Work Stress and Marriage
By: Ken Canfield
Stress is contagious. In this age of high expectations and long work hours, it’s easy for a man to bring his worries and frustrations home and spread them all over the household.
A dad might treat his family like his boss treats him, which can be very destructive. Or some men might start resenting their family responsibilities, and expect to just relax on the sofa when they get home. Of course, that’s an insult to wives, since they have stresses of their own after a day corralling the kids or working somewhere else.
What can we do?
First, recognize the value of “decompression time.” Take some time in the car or in your first few minutes home to adjust your frame of mind. Exercise, read the newspaper, shower, change clothes. After a few minutes alone, you can shift gears and be ready for family time.
Second, keep communicating?even about the stresses you’re facing. It’s easy for a wife to feel like she’s going through the stressful work situation with her husband. But if she is informed about your work situation and she believes in the value of the work you’re doing, that will be a positive factor. Communicating will help both of you stay aware of the stresses, and can make you both more forgiving when one of you is in a bad mood.
Third, realize that sometimes bigger steps are necessary. If you’re stressed out or blaming your family for your tension, or if there’s a growing distance between you and your wife, it may be time to start thinking about a job change. Have a heart-to-heart about your true values and priorities.
Looking for a less stressful, more flexible position may cause more stress for a while, but you know you’re doing it for the right reasons. Even if the new position pays less, that’s an adjustment that most families can make. And isn’t your marriage worth it?
You know, there are a lot of divorced men and fathers right now still working in high-stress jobs who regret not making changes sooner to try to save their families.
Dad, don’t let a stressful job slowly erode the foundations of your marriage and family. Take steps to protect it, starting today.
Og Mandino Quotes
Act now. For now is all you have.
Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success.
Action will destroy your procrastination.
All men must stumble often to reach the truth.
All nature is a circle of moods and you are a part of nature and so, like
the tides, your moods will rise; your moods will fall.
All your problems, discouragements, and heartaches are, in truth, great
opportunities in disguise.
Always let your reach exceed your grasp.
Always raise your goals as soon as they are attained.
Always strive to make the next hour better than this one.
Always take another step. If that is to no avail take another, and yet
another. One step at a time is not too difficult.
Any act with practice becomes easy.
Apply all of your efforts to become the highest mountain of all and strain
your potential until it cries for mercy.
Avoid with fury the killers of time.
Bad habits must be destroyed and new furrows prepared for good seed.
Bathe me in good habits that the bad ones may drown.
Be hungry for success.
Be prepared to control whatever personality awakes in you each day.
Become master of yourself.
Begin now to accent your differences.
Beginning today, you can increase your accomplishments of yesterday by a
Bury doubt under faith.
Cherish each hour of this day for it can never return.
Chuckle and your burdens will be lightened.
Concentrate your energy on the challenge of the moment.
Confidence will take away your fear.
Consider each obstacle as a mere detour to your goal and a challenge to your
Consider each obstacle as a mere detour to your goal.
Count your blessings today.
Cultivate the habit of laughter.
Destroy procrastination with action.
Dismember fear with confidence.
Do not allow yesterday’s success to lull you into today’s complacency, for
this is the great foundation of failure.
Do not be satisfied with yesterday’s accomplishments or indulge in
self-praise for deeds which are too small to even acknowledge.
Do not commit the terrible crime of aiming too low.
Do not dwell on the past.
Do not judge a man on one meeting.
Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is
Do not make vain attempts to imitate others.
Do not permit the petty happenings of today to disturb you.
Do not think of yesterday or tomorrow.
Do not waste a moment mourning yesterday’s misfortunes, yesterday’s defeats,
or yesterday’s aches of the heart.
Drink every minute to its fill; savor its taste and give thanks.
Drive a bad habit from your life and replace it with one which will bring
you closer to success.
Each day will be triumphant only when your smiles bring forth smiles from
Each failure to sell will increase your chances for success at your next
Each frown you meet only prepares you for the smile to come.
Each minute of today will be more fruitful than the hours of yesterday.
Your last must be your best.
Each misfortune you encounter will carry in it the seed of tomorrow’s good
Each nay I hear will bring me closer to the sound of yea.
Each rebuff is an opportunity to move forward; turn away from them, avoid
them and you throw away your future.
Each struggle, each defeat sharpens your skills and strengthens your courage
and your endurance.
Enjoy today’s happiness today.
Failure does not course through your veins as you were not delivered into
this world in defeat.
Failure no longer will be my payment for struggle.
Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong
For now you know one of the greatest principles of success; if you persist
long enough you will win.
Forget the happenings of the day that is gone, whether they were good or
bad, and greet the new sun with confidence that this will be the best day of
Fulfill today’s duties today.
Good habits are the key to all success.
Grant me compassion for weaknesses in others.
Grasp each minute of this day with both hands and fondle it with love for
its value is beyond price.
Green grass grows where dry desert ends.
Greet the sunrise with cries of joy.
Happiness is the wine that sharpens the taste of the meal.
Have confidence that this will be the best day of your life.
I can accomplish far more than I have, and I will, for why would the miracle
which produced me end with my birth? Why can I not extend that miracle to
my deeds of today?
I consider poverty to be the mark of a lack of ability or a lack of
I have a choice and I will not let my life be fed to swine nor will I let it
be ground under the rocks of failure and despair to be broken open and
devoured by the will of others.
I have not time to hate, only time to love.
I need not wait for I have the power to choose my own destiny.
I shall live this day as if it is my last. And if it is not, I shall fall
to my knees and give thanks.
I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles
for they are my challenge.
I will be successful.
I will command, and I will obey mine own command.
I will do the work that a failure will not do.
I will encourage my friends and they will become brothers.
I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.
I will form good habits and become their slave.
I will greet this day with love in my heart.
I will greet this day with love, and I will succeed.
I will laud mine enemies and they will become friends.
I will laugh at evil and it will die untasted.
I will look on all things with love, and I will be born again.
I will love all mankind.
I will love all manners of men for each has qualities to be admired even
though they may be hidden.
I will love myself.
I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me!
I will love the beautiful for their eyes of sadness; I will love the ugly
for their souls of peace.
I will love the failures for they can teach me.
I will love the kings for they are but human; I will love the meek for they
I will love the rich for they are yet lonely; I will love the poor for they
are so many.
I will love the young for the faith they hold; I will love the old for the
wisdom they share.
I will persist until I succeed.
I will persist and I will win.
I will say it is done before the failure says it is too late.
I will talk when the failure remains silent.
I will think naught of my profession when I am in my home for this will
dampen my love.
I will toil and I will endure.
I will walk where the failure fears to walk.
I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart.
I will work when the failure seeks rest.
If all things shall pass, why should I be of concern for today ?
If I delay, success will become betrothed to another and lost to me forever.
If I have no other qualities I can succeed with love alone.
If I persist, if I continue to try, if I continue to charge forward, I will
If I stumble I will rise, and my falls will not concern me.
If you bring joy, enthusiasm, brightness, and laughter to your customers,
they will react with joy, enthusiasm, brightness, and laughter and your
weather will produce a harvest of sales and a granary of gold for you.
If you feel depressed – sing!
If you feel fear, plunge ahead.
If you feel incompetent, remember past successes.
If you feel insignificant, remember your goals.
If you feel poverty, think of wealth to come.
If you feel sad – laugh.
If you must be a slave to habit, then be a slave to good habits.
If you persist long enough, you will win.
If you waste today, you destroy the last page of your life.
Ignore the obstacles at your feet and keep your eyes on the goals above your
In setting my goals, I will consider my best performance of the past and
multiply it a hundredfold.
Increase your knowledge of mankind.
It pays to be persistent.
Just as love is my weapon to open the hearts of men, love is also my shield
to repulse the arrows of hate and the spears of anger.
Just as nature made no provision for your body to tolerate pain neither has
it made any provision for your life to suffer failure.
Keep work and family separate.
Laugh and your life will be lengthened for this is the great secret of long
Laugh at goodness and it will thrive and abound.
Laugh at the world.
Laugh at your failures and they will vanish in clouds of new dreams.
Laugh at your successes and they will shrink to their true value.
Laugh at yourself for man is most comical when he takes himself too
Leave your problems at home.
Lift up a friend in need.
Lift your arms with thanks for this priceless gift of a new day.
Live this day as if it is your last. Seal up the container of life so that
not one drop spills itself upon the sand.
Live this day as if it is your last.
Live today as if it is your last chance to prove your love and your
Look upon each obstacle as a lesson to be learned.
Look upon misfortune as opportunity in disguise.
Love the darkness because it shows you the stars.
Love will melt all hearts like the sun whose rays soften the coldest clay.
Make every hour count and trade each minute only for something of value.
Make love your greatest weapon.
Make the hours ahead priceless!
Make this day the best day of your life.
Many face each obstacle in their path with fear and doubt and consider them
as enemies, when in truth, these obstructions are friends and helpers.
Many succumb to despair and fail without realizing that they already possess
all the tools needed to acquire great wealth.
Master your emotions so that each day will be productive.
Master your moods through positive action and when you master your moods you
will control your destiny.
Meditation and prayer feeds the soul.
My desire to meet the world will overcome every fear I once knew, and I will
be happier than I ever believed it possible to be in this world of strife
Nature knows not defeat.
Never allow yourself to become so important, so wise, so dignified, so
powerful, that you forget how to laugh at yourself.
Never be satisfied with yesterday’s accomplishments.
Never feel shame for trying and failing for he who has never failed is he
who has never tried.
Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter, rather I will share
it and it will grow and warm the earth.
Never will I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair, rather I
will uplift it with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages.
Never will I allow my soul to become complacent and satisfied, rather I will
feed it with meditation and prayer.
Never will I labor to be happy; rather will I remain too busy to be sad.
Never will I overindulge the requests of my flesh, rather I will cherish my
body with cleanliness and moderation.
Never will I scratch for excuses to gossip.
No longer shall my vocabulary include such words as cannot, unable,
impossible, and quit.
No longer will I fail to call again tomorrow on he who meets me with hate
Obstacles are necessary for success.
Only a habit can subdue another habit.
Only action determines my value in the market place.
Only with laughter and happiness can I enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Only with laughter and happiness can you truly become a success.
People will always respond positively to joy and enthusiasm.
Persist and develop your skills as the mariner develops his, by learning to
ride out the wrath of each storm.
Persist with the knowledge that each failure to sell will increase your
chance for success at the next attempt.
Practice the art of patience for nature never acts in haste.
Put your uniqueness on display in the market place.
Rain cleanses the spirit.
Remember that as today’s dead flower carries the seed of tomorrow’s bloom so
does today’s sadness carry the seed of tomorrow’s joy.
Remove from your vocabulary such words and phrases as quit, cannot, unable,
impossible, out of the question, improbable, failure, unworkable, hopeless,
and retreat; for they are the words of fools.
Rewards are great if one succeeds but the rewards are great only because so
Seek constantly to improve your manners and graces, for they are the sugar
to which all are attracted.
Set goals for the day, the week, the month, the year, and your life.
Should you concern yourself over events which you may never witness? Should
you torment yourself with problems that may never come to pass? No!
Tomorrow lies buried with yesterday, think of it no more.
Sleep in peace for you have not failed.
Small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking.
Smile and your digestion will improve.
So long as I can laugh, never will I be poor.
So long as there is breath in me, that long will I persist.
Strive for happiness and peace of mind.
Strive for happiness, to be loved and to love, and most important, to
acquire peace of mind and serenity.
Strive to become better than you are.
Strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts.
Success comes to those willing to work a little bit harder than the rest.
Success will not wait.
Suffer me to know that all things shall pass.
The height of my goals will not hold me in awe though I may stumble often
before they are reached.
The only difference between those who have failed and those who have
succeeded lies in their habits.
The prizes of life are at the end of each journey, not near the beginning;
and it is not given to me to know how many steps are necessary in order to
reach my goal.
The problems of the market place will be left in the market place.
The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
There are good qualities in everyone.
There are lessons to be learned from failures.
There is no room in the market place for your family, nor is there room in
your home for the market.
There is not time to hate, only time to love.
This day is all you have and these hours are now your eternity. Greet this
sunrise with cries of joy as a prisoner who is reprieved from death.
This is the place.
This is the time.
This too shall pass.
Time teaches all things to him who lives forever, but I have not the luxury
To conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my
heart will vanish.
To enjoy success I must have happiness, and laughter will be the maiden who
To multiply your value you must multiply your actions.
To surpass the deeds of others is unimportant; to surpass your own deeds is
Today I begin a new life.
Today I shed my old skin which hath too long suffered the bruises of failure
and the wounds of mediocrity.
Today I will multiply my value a hundredfold.
Today I will surpass every action which I performed yesterday.
Today you will be master of your emotions.
Today, I will act.
Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy.
Tomorrow lies buried with yesterday.
True wealth is of the heart, not of the purse.
Try again, make one more attempt to close with victory, and if that fails,
Try, and try, and try again.
Understand and recognize the moods of others. Make allowances for their
anger and irritation for they know not the secret of controlling their
Unless you act you will perish in a life of failure, misery, and sleepless
Unless you put your skills, mind, heart, and body to good use, you will
stagnate, rot, and die.
Victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats.
We must have the night to appreciate the day.
Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who
forces his actions to control his thoughts.
Welcome happiness for it enlarges your heart; endure sadness for it opens
What can take place before this sun sets which will not seem insignificant
in the river of centuries?
What is success other than a state of mind?
When an act becomes easy through constant repetition, it becomes a pleasure
to perform, and if it is a pleasure to perform, it is man’s nature to
perform it often.
When I am burdened with wealth I shall tell myself that this too shall pass.
When I am moved to praise, I will shout from the roofs.
When I am puffed with success I shall warn myself that this too shall pass.
When I am strangled in poverty I shall tell myself that this too shall pass.
When I am tempted to criticize, I will bite on my tongue.
When others cease their struggle, then mine will begin, and my harvest will
When you are heavy with heartache console yourself that this too shall
Where dry desert ends, green grass grows.
Where there are idle mouths I will listen not; where there are idle hands I
will linger not; where there are idle bodies I will visit not.
Will my concern for this day not seem foolish ten years hence?
With each victory the next struggle becomes less difficult.
With love I will tear down the wall of suspicion and hate which they have
built round their hearts, and in its place, I will build bridges so that my
love may enter their souls.
Within you burns a flame which has been passed from generations uncounted,
and its heat is a constant irritation to your spirit to become better than
you are, and you will.
Yesterday’s joy will become today’s sadness; yet today’s sadness will grow
into tomorrow’s joy.
Yesterday’s success will not lull me into today’s complacency.
Yesterday is buried forever, think of it no more.
You are a unique creature.
You are here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not
to shrink to a grain of sand.
You are nature’s greatest miracle.
You are rare, and there is value in all rarity; therefore, you are valuable.
You can accomplish far more than you have, and you will.
You can overcome seemingly impossible obstacles with ambition.
You have been given eyes to see and a mind to think.
You have but one life and life is naught but a measurement of time.
You have unlimited potential.
You may encounter failure at the thousandth step, yet success hides behind
the next bend in the road. You will never know how close success lies
unless you turn the corner.
You must fail often to succeed only once.
You must have objectives before your life will crystallize.
You must nurture your body and mind in order to fulfill your dreams.
You only have time to love.
You were conceived in love and brought forth with a purpose.
You will become great.
You won’t know how close success is unless you turn the corner.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
This is Dale Carnegie’s summary of his book, from 1936
Table of Contents
- Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Six Ways to Make People Like You
- How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six ways to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Win people to your way of thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
How God uses our pain and challenges to create passion and possibility. Fieldbrook CA Community Church September 2008.fieldbrook92808