Veteran’s Day 2009–A Tribute to My Father–Eulogy of a Friend
November 11, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Fathering, Relationships, Scott Hammond
To my friend and brother Bob Hammond:
Proudly I call you my brother—-the lives we lived although different, were mirrored in so many ways that are paths were entwined forever…
Born of humble circumstance in Iowa, raised by saintly mother, forged by the Depression, in which doing without was commonplace, you were a gifted athlete, literally fighting for an education, knowledge, and some wisdom.
Through the great conflict (World War II), where the wild blue yonder,, became close up deadly and dirty. You and I lived, suffered losses, made mistakes, played thousands of card games, played hundreds of rounds of golf, fought, drink to excess, and selfishly survived…
Well, it was about time. When we made the long-awaited changes… and with those changes came sobriety, self-respect and most importantly love of family, those of goodwill, coupled with a great love for Christ.
He takes you into his arms. Go lovingly, Compadre. So long I will miss you: keep the light on for me…
Geno Scott
Arkansas, USA
Leadership and 5 Secrets of Legacy
November 5, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Relationships, Speaking
Leadership means many things to many people…I think it means being proactive… being the first:
- Taking the initiative
- Setting the standard
- Managing
- Planning
- Resourcing
- Identifying vision, goals and priorities
- A good leader takes responsibility and says” the buck stops here”.
- Leaders show the way and model by example what they’re trying to accomplish.
- Leaders press on and press in, and they run counter to the culture of convenience… they refuse to get stuck in the “bright and shiny objects”, diversions, and side eddies of our culture.
- Leaders strain and strive with intentionality and energy to build relationships and create a legacy and heritage and their families…. I do much of this is simply by taking the initiative, being intentional and planning by writing and accomplishing compelling goals that are relationship based…
Leaving a Legacy of Leadership
Who does not want to leave a positive legacy!
We want to leave a heritage to my family, friends, church and community at large.
Think about your personal leadership, through which you leave us a legacy to those behind you. See life as a chance to identify your purpose, position, passion, and posture.
What shapes you? Intentions? Motives? Opinions? Thoughts? Responses? What shapes your words, attitudes, deeds, reactions, and more?
So what is leadership, do you have it?
How do you get it?
What are you leaving behind now?
What do you want to leave behind?
What will change in order for you to do the above?
How do you get there from here?
To impress or to influence…
would you rather impress someone or truly have an influence in their life? Impressions are on the surface, therefore, are often superficial.
Influence on the other hand, is often real, honest, and requires far more ability.
Influence necessitates communication with people and the cessation of self absorption.
Your life’s lessons…
Many of our life’s lessons are made up from our experiences, relationships, and mistakes. Have you been honest with your fears, failures, frustrations, and feelings?
The above serve to shape your life’s message. That life’s message consists of a spiritual component, your life’s lessons, your life’s passions, and indeed, your life’s mission. Most of what we call failure can be transformed to tangible lessons we can share with those we have relationships with; pain transformed to purpose and passion.
Every leader has 5 components that define him or her.
1. Let’s talk about your POSITION…
Are you in a position to be credible, vulnerable, real, and genuine?
Are you believable, touchable, straight up, humane, and do you have integrity?
2. Every leader must have his PURPOSE.
People are the priority.
Are you able to connect with people are you a relationship builder?
Do you serve and meet needs?
Do you truly love other people?
Can you allow love to define your purpose and thereby your leadership legacy?
3. The third element of leadership is your POSTURE.
Do you live in a posture of being open, teachable, and always learning? Are you able to lose preconceived notions ideas and attitudes? You walk in the Spirit and live in the art of possibility in your day-to-day living?
4. One last element is your PASSION.
Passions define leadership.
What are you passionate about? Are you a spokesperson for your passions? What causes, groups of people, or issues do you champion?
5. Your Mission in life.
Do you want to leave a legacy of love for those around you?
Then have quality relationships with people. Be an example to follow. Serve others.
Leaving a legacy of leadership also means the facing and overcoming of adversity. How you deal with adversity defines you. Are you bitter, or better?
You will need faith to face your challenges. Then you can come through, as someone who can truly serve others and help them in their time of need.
A LEADER–
- A leader knows where she is going, why she is going, and how to get there
- A leader knows no discouragement, presents no alibi
- A leader knows how to lead without being dictatorial; true leaders are humble
- A leader leads for the good of the most concerned, and not for personal gratification of his or her own ideas
- A leader looks for the best in those he or she serves
- A leader marches with a group, and interprets correctly the signs of the pathway that leads to success
- A leader has his or her head in the clouds, but his or her feet on the ground
- A true leader considers leadership as an opportunity for service
- A leader is one who has not sought the high places, but who’s been drafted into service because of his or her ability and willingness to serve
- A leader listens, communicates, and cares
- A leader has courageous conversations
- A leader manages time, money, resources and is a good steward
- A leader washes dishes, cleans the bathrooms, and does what’s needed
- A leader does not look for, nor require, kudos
In conclusion, we all need to–
Find our voice and use it toward our life’s passions, purpose, posture, and position to leave a legacy of leadership. Find your voice and your gifts, and use your voice and your gifts. Lastly, help others find their voice and their gifts, so they too may leave a lasting legacy of leadership and a heritage of love.
Mission and Vision
October 13, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Goal-setting, Relationships
Vision and Mission
Start with the big picture—put first things first.
Experts in the fields of psychology and personal effectiveness now recognize it if you feel upset or an uneasy about your lack of personal time, it’s not because you have too much to do. It’s because you not satisfied with most of what you do. Determine what’s most important in your life.
- Ask such questions as what’s most important?
- What gives your life meaning?
- What do you want to be and to do with your life?
Clarity on these issues is critical because the answers to these questions affect everything else in your life—your goals, the decisions you make in the way you spend your time, and so much more.
The need for a balanced life—
If you don’t think balance in your life is vitally important to your happiness, success and health. Consider this: there is considerable evidence showing that mishandled stress at home interferes with work performance, and mishandled job pressure creates and magnifies problems at home. Research shows that the quality of your personal relationships strongly influences job productivity, disease resistance and longevity. Conversely, people who have value power over family and friendships appear to have a harder time fighting off disease and sickness.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Can success in one area of life compensate for failure in another?
- Can success in your profession compensate for a broken marriage or ruined health?
- Can success in the community justify failure as a parent?
Important: success or failure in any role you have contributes to the quality of every other role, and your life as a whole. Keep balance in your life. Identify your various roles and keep them right in front of you so that you don’t neglect important areas such as your health, your family, your community involvement, or personal development. Evaluating your various roles and attaching a new level of priority in each is another important step in becoming balanced and aligned and a whole person.
You are the architect of your future—
You are the builder, the engineer, and the architect of your future. You have the ability to define your future if you so choose and if you’re willing to be systematic, incremental, and methodical. You can plan your life resources and apply them conscientiously toward an imagined end.
This future based vision of what will be at what can be will require focus, imagination, planning, and most of all, time. It takes time to determine who you want to be when you grow up. It takes time and intentionality and seeking to really determine what it is you’re trying to accomplish how to go about it.
This future based visualization requires the ability to innovate and be imaginative. One needs to be a lifelong learner and open to the Art of Possibility. New ideas and new information and innovating become the currency in this new economy. The ability to synchronize and systemize new thought and ideas into old paradigms becomes a very valuable skill. Orchestration of resources, information, new thought, ideas, and new concepts into old skill sets is truly an art to be mastered.
It all starts with having a written plan and putting your dreams on paper. The idea of being incremental and doing a little bit each day is key to this integration. In some sort of a personal systematization becomes an incredibly efficient way to learn and grow. It allows for consistency and fresh energy every day. Calendars, schedules, and time management become key to the discipline of being systematic and methodical in achievement of our Life Plan and goals.
Accountability becomes a great help when one has partners and coaches and friends to hold one accountable to one’s own dreams. Having coaches and mentors really allows for extra contribution and value added content and experience to your Life Plan. Reminders, post it notes, another visual posts will serve to make your plans memorable and more top of mind. Use your reticular activator to look for and be reminded of your life’s plan and written guidelines.
The ability to stay flexible and dynamic and changeable is a key factor in developing a Life Plan and vision. New information is always presenting itself. One needs to have flexibility is a key skill set. Remaining changeable and flexible and malleable in being the architect of your future is key.
The steps are as follows—
- Know when and how to find your dream and vision
- Articulate it on paper and verbally
- Bring using the resources of time, information, skill sets, and determination
- Refine and articulate your Life Plan
- Resource your Life Plans through time management, calendarization, resourcing, energy, and life units.
- Just do it…
- Evaluate on an ongoing basis and rethinking and rewriting as needed.
KILLER PARENTING SKILLS: 7 TOASTMASTER TIPS FOR BETTER PARENTING
September 24, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering, Relationships, Scott Hammond, Speaking
1. SPEAKING SKILLS–It is a must:the ability to accurately communicate and express ideas, concepts, and persuade your family in a compelling manner.
2. MENTORING–Being good at bringing your kids up to their potential in any skill by helping, leading, serving, and coaching.
3. LEADERSHIP–Learning to be the initiator, instigator, and to lead with compassion.
4. TIMING–Understanding rhythm, cadence, and precise timing both in how to speak and when to speak….or not!
5. IMPROMPTU SPEAKING–Really being prepared to speak in a compelling way at any moment of need. Being here now AND having something cogent to say.
6. GOOD PLANNING–the skill to exercise good focus, organization, and productivity in all aspects of parenting and family life.
7. RELATIONSHIPS–People are what is of value in life. Relationships therefore, become paramount. It is how we develop these that defines us as individuals.
THE TOOLS OF LEGACY: A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
August 30, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Health, Relationships, Religion, Scott Hammond
Tools of Effective Legacy: a Relationship with God
The fifth and most important “tool” is a genuine relationship with God, both as an individual and as a family.
Writing about our relationship with God is extremely difficult. So let’s start with what it is not.
It is not:
- About attending church
- About giving money
- About being” good “
- About being religious
- About being condemning, condescending, or arrogant about one’s faith
- About religious activity, service, or lifestyle
What it is about could take up several pages .
But we’ll start with the following:
- Knowing and understanding God’s Word–the Bible and reading and meditating on it regularly.
- Understanding and having a genuine salvation/saving relationship with God by faith in Christ.
- Being a person who prays on a regular basis, who has two-way conversations with God.
- Being a person who’s quick to repent, be humble, and truly make things right, admitting it when you are wrong.
- Being a person who’s willing to serve others, even at your own expense.
- Living an obedient life, not out of obligation, but out of thankfulness and deep gratitude for all God has done for you.
- Allowing God’s full expression in your thoughts, deeds, words, motivation, attitude, resources, and so much more.
- Being a person who puts her walk with God as the number one priority in life, through prayer, Bible study, praise, worship, sharing my faith, serving my church and community and all fellow humans.
- Obeying God in the small stuff, being sensitive to details and doing the right thing even when no one is looking….even when it hurts.
- Relaxing, taking deep breaths, simply appreciating the life and the love God has given you, realizing you cannot add to this love. You can only respond to it by living in the moment, and being the obedient son/daughter He’s asked that you to be.
- Utilizing the gifts and the resources He’s given you in the way that He leads you.
- Having a heart attitude and disposition that seeks to glorify God in every aspect of life.
30 Ways to Be More Interesting…..Interesting!
August 28, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Relationships, Speaking
How much money is being boring costing you?ANSWER: Too much.
Boring ideas lose.
Boring people fade.
Boring organizations fizzle.
LESSON LEARNED: There is inverse relationship between how successful you are and how boring you are.
Seth Godin talked about this at length in a recent podcast with Ductape John:
“If the marketplace isn’t talking about you, there’s a reason,” Seth says. “If people aren’t discussing your products, your services, your cause, your movement or your career, there’s a reason. The reason is that you’re boring.”
This reminds me of the movie American Beauty. Towards the end, Ricky (the outcast) finally shoots down Angela (the popular girl) by evoking her deepest fear: That she’s normal.
“You’re boring. And you’re totally ordinary. And you know it,” Ricky says.
Devastated, Angela storms out of the room.
Ouch.
What about you?
Are YOU normal? Do your customers perceive you as normal?
Hope not. Your business depends on it.
Today we’re going to explore a list of thirty ways to become the most interesting person you know. As someone who makes a living writing books about “not BEING normal,” (as well as being pretty abnormal himself!) each of these practices comes from my direct experience, observation, research and reflection.
1. Avoid the Always/Notice the Never. Find out what people who do what you do ALWAYS do, then do the opposite. Similarly, find out what people who do what you do NEVER do, then do the opposite. Here’s a helpful video module with an exercise you can implement to make this practice happen. What are you currently doing that’s unpredictable?
2. Make the mundane memorable. What do your voicemail, email signature, business card, website and blog have in common? ANSWER: They’re all boring. Keep in mind: Nobody notices normal. Nobody buys boring. And nobody pays for average. So, the secret is to create a seamless predictability among all marketing touchpoints. All of these are underused branding hotspots (and more!) require a unique touch. How many customers is being boring costing you?
3. Don’t be one-dimensional. I once had a boss whose sole interest, purpose and passion in life was sports. That’s it. The guy couldn’t carry conversation like a normal person unless the topic related to sports. Or, if the conversation was not about sports, he’d go out of his way to make sure it slowly became that way.
THEE most uninteresting, one-dimensional guy I ever worked with.
Now, I’m not against having a passion for sports. I love sports. (Go Cardinals!) What IS as a problem, however, is when you maintain such a limited worldview and openness for activities and experiences outside of your scope of interest, that is mars your ability to relate to others in a healthy way. Bor-ring. How many dimensions do YOU have?
4. Learn the principles of amazing storytelling. Stories are powerful. Stories are better than statistics or quotes. Stories are what customers; readers and audiences remember and connect with most. Ultimately, stories are the best way to communicate a message. So, if you want to become a master storyteller, my suggestions are: (1) Listen to Garrison Kiellor, (2) Read Made to Stick and (3) Attend Doug Stevenson’s Story Theater program. How many people are repeating YOUR story?
5. Be a story distiller. BUT, you can’t just tell the story. Because that’s not enough. So, when your story is over, don’t just move on to the next story. First, figure out the lesson(s), universal human experience/emotion, practical take home value and Call to Action. Here’s a helpful article on how to extract take-home value. Why are you telling this story?
6. Be a Smokin’ Hot Piece of Brain Candy. One of Edward DeBono’s most underrated books is called How to Have a Beautiful Mind. In the opening he states: “As you get older, physical beauty tends to fade. But beauty of the mind is independent of age and can actually increase with wisdom and experience.”
In short: Be Brain Candy.
This idiom of psychological attractiveness means “someone with high mental appeal AND significant substance.” It’s more enduring, attractive, marketable, approachable, memorable and, of course, more INTERESTING. Check out my Top Twenty List of Smokin’ Hot Pieces of Brain Candy. Are you eye candy or brain candy?
7. Be childlike, but not childish. One person’s playful spirit brings out the same in another. So, by acting childlike, you subconsciously give other people PERMISSION to the same. It’s contagious. It’s approachable. It’s memorable. And everyone can relate to it. How are you giving people permission to be playful around you?
8. Be more challenging. Ask questions like: Is that always the case? So what? What stops you? What would happen if you didn’t? What’s your proof? Break people’s patterns. Make them stop, think and say, “Wow…” It works. How challenging are you?
9. Be radically honest. It’s unexpected and unforgettable. Read this life-changing book and, if you practice what Brad practices, I guarantee you’ll become twice as interesting of person by the time you’re done. How are you branding your honesty?
10. Become a Question Master. It’s not just about asking a bunch of questions; it’s about valuing a questioning attitude. So, every time you hear or read a question that makes you react in ANY way, write it down. Add it to your running list of questions. Categorize them. Sort them alphabetically to make it easier on your eyes. My list has 6000. How many questions do you have on your list?
11. Books. Speaking of books, I suggest you make a list called, “Top Ten Most Interesting Books I’ve Read.” Next to each one, write three attributes, actions or states of being that make those books so interesting. When you’re done, look for patterns. Extract the key ideas and then ask yourself how you can practice that in your own life. What did you read today?
12. Consciously choose how you experience the world. In his mind-blowing book, Playful Perception, Herbert Leff suggests, “Expand your repertoire of useful awareness plans and you will improve the flavor and value of your inner experiences. Increase the choice about the quality of your experience.” Check out this awesome list of 43 awareness plans to make your daily life more interesting. Are you making mindful choices for experiencing the world?
13. Create Points of Dissonance. Vagueness stimulates curiosity. And curiosity is a natural motivator of human engagement. So, there’s a certain dissonance when people observe an unexpected or unexplained behavior. Especially when it’s inconsistent with their environment. (Like seeing some guy wearing a nametag at the gym, for example.)
The challenge is to craft an idea, a message, or a look that when people are first exposed to it, they can’t help but respond with, “Huh?” or “Ok, so, I just HAVE to ask…” Those words are money in the bank. Remember: The most effective way to attract people’s attention is to B-R-E-A-K their patterns. Copyblogger has a killer post about being interesting as it relates to this topic. What patterns are YOU breaking?
14. Establish your voice. If you want make your thinking, writing and speaking more unique, relevant, persuasive, memorable, appealing and more creative, you need to pull material FROM, and cite examples USING multiple, eclectic and personal sources.
In the words of Kurt Vonnegut: “If you want to be a great writer, be a great date for your reader.” Here’s a meaty, practical guide on how to do this. WARNING: If you’re an Oprah fan, you may not want to read it. Is your writing innovative or imitative?
15. Expand your references. In the book Unlimited Power, Tony Robbins said, “Limited references create a limited life. If you want to expand your life, you must expand your references by pursuing ideas and experiences that wouldn’t be a part of your life if you didn’t consciously seek them out.”
Remember: The more interesting experiences you have, the more interesting people you meet, the more interesting things you see, watch, hear, read, taste, the more interesting places you go, the more interesting you will become. Everything is a plus. How have you stepped out of your comfort zone this week?
16. Explore the word “interesting.” It literally means: Engaging or exciting and holding the attention or curiosity. Arousing a feeling of interest. A state of curiosity or concern about or attention to something. Involvement with or participation in something. An excess or bonus beyond what is expected or due. Something, such as a quality, subject, or activity that evokes this mental state.
OK, so, now that you know that, go do that. Go BE that. On a scale from 1-10, how interesting would you say you are? How interesting would your top 20 customers say you are?
17. Extract the positive characteristics. Make a list called, “Top Ten Most Interesting People I Know.” Next to each one, write three attributes, actions or states of being that make those people so interesting. When you’re done, look for patterns. Extract the key ideas and then ask yourself how you can practice that in your own life. This exercise is how I began writing this very module on being interesting. It works and it’s fun. What would an interesting person do in this situation?
18. Extract the negative characteristics. Next, make a list called, “Top Ten Least Interesting People I Know.” Next to each one, write three attributes, actions or states of being that make those people so uninteresting. When you’re done, look for patterns. Extract the key ideas and then ask yourself how you can practice the opposite of in your own life. What would an uninteresting person do in this situation?
19. Fascinate yourself with the ordinary. “Evaluate critically every novelty you encounter,” Mihály Csíkszentmihályi wrote in his amazing book Creativity. “One of the surest ways to enrich life is to make experiences less fleeting.” If you do this, you WILL boost your creativity. You will flood your mind with new ideas. You will build a solid foundation of curiosity. And the combination of those three results will mold your melon into an attractive, valuable commodity that your clients will want to have access to.
Remember: Clients don’t want to hire consultants or marketers or coaches – they want to hire cool, smart people who happen to do those things. What ordinary stuff fascinates you?
20. Find interesting in almost anything. Similarly, Edward DeBono encourages people to embrace curiosity by constantly saying, “Now that’s interesting…”“Be able to find interest in almost anything,” DeBono says in the aforementioned How to Have a Beautiful Mind. “Be curious. Explore things. Bring up a discussion. Get people’s opinions, ideas and values. Explore, elaborate and make connections.” Are you practicing that enough?
21. Gain an eclectic education. In his book, The Invaluable Leader, my friend Dale Furtwengler suggests, “Gain an eclectic education. Expose your mind to things outside your normal areas of interest or discipline. The more quickly you can connect with your listeners, the more effectively you can communicate in their language, the more insights you can port from other disciplines, the more valuable you become.”
Your challenge is to infuse your writing, ideas and conversations with the cool, interesting things you’ve learned through your eclectic education. People will become interested. What weird books have you read recently?
22. Hang with interesting people. Listen. Watch. Soak it in. Ask yourself what it is about this person that makes them so interesting. Then DO that. Then BE that. How many of your friends are boring?
23. Have a killer vocabulary. That doesn’t mean use fancy words that showcase your brilliance. Just strong words. Powerful words. Well-timed words. Unexpected words. Perfect words. And of course, killer questions that nobody else is asking. Does your language challenge people?
24. How to Answer a Question. Answering questions creatively, counterintuitively an unexpectedly leads to a higher level of thinking. Which elevates the conversation to a new level. Which enables both parties to discover their individual truths. Which yields more compelling results than if you would have offered a simple yes or no.
This, of course, is very interesting. (You may enjoy this handy guide on how to answer questions in more interesting, cool ways, too.)
So, think about the last time someone answered a question in that way. Weren’t you instantly drawn into that person’s radius? Weren’t you curious and intrigued about what they were going to say next? How often people respond that way to YOUR answers?
25. Identify and amplify your Personal Philosophy. Simply ask yourself the following question, “If everybody did exactly what I said, what would the world look like?”
The answer(s) to this question will become a blueprint of your personal philosophy. Your unique, interesting approach to business, life and people. And if you were smart, you would print these bullet points on a Philosophy Card. Very interesting, indeed. Do you have a business card or a philosophy card?
26. Insert your passion into everything. Embed your passion into the pavement of your daily encounters. You will engage, excite and inspire people because that’s what passion DOES. Embed your passion into the pavement that leads the way.
For example, let’s say your passion is guitars. Cool. The next step is to begin inserting that passion into every possible Passion Point. Your metaphors. Your pictures. Your gifts to customers. Your ezines. Your tweets. Your office. Your voicemail. Check out my homeboy Mark Williams, The Rockin’ Realtor. Pretty interesting dude. What’s your passion? How many of your customers know what it is?
27. Keep an Interesting Log. Any time someone (yourself included) says, “Wow, that’s SO interesting…” make a note. Write down what was interesting about the topic, thing or idea at hand. Look for trends and patterns. Extract the key ideas and then apply them to your business and life. What three interesting things did you notice yesterday? How many of them did you write down?
28. Pioneer in obscure areas. Believe it or not, I’ve been internationally recognized as “The World’s Foremost Expert on Nametags.” Folks, that’s absolutely insane. I still can’t believe that’s what people call me. However, ever since The Washington Post gave me that title in 2003, it’s stuck. (No pun intended.) So I just went with it. And over time, it’s served me, my business and my wallet well. What specialized knowledge have you developed?
29. Predictable Unpredictability. In Edward DeBono’s book, I Am Right You Are Wrong, he answers the question about what makes something (or someone) interesting:
“There is always interest in a pattern-rich repertoire. If around any subject there is a rich networking of patterns, that subject becomes interesting.”
Your challenge is to build up a critical mass of interest by being what I call Predictably Unpredictable. You do this by positioning yourself in a way where people want to know what’s going to happen next, i.e., “I wonder what nametag related adventure he’s going to have today!” I call it The Caveman Principle™. How unpredictable are you?
30. Transform ideas into questions. I call this creative process “Catapulting.” It’s something I’ve been doing every single day for years. Here are two examples of how it works.
*If someone casually mentions, “I can’t believe I just stumbled upon this for the first time!” then you would write down on your question list, “What have you recently stumbled upon for the first time?”
*If you read the passage, “This behavior will make it hard for people to take you seriously,” you would jot down, “What is affecting your ability to be taken seriously?”
See how that works? Pretty cool. Pretty darn interesting, too. That’s how I’ve collected over 6000 questions. How are you turning ideas into questions and questions into catapults?
REMEMBER: Nobody notices normal. Nobody buys boring. And nobody pays for average.
On the other hand:
Those who are interesting get noticed.
Those who get noticed get remembered.
And those who get remembered GET business.
How successful you become is a function of how interesting you are.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How much money is being boring costing you?
* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
The 3 Compelling “C’s” of Awesome Parenting
August 18, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering, Relationships
- Compelling Communication–Speak and communicate, talk and listen, and keep open lines of communication with your family– make time to have focused attention, eye contact, and appropriate physical touch as you connect with your kids.
- Compelling Family Culture--Develop a culture of “togetherness” as you accept, honor, and respect each family member for their unique contributions. Practice unconditional love as you learn to accept one another and take appropriate pride in your own family identity.
- Compelling Relationships–Make quality of relationships the most important priority in your family life. Make sure you manage, nurture, and cherish your family relationships as they really are the most important part of life. Give them the time, resources, and effort they deserve.
4 challenges of compelling parenting
August 15, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Dad Sez, Fathering, Goal-setting, podcast, Relationships, Speaking
Learning– Creating a family culture of openness, honesty and a love for lifelong learning of compelling and often difficult life lessons. We are lifelong learners.
Really Living– Having a family environment which is engaging, fun, and in the moment. We are learning to stop and enjoy the right now.
Loving– Contributing to a family culture that chooses to love, forgive, give grace and mercy. Deciding and determining before hand that we will choose love first and foremost.
Lasting-- We are running the race with a big picture in mind. Failure is not an option nor is division, divorce, or bailing on each other. We are in this for the long haul– together.
Expert Parenting– 40 ways to really love your kids
August 10, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering, Relationships
The National Down Syndrome Congress Conference was an awesome experience and I was honored to meet such great parents. Parents are the experts and really know what works in the raising of great kids. Here are 40 ways to enhance your parenting skills from some of the best parents on Earth…
We surveyed all the parents in attendance of my conference session entitled 5 Secrets of Effective Parents and found the following 40 parental best practices:
- patience– this was #1. by 10 to one.
- flexibility
- sense of humor
- having ans using good listening skills
- being principled
- being a creative
- love and acceptance
- creating less stress
- prioritizing time
- having a plan B.
- having seeking mentors
- understanding
- encouragement
- empathy
- discipline
- personal responsibility
- personal self-care
- being consistent
- having a good support structure
- being in the moment
- acceptance
- family activities
- teaching
- having boundaries
- encouraging individuality
- laugh or being silly
- much prayer
- being understanding
- being supportive
- having a good attitude
- having good communication
- loving God
- staying calm
- being aware
- having adaptable planning
- avoiding conflict
- unconditional love
- quality time
- studying your children
- having a strong marriage
We have much to learn…pick 3 and get started today.
What are your strengths/weaknesses above?
How will you leverage each today?
If not you, who?
If not now, when?
10 KEYS TO RAISING EXTRA UNIQUE KIDS
July 31, 2009 by Scott Hammond
Filed under Family, Fathering, Relationships, Scott Hammond
Extra Mile Parenting; 10 Keys To Raising Extra-Unique Kids
Extra-mile parents are those who accept their child’s condition, are aware of their family’s emotional needs, and seek to build a positive attitude in their family culture. They have learned to grieve openly, celebrate freely, respect the feelings of each family member, and to get the focus off themselves. These parents are heroes we have much to learn from. Here are ten keys to help you become that extra-mile parent.
- Patience. Everything comes more slowly to EU kids. Milestones are fewer and far apart, but this makes achievements all the sweeter.
- Acknowledge grief. Revisiting grief is normal and natural, especially at birthdays, special occasions, or other milestone events in your child’s life. Allow yourself room to grieve and talk, and then move on.
- It’s not about you. Remember it’s really about accepting your child and being OK with who they are. Don’t make it about yourself; remember your goal is to resource, facilitate, and love your child first.
- Support. Find and link up with like-minded parents who are willing to be real, genuine, and transparent about their lives, struggles, and victories.
- Slow down. Be here now and focus on enjoying your EU child. Get into their world by being present and in the moment, and stepping off of your own life roller coaster, even if only for a few moments.
- Let your child teach you. Learn from their simplicity, spontaneity, and the joy with which they approach life. Learn from their perspective how to enjoy simple things again.
- Making comparisons. Avoid the dangerous pitfall of comparing your child to any others. She is unique, perfect, and valuable, so enjoy her as God made her.
- Unrealistic expectations. When your expectations are beyond what is realistic, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be aware and honest with your unspoken and even subconscious, unrealistic expectations of your family life.
- Vicarious identity. Remember, it’s not about you. When you feel embarrassment, shame, or perceived disapproval of your child, it’s not about you or your reputation, or your value as a person. Consider this…is it possible the problem lays in others, or even yourself? Ultimately, this is about being OK with who you are as a family and accepting and even celebrating it.
- Be Yourself. Focus on being real, transparent, and authentic as you walk through life and your EU experience. Keep a good sense of humor and be willing to really laugh and have a perspective which allows you to have fun, enjoy life, and be yourself in the context of your family challenges.