s special needs of Down syndrome (and now, autism, as well) come crashing in on us. Gabe’s episodes of dysfunction or meltdowns pull us out of our times of denial, where we have to admit, acknowledge, and again decide to go forward as parents.
We have learned to be honest with our feelings and with each other. We’ve chosen to redeem benefits from all the pain as a couple and as a family to achieve love regardless of the “return on investment”. The lessons learned have to do with my deciding to have the right perspective, attitude, actions, and behaviors. The decision to love unconditionally is ours alone. This unconditional love, stemming from the decision to love Gabriel, has transferred some of my pain into a long-term perspective which is surprising, refreshing, and very interesting.
SPIRITUAL AUTHENTICITY
April 23, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering
Walk Your Talk with Your Kids—Living with Spiritual Authenticity
Train a child in the way they should go….“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”– Proverbs 22:6, King Solomon of Israel.
This is a great concept, promise, principle, and protocol for fathers. “Training up” has the idea of a parent graciously investing in a child whatever wisdom, love, nurturing, and discipline is needed for him to become fully committed to God. It presupposes parental emotional and spiritual maturity.
“In the way that he should go” is to do the training according to the unique personality, gifts, and aspirations of the child. The idea here is to, equip, resource, and be a catalyst for your child’s gifts, skills, and natural abilities. We must study our kids and know just what their strengths and weaknesses are.
The converse is to help the child avoid whatever natural tendencies she might have that would prevent total commitment to God. For example: a weak will, a lack of discipline, a susceptibility to depression, etc… Knowing where our kids are prone to weakness will help us to help them avoid the pitfalls of poor decision-making, lack of character, immaturity and more. This is as important as knowing their strengths and gifts and facilitating those.
The promise is that proper development with great parenting ensures the child will stay committed to God and love people… the two basics of the 10 Commandments. May we stay focused, diligent and intentional in this key role!
Tools of Effective Legacy: Grace. How Do We Use Our Authority?
When I talk about fathering, I think of how God the Father deals with me. And then I realize His kindness, patience, and love and see how short I fall as I deal with others.
God doesn’t always use a stick to beat us when we make mistakes, so why are we as fathers so quick to apply the stick of punishment to those around us, especially our kids? It’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to not like injustice, disobedience, immaturity, and some of the zany things kids do in their selfishness.
But what gives you and me the right when we are tired and frustrated to dole out law in the spirit of anger? Our Lord never modeled that type of authoritarianism. He did everything in love, including correction, chastisement, teaching, and encouragement.
You and I as men need to re-learn authority. We need to not get caught up in the disciplinarian model and playing the heavy, which is so common in our society. We need to learn the authority of Jesus, based in love, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control.
We need to re-learn the father heart of God, and how that applies to our leadership and authority over those for whom we have responsibility. We must be intentional and incremental in learning this model, as it will transform our parenting, and indeed, our lives. So, the next time you’re faced with someone’s shortcomings, or your own, for that matter, what’s going to be different?
Will it be grace or law? Which have you been given more of?
Grace versus law- means that we translate His heart to those around us in how we use our words, authority and actions. How can we successfully use godly authority in a way that shows His heart and love and kindness?
How do you personally dole out correction and discipline? Do the following mark your approach?
• Anger
• Frustration
• Stress
• Burnout
• Tiredness
• Cussing and swearing
• Yelling and raising your voice
• Withholding your favor in some way
• Silent treatment
• Launching out in anger
• Physical violence
• Verbal violence
How do these mirror the Father Heart of God (see Appendix B.), and how he’s treated you? Does God do any of the above as He has occasion to correct and admonish you? In your walk with God, has He ever treated you with anything but kindness, love in the heart of a father? The answer is God corrects and chastens us in great love and patience and kindness. His encouraging and teaching Spirit reminds me that the kindness of God leads me to repentance… every time.
We get caught up in stress and with our authority; we often default to become the great disciplinarians. We get hard, mean, and even cruel—often with those we love the most.
This is wrong, and an incorrect application of authority. We do need to have courageous conversations, and even dole out consequences as needed, but if our default is dictatorial we’ve missed the mark in the Jesus example.
The authority that Jesus wielded can be learned, applied and given freely, but we need to be intentional…. How will you discipline, correct, and encourage someone who is under your authority the next time? Will you default to a baser form of handling authority, or will you be intentional and model the kindness and encouragement of Jesus Christ? Next time, what will be different?
“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce
April 11, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering, Relationships
You just broke your child. Congratulations.
Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.
I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.
As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.A
The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.
I was agitated. I was confused. How could this man not see what I see? How could this man not see what a beautiful spirit stood in his shadow? How could this man be so quick to stub out all happiness in his own boy? How could this man not cherish the only time he’ll ever have to be everything to this boy? To be the person that matters most to this boy?
We were three from the front now, and the boy started to come towards his dad yet again. His dad immediately stepped out of the line, jammed his fingers into his son’s collar bones until he winced in pain, and threatened him. “If you so much as make a sound or come off of that wall again, I promise you’re going to get it when we get home.” The boy again cowered against the wall. This time, he didn’t move. He didn’t make a sound. His beautiful face pointed down, locked to the floor and expressionless. He had been broken. And that’s how his father wanted it. He didn’t want to deal with him, and breaking him was the easiest way.
And we wonder why so many of our kids grow up to be screwed up.
I’m going to be blunt. People see my relationship with Noah, and quite often put me up on a pedestal or sing my praises for loving him more than most dads love their own kids.
Damn it. I don’t understand that, and I’ll never understand that. Loving my son, building my son, touching my son, playing with my son, being with my son… these aren’t tasks that only super dads can perform. These are tasks that every dad should perform. Always. Without fail. There is nothing special about me. I am a dad who loves his son and would literally do anything for his well-being, safety, and health. I would gladly take a rake in the face or a jackhammer to my feet before I cut my own son down or make him feel small.
[sigh] I am far from a perfect dad. And I always will be. But I’m a damn good dad, and my son will always feel bigger than anything life can throw at him. Why? Because I get it. I get the power a dad has in a child’s life, and in a child’s level of self-belief. I get that everything I ever do and ever say to my son will be absorbed, for good or for bad. What I don’t get is how some dads don’t get it.
Dads. Do your faces light up when you first see your child in the morning or when you come home from work? Do you not understand that a child’s entire sense of value can revolve around what they see in your face when you first see them?
Dads. Do you not realize that a child is what you tell them they are? That people almost always become what they are labeled? Was whatever your child just did really the “dumbest thing you’ve ever seen somebody do”? Was it really the “most ridiculous thing they ever could have done”? Do you really believe that your child is an idiot? Because she now does. Think about that. Because you said it, she now believes it. Bravo.
Dads. Do you honestly expect anybody to believe that you can’t find 20 minutes to step away from your computer or turn off the television to play with your child? It has to happen every single day. Do you not understand that children will hinge their entire facet of trust on whether or not their dad plays with them and how involved he is when he plays with them? Do you know the damage you do by not playing with your children every day?
Dads. Should anybody buy into this silly notion that anger is sometimes or often necessary? Do you not understand that anger is almost always an emotion for people who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves? Do you not know that there are incredible books and courses that can teach you better methods? Most importantly, do you not see the speed at which a child is crushed or becomes completely defiant when anger rules the roost? Are you that desensitized to the luminosity of your child’s spirit that it doesn’t crush you completely when they flinch or cower in your presence? Is that really what you want your child to do? To fear you?
Dads. Do you not realize that your child needs to feel your skin on his? Do you not realize the incredible and powerful bond that skin on skin contact with your daughter will give you? Do you not understand the permanent mental connections that are made when you stroke your son’s bare back or rub your daughter’s bare tummy while you tell bedtime stories? And if any idiot says anything about that being inappropriate, you’re gonna get kicked in the face, first by me, and then by every other good dad out there. Touching your child is your duty as a father.
Dads. Wake up! These precious souls that have been put into your care are unique and so very sensitive. Everything you say or don’t say will impact their ability, success, and happiness throughout their entire lives.
Do you not realize that your kids are going to make mistakes, and a lot of them? Do you not realize the damage you do when you push your son’s nose into his mishaps or make your daughter feel worthless because she bumped or spilled something? Do you have any idea how easy it is to make your child feel abject? It’s as simple as letting out the words, “why would you do that!?” or “how many times have I told you…”
Let me ask you this. Have you ever looked into the swollen eyes of a parent who’s child has just died?
I have.
Have you ever cried through a child’s funeral?
I have.
Have you ever touched a wooden box with a child inside? A permanent tomb from which another laugh or giggle will never sound?
I have.
If you want the motivation to be the best parent on earth, do that just one time. I pray you never have to.
Dads. It’s time to tell our kids that we love them. Constantly. It’s time to show our kids that we love them. Constantly. It’s time to take joy in their twenty-thousand daily questions and their inability to do things as quickly as we’d like. It’s time to take joy in their quirks and their ticks. It’s time to take joy in their facial expressions and their mispronounced words. It’s time to take joy in everything that our kids are.
It’s time to stand up and ask what we can do to be better dads. It’s time to get our priorities straight. It’s time to come home and actually be a dad.
Dads. It’s time to show our sons how to properly treat a woman. It’s time to show our daughters how a girl should expect be treated. It’s time to show forgiveness and compassion. It’s time to show our children empathy. It’s time to break social norms and teach a healthier way of life! It’s time to teach good gender roles and to ditch the unnecessary ones. Does it really matter if your son likes the color pink? Is it going to hurt anybody? Do you not see the damage it inflicts to tell a boy that there is something wrong with him because he likes a certain color? Do we not see the damage we do in labeling our girls “tom boys” or our boys “feminine” just because they have their own likes and opinions on things? Things that really don’t matter?
Dads. Speak softly to your sons. Speak calmly to your daughters. Who do you want your child to be? Do you want him to be the kid at school that sits by himself with absolutely no friends or self esteem? Or do you want him to be the kid running for class office and feeling like he deserves to win it? Do we not see that we have the power to give that to our children? Do we not see that we have the power to teach our children the tools of societal survival?
Dads. Do we not see the influence we have when we say we believe in one thing, but our children see us living something else? Do we not realize how little we encourage our children to actually decide what they believe, declare what they believe, and then live by it? Whether it’s religion, politics, sports, or societal norms. It is not our place to tell our kids what to think. It is our place to teach our kids to think correctly. If we do this, we need have no fear of what they will decide for themselves and how strongly they’ll stand behind it. A man will follow his own convictions to his death, but he’ll only follow another man’s convictions until he steps in manure.
Damn it, Dads. Every child has the innate right to ask for ice cream without being belittled and broken. Every child has the innate right to do so without being made to cower in the corner because the man who is supposed to be his hero is actually a small, small man altogether. Every child has the innate right to be happy, and giggle, and laugh, and play. Why aren’t you letting them? Every child on earth has the right to a dad who thinks before he speaks; a dad who understands the great power that has been given to him to ultimately shape another human being’s life; a dad who loves his child more than he loves his television shows or sports games; a dad who loves his child more than his material junk; a dad who loves his child more than his time. Every child deserves a superhero dad.
Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads don’t deserve their kids.
Maybe the truth is that a lot of dads aren’t really dads at all.
I apologize for the heatedness of my post. I believe a part of me feels like a coward for not saying something to the man in front of me at Costco. Consider this post to be my penance. Perhaps a part of me feels that if even one person reads this and decides to be a better dad, it was worth every second that I spent typing it. If one child has a better life because something in my words stirred their father to step up their game, then it was worth every ounce of begging and pleading with you to share this with others, of which I am inevitably going to be guilty.
Dads. Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making. So stand up with me and show the world that there are a lot of good dads around.
To the men and women who read this post… married or not… parent or not… share this post on Facebook and Twitter, even if it doesn’t apply to you because you’re already all these things. If you’ve ever seen a father break his child, share it. You never know what child might get his superhero dad back. You never know what tiny spirit might feel just a little more loved because Dad took the time to tuck her in tonight.
All because you were willing to paste one link and ask others to read it.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing Pleading
PS, I am seriously ornery and sad right now. Please comment below and say whatever you like, but please also tell me about a good dad you know, somewhere, and what makes them good. I really need to hear it right now.
Simple….Man!
February 3, 2011 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Fathering
Simple Man, original artist is Lynrd Skynrd. Written by lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Gary Rossington.
Seemed like a Great Song for a Fathering Web Site……..
SIMPLE MAN
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time… dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.
(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?
Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
(chorus)
Boy, dont you worry… you’ll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
Use Your Kids as a Gym by Leo Babauta (Zenhabits.net)
November 16, 2010 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering
Minimalist fitness: use your kids as a gym
Post written by Leo Babauta.
I’m a big subscriber to using whatever you can find to work out: pullups on trees, throw big boulders, flip logs or big tires, jump over things, sprint up hills (see Minimalist Fitness, part 1 & part 2).
As a parent and a minimalist, I’d like to share my ultimate minimalist workout secret: my kids are my gym.
Fellow parents, if you’re not doing this yet, I can’t recommend it highly enough. How are they my gym? Instead of paying hundreds of dollars (even thousands) a year for a gym, I use my kids to get in shape.
How? Every way I can, but here’s a few:
I carry them on my shoulders as we walk around town.
We race each other to the corner, sprinting. Often up hills.
I do pushups with them on my back.
I lift them up in the air — it’s like lifting weights.
I’ll let them hang on me as I do chinups.
We climb and jump around in the playground.
We play with the soccer ball — getting lots of sprints in as we do.
We jump around in the ocean. A great workout.
We wrestle.
We challenge each other to do pistols (one-legged squats) or handstand pushups (what they sound like). Mostly we can’t, but it’s fun.
We do lunges while walking up a hill.
I carry them slung across my shoulders — a fireman’s carry — which is a great workout btw.
I’ll carry one on my back, piggy-back style, while racing another kid up a hill. Yes, I love hills.
Awesomer than a gym
So why is this so awesome?
1. We bond. Instead of spending time away from the kids at a gym, I spend time with them. And get a great workout in throughout the day. It’s two birds, one stone, saving time while helping me bond with my kids.
2. Work becomes play. It’s not exercise, it’s not a workout, it’s *play*. And that’s a whole different ballgame. Play is fun, it’s challenging, it’s easy, and yet it’s a great way to get in shape.
3. No cost. OK, kids aren’t cheap — but I have them anyway, so why not use them? I’m saving money and getting fit — that’s all kinds of win.
4. I’m being a role model. Kid learn most of all from what they see others doing, especially their parents. You can tell them things all day long, but unless they see you doing it, you’re not teaching them much. When we go to the gym, they don’t see us working out. When we workout as we play with them, they’re learning how to be healthy, and that is a gift that will last a lifetime.
5. It’s a lifestyle. I don’t work out at one time during the day, and then stay sedentary the rest of the day. It’s all throughout the day, every day, which means it’s woven into my life, not a small segment of my life. This is what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
6. It’s functional. When you do a bicep curl with a dumbbell, you’re making a motion that you never would do in real life — when have you ever lifted something heavy while keeping your upper arm fixed to your torso? Instead, when we lift heavy things, we bend at the knees, and use our legs, our torso, our shoulders, our arms — basically most of our body at once. When I lift my kids, that’s the same motion I’d use to lift anything else. Functional exercise is much more useful than isolated lifts.
Working out using my kids as equipment is the best thing I’ve done with my fitness. It’s fun, so I never want to stop. It’s functional, it’s cheap, and best of all, I get to do it with my kids. I love it.