5 Tools of Successful Families: #2. Expressing Yourself

Expressing yourself…

You may assume another family members know your needs, feelings, and opinions without you telling them.

But… relying on mind reading may result in…

• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Resentment
• Loneliness….or hurt…

Here are some guidelines for expressing yourself clearly…

1. Describe your feelings… share your feelings with” I” statements. They build trust and relationships and they give you ownership of what’s being said…” I feel-______”

Say what you mean in a simple, direct way. I’ve found that honesty is always the best policy. People seem to resonate with honesty and being straight up with them. Be specific, rather than general. Resist the temptation to be a pleaser, always trying to tell people what you think they want to hear. This is a big mistake.

Here’s some tips to use…

1. Describe how other people’s behavior affects you without blaming. ” You” statements can stifle communication and create an accusatory atmosphere.
2. Be aware of your nonverbal communication. Your body language gives you away every time. Be attentive to your face, tone of voice, and body language, because they communicate… far more than your words.
3. Finding time. Perhaps the most important way to express yourself is to make time to communicate with your family. Making a conscience effort to carve out time to talk with each individual, and together as a family, is key to the relational health of your family. A family environment can provide a safe place for its members to share feelings, thoughts, ideas, theories, dreams, and hopes.

It is often family that is left out…during busy, hectic times, it’s especially important to plan a few minutes when everyone can be together, or when you can be alone with a family member without interruption. Be sure to save a difficult problem-solving conversation for times when you’re not totally tired or fatigued.

Many of us are verbal learners and need to process our issues and problems through talking. If you have kids or your spouse who is thusly wired, you would do well in heeding the advice above. People who learned this at a young age will be more likely to cope with stress as adults. Being able to discuss and vent angry feelings can keep those feelings from creating more severe problems such as alcohol or drug abuse, violence, mental illness, stress, depression, or other emotional problems.

Take the time and make the time to communicate today. This is an investment in your children that far outweighs money or possessions…

If not you, who?

If not now, when?