12 Rules of Life and Business by Scott Hammond
Scott Hammond’s 12 Suggest-Rule-Commandment-Protocols for Life and Business and Family
1. Love God and surrender to what’s going on around you. Quit trying to control the universe and all of your life.
2. Love others and tell them. Really…remember it’s not about you. Show your love and demonstrate and speak it into others lives.
3. If they know you– like you–trust you…they might buy from you. So be known and liked and trusted. ….and then buyable.
4. People don’t care how much you know– until they know how much you care. Start to really care and show it. People will notice it and so will you.
5. Know the power of your words spoken with authenticity. When you speak to people there is power behind everything you say whether good or evil. Make sure you use your words judiciously every moment of every day.
6. Get over yourself. “Your ego is not your amigo.” Remember, the Universe and life are certainly not about just you.
7. Make sure to have some quiet time every day to reflect and pray and relax and process your life. Now is always a good time to spend some time with God.
8. Be sure you are relational with all those in your life. Make sure that you invest in relationships that are real and have quality and are full of love. Don’t neglect those who are closest to you.
9. Let go, surrender and give up. Contrary to popular belief, being a control freak is actually pretty unhealthy. Practice surrender and letting the universe unfold as it should. Begin to participate in the narrative rather than try to write it all the time.
10. Be you. Be the original person God made you to be. Better first-rate version of yourself than a second version someone else.
11. Develop a long-term and big picture perspective. Remember to make sure that you know it’s not about stuff and things– but it’s about people, relationships, and eternity. Remember there are no U-Haul trailers behind hearses at the funeral at the cemetery.
12. Please take deep breaths and relax and enjoy the stress!
How to Make a Marriage Work
By Leo Babauta
I’ve been happily married 11 years, and I’m still as in love with my beautiful wife Eva now as when I first fell for her 13 years ago.
That’s not to say we don’t have our problems and arguments, but we’re getting better and better at making it work. I realize there are lots of people who have been happily married four, five, six times as long as us. And I bow to them, knowing that I still have lots to learn.
But a young friend of mine told me recently that he’s engaged, after only starting to date a very short time ago … and I offered him the advice below. Marriage is hard work, and getting married young you have the odds stacked against you, but my friend is intelligent, determined, adaptable, honest and good-hearted, so he’s got a chance and I wish him happiness.
I had a failed young marriage, which I now think was not the fault of either me or my ex-wife, but it taught me that I had a lot to learn and made a lot of mistakes. I’ve applied the lessons to my first failed marriage to helping make my second marriage better.
So … some thoughts on making a marriage work:
Learn to resolve disputes with the other person’s heart in mind. The most important thing is to be able to talk about problems and feelings calmly and with the other person’s interest at heart — not just wanting to be right. If you’re going to make it work, you’ll have to work on a way to talk about tough things, and this means you both have to try to see it from the other person’s perspective, and find a solution that will work. You’ll likely be bad at this in the beginning, but whether you’ll last depends on your ability to come back together after a fight and figure out how to get better at communicating/resolving things the next time.
Eva and I have gotten much better at this, not blowing up over things like we used to, but we still struggle. Recently we’ve come up with a system: have a mandatory cooling-down period (say, 2 hours), then talk about it starting with a neutral description of the situation and what happened, then share our feelings about it and acknowledge the other person’s feelings, put aside wanting to be right, then focus on finding a solution that will work for both of us. Afterwards, we then do a review of how we did with the resolution process. To be honest, we are still figuring this out.
Most disputes and other conversations are about two things: do you care about me, and can I trust you. When you argue about putting the toilet seat down or whether we should go to the in-laws’ for Thanksgiving, it’s only partly about those actual things. What it’s really about is this: I care about the toilet seat (or going to my parents’ house for dinner), so can you show me you care about what I care about? If you ignore the other person’s desires (continually leave the toilet seat up when they ask you not to), then you are signaling you don’t care about what they care about. And what it’s really about is, I’ve given you my heart and opened up to you, so can I trust you with it? Will you reject me?
Unfortunately, most people don’t recognize this and can sometimes think the other person’s concerns are silly and so they dismiss the issue. The other problem is the person who cares about it doesn’t explicitly say they care about it and want the other person to care — they just imply it and hope their partner gets the message. So the responsibility is on both partners to figure this out.
I should note that ideally, the care and trust of the other person doesn’t need to be continually tested and questioned — you know it. That’s not always the case, though, and it often takes time to build that trust.
Finances are the biggest source of friction for most couples. The reason is that they really are an emotion-packed way to show what’s important to people, and when you think you’re talking about whether you want to buy a boat, what you’re really talking about is whether you want a certain kind of lifestyle, whether you value her point of view, whether you respect her opinion on things, whether you care more about the boat or your relationship, and so on. There’s a lot that goes on under the surface of conversations like this that most people don’t realize is there — bringing it out in the open is a smart move.
Sex is another source of friction. When preferences are the same, all is well, but when things change the guy can feel frustrated while the girl can feel like she’s not enough and not appreciated and only wanted for her body (to bring up a common example, not always true). Being able to work out how to resolve these differences is an important skill.
Don’t have kids early on. One of the most wonderful people in my life is my daughter Chloe, who I had young and in the earliest stage of my first marriage, and I wasn’t even 20 years old yet. I am incredibly glad I had her. That said, for other young couples I recommend waiting. Learning to make a marriage work is much, much harder when you add the pressure of kids to the equation. Get good at the relationship before even considering a kid. Get to know each other’s values around parenting, really well, before diving into parenthood. It’s pretty much irreversible, once you have a kid, and I know lots of people (myself included) who grow apart or fall out of love with their partner, split up, only to leave the kid in a split home. And if you have a kid you have to deal with the ex-spouse for the rest of your life, even if you hate each other. I’m lucky in that my ex-wife and I get along, but it’s often not that easy.
Be good at being alone separately. And secure in yourselves and each other when you’re apart … not just good at being together. This is important, because lots of people aren’t confident in themselves and so look to the other person to fill a void, to meet an emotional need, and that ends up being not healthy in the long run.
But make time for each other. Time to be together, even when things get out of the honeymoon phase and get more routine. Never take the relationship for granted. Make weekly dates so you spend time alone together. Eva and I like to go to dinner alone (without the kids) and take walks together.
You will both change. That means the person you fall in love with now will be different in 5 years, and more different in 10. How you feel about that person will be different than how you feel about the person you love right now. And vice versa — you’re changing and she’ll feel differently about you. You might have an expectation that she stay the same, and yet she changes — how will you resolve this? She’ll feel like you don’t love her as she is, you’ll be frustrated that she’s not who she was before that you loved, etc. And vice versa.
How do you handle this? Learn this skill:
Appreciate the person for who they are. Very often we wish the other person were different, were better, were more considerate, could instantly know what we want, would match up with some fantasy (strong, tender, caring and romantic, perhaps, or sexy, always passionate about sex, nurturing). We don’t always realize this is happening, but it can cause lots of problems — resentment, disappointments, frustrations. I’ve learned that when I see my wife for who she really is, not who I wish she were (though I sometimes fail), I am happier. I appreciate her, love her, am not dissatisfied.
You can appreciate the person as they are right now, instead of who you thought they were when you first fell in love, instead of who they might become later. This is an ever-changing thing, so the skill of seeing the person as they actually are at this moment is one that you have to practice each day, each year, not just once and then hold the picture in your head.
And when you can appreciate the person for who they are, tell them. Show them. It means more than you might realize.
So that’s what I’ve learned — it’s only a start, and I’m still learning. It’s a lot of work, and there will be struggles. But that’s the best thing: the pleasant days when all is well are amazing, but in the struggles you both grow as people, you learn, you can find a path to growing closer.
I don’t know what the future holds for my marriage, but I know that in this moment, it’s all that I could want it to be.
The 3 P’s of Business Persuasion
THE 3 P’S OF PERSUASION
In business sales and persuasion there were 3 P’s that are critical.
The power of your words, passion, and persistence. Let’s explore with these might mean…
The Power of Your Words–The power of your words is everything. When you speak something from an authentic and real place-it contains real power. People will think about what you said long after the words of actually been spoken. My friend Ron Pileggi taught me this early on my sales career– that people really resonate with words spoken in power from and genuine place a passion.
Passion—Do you have passion in your communication? When you really believe what you’re saying and feel strongly about it– people will pick up on it. People will understand and resonate and believe what you say. When you’re passionate it comes through. Enthusiasm plus passion with the power of your words equals a very strong force in life and business relationships.
Persistence– When you are persistent in a relationship with somebody it is often compelling. You become an unstoppable force of their life and they become engendered to you because you have built a relationship. When your persistence, passion, and power of your words include something for them and not just something for you –it builds trust and relationship all at once. They will begin to know you, trust you, like you and maybe even buy (from) you!
Therefore, when these 3 P’s are combined– the power of your words, passion, and persistence given from a place of genuine authenticity–people will resonate with you and it will make it easy for them like and trust you and then buy you or your products. People resonate with those that they can trust who are passionate and use powerful persistence and understand the power of their words.
Good luck and go passionately sell something today!
30 Day Marriage Challenge
Ask, “What can I help you with today?”
Go the whole day without correcting your wife.
Hug your wife three times today.
Kiss your wife the first time you see her in the morning.
Buy her a card and mail it to your house for her to get in the mail.
Bake, make, or buy her chocolate.
Put at least one date night on your calendar this month.
Leave her a sweet note.
Say, “I’m so glad I married you.”
Compliment her in front of your children.
Pray God would give your wife wisdom.
Thank her for all she does for your family.
Buy her a gift card to her favorite place and leave it on her dashboard.
Do not interrupt your wife when she’s talking.
Ask your wife’s opinion on something.
Dance in the living room to your wedding song.
Look at her admiringly. Make sure she sees you looking at her.
Watch her favorite, romantic movie with her. No mocking.
Turn off your cell phone, computer, or the TV when your wife is in the room.
Look through your wedding album tonight.
Do an activity outdoors together.
Plan a romantic getaway together this year.
Bring her home her favorite dessert.
Give her the night off from all her chores.
Foot and neck massage for her.
Extended prayer time as a couple tonight.
Ask, “Where do you see us in 15 years?”
Say, “I love you because __________________________________________________________.”
30 Day Marriage Challenge
Try our 30 Day Marriage Challenge and we think your relationship will see a big difference. Simply do the assigned task on that particular day. Your wife will love it and by the end of the 30 days, your marriage could very well be revitalized! AllProDad.com
7 SECRETS OF NETWORKERS
7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE NET WORKERS
Much is been said about networking in the last two years and for good reason. It is the core of one’s business promotion, marketing, and acumen. If you do it right, you will succeed in business. Here are seven areas that you can improve your networking and take it to the next level–
#1. Be There – show up, be present, get in the car drive there and be at your event and early if possible. 95% of life is showing up!
#2. Watch Your Appearance. Appearances can be deceiving and consumers draw a lot of conclusions about the quality of your service and personality based and what they see in your dress, body language, written materials and verbal skills. Appearances ultimately account for how you’re ultimately judged.
#3. Be Empathetic. To the extent that you treat someone as special and solve his or her unique problems, they will continue to be your customer. Treat people like VIPs. Zig Ziglar said if you help enough people get what they want they will help you get what you want.
#4. Be Reliable. Reliability means many things but especially being a person of your word. Do what you say and say what you will do and guarantee it. Establish credibility as being a faithful person.
#5. Ask Good Questions. Then shut up. The mark of a good conversationalist is not to talk a lot, but that you get others to talk to you. Ask good questions and you’ll be remembered as an interesting person.
#6. Follow-up. Give away lots of business cards but also follow up on all those that you receive. Make sure you call or email people and get back with them and are on their radar. Be known as the person who is the quintessential follow-up person.
#7. Make it Easy to Contact You. Make sure that people have your business card and can find you easily in the phone book or via social media or networking. Be the one who is easy to find.
Bonus Habit– Develop Trust and Likability – if they know you, like you, and trust you they will do business with you. How can they ever do these if they never have met your network?