Comments for Become a Better Father

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Tony

Tony — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 21:48:04 +0000

Dan,
You have just ripped my heart from my soul in what you’ve written, and I needed to here it!
I have been that father you describe. I googled “how to be a better father” and at the top of the page was your post ! Subsequently I read every word as my heart slumped and I realised my soul has left me!
My son is a vibrant, intelligent, handsome, active, very loving and very forgiving 7 yr old who still seems to love me and cherish me although I haven’t always been the superdad I should be!
I’m going to have to seek out some proffesional help with how I have become as a non dad! Reading your words was like an apifany(if thats how its spelt). I’m going to add it to favourites so I can bring it up and read it when I need to (which will probably be every day).
I have struggled with a few things since my son’s birth especially in regards to $ and what a lack of it won’t provide for him. I took a job in the mining industry here in Australia (which reaps huge money)so I could achieve what I thought was a fundamental thing a dad should do, earn big dollars! But being away for 2-3 weeks at a time & only home for a week (which ends up as only 4 days of worthwhile time) took a toll on the family. I began drinking too much trying to self medicate my depressed state due to my own feelings of loneliness and dispair for my absence at home.Mostly I was feeling sorry for myself for the anxiety I was causing myself & at home, for the sake of money.
Then when the GFC occurred, I used it as an excuse (to myself) to get out of the mining game before a mass exodus, before thousands of other miners became layed off only to add to the que for the minimal jobs left to take in the real world!
Here in Aust. that didn’t end up happening so much as I had predicted, but I was able to score a secure job with our local municipality .
In the beginning I had to come to grips with the removal of the money I had been earning and not being able to buy a house for my son to live in, and one day call his own, was now stuff of fairytales. I have to admit, I felt resentment towards my family for this which of course I know was a selfish thing without any doubt!
recently, I have become more and more like that father you write about and am certain that others have looked upon me as you did him and as I also have to other fathers myself in the past!!!
Not to the point of grabbing my son in the collar bone etc.but with the intimidation and growling bullshit. Sorry for the language but at this time I am very angry and disapointed in myself for who and what I have become. I find myself not wanting to involve myself with my son due to my feelings of guilt over all this and things are just compounding!
I honestly love my son so much but have lost direction somewhere along the way. Reading your piece has been motivational and inspiring and I’m sure I will be reading it often from now on to keep myself reminded of who I need to be to my son.
Especially the questions you posed about ever having seen a grieving parent for a lost child etc. I have often had these same thoughts to try to slap myself out of it. I just can’t contemplate what that would be like as a parent! I’m sure it would be the end of me !!! I have to admit that I am and have become that small, small person.
I hope my comments aren’t too late for you to read, since I wanted you to know that you have helped someone with your words, as it appears that only people with praise for there fathers and husbands have commented or replied. ‘Cause you posted your comments quite some time ago!

I’m going to delete scheduled recordings from my T-BOX, throw stuff away that I have had plans to fix as projects, buy myself some electric garden tools to make yard maintenance quicker,fix up my sons and my bicycle, and make some sort of schedule for spending time with him, so I can begin to focus on what is the true meaning in my life. . . Being a good father instead of an Ogre!
I THANK YOU SINCERELY!

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Katie

Katie — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:10:11 +0000

Thank you so much for writing this!!! My husband is the most amazing father and I often wonder why every father doesn’t feel and act this way with their children. He drops off + picks up our 9 month old daughter every day at daycare and they have their own special time together playing. It’s important for both of them and I have always seen my husband’s confidence growing bigger and bigger because of this. I hope lots of dads (+ moms) read this and realize how important their children are (if they don’t already know it) and see how much we make our children who they are.

Thanks for being an awesome parent and writing this!

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Margi

Margi — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 06:45:42 +0000

My sons have a wonderful dad. He takes time to spend with them – REALLY with them, every day. He asks how their day in school was – And he actually listens to their answers. He plays with them. He laughs with them. As our oldest son enters teen-hood, I overhear him giving advice on how to treat a girl properly. When our youngest has a problem with a kid at school, dad helps him figure out solutions. Parent teacher conference? He’s there. Special events? He woudnt dream of missing it. He takes them out to practice sports when they want to play. He takes them kayaking, swimming, or just hangs out, cuddled up on the couch warching a movie together. He gives them time and attention and he let’s them know on a daily basis how very loved they are.
Oh – by the way, their “dad” is not their “father”. Their “father” and I divorced several years ago. He doesn’t help me support them financially at all, he has seen them twice in the last two years, he doesn’t even bother to send Christmas or birthday presents – not even a card. Usually not even a phone call
“dad” to them is their stepdad. A man who, although he has no biological children, stepped into our lives and became the most amazing dad imaginable to my three sons. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would willingly and without hesitation take a bullet to protect these children. He’s a great role model, a loving and attentive, involved parent who could not possibly love these boys any more than he does, regardless of whose DNA created them. He IS their dad in every sense of the word.

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Clarissa

Clarissa — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:36:08 +0000

My dad is a superdad. He worked tirelessly to give my mom the flexibility to stay home with me when I was a child. You’re right – I couldn’t wait to see him when he walked in the door!!! He always asked me how my day was, helped me with my homework, and most importantly he almost never lost his temper with me. I remember one time he spanked me and then actually apologized to me; he told me he’d promised himself when I was born that he would never hit me out of anger, and he had violated that promise. I remember so many times when I was growing up that I felt like I could talk to him about just about anything, whether it was boys or school, hopes or dreams. He continues to be a fantastic sounding board, always willing to listen when I need an ear. He taught me how to change a tire and spark plugs, and even an alternator or car starter. Some of my most vivid memories involve him teaching me thing that most dads wouldn’t teach their daughters, like how to use a router and table saw. And now, as my husband and I celebrate 8 years together and hope to have children of our own, I’m confident that my dad will be an awesome Grampa when the time comes. Even though we live several thousand miles away, I fully expect that he’ll tell my kids their bedtime stories over Skype – the same stories he used to tell me when I was little.

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by elsie

elsie — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:34:00 +0000

oh how i wish i could squeeze that little boy and tell him how beautiful he is and that there is a better way if he’s patient enough to find it. my 6’8″ tall fireman superdad could have made anyone feel small, but instead he was always engaged and gentle and carried us on his shoulders and told us how special we were and told anyone who would listen how much he loved us. not only that, but on multiple occasions i’ve seen him tactfully suggest to other men, better, gentler ways of conducting themselves in their roles as father, friend, partner, etc. i’ve seen him drop to his knees to speak to children or tiny sick old ladies during ambulance calls, because he is aware of his size and the brute stigma that comes with it. i think the main problem is parents aren’t often truly aware of their children, they see them in their periphery and aren’t able to fully incorporate them as the people they are. i’m very thankful for my superdad, and although my husband and i don’t have children yet, i’m confident he will be one too because he possesses the same silly, shiny, gentleman qualities that made me feel valuable growing up. thank you for this post, and for your big dad-heart

Comment on Being a Leader, Not a Boss by Phillip

Phillip — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:25:39 +0000

If I understand the Bible correctly, it teaches that men are to be leaders in the home and to sheppard the children in that home.

I feel quite inadequate to lead in anything and perhaps even more so with the shepard role.

I come from a Lutheran back ground, I said the sinners prayer when I was in the 5th or 6th grade. It’s been my experience that once you “get saved’ or graduate the classes to take communion at a Lutheran church, it seems like that was “THE” goal … it almost seemed that it was up to the new convert to figure out what to do next.

I have no training in being a leader and have no idea where or how to begin sheparding my 14 year old son. It’d be nice to have at least an outline or guideline … something … not that it has to be an exact formula or so rigid as to be inflexible …

I’m also a deacon where I go to church and question my effectiveness as a leader in the church … any suggestions towrds my comments would be greatly appreciated

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Josh Firestone

Josh Firestone — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 18:59:15 +0000

Great post Dan! I immediately shared it on my facebook with a friend of mine as well as my own similar experience in witnessing the turmoil of a selfish and angry dad.

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Amy Hernandez

Amy Hernandez — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 05:43:56 +0000

In all you described a child needs in a father and a father needs to be; you described my husband. I am so blessed and thankful for the father my husband is to our daughter. I grew up with a FATHER. He left in the morning, came home in the evening, and you left him alone with his martini. He only dealt with my brother and I when we were in trouble, and God forbid you disturb him with any noise.
I knew that when I got older, I wanted MY children to have a DADDY. A man who relished rolling around in the grass with his child, who would allow his daughter to play with his hair, with no more than a pained expression from the barrettes. A man who couldn’t get enough hugs and kisses from his kids.I got my wish when I met my husband. We discussed our attitudes toward parenting and children early into our relationship. Our daughter is 9 years old now and has had her daddy wrapped around her finger since the day she was born. I have never met a man more patient and devoted to his child than my husband. He is the father, dad, and daddy every child deserves and I love him all the more because of it.

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by Leslie Jones

Leslie Jones — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 22:35:28 +0000

I thank you for a wonderful article. I also thank you for being a great Dad. A lot of men are just sperm doners, it takes a real man to be a Dad. I am very proud of my son who was a step Dad before he had a son of his own. You couldn’t tell the difference in how he treated those two kids. Keep up the good work.

Comment on “You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce by autumnmichelle

autumnmichelle — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 21:37:18 +0000

a good dad <3 my sons father, Jason is a very good dad. He puts all of himself into loving Elijah. They have the most beautiful relationship. A man that is normally distant, he is always fully engaged with Eli. his patience is endless, and since the day that our child was born it has always been his fathers touch that was able to sooth him to sleep. no matter how hard i have tried over the past 6 years i have never been able to get the rhythm of the pats on his back quite right.