- Make an entrance
- Walk tall, even if you’re short
- Enter with a purpose
- Make eye contact
- Give a great handshake
- Think before you sit
- Convey a relaxed energy
- Use your head and face
- Use your hands
- Communicate with clothes
- Learn to use your voice…
This is a true story of our beloved son, Gabriel.
It all started with the ultrasound at Mad River Community Hospital. The ultrasound revealed the possibility of Down syndrome. Gabe had a 1 in 3 chance of having Down .
That question haunted us until Gabe’s birth.
My wife Joni was assigned a month’s bed rest and then gave birth to a mostly-healthy
baby boy. They were then flown overnight to UC Davis Medical Center in
Sacramento, where Gabriel was to have surgery to correct an intestinal blockage. After the surgery, both mother and son were fine!
The two dollar question was, did Gabriel have Down syndrome?
Meeting with the doctor, she assured us that he did have Down syndrome…and that we had less than one year left in our marriage. Her point was that parents of special needs kids have marital challenges. She was not very delicate. What a great nugget to drop on a couple in a vulnerable time!
The proceeding questions, heartbreak, prayer, and walks around the UC Davis campus crying out to God will always be etched in my memory.
I decided to dedicate Gabriel (and our raising him) to the Lord, and trust that, although he
would never be a football hero or a brain surgeon, his life would be both personally fulfilling and enriching to those around him. We were ready to move on and raise our son no matter!
The shame, embarrassment, and guilt that parents of children with special needs
children share is one of life’s dirty little secrets. Although not
rational, logical, or reasonable, these feelings are very tangible.
The feelings of sadness and gloom often come at unexpected and strange times.
Perception is reality. The pain is real.
The times of denial, reality hitting home, and the Costco gawkers staring at our Gabe, only serve to remind us at times of our frustration, pain, and anguish.
Every so often, the reality check of Gabriel’s special needs of
autism and Down syndrome come crashing in on us. Gabe’s episodes of dysfunction or meltdowns pull us out of our times of denial, where we have to admit, acknowledge, and again decide to go forward as parents.
We have learned to be honest with our feelings and with reality. We’ve chosen to redeem gain from all the pain as a couple and as a family to love regardless of “return on investment”.
· Some of the lessons learned include:
1. There is no one-time fix.
2. This is a long-term issue, challenge, battle, and journey requiring a long term mentality and approach.
3. A positive mental attitude and my positive confessions are not enough to get me through.
4. There is no “Bible bullet “or quick fix that is adequate to address my pain.
5. Whereas Gabriel may have retardation of his intellect, there is none of the spirit.
6. His worth has very little to do with his intellect or ability to contribute to society.
7. Societal worth is indeed a relativistic concept.
8. We’ve learned to give without expecting anything in return
The lessons learned have to do with my deciding to have the right perspective, attitude, actions, and behaviors.
The decision to love unconditionally is mine alone.
This unconditional love, stemming from the decision to love Gabriel, has transferred some of my pain into a long term perspective which is surprising, refreshing, and very interesting. He has taught us many lessons.
I’m learning to love freely regardless of the payback.
I’m learning to value all people.
I know that everyone has special needs.
Some of us just hide them better!
This unconditional love is a decision that begins in the seat of my will.
I must decide daily how and whom we will love.
My commitment as a father begins with loving my son and resourcing him
in every way to maximize his potential. I also need to maximize my
potential to love, accept, understand, and help Gabriel where
possible. My commitment is also to help my family to love Gabriel, to
be patient with him, and to see past his challenges to his many positive attributes.
My Mission Statement is this: “To personally and practically love, accept, and
go forward in raising my son to his fullest potential with God’s help”.
As I do this, I know that Gabriel has the potential to teach us to look for the things in life that are truly important. May I be as good a student as he is a teacher.
Being successful is a choice you make!
Your success isn’t a matter of luck;
it’s simply a matter of the choices you make.
Success isn’t something you can wait for;
it’s something you’ll achieve with effort, over time.
Success is incremental, methodical, sequential, and one day at a time…
You can choose to be lazy or ambitious.
Stop and think about your choices again…
You always do your own choosing.
We all are the sum of our choices in life.
The great opportunity in your life is where you are right now.
Every situation, properly perceived, is an opportunity for you!
First, say yourself what you would be, write it down, and then do what you have to to make things happen.
Success is right in front of you!
Now, just do it!
What is it that we as parents want to leave with her kids afterward gone?
What will be our legacy and heritage?
Like Curly in the movie “City Slickers” asks: “What is that 1 Thing? “-That thing that defines and motivates your life…?
What will they say about you after you are gone?…and we all will be someday!
Why do we do what we do when it comes to our parenting?
Why is Intentional Parenting so important, vital, and a key priority?
In the “5 Tools for Effective Families“we will explore how to nurture our kids by setting a foundation of best practices.
We will learn to incrementally introduce in practice, the habits and tools to parent intentionally.
Our goal should be to nurture our children and help them flourish to be the best they can be.
We will explore listening, good communication, genuine encouragement, choosing to give grace, and laying a foundation of faith in God that governs all of who we are and where we are going as a family.
It all begins with relationship building on a quality life foundation that results in emotional health and well-being of our families.
The end goal that we may be able to leave a legacy and heritage for our children and their children as well.
Intentional parenting that equips, sets the foundation, and truly leaves a legacy is the definition of true riches.
We’ll explore these as we uncover the 5 Tools for Effective Families…