GROUCH ON THE COUCH –PART 2.

“Here is what it looks like:

Cruising home–had an average day…

I get home and then discover the “2nd job”-Being dad and father and husband and more…

Look out the Grouch is rearing his belligerent head!
I go from zero to belligerent in less than :60.
Scary stuff bro…why is this?”—–

 

Reasons for the Grouch:

• Stress, life, work, relationships, and a multiplicity of layers of activity and involvement–this stuff wears on us humans!
• Lack of self help—Meaning: Sleep(min.7-9 hours), exercise, eating well, and some fun down times=Recreation.
• Loss of Spiritual Health–No relationship with the Almighty, truth, the Spirit, real spiritual community with others etc….(We get lean in our spirits)
• Old Baggage—Lifelong issues, sin, problems, hurts, anger, and many other hang-ups which create a “self-narrative” and a “Debbie Downer” mentality and outcome.

Effects of the Grouch:

• Self Loathing–Inwardly directed forgiveness and anger–Never giving yourself grace or any kind of a break.
• Relationships Suffer–Who wants to be with or engage you when your are a belligerent B_____ and a Debbie Downer?
• Sickness—Mental, spiritual and yes, physical illness.
• Isolation–The last place you and I want to live–”Your mind is a terrible place–don’t go there alone!”

Solutions for the Chronic Grouch:

• Self Care–Eat, play, sleep, and live healthy again—Simple self discipline—Take care of yourself bro–Go for that walk!
• Pray Again–God has not been the one who bugged out.
• Seek Help–Your family, pastor, trusted adviser or friend–Ask for the Courageous Conversion and listen to their take on you and your issues.
• Be a Friend–reach out and be the one who communicates—Text, email, Facebook—C’mon man you know how….!

In short, knock it off!  Get off your Pity Pot and re-engage with life, God, and people.  Stop your crap and start being that person you were made to be.

You may have lost your way–till now. What separates you from the Animal Kingdom is that you have choices! You can do this.

Choose wisely bro.

 

 

 

Top five regrets of the dying

Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard’.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

THE GROUCH ON THE COUCH–PART #1.—THE PROBLEM

What is it with us guys?
We can be pleasant all day with clients, friends, and business partners–yet at home we have the ability to become “the Grouch on the Couch.”

Nice.

Really…?
I am not sure at which moment in time I get the permission to become a grouch–but it happens with too much frequency.
Here is what it looks like:
Cruising home–had an average day…

I get home and then discover the “2nd job”-Being dad and father and husband and more…

Look out the Grouch is rearing his belligerent head!
I go from zero to belligerent in less than :60.
Scary stuff bro…why is this?

Causes?  Contributing factors? What and why and how did I come to this?…
What happened to “Become a better father” and all that mission, vision, and goal setting to be that effective parent and father?

(The short answer is –out the window!)

What are some of the causes for “Dad Stress” and how can we mitigate them going forward?

See Part 2 of the Grouch on the Couch for these and other answers.

2012 Fathers day contest winner–I am his connoisseur.

I am his Connoisseur
My dad’s love is a child. Jealous and restless. His passion for fatherhood reverberates through my soul. His words always invigorate my weary spirit.
My dad’s love is a gift. Precious and priceless. In a world where one gets swallowed by pressure and impulse, his presence in my life secures me from uncertainty.
My dad’s love is a light. Vivid and defining. His triumphs lead me to the path I must take. His mistakes show me the history I must not repeat.
My dad’s love is a stream. Overflowing with infinite generosity. Even without his physical presence, I am confined with his unwavering care for my welfare.
My dad’s love is a pole. Independent but never isolated. Nobody would believe that his thin, frail body was able to raise me as a single father after my mom passed on when I was born.
My dad’s love is an oxygen. Universal and unprejudiced. He has devoted five decades of his life fathering thousands of students inside the portals of their ‘second home’.
My dad’s love is a storm. Uncontrollable and forceful. His concern may supersede logic. We may always find ourselves at opposite poles, but our love for each other has never diminished.
My dad’s love is a voyage. Bold and daring. He helmed our family to endure the strongest waves, the most depressing trials, the most shattering truths. His courage stood up to the roster of challenges that almost tore us apart.
Above all, my dad’s love is a wine. Timeless and seasoned. From the day we first met, he has only remained prudent and dignified. His wisdom gleams a velvety resonance to my spirit. Despite his feat, he only gets finer by the day, just like a glass of wine.

-Jose Paolo Cheeseman Calcetas