Saturday, August 10, 2013
My hip surgery journey all started with an accident body-surfing in Hawaii. We are body surfing at the beach in Kona, and I came up and my knee was really sore. That soreness developed over the next four days into a really gnarly knee injury. When I got back to the mainland, I had an X ray done and it turned out my knee was fine, but my hips were not.
Turns out I had early arthritis in both my hip joints and boy did that come as a surprise! As 2012 progressed, I discovered more stiffness and soreness to the point of actually taking medication. I tried it all– I tried Pilates, massage, Rolfing, working out, training, physical therapy, and more. None of it worked. I was stuck till I got a referral to the foremost authority on hips at Stanford Medical.
I finally went to Stanford University on a referral to a doctor Michael Bellino. Upon reviewing my most current x-ray he revealed that I had progressive arthritis in both hips. He assured me that he would be glad to perform a bilateral hip replacement surgery on me as the pain increased and I was ready to come in. So, in early 2013, I decided to pull the trigger and scheduled a surgery date for a bilateral hip replacement surgery at Stanford University. I was so glad I did.
As June 4 rolled around I was ready to go. I was quite excited and fearful at the same time. As I rolled into my new blue scrubs for surgery, a chill came over my heart and soul but was quickly replaced by sense of opportunity. I realize I was going to get a half-million dollar surgery on two joints that were shot. I realized the gift that was being given me, I became anxious and a good positive way–Real paradigm shift…
The surgery went well and I was told it was textbook in every way. The stay at Stanford is awesome. They’re like I five-star hotel in every single way. The trip home was long and hard and I got sore. Once at home, I realized that’s where healing begins. The home environment is the perfect healing environment and I have an awesome wife who made that happen. What I realized is that I needed time and medication and patience.
It’s been 50 days now since surgery. I have done it all. Drugs, walking, physical therapy, crawling the walls, occupying myself on Facebook, and so much more. What I realize is just this:
Number one, the love of God.
Number two, the love of an awesome wife.
Number three, the sense of the need to relax and let Life and healing unfold.
One thing I learned is to let life happen. As a type “A” personality; it’s so easy to want to get things done and be accomplished and to be successful and busy. One of the lessons I’m learning is to slow down and to enjoy my relationships. I really have an opportunity to enjoy my family. I’ve had an opportunity to enjoy the beauty of the area I live in as well as the simple pleasures of life.
Another lesson I’ve learned is to trust God and to not panic as life seems to carry on without me. Things like the trash getting taken out, people at work getting the job done, and just being provided for in general have all happened without my assistance. Imagine that! Life goes on without me and you? How dare it……!
So, I’m just moments and days away from returning to work and life is I knew it. My hope is that it will be life not as I knew it –but it has it can be in some sort of a new permeation. I’m hoping to be is more relaxed and more grateful and more appreciative. One thing I am learning is to let life happen. With my DNA, it’s so easy to want to get things done and be accomplished and successful and busy. One of the lessons I’m learning is to slow down and to enjoy my relationships. I really have an opportunity to enjoy my family. I’ve had an opportunity to enjoy the beauty of the area I live in as well as the simple pleasures of life.
Imagine that! Life goes on without me and you? They key is my relationships with people. My hope is that I can be quiet and be present and experience life, people, and God in the new more profound way. I’ll keep you posted…
Name: Gabriel Hammond Profession: Young Man (Downs and Autism—Don’t Judge him!) Years in Business: 14 1/2 Family Info: #6 of 8 Kids Hobbies: I Pad apps, swinging, manipulation of the Earth. Activities of Interest: Animals, trampoline fun, hot tubbing, eating, cruising, being mellow and observation of his surroundings. Super Power: He spreads joy around as if it was candy…..he is joyfully in the moment and causes others to stop and joyfully participate with him! Burning desire: To be an awesome player in the Universal Narrative. Something no one knows about me: A Hippie Chick observed Gabe with Grandpa Tom on the Arcata Plaza and said: ” He is so joyful—I seek moments of joy—Gabe lives in Joy”…..”I think he is more evolved!” Gabe has a tender heart toward God and people—a rare combo! Keys to Success: Total, absolute joyfulness—This guy is rarely unhappy or angry! Favorite Quote: Abby—Abby—Abby!!
In honor of Father’s Day and fathers everywhere….
www.becomeabetterfather.com is sponsoring our 5TH Annual Father’s Day Writing Contest.
We want to know our readers opinions of what it takes to be a AWESOME father.
We value your opinion and would love to hear from you and what you think makes a great dad.
The question we pose is:
” MY DAD IS AWESOME BECAUSE__________________.”
Here are the official rules…
- Write about what you think an AWESOME father is (A poem,essay, or other writing form) LIMIT 300-500 WORDS and simply email to us!
- Email your entry to email@example.com
- You must have your entry posted by midnight, Pacific Standard Time, June 30th, 2013.
- July 1st, 2013, the lovely Mrs. Hammond will pick a winner based on what she think rocks!
- The winner receives a free full one-hour consultation with Scott Hammond, an Every Day Book, a full-featured blog post on www.becomeabetterfather and much more!
- We will post an entry on this blog in July 2013, containing links to the winning entry…… so you will get a free link out of the deal.
- You will win an autographed copy of the Every Day Dad: the Guide to Becoming a Better Father!!
- You will feel good about your life and mission….
That’s it and good luck! The question remains: “MY DAD IS AWESOME BECAUSE…..”
Scott Hammond FO-9
Father of Nine
Name: Micah Hammond
Years in Business: About 9
Family Info: Large
Hobbies: Construction of amazing contraptions from duct tape, cardboard, and other household items
Activities of Interest: Legos, Video Games, Mine Craft, anything with Video
Burning desire: To become King/Ruler/Emperor
Something no one knows about me: Has an amazing tender heart
Keys to Success: Total, absolute creativity—-Is able to move on after blowing up
For every man who has ever been scolded by his wife for encouraging a child to “run faster” or “swing higher” or “try harder,” or who has been admonished for teaching them to make mouth, hand or armpit fart noises, I salute you.
Mothers are excellent at nurturing children. Fathers are good at riling them up before bedtime and testing their physical limits. We show kids how to cannonball into swimming pools, skateboard down steep hills and jump BMX bikes over poorly constructed plywood platforms.
We also instruct them in the fine art of belching, breaking wind, turning random objects into guns and lightsabers, toilet “pee-sword fighting,” and other uncouth behavior. We have to do this. It’s our job.
Moms and dads have different parenting styles. Moms comfort kids when they’re feeling down. They encourage them to discuss their problems. Dads teach them to look for a solution and move on. We wrestle our kids to the floor and tickle them and until they forget what they were depressed about. Moms express their disapproval with a tsk-tsk sound and accuse us of acting like children.
We take that as a compliment.
For decades it was assumed that the mother-child relationship was the most important one in a kid’s life. Within the last several decades, however, psychologists have realized just how much fathers matter. Raising kids is about balance. Moms are great caretakers. Dads have a more relaxed attitude toward parenting. Together, they form the perfect unit. When a child comes home crying with a scraped elbow, mom will console them with tender words. Dad will distract them by saying “Just walk it off” or “That’ll feel better once it stops hurting.”
If someone gets stuck on a homework problem, it’s usually mom who offers assistance. Dad will glance around the edge of his newspaper and shout “For God’s sake, give it another try.” When there’s a tantrum, mothers do their best to reason with a child. Fathers correct the problem with a stern glare and a threat to “jerk a knot in somebody’s tail.”
Fathers serve another important purpose. They give kids a realistic look into the male world. Girls learn from their dads how men should act toward women. Boys learn how to control their anger and deal with their masculinity in positive ways.
Kids learn lots of other cool stuff from their fathers, like not to bully or be bullied, and how to maintain a healthy balance between timidity and aggression. Dads roughhouse with their children in order to show them that kicking, scratching and biting are wrong. Kids learn self-control when a father says “Now, enough is enough,” and “Take that noise down a notch.”
In other words, moms protect children and dads give them self-confidence. We throw our kids into the air amid shouts of “Not so high.” We bounce them on the bed and mothers cry “Someone’s going to get hurt doing that.” Men know that cuts and scrapes are part of life. Women know to stock up on the bandages and antibiotic cream. Either of these parenting styles by themselves might spell disaster. Together, they keep kids safe while increasing their self-reliance.
One of my favorite confidence building moments as a father took place when my three-year-old son, Tyler, was learning to ride his bike. The training wheels were off, his helmet was on and he was ready to face the big challenge … . Well, almost.
”Dad,” he called out nervously, “Do I have to do this?”
”Of course you do,” I replied. “This is the only day of the year zombies allow three-year-olds to ride their bikes without training wheels. I saw it on the news.”
”But I’m scared,” he said.
”Just keep your wits about you and stay balanced.”
Tyler tightened the chin strap on his helmet and sighed. “Okay, I guess I’m ready.”
I gave him a push and he was off. A few yards down the street his bike hit the curb. Tyler fell to the pavement and scraped his knee.
”Dad, I hurt myself,” he cried.
”Naw, you’re just shedding worn skin” I said, applying a Band-Aid to the wound. “Keep it up. You’re doing great.”
And so it continued. There were a few more crashes that afternoon, and several more Band-Aids, but Tyler hung in there. At one point his mother stepped outside and shouted, “Don’t you think he’s had enough for one day?”
”We can’t give up now,” I hollered back. “He’s almost got it.”
On the next try Tyler kept his balance for a second or two longer. Then he was on his way, wobbling down the street on two wheels. I can still call up that old memory as if it was yesterday. It was every father’s Hallmark moment.
”You did great, son,” I told him when he pulled to a stop. “Now, let’s head inside. Your mom needs a hug.”
Tim Martin resides in McKinleyville.
Walk Your Talk with Your Kids—Living with Spiritual Authenticity
Train a child in the way they should go….“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”– Proverbs 22:6, King Solomon of Israel.
This is a great concept, promise, principle, and protocol for fathers. “Training up” has the idea of a parent graciously investing in a child whatever wisdom, love, nurturing, and discipline is needed for him to become fully committed to God. It presupposes parental emotional and spiritual maturity.
“In the way that he should go” is to do the training according to the unique personality, gifts, and aspirations of the child. The idea here is to, equip, resource, and be a catalyst for your child’s gifts, skills, and natural abilities. We must study our kids and know just what their strengths and weaknesses are.
The converse is to help the child avoid whatever natural tendencies she might have that would prevent total commitment to God. For example: a weak will, a lack of discipline, a susceptibility to depression, etc… Knowing where our kids are prone to weakness will help us to help them avoid the pitfalls of poor decision-making, lack of character, immaturity and more. This is as important as knowing their strengths and gifts and facilitating those.
The promise is that proper development with great parenting ensures the child will stay committed to God and love people… the two basics of the 10 Commandments. May we stay focused, diligent and intentional in this key role!
Tools of Effective Legacy: Grace. How Do We Use Our Authority?
When I talk about fathering, I think of how God the Father deals with me. And then I realize His kindness, patience, and love and see how short I fall as I deal with others.
God doesn’t always use a stick to beat us when we make mistakes, so why are we as fathers so quick to apply the stick of punishment to those around us, especially our kids? It’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to not like injustice, disobedience, immaturity, and some of the zany things kids do in their selfishness.
But what gives you and me the right when we are tired and frustrated to dole out law in the spirit of anger? Our Lord never modeled that type of authoritarianism. He did everything in love, including correction, chastisement, teaching, and encouragement.
You and I as men need to re-learn authority. We need to not get caught up in the disciplinarian model and playing the heavy, which is so common in our society. We need to learn the authority of Jesus, based in love, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control.
We need to re-learn the father heart of God, and how that applies to our leadership and authority over those for whom we have responsibility. We must be intentional and incremental in learning this model, as it will transform our parenting, and indeed, our lives. So, the next time you’re faced with someone’s shortcomings, or your own, for that matter, what’s going to be different?
Will it be grace or law? Which have you been given more of?
Grace versus law- means that we translate His heart to those around us in how we use our words, authority and actions. How can we successfully use godly authority in a way that shows His heart and love and kindness?
How do you personally dole out correction and discipline? Do the following mark your approach?
• Cussing and swearing
• Yelling and raising your voice
• Withholding your favor in some way
• Silent treatment
• Launching out in anger
• Physical violence
• Verbal violence
How do these mirror the Father Heart of God (see Appendix B.), and how he’s treated you? Does God do any of the above as He has occasion to correct and admonish you? In your walk with God, has He ever treated you with anything but kindness, love in the heart of a father? The answer is God corrects and chastens us in great love and patience and kindness. His encouraging and teaching Spirit reminds me that the kindness of God leads me to repentance… every time.
We get caught up in stress and with our authority; we often default to become the great disciplinarians. We get hard, mean, and even cruel—often with those we love the most.
This is wrong, and an incorrect application of authority. We do need to have courageous conversations, and even dole out consequences as needed, but if our default is dictatorial we’ve missed the mark in the Jesus example.
The authority that Jesus wielded can be learned, applied and given freely, but we need to be intentional…. How will you discipline, correct, and encourage someone who is under your authority the next time? Will you default to a baser form of handling authority, or will you be intentional and model the kindness and encouragement of Jesus Christ? Next time, what will be different?
I stumbled upon this beautifully written article by accident and was so moved from the opening that I
could not tear myself away. I could not stop crying and have now started again as I write this.
There are many very powerful and true statements. As the Dad of nine awesome children, I think the words shared here are very important, for both dads and moms! Sometimes we all have not so great days and life gets in the way of us doing the things we should.
I’m at a loss for words, but (in the best way I know how) I just wanted to let you know how much it has
touched me. Children are a gift, children are ALL beautiful, and all children deserve to be children and
feel loved, and wanted and respected at all times. Read and enjoy and change for the best!
Dads. Stop breaking your children. Please.
I feel a need to write this post after what I witnessed at Costco yesterday. Forgive me for another post written in desperation and anger. Please read all the way to the end. I know it’s long, but this is something that needs to be said. It’s something that needs to be heard. It’s something that needs to be shared.
As Noah and I stood in line to make a return, I watched as a little boy (he couldn’t have been older than six) looked up at his dad and asked very timidly if they could buy some ice cream when they were done. The father glared him down, and through clenched teeth, growled at the boy to “leave him alone and be quiet”. The boy quickly cowered to the wall where he stood motionless and hurt for some time.A
The line slowly progressed and the child eventually shuffled back to his father as he quietly hummed a childish tune, seemingly having forgotten the anger his father had just shown. The father again turned and scolded the boy for making too much noise. The boy again shrunk back and cowered against the wall, wilted.
Feel free to add to the hundreds of comments below or shoot me an email today: firstname.lastname@example.org.
True Story: Bob’s 7 Steps to a Legacy
You could put all of my father’s worldly possessions in his Chevy celebrity, yet he left us incredible riches. He taught and modeled a love for life, God, and people that will transmit for generations. He was not a flashy man, yet his life was compelling, and his heritage rich with meaning.
Here are some tools that my father Bob used to leave his legacy and heritage–
- Time… Togetherness, investment in quality relationships with intentional, time spent together.
- Communication…Talking, telling stories, laughing, and sharing life together, while communicating.
- Love for and Appreciation of Beauty… Noticing life intentionally: the flowers, people, gardens, plants, trees, birds, animals, and the natural world.
- Love for People… Appreciation and thankfulness for those in our lives. Expressions of love through, hugs, focused attention, eye contact encouragement, and appropriate touch.
- Love for God… Actively having a love affair with our Creator, based in a worshipful heart disposition. Living in intentional expression in: church community, the Fellowship, the study of truth, prayer, using our gifts, and living a life of love for God and people.
- Having fun… Being present, in the moment and spontaneous. Making time for what’s really important. Being able to stop and smell the flowers, taste the ice cream, and generally enjoy the simple things. “The best things in life are not things at all.”
- Being a Lifelong Learner… Possessing a hunger and thirst for truth, knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and a compelling education. Truly being a student of life, with the intent of discovering your strengths and gifts and making application to make your world a better place.
Simple Man, original artist is Lynrd Skynrd. Written by lead singer Ronnie Van Zant and guitarist Gary Rossington.
Seemed like a Great Song for a Fathering Web Site……..
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time… dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?
Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
Boy, dont you worry… you’ll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.