Do…
- …Strive to treat other people with courtesy and respect in all situations
- …Make a habit of introducing yourself and others, as well. Rremember a smile and a handshake and to call people by name.
- …Be an active listener with eye contact and respond accordingly
- …Be timely; be on time to meetings, return phone calls, and e-mails within a day
- …What you say you will do — follow-up on commitments and promises or communicate what you can’t and recommit
Don’t…
- …Let other people’s behavior or lack of manners, or the stress of a situation cause you to be discourteous
- … Do something else when someone is talking to you, such as looking around the room ,receiving a cell phone call or reading e-mail
- … Over-drink at networking or business and social events
- … Use e-mail to avoid a conflict where matters of emotional content are better handled by phone or in person
- … Use cell phones or pagers during meetings, unless it is a real emergency
What kind of life do I have when the highlight of my week is a date with my wife at Costco?
With 9 kids, you can imagine it’s difficult to have any quality time to talk, reflect, communicate, or simply get on the same page with your spouse. My premise here is to show just how spending time together, no matter where it is, is the key to a great marriage.
I’ll tell you about the story of our Costco date, the benefits of our time away, and the satisfaction it brings me to be with my wife.
We start with a list. We must do an inventory of what we need to buy at Costco—paper products, cereal, refried beans, milk, eggs, frozen items, etc. etc..
Then comes the drive, where we catch up with on the week’s activities and just generally talk about life.
Here is where we set the stage for some time of good communication and quality time together.
Going into Costco is always fun, as there are several regulars who are colorful, wonderful, and friendly.
I do have to pull myself away from the high-definition televisions that my wife will not let me own.
We inevitably see other couples on their Costco date as well.
One of the highlights is the tasty samples, and of course looking for the great deal.
I just found some really cool Docker sweats for only nine dollars!
We grab our food at the food court, where Judy always asks about our kids and if indeed we’re on another date. We say yes, of course, and exchange pleasantries.
Now comes the time to carefully load up our catch and drive to the selected spot of the day to enjoy our quiet dinner-a sumptuous repast par excellent!
Here’s where we talk about the deeper things; kids, goals, schedules, God, the upcoming week, and life in general.
Time for the drive home. Sometimes we stop at Starbucks, which always is a great way to end a Costco run. We get home now, and the kids unload the Costco booty and are delighted to see stuff that they wanted. And we needed.
I discover that I do have a life when the highlight of my week is a Costco run/date with my wife.
Life is good. When I have time away with my best friend to shop, have dinner, go to Starbucks, and just have fun.
What am I lacking at this time?
Nothing.
Here is a list of useful quotes picked up from a great devotional at Walk In the Word.com.
- What we have at the center of our attention has us
- God loves us enough to accept us as we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way
- Nothing is so relevant as the eternal
- Attack problems, not people
- To change, we must want something else more than what we have now
- Live for what you will not regret when you die
- The secret of abundance is found in not only what we have, but what we enjoy or are thankful for
- Fear God, not to run from Him, but to Him
- We can learn more from our critics than our admirers
- When I am in the presence of God, it seems profoundly unbecoming to demand anything
- The beginning of wisdom is this: get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: all those who practice it have good understanding. Psalm 111: 10
MY king is….
- He is enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere
- He’s eternally steadfast. He is immortally gracious.
- He is imperially powerful. He is impartially merciful.
- He is the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizons of the globe. He is God’s son.
- He is the sinner’s savior. He is the captive’s ransom.
- He is the breath of life. He is the centerpiece of civilization.
- He stands in the solitude of Himself.
- His life is matchless, and His goodness is limitless.
- His mercy is enough. And his grace is sufficient.
- His reign is righteous and His yoke is easy.
- His burden is light.
S.M. Lockridge
Here are some more ways a husband can express his love to his wife:
- spending time with the children in play or study
- acknowledging that there are some specific areas or ways in which you need to improve
- cooperating with her in establishing family goals, and then fulfilling them
- being available and eager to fulfill her desires
- beginning each day with cheerfulness and tangible expressions of affection
- planning to spend some time alone with her on a daily basis, for sharing and communicating
- remembering to tell her or call her when you must work late
- refusing to work late on a regular basis
- helping the children with their homework
- handling money wisely
- refusing to compare her unfavorably with other people
- trying to find things to do with her
- been willing to go out or stay home with her
- developing mutual friends
- being on time
- letting her sleep in
- putting the children to bed at night
- being gentle and tender and holding her before and after sex
- not finding fault, or giving the impression that you expect her to be perfect
- being especially helpful when she’s not feeling well
- not allowing anything to keep you from fulfilling marriage or family responsibilities
- taking care of the house or the yard, properly
There are a lot more than just these; make up some of your own and then do them.
Remember, love is tangible and is a decision marked by actionable behaviors.
We need to choose to be deliberate with our love for our wives. Will you be deliberate?
YOUR walk with God…
Remember that your walk with God is the key for life’s fulfillment, purpose, and satisfaction.
Nothing else in life can replace a solid walk with God.
Your walk with him is the core priority in life, because life without God is empty indeed.
The following components are vital to a daily walk with God…
1. The salvation experience… to really get saved and converted and become a genuine believer in Christ.
2. Get baptized… the outward expression of an inward decision.
3. Get into the Bible… read and devour it daily, making it a habit to renew your mind.
4. Get in prayer… make time daily to pour out your heart to God. And
don’t forget the moment by moment walk of life as well. Keeping a
prayer journal is also a great idea.
5. Get into fellowship… Church, home groups, and just being with Christians is a great idea for your walk with God.
6. Get serving… look for service opportunities and ways to employ your God-given gifts, talents, strengths, and skills.
7. Get after seeking God… spend time alone, quietly waiting on God and
seeking his face in prayer and in stillness and quietness.
9. Get witnessing… share your faith and your testimony and the Gospel with others as God directs.
10. Get sanctified… rid yourself and turn away from habits, relationships
and practices you know to be offensive to God and a violation of
Scripture.
11. Get worshiping… learn to have a tremendous heart of
worship toward God and a thankfulness that expresses itself in music
and every other form of worship. Learn to be thankful and expressive.
12. Get learning from problems and suffering… learn to grow and to see
God’s hand in hardship, trials, difficulties, and personal
disappointments.
Walking with God is a relationship first and foremost. It is not
mechanical, there is no formula, and it must be natural and from your
heart.
In order to get to know the Lord, it takes time and intent; there is no microwave Christianity.
We must learn to grow up in Christ and become more like Him. That is why
a walk with him should be our first priority, when we first rise in the
morning and when we go to bed at night.
This is the story of how I got my first, and hopefully last speeding ticket.
The problem behind the receiving of the ticket was the problem of ego, entitlement, and pride.
My driving exhibited selfishness, and entitlement of being above the law, and the arrogance of not abiding by state law.
The permanency of radar. The CHP radar does not negotiate. It is a
final standard in a court of law and establishes guilt. Quite readily.
To add insult to injury, I was driving over the speed limit with my
16-year-old daughter who’s watching her father and learning from his
example. When the CHP Officer pulled me over. It was a real-time
lesson in the necessity to obey authority and to face the consequences
of my actions.
The lessons and takeaways are many but all center on the safety of
myself and others, the necessity to obey the law, and being conscious
of selfish entitlement on the road. In my own breaking up the speed
limit.
In the end, I am thankful, as I’ve learned obedience and safety.
I think the officer, who did cut me a little slack.
I pay the fines and the traffic school totaling over $265.
I explain to my daughter. That’s how adults take spankings usually through their wallets.
Currently at hopefully in the future, my awareness level on the road
will be heightened and the fear of the law will keep me as a safe
driver.
As Gabriel has grown-up, everything comes slowly.
He does things; he just does them slower and more delayed.
Therefore, everything is celebrated more.
Gabe is tender, huggable, loving and a warm fuzzy guy.
Gabriels has taught us several lessons…
1. Whereas Gabriel may have retardation of his intellect, there is none of the spirit.
His worth has very little to do with his intellect or ability to contribute to society.
2. Societal worth is indeed a relativistic concept.
3. We’ve learned to give without expecting anything in return.
This agape love is a decision that begins in the seat of our will.
We must decide daily, how and whom we will love.
My commitment as a father begins with loving my son, resourcing him
in every way to maximize his potential. I also need to maximize my
potential to love, accept, understand, and help Gabriel in any way
possible. My commitment is also to help my family to love Gabriel, to
be patient with him, our society, and our family.
So my goal is this: "to personally and practically love, accept, and
go forward in raising my son to his fullest potential with God’s help".
As I do this, I know that Gabriel has the potential to be the best
darned janitor ever.
This is a true story.
Going to share with you, the story of our beloved son Gabriel.
It all started with the sonogram at a local hospital. The sonogram revealed the possibility of Down syndrome.
And that question haunted us until Gabe’s birth.
My wife Joni was assigned a month’s bedrest, gave birth to a healthy
baby boy, and then was flown overnight to UC Davis medical center in
Sacramento, where Gabriel was to have a duodenal atresia surgery on his
intestine.
The two dollar question was did Gabriel have Down syndrome?
Meeting with the specialist, she assured us that he did and that we had less than one year left in our marriage.
The fallout, heartbreak, and walks around the UC Davis campus crying out to God will always be etched in my memory.
I decided to dedicate Gabriel to the Lord, and trust that although he
would never be a football hero or a brain surgeon, perhaps he’d be the
best darned janitor ever!
The shame, embarrassment, and guilt that parents of special needs
children share is one of life’s dirty little secrets. Although not
rational, logical, or reasonable these feelings are very real.
Perception is reality.
The pain is real.
The times of denial, reality hitting home, and the Costco gawkers only add to one’s frustration and pain and anguish.
There are times of everything crashing in. The night times, and
long nights, and meltdowns with Gabriel are the reality checks of
dysfunction.
Every so often, the reality check of Gabriel’s special needs of
autism and Down syndrome come crashing in on us. They pull us out of
times of denial, where we have to admit, acknowledge, and go forward.
We learn to be honest with our feelings and with reality. And I’ve chosen to redeem gain from all the pain.
The lessons I’ve learned are the following;
1. There is no one-time fix.
2. This is a long-term issue, challenge, battle.
3 A positive mental attitude and my positive confessions are not enough to get me through.
4. There is no “Bible bullet” that is adequate to address my pain.
The lessons have to do with my deciding to have the right perspective, attitude, actions, and behaviors.
The decision to love unconditionally with agape love is mine alone.
This unconditional love, stemming from the decision to love Gabriel, has transferred some of my pain in the positive lessons.
I’m learning to love freely regardless of the payback.
I’m
learning to value all people. I know that everyone has special needs.
Some of us just hide them better! Perhaps there is no term for your
special needs!
How do you know, you’re successful as a parent?
I’m here to share little history of my son Jesse Hammond, his growth, strengths and weaknesses, and his love for God.
Jesse
was born at home in a very quick birth, about 90 minutes to be exact.
He grew up a fun, cute and curly headed little kid.
He loved
weapons, the physical, and had a tendency toward being violent with his
siblings; thus, martial arts was a natural for Jesse. He discovered
karate, and later became a black belt.
He began reading at the early age of five.
He was bored with life and home early on.
His
love for the Japanese culture, learning, and higher education led him
to the University of the Pacific and international studies.
What I’ve always liked about Jesse is his humor, his ability to laugh at himself, and his kind-heartedness.
Jesse has shown himself to be terrifically merciful toward his younger brother Gabriel, who has Down syndrome and autism.
He has always proven to be a hard-working servant of his family and a person able to relate to people of all ages.
How do you know you’ve succeeded as a parent?
Jesse has a genuine walk with God.
His
love for the Word, real spiritual fruit in his life, his love for
others, and a thoughtful servant lifestyle marks Jesse as a true young
man of God.
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