2nd Annual Fathers Day Writing Contest Winner Announced!!
THIS IS OUR 2009 WINNER—A TRIBUTE TO SINGLE PARENTS EVERYWHERE!—Good job Caitlin!
My Dad is awesome because he is the best Dad in the world! What makes my Dad so awesome is that he plays the role of “Dad” and “Mom” since he has raised me and my older sister as a single parent. He works so hard every day, he has his own business, but he still makes time for ball games, dance recitals, track meets or whatever my sister and I are involved in. We can tell Dad anything. He listens to us vent, he hugs us when we cry, and he corrects us when we need it. Our house burned in December, but my sister and I knew that when Dad said it would all be ok, it would be ok. We knew our dad would work non-stop until he had it built back, and that’s exactly what he did. We know if we need anything, he will make it happen. He’s a “dad” to all our friends as well. They all call him “Daddy Matt.” His girlfriend has two boys who he also treats like his own children. We have all become like one big family, and he is the Dad who loves us all. He does everything from play Playstation with them to coach them in wrestling or train them at the gym. They would say he deserves some kind of “Dad of the Year” award as well. He also takes care of anything his mother needs since she is a widow. He cuts her grass, takes care of her car, whatever she needs. He is the most unselfish person on the planet! He does all this and still manages to also be the best cook ever! My dad is awesome!”
Caitlin Y
DadSez Quote: “1 in 4 Americans suffer from mental illness. Think of your best 3 friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.”
Survey Sez….
Posted via email from Become a Better Father with Scott Hammond
If you could have 3 Parenting “do overs” what would you do differently? Part 3.
The last installment of our Informal Survey…
ok. “do-overs”:
1. Stop saying, “No” immediately unless it’s a life threatening situation. Rather, come to their eye level or lower and explain to them why what they’re doing or thinking about doing might be a really bad idea, complete with realistic consequences of their actions.
2. Be more aware of the family history on mental health. Turns out depression runs in my family. Had no idea until 2 years after I figured it out. It really does take a toll on the family, especially the kids.
3. Take all that energy from yelling (see 2 above) and whisper. It’s amazing how quickly people shut down at loud noises, but perk up at really, really soft ones.
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Not had child number 1
Not had child number 2
Not had child number 3
Bad parenting day today…..ask me tomorrow and the answer will be different. Now if you will excuse me I have to go find out why…
Child number 1 thought it was okay to go to the bathroom at school and send a questionable song to all of his 5th grade friends on the emergency cell phone that he wasn’t supposed to have brought to school.
Child number 2 thought it was funny to tell a Chuck Norris and Virgin Mary joke to his friends during study hall that was definitely not appropriate for 8th grade students.
Child number 3 thought it would be okay if mom came home and found her and her boyfriend making out on the couch with his hands down her pants - she is 16.
Do you think it is too late to get a refund on them?
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I would have protected my children LESS from the cause and effect of thier own behavior.
I would have been more strict about responsibility.
I would have been less accepting of negative behavior.
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Scott,
I just joked today that I wish I had time to write the book “The Parent REDO”! How ironic…
As the mother of 2 ( 11 and 13), high maintenance pre teens, I do not think this space will have room for all of the “do overs” I could give you. You asked for three so here goes.
I would have kept “consistent” with rules…
I would have kept “consistent” with a routine/expected schedule…
I would have kept “consistent” with our overall expectations…
“Children will follow where we lead them..if we do not lead them, they will not follow.”
Permission granted to use quote from a guilty parent of great kids that have been lead by consistent love but not by consistent leadership. I will be the 1st to buy your book as the do overs are still possible…I hope!
If you could have 3 Parenting “do overs” what would you do differently? Part 2.
Results from our Informal Survey…
A lot of Doug’s advice struck a chord for me- the 3 things I took from his memorial service were:
1.) LIVE FOR TODAY. Do not dwell on the past, learn from your mistakes, but do not let them haunt you. Do not get caught up in the future. LIVE for the PRESENT! If you make today a success the success will continue into the future.
2.) COACH/MENTOR- take an active role in your children’s interests. Doug coached his last lacrosse game for his younger son’s team just a few weeks before he past away. His boys did not win that day, but they still felt like winners. Doug taught them that what was important was that they played their best, had fun, and had love & respect for their teammates and their competitors. Doug was in the habit of asking his team- “What is my job?” They would respond- “to love us.” “What is your job?” “to love each other.” I am not sure where Doug got these mottos but the point was- teaching & mentoring kids is great for the kids- but was also incredibly rewarding for Doug.
3.) LET GO OF REGRET’S! As tragic of a loss as it was to lose Doug at such a young age- he did get an incredible gift- his diagnosis forced him to let go of regrets. Every man has things he wishes he did differently but we are forgiven for our mistakes- and we should not dwell on them.
Anyhow- sorry for the long response- but these are some of the things I learned from my buddy Doug. And even though he was a “Man’s man” he was never embarrassed to say- “I love you Man!’ and neither am I.
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Being a grandparent of two provides remarkable insight into my parenting background. Between my wife and I, we have grown daughters and all that comes with it.
1. I would be more relaxed about encouraging my offspring to explore and think for themselves.
2. I would instill less fear of uncertainty
3. That’s it because, while parenting was a “surprise” for me in my mid-thirties, I can’t imagine life without having at least one child.
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Nothing! That doesn’t mean that I was a perfect parent. I simply would go through that season with the faith that carried me through it the first time. I believe that each child has his/her own spirit, soul, mind, emotion and will. I’d to my best, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to guide that child in the direction of their bent. I have noticed little consistency between what we may consider “great” parenting and how kids turn out. Raising a child is such an act of “trusting God” and a daily dose of humility as those little innocent creations remind us that we are not God and that we need to depend on Him all the more. What a terrifying responsibility…to bring a child into the world via birth or to parent via the blessing of adoption. Yet, having said all of that…I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
If you could have 3 Parenting “do overs” what would you do differently? Part 1.
Great question: these are the Result of our Informal Survey…
1. I would prepare earlier for adolescence. It’s a huge transition, and it starting to occur earlier - emotionally, if not physically.
2. I would challenge my kids more, earlier. I would give them higher levels of responsibility and allow them fail more often.
3. I would take more mission trips and fewer traditional vacations.
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The 3 do overs I would focus on:
* Provide chores at an earlier age and stress the value of money
* Give more independence at an earlier age. (walk to store, go out with kids)
* Spend more “quality” time (take on more my speaking engagement trips, don’t overwork, etc.)
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1). I would have had all my kids go through the family meetings we did with the last four. The results on that go-around were amazing.
2). I would have done a better job of exposing all of my kids to the world - through travel and volunteerism. Time just got away. Exposure and Experience are the two greatest forces for creating Tolerance and Compassion.
3). I would have taught them better about finances and personal responsibility. They had specific chores and schedules with consequences clearly communicated, and we weren’t all that free & easy with allowances. But we didn’t enforce the savings account rules, and we helped them more than we should have with some of the things they would have appreciated more if they had participated in earning the ability to buy it themselves.