What is the deal with Chuck Norris?

My Kids Love this stuff….Don’t tell Chuck but me too..

• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

• When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  
• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  
• Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  
• There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  
• When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
  
• Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
  
• A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  
• Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  
• Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  
• In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
  
• Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
  
• If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  
• A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
  
• Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  
• Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
  
• When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  
• While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  
• Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
  
• When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
  
• When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
• Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
  
• Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
  
• For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  
• Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  
• When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  
• When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
  
• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  
• On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  
• Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
  
• In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
  
• Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  
• Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  
• Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
  
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  
• Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  
• If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  
• Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
  
• Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  
• The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  
• You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
  
• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
  
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
  
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
  
• When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
  
• Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  
• James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  
• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  
• Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
  
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

BECOME A PRO AT PUBLIC SPEAKING

Coach Bear Bryant Speaks…

6 Minutes, 50 Years

Here is legendary Coach Bear Bryant’s speech to his Alabama football team before a 1974 game:  “Most of you will live another fifty years or more. I hope it’s seventy, but if it’s fifty that’s still a good life, and what happens today you’ll have to live with the rest of the way. You can’t get it back if you don’t win. It’s sixty minutes and over. The losers are the ones who say, ‘Oh I wish I could play it again.’ You can’t play it again.

Well, you’re not really going to have to play sixty minutes. None of you. The longest play in a game is six and a half seconds. The shortest play is less than two seconds. That’s barely a wink of the eye. You’ll average five seconds a play. Five seconds of total effort, going all out, giving a hundred percent. You oughta be able to hold your hand in a fire that long…”

How to Write a Compelling Speech

How to Write an Inspiring Speech

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Do you want to inspire people? Do you have a burning desire to share your life experiences and tell your stories so that other people can benefit? If so, there are a number of things to consider when writing an inspiring speech.

This last summer I was inspired by what I witnessed at the Beijing Olympics. As the drama unfolded around Michael Phelps’ quest for eight gold medals, I found myself relating to his family watching from the stands. I couldn’t relate to Michael and his mind-blowing accomplishments, but I could relate to the emotions that his family was experiencing: the pride and elation and love.

The reason I could relate to his family was because day after day the network kept telling us the story of his childhood. It was like being invited into his home and sitting on the couch watching home movies and going through family albums. By the time he won his eighth gold medal, I was rooting for him as if I was family. He became my surrogate child and when his mom cried, so did I. His accomplishment was inspiring because I felt I was a part of it.

Make Your Story Their Story

In an inspiring speech, you want to bring people into your experience. They should feel as if they are part of what you are talking about. You want to connect your story to their story. If you don’t make this connection, your speech can be interpreted as indulgent and preachy.

Some of the clients who come to me for coaching on their motivational speeches have amazing stories. Similar to my experience with Michael Phelps, their accomplishments are often so far from my reality that I can’t relate to the accomplishment. However, though I may not be able to relate to climbing Mt. Everest or being a 3-time world champion sportsman, if their story is told well, I can relate to their human experience, and to the drama of their inner struggle, challenge, disappointment or victory.

Reveal Your Inner Struggle

Your story comes alive for me when you reveal your inner struggle. It doesn’t matter what your story is about; climbing a mountain, adopting a child or making a big sale, I can relate to your inner struggle more than to your specific accomplishments. You must be willing to share your private thoughts and feelings in order for me to connect. That means you have to move beyond telling me what happened, to letting me feel your emotions and share in your thought process.

Get Emotional

Your inspiring speech may contain twenty or thirty thousand words but it will fall flat if it doesn’t contain genuine emotion. Words are interesting. Emotions are powerful. It’s not enough for you to tell me stories and share insights. It is the emotional context, shown and experienced rather than narrated, that makes you inspiring. You need to get emotional while you are speaking.

Michael Phelps was emotional and we saw it. His family members were emotional and we saw it. And because I felt that emotion, I connected to the story that was being told. I got hooked. I call that an “empathetic experience.”

Build a Bridge

Your personal experience gives you credibility as a speaker. I don’t care how many books you’ve read or what you’ve learned from your research, I want to know what you know from experience. Once you’ve shared your experience by telling me your stories and giving me examples to support your points, you then need to build a bridge from your experience to my experience.

Hey You! Yeah You!

The way you build a bridge and make your speech more inspiring, is by talking directly to me. Use the word “you” and I know you are talking to me. You make it personal to me by asking me questions like, “what about you?, how about you?, when will you…?” rather than asking “what about us?, how about us?, when will we…?” If you use words like “we” and “us”, they are general and I can pretend you are not talking to me. If you make a point and then say, “This is what I accomplished and you can do this too,” I get inspired. The word YOU is incredibly powerful. Use it.

Talk to One Person at a Time

Every member of your audience is hearing you one-on-one. They are listening to what you say and personalizing it based on their life at that moment in time. It is very immediate for them. Consider the difference between speaking to the “whole audience” versus speaking to that lady in the third row with the glasses, and then talking to the gentleman wearing the striped shirt, etc. What would it be like if you were talking to your friend? How would you speak to a friend?

Tone It Down

Have you ever seen a motivational speaker that said all the right things but failed to connect? They use a big voice and a big smile, but lack authenticity. They are the cliché motivational speaker that gives motivational speakers a bad name. In working with hundreds of speakers, I’ve found that it has a lot to do with vocal and emotional tone. Get real. Tone it down.

Just Talk to Me

A woman in a recent Story Theater Retreat came to me with one goal: to get real. Her story was fine, her heart and mind were in the right place, but she was stuck in “speaker” mode. She was having one heck of a time toning it down and just being her authentic self. Somehow she had gotten the message that she had to pump it up to be motivational and inspiring. Every time she got up to speak she’d go into “speaker” mode, and every time I reminded her to ‘just talk to me.”

It took multiple reminders before she finally relaxed into herself and stopped pushing. In the end, she was more inspiring when she toned it down and spoke naturally than she was when she came in the door. She accomplished her goal. She got real.

Intimacy is the Key to an Inspiring Speech

As you sit down to write your speech, stand up! Walk away from the computer. Take a walk with a pad of paper or a voice recorder. Go to a coffee shop with a friend and talk about what you believe. Listen for your natural cadence. Learn to write in your own voice. Think about what you’d say to a friend who is in pain. How would you counsel someone you care about? How would it sound? Be aware of the intimacy in your voice based on the emotion you are feeling. Write your speech with the intention of talking to one person at a time.

The Architecture

I just spent two days working with an aspiring speaker on his keynote. We made hundreds of strategic choices. And over and over again he kept commenting on how complex the design phase was, what I call the architecture of the speech. Without the proper architecture - the right ingredients organized in the right sequence - your speech won’t hold together. Rather than being easy for the audience to follow, it will jerk forward like a car in desperate need of a tune up.

Don’t simply write your speech; design it. How will the pieces hold together? Where will they intersect?

You can write an inspiring speech. You can be an inspiring speaker. Your life and your stories can inspire people. Don’t wait. Start writing your inspiring speech today.

If not you…who? If not now…when?

by Doug Stevenson

Toastmaster’s are the Masters of Recruiting

1. Ask someone (everyone) 2. Bring a guest 3. Advertise in newspapers 4. Advertise o public access TV 5. Sample or demonstration meetings 6. Letters or personal contact with local businesses 7. Contact with Chamber of Commerce 8. Bookmarks inserted in library books 9. Public meetings at malls, outdoors, etc 10. SpeechCraft 11. Booth at malls, fairs, festival etc. 12. Pamphlet in doctors’ offices, hospitals, cafeterias, libraries, etc 13. Host an Open House 14. Contact past members 15. Hold membership drives and contests 16. Warm greeting 17. Guest information packet 18. Guest introductions 19. Encourage, but don’t force, Table Topic participation 20. Ask for comments 21. Clearly marked room 22. Club business cards 23. Distribute extra magazines in waiting rooms, etc 24. Hold high-profile meetings 25. Advertise at local colleges 26. Have a guest speaker 27. Have a special guest day 28. Have a program for non-members 29. Make prospective feel important 30. Have enjoyable programs 31. Make some meetings social evetns 32. Have a Club web page 33. Use email 34. Put posters in stores 35. Ask corporations and employers to sponsor or subsidize membership 36. Have a reward program for those who bring a in anew members 37. Create more fun 38. Have a variety of snacks 39. Invite the media 40. Use word of mouth 41. Network with coworkers, friends, and family 42. Follow up on guests 43. Have educational meetings 44. Have friendly meetings 45. Lead by example 46. Have incentives for those who join 47. Members give talks at other organizations 48. Provide guests with free meals 49. Corporate Clubs provide brochure for new employee packets 50. Display the trophies 51. Club sponsor a deserving, needy individual 52. Lure passers-by with free food 53. Advertise with a blimp at sports events 54. Have a marching band spell out your club’s name 55. If you are the boss, make your employee join 56. Ask the District for help 57. Provide child care 58. Hold join meetings with non-toastmasters groups 59. Share your toastmasters experience with other 60. Participate in community events 61. Write letters to community groups 62. Be active in Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, Kiwanis, etc 63. Publicize Clue successes, election, contests, in local newspapers 64. have a club newsletter 65. Have a club brochure 66. Hold a public debate 67. Never cancel a meeting 68. Members should be prepared 69. have a planned agenda 70. Encourage interclub visits 71. Form/join a speakers’ bureau 72. Teach public speaking at vo-tech, community college, continuing education 73. Hold public workshops 74. Wear your pin 75. mention Toastmaster at meetings of other organizations during announcements 76. Send newsletter to guests 77. Visitor Day – each member sends out 10 invitations 78. Talk up Toastmasters to those who express problems with public speaking 79. Ask guest to join 80. Get a three meeting commitment 81. Advertise in church bulletin 82. When asked about your speaking skills, tell them about Toastmasters 83. Tell everyone about the benefits of Toastmasters 84. Have informative meetings 85. Make it Fun 86. Bumper Stickers 87. Smile 88. Invite guests to your place of business to get better acquainted with them 89. Attract a wide age spectrum 90. Give testimonials 91. Elect a dedicated VP membership 92. Hold smooth meetings 93. Get experiences Toastmasters to join as dual members 94. Repeatedly invite prospective members 95. Practice selling Toastmasters at Club meetings 96. Make it look easy 97. Promote humor in speeches 98. Make meetings more interactive 99. Send thank you to guests 100. Have table at trade shows 101. Hold a Speechathon with as many speakers as possible 102. Think like a child-how would you get someone to play with? 103. “put in words” apparel to writers’ clubs 104. Toastmaster minute on radio 105. Interaction with story tellers’ organizations 106. “Do it for you” poster contest at schools 107. Bring your boss 108. When someone notices your progress, tell them why and invite them 109. Hold meetings at senior centers 110. Have new member kits 111. Hand out flyers and brochures 112. Have a host for each guest 113. Hand out invitation cards 114. Members constantly promoting and raving about Toastmasters 115. Meet at a good location 116. Explain the structure of Toastmasters

101 Ways to Praise

1. Wow
2. Way to go
3. super
4. you are great
5. excellent
6. Neat
7. remarkable
8. I knew you could do it
9. fantastic
10. superstar
11. nice work
12. looking good
13. on top of it
14. beautiful
15. now, you found it
16. catching on
17. now you’ve got it
18. Beautiful
19. you care
20. you’re a good friend
21. makes me happy
22. you make me laugh
23. you are joy
24. you are perfect
25. you rock
26. you’re the bomb
27. pure joy
28. your perfect
29. you’re the best
30. say, I love you
31. you’re fantastic
32. you’re on target
33. good job
34. that’s incredible
35. dynamite
36. you’re beautiful
37. don’t stop now
38. good for you
39. I like you
40. your darling
41. you are precious
42. you’ve discovered the secret
43. you’ve figured it out
44. thanks for sharing
45. you are important
46. You belong
47. you made my day
48. you all are a treasure
49. awesome
50. fantastic job
51. hip hip horray
52. magnificent
53. Marvelous
54. terrific
55. you are phenomenal
56. you are sensational
57. super work
58. great job
59. super job
60. fantastic job
61. exceptional
62. you’re a real trooper
63. you are responsible
64. you learned it right
65. what a good listener
66. you are fun
67. you are cool
68. you tried hard
69. I trust you
70. outstanding piece of work
71. you mean a lot to me
72. you’ve got a friend
73. that’s correct
74. you are wonderful
75. you make my day
76. high five
77. Way to go
78. You as a man
79. Sweet
80. dude
81. fabulous
82. outstanding
83. unbelievable
84. far out
85. Way cool
86. so nice
87. chill
88. special
89. I thank God for you
90. oh yeah
91. on target
92. super
93. You are the best
94. You have accomplished it
95. I adore you
96. you are totally getting it
97. you have mastered this
98. there’s nothing you cannot do
99. you have achieved greatness
100. I respect you
101. I LOVE YOU!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

This is Dale Carnegie’s summary of his book, from 1936

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Table of Contents

1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

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Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

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Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

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Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

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Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

How to Give and Take Criticism

How to Give and Take Criticism like a Man Courtesy of the artofmanliness.com Dealing with criticism is a skill every well-adjusted man should possess. We give and take criticism among our co-workers, our friends, and our family. Criticism is an important part of our personal self improvement, for it is other people who can point out mistakes and shortcomings that we can’t see because we lack objectivity. Unfortunately, many young men today don’t know how to offer and accept criticism like a man. Instead they handle criticism like little boys. When giving criticism, they opt only to give snide, cutting jabs that do nothing to improve the situation. When receiving criticism, they sulk, make excuses, and argue with the person criticizing them. Ask any teacher who has the nerve of giving a student a poor grade. Today’s students will cry and whine their way to a better one. Or worst of all, have their parents intervene. They simply don’t know how to respectfully accept criticism. Because we all face situations every day that require us to give or take criticism, we provide the following guidelines on how to make the process more constructive. How to Give Effective Criticism Go in cool, calm, and collected. Before you begin to give criticism, make sure you have your emotions in check. This is particularly important if the person did something that really ticked you off. If you go in yelling and banging your fist on desks, you’ll probably get the problem fixed in the short term. However, when you don’t take the time to have a cool and reasoned discussion, you miss out on an opportunity to solve underlying problems. Be specific. If there’s one thing you remember from this post, let it be this: be as specific as you can in your critiques. Don’t just tell the person, “This sucks,” or “This could be better.” Explain exactly why their work or action is subpar. A blanket criticism will put the person on the defensive, and they’ll never be able to correct their problem. Criticize the action, not the person. Try to keep the person as separated from their mistakes as possible by criticizing their action and not them. It makes the criticism less hurtful and much more effective. So don’t say things like, “Jeez Louise you must be an idiot! Look at all these mistakes you made in this report!” Just because someone makes a mistake, that doesn’t make the person a pinhead. We all have bad days. Be a diplomat. When giving your specific criticism, it sometimes helps to use diplomatic words. Our old friend Benjamin Franklin was a master at this (which is why he was probably such a successful diplomat). In his autobiography, Franklin said this about using diplomatic language in discussion: When I advance anything that may possibly be disputed, [I never use] the words certainly, undoubtedly, or any others that give the air of positiveness to an opinion; but rather say, I conceive or apprehend a thing to be so and so; it appears to me, or I should think it so or so, for such and such reasons; or I imagine it to be so; or it is so, if I am not mistaken. This can help take the sharp edge off of criticism. Sometimes, however, people need that edge to spur them to action. Use your discretion in deciding whether a harsher approach would be more appropriate. Make specific suggestions for improvement. The goal of criticism should be to help someone make improvements. While specifically pointing out the problem is the first step to correction, if a person doesn’t know what they can do to improve, knowing their mistakes won’t help them one bit. Don’t just tell people what’s wrong with their work, give them specific suggestions on how they can improve it. The key word, once again, is “specific.” Personalize your approach. Consider a person’s disposition when deciding how to approach the delivery of your criticism. In general, you can be harsher with a man than with a woman. Case in point: at my high school there was an assistant football coach that tore his players up and down for their mistakes. His philosophy was to “tear them down and then build them up.” He then became the girls basketball coach and continued the same uber-harsh tough love approach to coaching. The girls did not respond as the football players had; instead, they broke down and cried and became so nervous before practice that some would throw up. Of course, some women want to hear it like it is, and some dudes are dainty. So think about who you’re dealing with before you lay into them. Point out positives. When criticizing someone, it’s always good to point out the positives in their work or actions as well. Two benefits exist from this exercise. First, it makes the criticism easier to swallow and reminds the person they’re not a complete screw up. Second, it shows the person what they’re doing right and gives them a reference point on which to base their future work. When beginning a conversations with someone, start with the compliments first. Then transition into your criticism by saying something like, “There is just one area I thought could use improvement……” Follow up. Always, always make sure to follow up after giving constructive criticism. Your criticism won’t do any good if the person doesn’t put into practice your suggestions. Schedule a follow up with the person you’re criticizing. Say something like, “How about we talk to each other next week to see how your changes are coming and to answer any new questions you might have?” By letting the person know you’ll be following up with them, they’re more likely to get their butt in gear and make the needed corrections. How to Take Criticism Consider the source. You’re going to receive criticism from thousands of people in your lifetime. It’s important to remember that not all criticism is created equal. Determining the source of the criticism and the motivations behind it will help you know how to handle it. For example, Kate and I sometimes get criticism from people who read the Art of Manliness. Much of the criticism consists of “You are stupid” or “This is gay” or “I’m unsubscribing!” We just ignore this drivel. It’s not worth our time or energy to get upset that some random dude from the internet thinks we suck. However, if we get an email from a long time reader who has contributed to the comments on the blog, we’ll definitely consider their criticism. If you think the source of your criticism isn’t genuinely interested helping your improve, take their criticism with a grain of salt. At the same time, be sure to honestly assess your critic’s point. Some people are too quick to write off criticism by saying, “They’re just jealous!” Maybe so, but be sure to thoughtfully evaluate the feedback before dismissing it. Shut your trap and listen. Fight the urge to argue with the person or explain your mistake, and just listen to your critic. You’d be surprised what you can learn if you simply soak it in. Don’t take it personally. Don’t take the criticism as a personal attack on you. Try to detach yourself as much as possible from your actions or work when receiving criticism so you can look at it objectively. This can be hard to do, particularly if you put a lot of time and effort into something. But trust me, if you make this a habit when receiving criticism, you’ll save yourself from a bruised ego. Stay calm (even if the other person is being a complete d-bag). The goal in criticism is to keep as much of your emotions out of it as possible. Once you allow your passions to flare up, any hope of making the criticism constructive goes flying out the window. If your critic is being a complete jerk, staying calm can be hard to do. But be the better man. Let the other person do all their ranting and raving, while you sit there looking cool as a cucumber. When they’re done, kill them with kindness. Let them know you understand their concern and thank them for taking the time for bringing it to your attention. Ask clarifying questions. Make sure you’re on the same page with your critic by asking clarifying questions. Clarifying questions are particularly important if your critic is giving vague or ambiguous criticism. For example, if your critic tells you your report isn’t clear, ask them where things start to get murky and suggestions on how it can be improved. By asking questions, you create dialogue between you and your critic, which in turns fosters co-operation and an atmosphere for mutual improvement. Take ownership of your mistake. When someone brings a legitimate mistake to your attention, don’t get on the defensive and start making excuses for it. Take responsibility for your actions. Many young men today don’t want to own up to their mistakes. They’re always putting the blame on something or someone else. These men will be stuck in eternal mediocrity because they will never accept their need for improvement. While denying your mistakes can keep the heat off for a moment, it will greatly impede your personal progress in the long run. Change your perspective on criticism. Instead of seeing criticism as humiliating or embarrassing, view it as an opportunity to improve yourself. Winston Churchill had this to say about criticism: Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. Instead of avoiding criticism, seek for opportunities to be criticized. You’ll find that getting feedback from an outside source will stretch your talents and abilities. Thank your critic (even when they handed your butt to you). Always thank your critic. This can be difficult. No one seriously wants to say, “Thanks for showing me that I was wrong!” But swallow your pride and sincerely thank your critic. They took the time to sit down with you and point out areas where you can improve. The least you can do is say thanks. Take action and follow up. After you’ve received your criticism, take action immediately. After you’ve taken action, make sure to follow up with your critic and let them know how you’ve rectified the problem. This shows that you actually listened to the criticism and respected what the person had to say.

3 Mistakes Parents Need to Avoid

Living priorities is a daily, hourly, and moment by moment choice we all must make.

Have you ever failed as a parent?

Have you ever said or done something, either habitually, or on a one-time-only basis, that resulted in an irreversible parental mistake?

What could you have done differently to avoid that mistake?

How could you identify them before they happened?

Are you currently and habitually making mistakes right now in your parenting style and family culture?

What are the three top relationship killers, pitfalls, traps the best parents fall into, and how can we avoid them?

1. Busyness– how did life get so complicated?  Time, scheduling, stress, moods, attitude have created  a busy and crazy lifestyle for most every parent in our culture. Burned-out parents seem to be the norm.  Moods flare, words are exchanged, attitudes run rampant, and the whole thing seems way over the top on a regular basis.  Where do we find relief in peace and tranquility and surrender in such a crazy society and culture?  I believe some of the answers lie in the following:

• Learn to stop… work, projects, our minds, our thoughts, our busyness, and our lifestyle.
• Learn the transition to home… leave work at work.  Leave anything outside the home… outside the home. Come home and be here now. Be present. Be in the moment. Be available. Be you.
• Learn to say no to many other things… even the good stuff. You cannot do it all… even though you may want to.

2. Distraction–Being self-centered and self obsessed– The sick habit of over-introspection and self-indulgence in an ongoing examination of self and how everything affects me. Being self-centered and self obsessed, could include an exhausting examination of everything that affects me in my life and the second-guessing of everything happening around me. Trying to figure out all of life is a fallacy and learning to surrender and let go and move on is the only sane and safe way to live. Breaking the self habit includes:

• Letting go–surrender, relaxing, moving on, and really focusing on trusting God for all your needs
• Make it about other people– always keep in mind you’re on earth to serve others.  And don’t always make it about you.  The universe does not rotate around you.  It’s really not about you.
• Learn to communicate– learn to listen effectively. Really try to hear what people are telling you through their body language, tone and of course, their words.  Learn to express yourself in cogent and concise ways as well.
• Focus on what’s really important– family, spouse, kids, friends, brothers and sisters, parents, community and society. At the end of the day it’s all about relationships. This requires being focused on others.

3. Value Confusion–not prioritizing our relationships–are you an object person or a relationship person? Do you devote too much project time and not enough relationship time with those around you? Failing to stop and decide who you are and who you want to be results in dissonance in living your value system. We must decide individually what’s important to us and live accordingly.  It’s a mistake to not devote a great deal of our lives to relationships. After all, you can’t take anything with you when you go. You never see the U-Haul behind the hearse at the funeral.  The mistake here is letting life drive you versus you driving life in your own priorities. You are in charge of you. You are accountable for you. The blame game will not work when you’re not living out your own values and priorities.  It’s your own darn fault…some possible solutions include:

• having a written plan–goal setting, a personal life and vision statement in writing.
• Getting organized– managing your time, having a day planner, writing down and living your priorities.
• Getting rid of the extra and non-priority–just say no. You’ll never get to some stuff in life.  There is not enough time, energy or resources.
• Setting up systems for relationship development– have dates with your kids, wife, and friends. Put them in your day timer. Schedule them up as the priorities they really are.

Living our priorities is a daily, hourly, and moment by moment choice we all must make each day. How we decide the small stuff defines us. What will we do with the resources given to us?  Each of us gets just 24 hours each day, and only a certain number of days per lifetime. How well will you use your life units? That is certainly up to you.

What will it be for you?

Are you going to let stress and busyness, distraction and self-centeredness, and value confusion throw you off your plan?

Will you be proactive and take the time, and sharpen your saw, and figure out what’s key for you in life, and then go and just do it?

At the end of the day, it really may be about you, in that you must decide for you.  How you live, love and relate to those around you in your life.

We have but one life to live, and logic and love dictate we live it effectively in relationships.

How to Be a Great Parent in Tough Economic Times–5 Tools for Effective Families

We are all suffering from the realities of the Ecomomic Downturn and we as parents need to stop and figure out what is really important.

This is an Opportunity to access and really decide what is the “Main Thing”.

This can be a time where our kids get forgotten –or– actually the focus of our lives in a new and compelling way!

When is the last time you took that Bike Ride or Camping Trip– so long a focus of your kids bugging you?

Worse yet, have they given up bugging and nagging you knowing it goes nowhere?

NOW is the time to take that trip, go for that ride, or go and jump on the trampoline…

Here are some ideas to break the paradigm, the lethargy, and the rut…now and forever.

5 Tools for Effective Families: Introduction

What is it that we as parents want to leave with our kids after we’re gone?

What will be our legacy and heritage?

Like Curly in the movie “City Slickers” asks: “What is that One Thing? “-That thing that defines and motivates your life?

What will they say about you after you are gone?…and we all will be someday!

Why do we do what we do when it comes to our parenting?

Why is Intentional Parenting so important, vital and a key priority?

In the “5 Tools for Effective Families “we will explore how to nurture our kids by setting a foundation of best practices.

We will learn to incrementally introduce the habits and tools to parent intentionally.

Our goal should be to nurture our children and help them flourish: to be the best they can be.

We will explore listening, good communication, genuine encouragement, choosing to give grace, and laying a foundation of faith in God that governs all of whom we are and where we are going as a family.

It all begins with relationship building on a quality life foundation that results in emotional health and well-being of our families.

The end goal is that we may be able to leave a legacy and heritage for our children and their children as well.

5 Tools for Efffective Families: #1, Listening

Communication has two parts:

• Listening and
• Expressing yourself

Both must occur for communication to be successful.

Listening…

When you listen well to family members, you encourage them to talk about what’s most important to them. It’s easy to get careless about really listening, but listening is at least as important as talking. Everyone needs someone to listen to them, someone who supports them and allows them to openly express feelings. Sometimes a person can find a solution or discover the sources of stress just by talking. Some of us process our feelings or find ways to clarify and express our thoughts by simply talking to others. Find out which of your family members process in this way and you will have a key to unlocking their “code”.

Dads sometimes feel obligated to lecture, present solutions, and give an analysis instead of listening. This is not good listening. A good listener should not feel obligated to advise, analyze, or have all the answers. Listening and responding with concern and understanding may be all the help needed. And remember, it’s hard to listen well when strong emotions are in the way.

Effective listening encompasses the following:

1. Attentiveness. Paying attention and putting aside what you are doing shows the speaker that you intend to listen. The harder part of attentiveness is putting aside your opinions and thoughts and conclusions until you’ve really heard what the speaker is trying to say.
2. An attitude of openness and respect. You may not agree with what your family member’s saying, but being willing to hear and listen indicates respect and honor.
3. Clarifying meaning. Check out the interpretation of the message you are getting. Feedback helps to know whether you’ve understood what your family member means. Give feedback or check your interpretation of what is being said.
4. A validating response. This lets the other person know you are ready for more listening. This involves body language, posture, facial expressions, and genuinely showing readiness for more communication

Dads tend to be natural lecturers. All of us need to work to be more intentional listeners. I’ve found many times that listening sets the stage for solving problems, great relationships, and genuine peace in our family. Practice just sitting and focusing on your child without any distractions, and it will transform your life, their life, and your relationship together.

5 Tools for Effective Families: #1, Listening, Part Two

The art of listening.

One of a human’s greatest needs is psychological survival, to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated.

In other words, we need to be heard. It isn’t always easy, and we live in a busy world, and many of us spend our days in a time crunch.

But the experts agree, when we take time to listen we improve relationships, promote an atmosphere of cooperation and encourage creative thinking, and even save money by avoiding costly errors caused by miscommunication.

Active listening does not come naturally. Stephen Covey notes that when someone speaks, our initial reaction is to evaluate and scrutinize them, the opposite of what we should do.

Instead, we should focus on empathetic listening with the intent to understand and we must do this with the goal of helping.

There are four phases of empathetic listening, according to Covey.

1. The first is to mimic content, repeating exactly what the speaker has said
2. The second stage is to rephrase the content to what was said in our own words
3. Third, you may reflect feelings or make a non-judgmental statement about the speaker’s emotions, empathizing with what or how he feels.
4. The fourth stage is a combination of the second and third stages, to rephrase content and reflect feelings.

Sometimes you don’t want to hear what’s being said, choosing to be annoyed instead of understanding the other person’s view. This only damages a relationship. We’d make a better choice of moving forward, forgiving the offense and the offender, and resolving the problem.

Listening must come from the hearer. If it is not sincere it will show regardless of what you say. Nonverbal gestures will expose true feelings. When this happens, make it a point to remain focused on what the speaker is saying, actively participating in and practicing the stages of empathetic listening. The art of listening lies in understanding that to be an effective father, leader, spouse, or any other role we must not only care about what others have to say, but also how they feel. Just remember your kids need your full attention, your patience, and a listening ear, so listen well when they speak. It will make you an even better father than you already are.

5 Tools for Effective Families: #2, Expressing Yourself

Expressing yourself…

You may assume other family members know your needs, feelings, and opinions without you telling them.

But relying on mind reading may result in:

• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Resentment
• Loneliness or hurt

Here are some guidelines for expressing yourself clearly.

1. Describe your feelings. Share your feelings with” I” statements. They build trust and relationships and they give you ownership of what’s being said:” I feel-______”

Say what you mean in a simple, direct way. I’ve found that honesty is always the best policy. People seem to resonate with honesty and being straight up with them. Be specific, rather than general. Resist the temptation to be a pleaser, always trying to tell people what you think they want to hear. This is a big mistake.

Here are some tips to use.

1. Describe how other people’s behavior affects you without blaming. ” You” statements can stifle communication and create an accusatory atmosphere.
2. Be aware of your nonverbal communication. Your body language gives you away every time. Be attentive to your face, tone of voice, and body language, because they communicate far more than your words.
3. Find the time. Perhaps the most important way to express yourself is to make time to communicate with your family. Making a conscious effort to carve out time to talk with each individual, and together as a family, is key to the relational health of your family. A family environment can provide a safe place for its members to share feelings, thoughts, ideas, theories, dreams, and hopes.

It is often family that is left out. During busy, hectic times, it’s especially important to plan a few minutes when everyone can be together, or when you can be alone with a family member without interruption. Be sure to save a difficult problem-solving conversation for times when you’re not totally tired or fatigued.

Many of us are verbal learners and need to process our issues and problems through talking. If you have kids or a spouse who is thusly wired, you would do well in heeding the advice above. People who learned this at a young age will be more likely to cope well with stress as adults. Being able to discuss and vent angry feelings can keep those feelings from creating more severe problems such as alcohol or drug abuse, violence, stress, depression, or other emotional problems.

Take the time and make the time to communicate today. This is an investment in your children that far outweighs money or possessions.

If not you, who?

If not now, when?

5 Tools for Effective Families: #3, Encouragement

Mastering the Art of Encouragement.

It’s amazing how everyone needs encouragement, but is so reluctant to give it.

It costs so little to give, but can yield such high dividends. We cannot afford to overlook this key life habit.

The investment of encouragement can truly build up ourselves, our kids, our spouses, and our communities.

Encouragement needs to be:

1. Intentional. Offering encouragement takes extra effort and does not happen accidentally. We must be intentional if we are to be lifelong encouragers. This will mean having eyes to spot people doing things right, especially our children. To catch them doing something right and speak a word of encouragement is a powerful tool.
2. Empathetic. Be especially attentive to the needs of your kids. What would it feel like if you were a child in the midst of embarrassment, disappointment, or discouragement? Think about how you would feel. Were you that child? Did someone encourage you? If so, great! If not, how can you make a difference by being an encouragement to both your kids and those around you in your world?
3. Specific. Don’t just say “good job”, but rather provide details and specifics; showing someone that you’re paying attention can be encouraging in and of itself. Offer suggestions and remember that constructive criticism, couched in a spirit of encouragement, can be inspiring as a complement.
4. Sincere. The word “sincere” is from the Greek meaning “without filler”. Encouragement must not be unmerited praise or flattery. Do not exaggerate a person’s competence, achievements, or potential. Being believable, authentic, transparent, and genuine will help you build trust.
5. Prompt. Respond with encouragement as soon as possible and preferably face-to-face. Making positive comments publicly compounds the positive affect of encouragement. Some people would rather see it in writing, so jot them a note or an e-mail. These can be public as well.
6. Thorough. Following up by writing a detailed letter with encouraging content can really uplift your children. E-mail is suitable for doing this as well, as kids are often more tech savvy than we. Putting words into writing not only reinforces oral comments, but also provides a tangible document. Your kids can save and refer to it at a later date for needed encouragement.
7. Creative. Use your imagination when giving feedback, encouragement, or support and recognition for your children’s achievements. Be intentionally out of the box as your imagination figures out new ways to give creative encouragement. Some people like verbal support, others prefer written, some people like small gifts, and for some just spending time with them is all the encouragement they require.

Encouragement is a powerful gift, which we need to receive and give on a daily basis. Let’s be more intentional in giving it to our kids, as it will help them with the tools they need to become better adjusted, more well rounded and high achieving adults. Be encouraged to be a life-long encourager!!

5 Tools for Effective Families: #4, Grace

Law or grace?

That is the question.

How do you deal with your children and those around you when you’re angry, frustrated, tired, and burned out?

Do you…

• YELL and raise your voice?
• Play the martyr and do the silent treatment?
• Cuss and swear and scream?
• Dole out corporal punishment in the name of training, control, and authority…

In other words, how to we use our authority?

When I talk about fathering, I think of how God the Father deals with me. And then I realize his kindness, patience, and love and see how short I fall as I deal with others.

God doesn’t always use a stick to beat us when we make mistakes, so why are we as fathers so quick to undress and apply the stick of punishment to those around us, especially our kids?

It’s okay to be angry, and its okay to not like injustice, disobedience, immaturity, and some of the zany things kids do in their selfishness.

But what gives you and me the right when we are tired and frustrated to dole out law in the spirit of anger? Our Lord never modeled that type of authoritarianism. He did everything in love, including correction, chastisement, teaching, and encouragement.

You and I as men need to relearn authority. We need to not get caught up in the disciplinarian model and playing the heavy, which is so common in our society. We need to learn the authority of Jesus, based in love, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control.

We need to relearn the father heart of God, and how that applies to our leadership and authority over those for whom we have responsibility. We must be intentional and incremental in learning this model, as it will transform our parenting, and indeed, our lives.

So, the next time you’re faced with someone’s shortcomings, or your own, for that matter, what’s going to be different?

Will it be grace or law?

5 Tools for Effective Families: #5, a Relationship with God

The fifth and most important “tool” is a genuine relationship with God, both as an individual and as a family.

Writing about our relationship with God is extremely difficult. So let’s start with what it is not.

It is not:

1. About attending church
2. About giving money
3. About being” good “
4. About being religious
5. About being condemning, condescending, or arrogant about one’s faith
6. About religious activity, service, or lifestyle

What it is about could take up several pages of a blog.

But we’ll start with the following:

1. Knowing and understanding God’s Word–the Bible–reading and meditating on it regularly
2. Understanding and having a genuine salvation/saving relationship with God by faith in Christ
3. Being a person who prays on a regular basis, who has two-way conversations with God
4. Being a person who’s quick to repent, be humble, and truly make things right, admitting it when wrong
5. Being a person who’s willing to serve others, even at their own expense
6. Living an obedient life, not out of obligation, but out of thankfulness and deep gratitude for all God has done
7. Allowing God’s full expression in me, in my thoughts, my deeds, my words, my motivation, my attitude, my resources, and so much more
8. Being a person who puts my walk with God as my number one priority in life, through prayer, Bible study, praise, worship, sharing my faith, serving my church and community and fellow humans.
9. Obeying God in the small stuff, being sensitive to details and doing the right thing even when no one is looking.
10. Relaxing, taking deep breaths, simply appreciating the life and the love God has given me, realizing I can not add to this love. I can only respond to it by living in the moment, and being the obedient son He’s asked that I be
11. Utilizing the gifts and the resources He’s given me in the way that He leads me to do so
12. Having a heart attitude and disposition that seeks to glorify God in every aspect of my life

Much of this has to do with what I call a “heart attitude”, the core belief system that governs all behaviors, words, deeds, and attitudes.

It stems from the realization of all that God has done for me, is doing, and will do in the future. It comes from a heart of deep gratitude, which seeks to please, not repay, or pay penance, to the God who loves me and has given his all for my life and eternity.

It’s just this: the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness, and self-control… against such there is no law.” These are the heart attitudes which demonstrate Christ’s likeness. They only come with a genuine long-term walk with him.

Be careful to understand that we’re not speaking about perfection. We are all human, fallible, frail, weak, and prone to making all manner of mistakes. The giant difference is having a heart of repentance. It’s quick to humble, turn, pray, and make course corrections when we discover we have sinned against God or people. We need to be good repenters.

This doesn’t mean that everything is a bed of roses; in fact Christians suffer as much or more than others. The difference here is:” God works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” This means that even the worst challenges, problems, and disasters are actually blessings in disguise as we trust God to work it all together for good. When a person can live this way, in a faith walk with God, all of life takes on a brand-new adventure and excitement, knowing that no matter what happens, I’m going to become closer and more like my Father in each and every situation.

This is the foundation for a great life, marriage and family. It makes for stability, a joy, and the love that permeates a family and a marriage with the sweetness and a sanity that is rare and precious.

To call this Walk with God a “tool” is to misrepresent and underestimate what’s being written here.

This Walk with God is the life-giving, dominant feature of the dedicated Christian family and individual. With God at the vanguard of our lives, life really becomes worth living.

5 Tools for Effective Families: Conclusion

The BIG PARENTING question remains: “What is the essence, core purpose, or bottom line of our parenting?

What do we want to leave behind and instill our children, and why?

At the end of our lives, what would we like to leave behind and pass on to our children?

What heritage, legacy, or inheritance will you leave?

What will they say about you when you are gone?…and you and I will be gone one day!

More importantly, how will they live when you are gone?

Our job as fathers and parents becomes paramount and hugely important for our kids!!

I believe some of that legacy incorporates the following…

• A foundation of faith in God
• Our/Their hopes ,dreams and visions
• Learning contentment and satisfaction
• Children learning to know who they are in God
• Our kids understanding their strengths and weaknesses
• To know they are loved
• To understand fundamental knowledge and wisdom
• To own and live out real values and ethics
• To live a life of thankfulness and appreciation
• To possess as their own a love for God, people, the earth, and all living things
• To be able to apply wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, and so much more.

Why are we leave a legacy is as important as what we leave as a legacy.

You must ask yourself why you’d like to be a parent of the highest quality.

What is in it for you, your child, the world at large, and your children’s children?

What is your answer?

I want to leave my children a large heritage: a legacy for generations to come. I have a BIG vision for this stuff.

But herein lays the challenge:

I’d like to leave an inheritance for my children and to keep it for them, but I also need to keep them for it.

This is what I mean: I want to leave my children a life inheritance, but also to prepare my children for that inheritance. Acquiring and keeping an inheritance for them is relatively easy, the true challenge is to also keep them for by instilling a sense of value, faith, and a deep seated heart of love for God and people.

I know I must love them unconditionally, be intentional by making them my priority and focus, and to accept and respect and receive my children. These are the starting points for a quality inheritance for generations to come.

If not me, who?

If not now, when?

So why not you, and why not now.

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