DadSez Quote: “1 in 4 Americans suffer from mental illness. Think of your best 3 friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.”
The last installment of our Informal Survey…
1. Stop saying, “No” immediately unless it’s a life threatening situation. Rather, come to their eye level or lower and explain to them why what they’re doing or thinking about doing might be a really bad idea, complete with realistic consequences of their actions.
2. Be more aware of the family history on mental health. Turns out depression runs in my family. Had no idea until 2 years after I figured it out. It really does take a toll on the family, especially the kids.
3. Take all that energy from yelling (see 2 above) and whisper. It’s amazing how quickly people shut down at loud noises, but perk up at really, really soft ones.
Not had child number 1
Not had child number 2
Not had child number 3
Bad parenting day today…..ask me tomorrow and the answer will be different. Now if you will excuse me I have to go find out why…
Child number 1 thought it was okay to go to the bathroom at school and send a questionable song to all of his 5th grade friends on the emergency cell phone that he wasn’t supposed to have brought to school.
Child number 2 thought it was funny to tell a Chuck Norris and Virgin Mary joke to his friends during study hall that was definitely not appropriate for 8th grade students.
Child number 3 thought it would be okay if mom came home and found her and her boyfriend making out on the couch with his hands down her pants – she is 16.
Do you think it is too late to get a refund on them?
I would have protected my children LESS from the cause and effect of thier own behavior.
I would have been more strict about responsibility.
I would have been less accepting of negative behavior.
I just joked today that I wish I had time to write the book “The Parent REDO”! How ironic…
As the mother of 2 ( 11 and 13), high maintenance pre teens, I do not think this space will have room for all of the “do overs” I could give you. You asked for three so here goes.
I would have kept “consistent” with rules…
I would have kept “consistent” with a routine/expected schedule…
I would have kept “consistent” with our overall expectations…
“Children will follow where we lead them..if we do not lead them, they will not follow.”
Permission granted to use quote from a guilty parent of great kids that have been lead by consistent love but not by consistent leadership. I will be the 1st to buy your book as the do overs are still possible…I hope!
Results from our Informal Survey…
A lot of Doug’s advice struck a chord for me- the 3 things I took from his memorial service were:
1.) LIVE FOR TODAY. Do not dwell on the past, learn from your mistakes, but do not let them haunt you. Do not get caught up in the future. LIVE for the PRESENT! If you make today a success the success will continue into the future.
2.) COACH/MENTOR- take an active role in your children’s interests. Doug coached his last lacrosse game for his younger son’s team just a few weeks before he past away. His boys did not win that day, but they still felt like winners. Doug taught them that what was important was that they played their best, had fun, and had love & respect for their teammates and their competitors. Doug was in the habit of asking his team- “What is my job?” They would respond- “to love us.” “What is your job?” “to love each other.” I am not sure where Doug got these mottos but the point was- teaching & mentoring kids is great for the kids- but was also incredibly rewarding for Doug.
3.) LET GO OF REGRET’S! As tragic of a loss as it was to lose Doug at such a young age- he did get an incredible gift- his diagnosis forced him to let go of regrets. Every man has things he wishes he did differently but we are forgiven for our mistakes- and we should not dwell on them.
Anyhow- sorry for the long response- but these are some of the things I learned from my buddy Doug. And even though he was a “Man’s man” he was never embarrassed to say- “I love you Man!’ and neither am I.
Being a grandparent of two provides remarkable insight into my parenting background. Between my wife and I, we have grown daughters and all that comes with it.
1. I would be more relaxed about encouraging my offspring to explore and think for themselves.
2. I would instill less fear of uncertainty
3. That’s it because, while parenting was a “surprise” for me in my mid-thirties, I can’t imagine life without having at least one child.
Nothing! That doesn’t mean that I was a perfect parent. I simply would go through that season with the faith that carried me through it the first time. I believe that each child has his/her own spirit, soul, mind, emotion and will. I’d to my best, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to guide that child in the direction of their bent. I have noticed little consistency between what we may consider “great” parenting and how kids turn out. Raising a child is such an act of “trusting God” and a daily dose of humility as those little innocent creations remind us that we are not God and that we need to depend on Him all the more. What a terrifying responsibility…to bring a child into the world via birth or to parent via the blessing of adoption. Yet, having said all of that…I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Great question: these are the Result of our Informal Survey…
1. I would prepare earlier for adolescence. It’s a huge transition, and it starting to occur earlier – emotionally, if not physically.
2. I would challenge my kids more, earlier. I would give them higher levels of responsibility and allow them fail more often.
3. I would take more mission trips and fewer traditional vacations.
The 3 do overs I would focus on:
* Provide chores at an earlier age and stress the value of money
* Give more independence at an earlier age. (walk to store, go out with kids)
* Spend more “quality” time (take on more my speaking engagement trips, don’t overwork, etc.)
1). I would have had all my kids go through the family meetings we did with the last four. The results on that go-around were amazing.
2). I would have done a better job of exposing all of my kids to the world – through travel and volunteerism. Time just got away. Exposure and Experience are the two greatest forces for creating Tolerance and Compassion.
3). I would have taught them better about finances and personal responsibility. They had specific chores and schedules with consequences clearly communicated, and we weren’t all that free & easy with allowances. But we didn’t enforce the savings account rules, and we helped them more than we should have with some of the things they would have appreciated more if they had participated in earning the ability to buy it themselves.
DadSez Quote: “The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.”
DadSez Quote: “Speech is conveniently located midway between thought & action, where it oftern substitutes for both.”
Be here now, be present, and in the moment today.
In honor of Father’s Day 2009 and fathers everywhere www.becomeabetterfather.com is sponsoring a Father’s Day writing contest. We want to know our readers opinions of what it takes to be a great father.
We value your opinion and would love to hear from you and what you think makes a great dad.
The question we pose is: ” My Dad is (was)awesome because…”
Here are the official rules…
- Write about what you think a good father is (A poem,essay, or other writing form) and post on your blog with a link back to this blog post. LIMIT 300 WORDS.
- Email your entry to firstname.lastname@example.org.
- You must have your entry posted by midnight, Pacific Standard Time, June 21st, 2009.
- June 22nd at 9pm PST, 2009, the lovely Mrs. Hammond and I will pick a winner based on what we think rocks!
- The winner receives a free full one-hour consultation with Scott Hammond, a Starbucks gift card, a full-featured blog post on become a better father.com, a cool certificate,and much much more!
- We will post an entry on this blog on June 22nd 2009 containing links to all the entries, so you will get a free link out of the deal.
- We will also do a press release on the winner of the Fathers Day Writing Contest… to be determined.
That’s it and good luck! The question remains: ”My Dad is (was) awesome because…”
Scott Hammond FO-9
Father of Nine
DadSez Quote: “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
I’m pretty sure my Dad was right on….Why are my kids now always challenging my dominant paradigm?