“You Just Broke Your Child. Congratulations.” by Dan Pearce
March 19, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
This is the all-time best article I have ever shared on this site.
I stumbled upon this beautifully written article by accident and was so moved from the opening that I
could not tear myself away.This is the all-time most hit blog on this site.
There are many very powerful and true statements.
As the Dad of nine awesome children, I think the words shared here are very important, for both dads and moms!
Sometimes we all have not so great days and life gets in the way of us doing the things we should.
Dad and Gabe
I’m at a loss for words, but (in the best way I know how) I just wanted to let you know how much it has
blessed and challenged me. Children are a gift, children are ALL beautiful, and all children deserve to be children and
feel loved, and wanted and respected at all times. Read and enjoy and change for the best! Feel free to re-post, comment and share at will.
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“Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.
I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.
As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.A
The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted….”
Read the complete article by Dan Pearce here.
I also recommend you check out his new book, Real Dad Rules.
Feel free to add to the hundreds of comments below or shoot me an email today: sjhammond@suddenlink.net.
“
Courageous the Movie—the Resolution
February 20, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
THE RESOLUTION
I DO solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife and my children.
I WILL love them, protect them, serve them and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.
I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.
I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds and all of their strength.
I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.
I WILL confront evil, pursue justice and love mercy.
I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect and compassion.
I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.
I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.
I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.
I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word and do His will.
I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15
Legacy, Dying, and Regrets
February 9, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
REGRETS OF THE DYING
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Live Today as if it Was Your Last…
February 5, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
Yesterday was one of the most beautiful Winter days on the North Coast of California….A day to be remembered.
But, was it a day well lived?
Live each day as if it were your last and you’ll develop a keen respect for opportunity.
If you had only one more day on Earth, how much sharper your senses would be. The beauty of nature, the simple pleasures of life, would be indescribably wonderful, and every omonent would present an opportunity to spend quality time with your family and strengthen relationships.
Every thought would be a laser-sharp in that hightly focused state.
Well, today is the last day on Earth for today’s opportunities. Don’ let them pass you by.
Carpe Diem and grab this day and all the possibilities and opportunities to live, love, and learn.
You’ll now have a template for each day going forward.
In Remember-ence of Robert Lewis Hammond 1921-2004—Birthday 1/29/21—Would’ve been 91 Years young today.
February 5, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
My father, Bob Hammond, grew up in Iowa during the Depression.
He was poor but got to do two years of college before being enlisted in the Army Air Corps during World War II.
Consequently, our family grew up within the confines of alcoholism and dysfunction.
As I got older, and my father got sober, we forged a relationship for a lifetime.
His
support for me, going to Humboldt State, coupled with a mutual
spiritual revival, made for a lifelong friendship until his death in
2004.
My father always supported my educational goals and expressed
confidence in me; he always believed in my choices and was available
24/7.
The lessons my father taught me had to do with relationships.
My dad was a people guy, a hugger who loved crossword puzzles, plants, music, people, and God most of all.
His legacy of kindness, acceptance, thankfulness, gratitude, and forgiveness will always be with me.
As an alcoholic, he always had a special place in his heart for those who struggled with alcoholism.
He was careful to always forgive, and never had an evil word, even when one might be earned.
My father left an inherent sense of godliness, spiritual value, and
a kindness that transcends most people you’ll ever meet. Although he
was a warrior in World War II and killed many while flying a P51
Mustang,the rest of his life was spent building, not destroying. He’ll
always be remembered in our family as the ice cream grandpa, who always
insisted on multiple gallons of ice cream with each and every visit.
Here’s to the legacy of a great guy, one of the greatest generation.
Bob Hammond---Good Guy 1921--2004
YOUR STRATEGIC PERSONAL PLAN
January 21, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
Scott and Joni in Maui
A Formula for Change—the Personal Strategic Plan
You would not dream of building anything of importance without some idea of what you wanted, would you?
The drawing or sketch you would create is called the blueprint. No matter how rough the Plan is, it will let your mind see what you want.
Your mind can then go to work developing the final plan that will get the project started. This is the only way the picture can become a reality.
Remember, a house is built one brick or board at a time. Your life is built the same way. If you don’t have a blueprint for erecting your project, just constructing at random, your building will never become anything more than a disarray of brick and wood. This would be disastrous for you, don’t you agree?
How many people do you know that live lives that look like that?
It is a fact that only 5% of the people in the greatest country in the world wind up their working days and retire financially able to take care of themselves. 95% of the people in the U.S. did not plan their lives; they merely accept what is given to them.
The final product for many plans is most often better than the first draft. This is because the vast greatest power of the mind pulls in all the facts and improves upon them. The part of the mind that does this is called the subconscious. It is, without a doubt, the greatest creation of the face of the earth. Not only is it the thing that separates man from animal, it is foundational to our creativity.
Have you ever gotten anything you really wanted? Of course you have! As a child you wanted things. You dreamed of your first Red Rider, bicycle, or Barbie doll, and behold, you got it! As you grew older, came a desire for a dress or a certain model of car. Up to that point, you dreamed it once and received a lot of things. Think about that.
Jesus and Me.
January 14, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
What Jesus means to me:
1. A FATHER–Who daily oversees my struggles, needs, flaws, and life anf who still enables and helps me to be more and more like Jesus.
2. A FRIEND who speaks to my weakness, sin, and depression, and tribulation a Word of Hope, encouragement, and trust for a future with Him.
3. A SAVIOR–Who I can trust to forgive all my sins; Past, present, and future and remove my guilt and condemnation if I will walk in Him.
Your Loving Legacy!
January 7, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
| “Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way The time is gone the song is over -thought I’d something more to say…” Pink Floyd–Time |
What will they say at your funeral? What would you want them to say? THAT will be your legacy and it will be too late to start working on your life of significance at your memorial. You can begin TODAY to work toward a “life legacy” and really make a positive difference!
How do you leave a legacy of positive leadership? Who doesn’t want to leave a positive legacy? Leadership and legacy means being PROACTIVE — being the first to:
- Take the initiative to communicate.
- Set the standard-leading by example.
- Managing, planning, resourcing, and serving those around you.
- Identify vision, goals and priorities.
- Take responsibility and saying (and living) “The buck stops here”.
- Leaders press on and press in; they run counter to the culture of convenience or opinion.
Think about your personal leadership… See life as a chance to identify your purpose, position, passion, and posture and then begin to live as though your life makes a real difference—because it does! Show your quality…
1. To Impress or to Influence?
Would you rather impress someone or truly have an influence in their life? Impressions are on the surface; therefore, they are often superficial. Influence, on the other hand, is often real, honest, and requires far more time, patience, resources, and relationship. Influence necessitates communication with people and the cessation of self-absorption. Start with being more about others and less about you and you WILL influence others.
2. Your Life’s Lessons.
Many of our life’s lessons are made up from our experiences, relationships, and mistakes. Have you been honest with your fears, failures, frustrations, and feelings? Can you safely share these with others who can benefit from your mistakes? This is the stuff of legacy!
Your hardships serve to shape your life’s message. That life message consists of a spiritual component, your life’s lessons, passions, and mission. Most of what we call failure can be transformed to tangible lessons we can share with those we love. Thus, pain is transformed to purpose and passion when we share transparently about life’s lessons.
3. Your Disposition.
Is your disposition credible, vulnerable, real, and genuine? Do you act and speak with genuineness and transparency in the way you treat others? Are you believable, touchable, straight up, humane, and do you have integrity? Are you “legit” as my kids say? Are you the real deal or a phony? Can we see the “real you”…? Who are YOU anyway?
4. Leadership’s Purpose.
People are the priority. Are you able to connect with people and are you a relationship builder? Do you serve and meet needs? Do you truly love other people unconditionally? Can you allow love to define your purpose and thereby your leadership legacy? Can you love and forgive yourself first? Are you a good communicator both in reaching out and listening?
5. Posture of a Legacy Leader.
Do you live in a mental posture of being open, teachable, and always learning? Are you able to lose preconceived notions ideas and attitudes? Do you walk and live in the art of possibility in your day-to-day living? Can you be a life-long learner or do you get stuck in old paradigms and ruts of thinking about life? Have you hung up your “cleats” or “thrown in the towel” as far as learning/living new stuff in life?
6. Passion and Legacy.
Passions define leadership. What are you passionate about? Are you a spokesperson for your passions? What causes, groups of people, or issues do you champion? What would you do for free if it were possible? That is your passion. Who/what do you weep for? This would be a great place to start living with intentionality and building your legacy.
7. Your Mission in life=People.
Do you want to leave a legacy of love for those around you? Then invest yourself in quality relationships with people. Be an example to follow. Serve others. Be communicative and relational with those in your life, world, and network. Press in and take the initiative.
8. Leadership and Adversity.
Leaving a legacy of leadership and living a life of real significance means facing and overcoming adversity. How you deal with adversity defines you. Are you bitter or better? You will need faith to face your challenges. You can come through hardship as someone who can truly serve others and help them in their time of need.
Find your voice and use it toward your life’s passions, purpose, posture, and position to leave a legacy of leadership. Find your voice and your gifts, and use them!! Help others find their voice and their gifts, so they too may leave a lasting legacy of leadership and a heritage of love. You will begin to live a life of meaning and significance and you will leave an awesome legacy!
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| Scott Hammond is a Parenting Expert and as a father of 9 children offers a unique point of view on fathering and intentional living. Scott is an Award Winning professional speaker and has been recognized as a business consultant/coach with 30 years of marketing experience. Scott is the author or “Every Day Dad-the Guide to Becoming a Better Father” available on Amazon.com. Reach out to Scott Hammond today at sjhammond@suddenlink.net. |
Legacy in Business
January 7, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
LEAVING YOUR BUSINESS LEGACY IN 5 EASY STEPS— 
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
- Mary Kay Ash
What will they say at your memorial? What would you want them to say?
THAT will be your legacy and it will be too late to start working on your life of significance at your memorial. You can begin TODAY to work toward a “Business and life legacy” and really make a positive difference!
How do you leave a legacy of positive business leadership? Who doesn’t want to leave a positive legacy? Leadership and legacy means being PROACTIVE…Take the lead and be the instigator!
Think about your personal leadership… See life as a chance to identify your purpose, position, passion, and posture and then begin to live as though your life makes a real difference—because it does! Living a life aware of leaving a business legacy can help you be more intentional and show your quality.
TRUE STORY
I worked for Ron Pileggi for 20 years at the local Tri City Weekly and he exemplified a business leader who left an awesome business and life legacy. Ron always made life about RELATIONSHIPS. He modeled how to really care about and serve others with his staff, customers, community and in his industry.
Staff- Ron modeled “servant-leadership” in that he really helped his staff wherever possible. He showed a boss who was involved on a personal level and really loved his staff by showing it in his actions.
Customers—Ron went the extra mile to really serve and meet needs of his customers. He even would give it away if it meant helping a fellow businessperson get back on their marketing feet.
Community-Ron was an example of a guy trying to make a positive difference in our community. Whether it was serving in Rotary, helping various non-profits, or just showing up at events, Ron was present and a servant of all.
Industry—As an industry pioneer and leader, Ron shared expertise in the Free Paper Industry of America freely. Not only was his publication multiple award winning over years, he gladly shared his trade success secrets with fellow entrepreneurs.
Ron left an amazing legacy across the board—Staff, Customers, Community and Industry. He intentionally modeled ‘servant-leadership” in the roles he served.
Here are 5 Easy “Knows” to a Great Life and Business Legacy:
1. Know Legacy–Understand and Know what a Legacy is–Begin to study what a legacy is and how we are all leaving behind something” in our lives we will be remembered for. Study the lives of those who you know have made a positive difference in their world.
2. Know Thyself–Begin to look at your life and what you are leaving behind and what you are now known for. What is it that people remember about you and your life? Be honest! Ask safe people who will give it to you straight and without apology. It is about what others know about you vs. how you perceive yourself. You may be really surprised …
3. Know Thy Legacy–Pick and focus on one aspect of your life that yields positive results and influences others in a significant way–Find your message, media, and platform and go to work leaving behind something meaningful to others. Live your life of significance with intention.
4. Know Thy Audience–Who listens when you talk? Who picks up when you “throw down”? Who are your peeps and those who love you? These are the ones ripe for receiving your legacy message.
5. Know Thy Media–Begin to find and understand your most comfortable platform and medium for delivering your legacy message. This can be written, spoken, crafted, or lived out loud in some way. Most folks begin with some writing or speaking—the written and spoken word has tons of possibility when leaving your life of significance. Blogging, public speaking, or writing your book all have potential for great legacy tools. All legacy begins with being a good communicator—be one!
It is time for us to get busy and become more intentional about leaving behind a life of business legacy and living with and on purpose. Each of us has a limited number of days on Earth (Grandpa Tom says, “No one gets out of here alive!”) and we need to be purposeful in how we live. Know legacy, yourself, your own legacy, your platform and your audience and you will begin to make a positive difference and leave an awesome legacy!
Life and business will have more meaning and so will you! Start living your legacy today—we’ll be glad you did.
Being a Leader, Not a Boss
January 7, 2012 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Scott Hammond
Many people, when put into an upper level management position or any other head honcho role, think that being bossy and aggressive is the best way to go. Yes, authority does come with the job and yes, they do have the right to tell people what to do. You remember those days when your parents told you to change clothes or clean up the dog poop. “Because I said so, that’s why.” It got old quick, but they would use their authoritative power in those situations.
People don’t like being told what to do. It is in our nature. We don’t like the “I said so” tone or the “do this, do that” tone. And when we disagree or argue with the commands given, it makes the bossing around worse and can lead to micro-managing and other uncomfortable situations. So, why doesn’t being bossy work? How do we change the stereotypical “authority-boss” role into more of a leadership and helpful role?
Commitment and Respect
You can use your new head role to tell people what to do and they will do it, but they will not care enough to give it their best. You must earn their respect and have them committed to you. When you are telling someone what to do, you are hoping that they will do it out of fear of what will happen if they don’t do it. That isn’t constructive or productive and more importantly will lead people the opposite way of being committed to you.
Change and Confidence
When you or another person is put in a leadership role, it is because of change. Someone up above wanted a change or the business needed something different to happen. Think about it: schools change the way they teach, factories change the way they manufacture, businesses change the way they reach out to customers.
Either way, people have a hard time accepting change. It means uncertainty, but can lead to better results. As a leader, it is your job to inspire those people around you. Make them believe they can change as well. Inspire them to realize they can change the way they think, the way they act, the way they file a report, etc. A boss will not inspire anyone to do this. But a leader will.
Teamwork
You are put into a management position because you have the ability to lead, be in charge, and have people working together. Teamwork is essential in becoming a leader.
The people around you are there for a reason. They do their job and they do it well. Why else would they be there? A boss will force people to do things they don’t want to do and work with people they don’t want to work with. A leader won’t. A leader will make people see they can all work together. Not any one person can run an organization these days. It requires multiple people with multiple views and contributions. A leader will get the best out the people they are in charge of.
If you think you are already a great boss, good for you. But, ask yourself, “Am I a leader or am I a boss?”
Do you give your team the resources to get their jobs done?
Do you recognize them for their hard work and achievements?
Do you have clear goals set and on track to be completed?
Does your team feel a connection?
People will give you honesty and hard work if you give them the same. They expect you to lead and take care of them and you expect them to work hard and work together. They need to trust you, trust themselves, and trust each other. Being bossy just isn’t going to cut it anymore.
Daniel is the leader and dad behind the dad-parenting blog www.daddydirection.com. Check out his blog for more parenting and dad specific techniques.